Write a new story

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Life sucks!

Sorry if I am being blunt or rude but if you’re reading this, you probably agree with me.

Why else would you be hanging out on a page called I don’t want to be stressed?

Maybe because you don’t want to be stressed?

Every one of us have a story…. Most of us have some kind of negative story that includes trauma, loss, violence, abuse or extreme stress. Some unfortunate people have all of those things included in their story.

But guess what?

You’re still here – sometimes against huge odds – to tell the story and to do something about it.

Whatever happened in the past is your story.  We can wish the past didn’t happen but that doesn’t undo it.

We can wish that whatever happened to us did not affect who we are today – that won’t help either.

What you are is a survivor.

An amazing survivor with a story of resilience to tell.  Because despite everything – you made it this far.

Your mission now is take it further.

You are not your past.  You are not your old story.  You are no longer that victim or that child that was hurting.

It is time to rewrite your story – to step out of your comfort zone and try new things and new ways of doing things.

Take responsibility for your actions, your emotions and the consequences of your behaviours now.

Let your actions, emotions and behaviours of the past stay in the past.

Do things in small steps – one step at a time.

Be gentle on yourself – those small steps often go backward or stay in one place. This doesn’t mean that you’re failing – just don’t give up.

One day you will look back at this time and marvel that you ever doubted yourself.

You can and you will do this!

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Be brave enough to fail

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All through our lives and definitely in childhood (well, that was my experience of education and growing up), we are told that failure is a bad thing to be avoided at all costs.
Does the phrase “you’re not trying hard enough!” sound familiar?
JK Rowling said:
“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case you fail by default”

Instead of seeing failure as a bad thing, why can’t we see it as an opportunity to grow? To try to figure out what works and what doesn’t. What our strengths are and what our weaknesses are.  And to keep on building on those strengths rather than fighting to overcome weaknesses.

I sometimes think that I am the queen of mess ups. And while I do beat myself up a bit when I’ve made another mistake (usually from jumping into things impulsively), I try to be gentle on myself.  And I seriously encourage you to do the same.
Be gentle on yourself.
Explore what works, go on a journey, make new discoveries, live for the moment.
Constantly worrying about the potential outcome and possible failure of every decision that you make and every action that you take will just paralyze you and stop you from reaching your potential and living a content (or dare I say it, happy) life.
Live a messy, confused and exciting life.
Be bold in your decisions.
And most of all trust in the process – it will unfold the way it is meant to.

Happy Women’s Day

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Happy Women’s day to all of the wonderful women out there and to the men who support them, love them and respect them.
Women’s Day celebrates women who were prepared to stand up for what they believed in and were willing to take a risk to be heard.
We should be inspired to keep up that legacy. To be heard no matter how much what you have to say may potentially threaten somebody else’s ego.
To be prepared to stand tall and proud in your difference.
To remain true to your values even when surrounded by people who have lost theirs.
To live a life so boldly that people will talk about you even when you’re gone.
Be that person whether in a big, bold way or in a small, modest and gentle way. You have it in you to do great things!

Bold women

Speak butterfly

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Can a caterpillar speak butterfly?
No. Not really…
People who have no idea what you are going through or what you have survived will have no understanding of your feelings or how you are dealing with your life and your issues at the moment.
In fact nobody can ever understand what you are going through.
It’s not your job to try to get them to understand you. That is just going to make you more frustrated.
Those people are caterpillars and you are a butterfly.
You have gone through a metamorphosis that they haven’t gone through. They have their own journey to go on so they are still crawling on the ground while you are flying in the sky.
Don’t let them pull you back to the ground because they don’t understand what it means to fly. They feel threatened by the heights you are reaching and will do everything to feel more comfortable with themselves by keeping you at their level.
Don’t let them!
Rise above that and keep flying.
Let the caterpillars stay where they are.
It is no business of yours how they feel about you and it is an opportunity for you to really grasp how far you have come.
You worked so hard to get where you are today and even if it’s not always easy,  please keep flying.
Be the amazing survivor that you are.

Rest, recovery and reflection

“Destroy the idea that you have to be constantly working or grinding in order to be successful. Embrace the concept that rest, recovery and reflection are essential parts of the progress towards a successful and ultimately happy life”
One of the biggest issues that stressed out people have is the need to feel busy in order to feel worthy. We feel that if we aren’t being productive then we are not being valuable. So we work and work and work and stress and work some more to the point of exhaustion.
When you reach that point your body decides that it’s time to rest.
That’s the point of burnout – when your body decides it can’t carry on any more and you become exhausted or sick. And that’s when people end up in my therapy room.
If you have a highly stressful life there is a chance you may burn out but it’s your job to care for yourself beyond anything else.
So stop doing everything for everybody else and do something for yourself
Slow down.
Be gentle on yourself.
Don’t end up in my office.
Ultimately you need to become your own therapist by doing what you know calms you down and what makes you happy and put it into practice.
Other people might not support you and it might upset people who are used to you giving them everything but that’s too bad.
Just remember how worthy you are.

Friday the Thirteenth

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Friday the 13th…
Scared or not?
There are some people who are so scared of the date that they stay at home to avoid accidents or sudden death.  If you are one of those people, hello! We wish that we were home in our pyjamas too.
So, how can we be scared of a date?
Or a black cat crossing our path, or walking under a ladder, or breaking a mirror or any other superstition that you may have grown up with?
My mother taught me that if I killed a spider, I would lose my money which may explain a lot….
Whether you are superstitious or not, I hope that you are aware of the fact that all of these fears only come true if you allow them to.  The more you think about them and obsess about them, the more likely it is that something happens to you.  Not because you are willing it to but because you are more aware of things potentially going wrong.
Suddenly you have a spate of bad luck and you remember that a cat happened to have run past you a few days ago and that cat might have even been black.
The more you think about it, the more you notice that your luck seems to have changed for the worst.

The truth is that some things are just out of your control.  Things happen – whether for a reason or not.  You go through good things and bad things and you may be prepared for them or not.  And a lot of the time, they have nothing to do with you.  You just happened to be there.  Wrong place, wrong time, wrong man, wrong career choice….
When you realise that you have no control, you can either freak out or sit back and relax.
Okay, maybe not relax but realise that things are out of your hands and you can stress about forcing it back to the way that you want it to be or see where it takes you.
Because it may be a crazy, wild adventure.
Wild enough to even go to work on Friday the 13th!

Surviving that which you never think you will

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People tell you awful and ridiculous things when you are going through a difficult time.
Things like chin up, be strong and my personal favourite – everything is going to be okay.
And you feel like saying, “How the hell do you know that things are going to be okay?” because it feels like it is never going to be okay.
This is what I do know – you don’t have to be okay and you don’t have to be strong.  You are absolutely allowed to fall apart and cry and scream and panic.
You do need to be gentle on yourself and realise that as much as nobody can tell the future, what you are going through is not going to last forever – it just can’t.
This is what you are going through now.
You are going to overcome this but it is not going to happen overnight.  You have the right to be stressed and anxious.
But don’t let that become your story.
Your story is that you will become resilient and you will have a great tale to tell future generations one day – “long time ago, I went through a really difficult time but I survived and I’m here to share my story with you”
I wish that you didn’t have to have that story to tell but it’s yours – embrace it, learn from it, grow from it and become a better person for having gone through it.
You absolutely have this!

Did I hear a yes?

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I found this question while browsing Pinterest (as I do):

“What would you ask for, if you knew the answer would be yes?”

During my midnight meanderings, I thought a lot about this question because initially, I thought the obvious –
“Please buy a new car for me.”
“Can I have money?”
“Will you take me away on a island vacation?”

And while I would love the answers to these questions to be yes, I also thought about what I actually needed.
And the truth is that I don’t need much.
Yes, a life of luxury would be wonderful but what we really need is more love, more appreciation and more care.
I thought about how much a hug would make a difference and how a gesture of thanks would go a long way.
So my question became:
“Please sit and talk to me over a cup of coffee”
“Will you listen to what I have to say?”
“Will you hold my hand when I’m trying to be brave?”
“Would you notice what I do?”

What I know is that if we sit and wait for somebody to  answer yes by guessing what we want, we may wait a long time.  So unless your friend, partner, employer, parent etc. is a mind reader (and I would be quite fearful if they were), you need to put what you need out there.
The fear of somebody saying no makes us never ask.
And if you never ask, you may lose an opportunity.
Maybe they will say yes….
Give it a try.

A new year kind of attitude

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I’ve spoken to so many people who have started the year with a negative attitude
With the feeling that the new year will be exactly the same as the old one because – really? What would change from the 31st of December 2017 to the 1st of January 2018?
Well truthfully nothing!
Which, depressing as it sounds, is why I don’t wait up for new year to celebrate with fireworks and loud music. I wake up on January the first and carry on with my life just the same as I had done the day before.
Because life is what you make of it.
No change in year is going to miraculously change your fortune.
You want 2018 to be great?
Make it great!
The week is dragging… Do something to make it more exciting!
Your job is terrible? Look for a new one or enjoy moments in your job – like packing up at the end of the day and going home or having coffee with your colleagues.

We cannot control what happens to us but we can absolutely control how we react to it and what we do about it. That is why you will find people in really trying circumstances who are really positive and people who seem to have it all that never stop complaining (shame).
Attitude is everything.
So I won’t wish you a happy new year or a successful new year, I wish you continued wisdom, bravery, courage, commitment and self belief.
I wish you confidence, a sense of humour in the hard times and new journeys starting today!
I look forward to continuing to share my journey with you.

Wish upon a star

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Last night I lay down under the stars waiting to see a meteor shower.
I didn’t see much of a shower, rather more of an occasional shooting star across the sky.  Which was wonderful in itself.
Did I make a wish upon a star?
You bet I did!
I wished for more quiet moments like that one and I wished that I could always keep life in perspective – to recognise how small we are in comparison to the greatness of the universe. When we realise this, our problems don’t seem as huge as they were before.
Og Mandino said “I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars”
Yet without darkness we will never understand or appreciate the light.


Nobody wants to be in the darkness but if you find yourself there, remember to look for the stars.
They are there if you just look up (and while you’re looking, don’t forget to make a wish)
At this time of the year when things do slow down, take some time just to be quiet, to appreciate the things around you and… to look up at the stars.