Let me tell you a story that is a little embarrassing (because of course all of our kids are little angels and you shouldn’t admit that yours isn’t) but I’ll tell it to you anyway.
My younger son is adventurous (read: naughty) and fancies himself as a bit of a Parkour master. So we had these neighbours who had an old broken wall that was not very high and made an ideal challenge for a young boy. He would jump over their wall all of the time. And as an ultimate sign of strength, the boys in the neighbourhood would prove their manliness by giving the wall a kick and watching in joy as they managed to cause some bricks to fall. Hulk has nothing on him.
And what did the wall’s owner do? Every now and then he would just straighten the wall by giving it a bit of a knock and put one or two bricks back up.
And a few days later, the whole process would start all over again. The boys would knock some bricks down, and the wall would be put back together again.
After a while, the house was sold and we watched in fascination (as nosy neighbours tend to do) to see what the new owners would do with that wall.
What they did do? They knocked that useless wall down and dug new foundations and built a huge new, solid wall that my son could not climb in his wildest dreams (well maybe in his dreams where he can climb walls like Sebastien Foucan).
The point of me telling you this story is that we all face walls every day of our lives. Everytime a problem comes up, you try to fix only that problem and the circumstances around the problem rather than getting to the root cause, the foundation of the problem.
So if you have a communication problem in your relationship, you would rather spend ages arguing about whose chance it is to take out the garbage rather than looking at the core issue which is that you have
The main reason we don’t want to deal with the foundation is that it is too scary. We fear change more than we fear being in an unhappy situation.
One of the blessings that stress and depression gives you (yes, seriously) is that it knocks you down to that foundation level.
And you have to start again from that very beginning that everyone else fears. Once you start from the beginning, you can rebuild up your life just like that big strong wall.
Don’t be afraid to do it, you are far, far stronger than you can even imagine!