Monthly Archives: April 2013

On being in a bad mood

25 Thursday Apr 2013

Posted by in Attitude, Moods, Self growth, Stress

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People often tell me that they can’t understand what is going on with them. They used to be really nice and calm and now they feel like they want to fight with everyone. They get irritable and frustrated. They slam doors, kick things and have a nagging desire to throw things against the wall, throttle their boss and one of the all timemfavourites – throw their computer out of the window. People tell me how they fight with their partners more, and lose patience with their kids. Basically turning into some kind of Frankenstein monster…

So are you undergoing a personality change?
No! Your primal instincts are just kicking in.
Thousands of years ago, our ancestor’s only exposure to stress was when their lives felt threatened. As soon as this happened, their bodies released adrenalin which caused them to have a fight or flight response.
This meant that they could either fight the danger or run away from danger.
You get stressed, release adrenalin, fight off the danger (the charging antelope or the hungry lion) and you live happily ever after…
Wonderful stuff!
So we have still have stress (and lots and lots of it!) but it is no longer life threatening. And our good old body still releases adrenalin because it can’t tell the difference between life threatening and non-life threatening stress. And we get frustrated. And then we get irritable, and then we become angry. And before you know it, you are like a raging bull. Which is 100% normal, believe it or not.
It feels horrible and uncomfortable because it is not you. It is the stressed you.

What can you do?
– Firstly understand that your anger is a result of stress. Some people may experience different symptoms. Yours is anger. Deal with it!
– Deal with it by expressing it sooner rather than later. It is much easier to tell your colleague who is sitting at the desk next to your’s that her gum chewing is irritating you than to wait until you are so angry that you confront her really aggressively.
– Back in primitive days, people would use their anger to defend themselves and burn it off. You need to burn it off too. But not by harming people, or the tea set that you got for a wedding gift. Get into the habit of exercising regularly so that you can work off that energy. It doesn’t mean that you have to go to the gym. Walk! Climb stairs! Jump rope, make bread by hand, roll out some pastry, squeeze a stress ball, kick a ball.
– Forgive yourself for being angry, forgive yourself for what you said or did. It was the stress talking. If you hold onto the negativity of what a terrible person you are, then you’re just going to get more stressed and start the whole vicious cycle all over again!
– And above all else, just breathe. Allow yourself to relax.
Because as my good friend says, prison orange is just not your colour!

Orange is not your colour!

Overcoming tragedy with thoughts of Boston

18 Thursday Apr 2013

Posted by in Attitude, Coping skills, Life Lessons, trauma

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I think that we were all shocked to see what happened in Boston this week. And while everyone, including me, is quick to count our blessings that we, or nobody that we know, was affected by the bombing (I hope).  It certainly puts things in perspective though.  Whatever seems to be a crisis in our lives right now is probably never as traumatic as what those people are going through right now in Boston.

I really thought about what the people who were involved went through.  Did they think: if only I had run faster or if I had been slower, I would not have been there when it happened.  And what about the people at the side of the road? Did they wonder why they had chosen to stand in that particular area?  Did they think that they wanted to buy something to drink but would wait 5 minutes and then they were injured because they waited those few minutes.

One of the most difficult things about dealing with trauma is the “what if?” question.  You can and will spend hours thinking about what you could have done differently or what would have happened if you had made a different decision.  Because you feel that for whatever reason, the decision you made was the wrong one.
The thing is that we don’t actually have any control over these things.
Constantly questioning yourself and your decisions, although very normal and appropriate when you are traumatised, is not going to help you to overcome your trauma.
It happened.  And you wish that it didn’t happen but it did.  And no amount of questioning or rationalising or over-thinking it is going to rewind the past.

I’m not sure if things happen for a reason.  That would be the easy answer.  We don’t know why things happen, and specifically why bad things happen but they do happen.
And it takes time, and sometimes a long time, to get over the trauma of your experience.  The experience never goes away.
But eventually you quieten down the thoughts and the questions and you realise what an amazing survivor you really are.

You can do it and you will do it!

My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone affected in any way by the Boston tragedy.

Tips for surviving a crisis

11 Thursday Apr 2013

Posted by in Coping skills, Fear, Life Lessons, Lists

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This week I have been functioning in crisis mode.

My husband has been in hospital the whole week and of course my life has been frustrating, stressful and basically upside down.

And then I thought about some of the things that I have done to cope and decided to compile a list.

You can apply this to your own situation or for helping you to get through any crisis.

  1. Don’t over or under expect anything from anyone.  People who you expect will help you don’t and people who you don’t expect anything from, do a lot for you.  It is what it is.
  2. Ask for help!  People are willing to give if you are willing to ask.  And it makes them happy to be able to help too.
  3. Chocolate works wonders.
  4. Sometimes you are NOT going to have control over the situation.  And fighting for that control is only going to frustrate you more.
  5. There will always be at least one person who will make you smile (like my wonderful friend who suggests shoes best suited to go with a nervous breakdown – still looking for the best ones).  You need those kind of people in your life.  Keep them close.
  6. Exhaustion happens quickly, but if you give yourself a break – like having an early night or a luxurious bubble bath (without feeling guilty about it) you can bounce back quickly.
  7. There will be lots of time in life to get things like homework and household chores done.  And now may not be that time.  Leave it!
  8. Wake up, get out of bed (even if your body screams don’t) and put one foot in front of the other.  And then do it again.
  9. Even if you don’t feel like it, keep busy – it is good for you to be distracted.
  10. Remember that what you are going through is situational.  And it will pass.  Stop thinking about what could have been or what you should have done, or what if, or what might be.  It just is! And it is OK to say that you are not OK (one day you will be).

Toast with a bit of gratitude in the middle of the night

04 Thursday Apr 2013

Posted by in Attitude, Mindfulness, Positivity

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I had a time the other night when I felt lazy. Way too lazy to produce a meal for my family. And of course that puts me high up in the book of bad mothers (or so I’ve been told). My kids didn’t starve, they are quite content to eat cereal for dinner. My husband didn’t starve because he is more than content to call a bar of chocolate and a cup of tea a worthy dinner for a gentleman. But I seriously didn’t bother and thought that a cup of tea would see me through until morning.
I lay awake at night tossing and turning until eventually at 1am it dawned on me that the reason I couldn’t sleep was because I was hungry. So I got up and made a slice of toast and ate dinner in the early hours of the morning while watching sky news. Now that is not particularly good for inducing sleep either. Bad news, more bad news and some depressing news to add into the mix.
That’s when I realised that although I always harp on about gratitude and appreciating what you have, it is really worth stopping for a moment every now and then just to be thankful.

I thought about all the thousands of people who battle to sleep because of hunger and they can’t get up and have a slice of toast and they have no idea when their next meal is coming.
I thought about an unfortunate family that I saw on the news and realised that although my life certainly has its challenges, they are nothing like what it must feel like to lose your kids.
We are all surrounded by so many blessings and so many gifts yet because of the pressure of our lives, and the ‘never enough’ syndrome, we don’t recognise what we are surrounded by – the good things that we forget to notice.

Every time you feel stressed or overwhelmed instead of focusing on the negative that seems to surround you and overwhelm you, choose to look for something that is positive. It may not be big, it may not be life changing but it will make you feel that it is not all doom and gloom in your life.
And I am going to take my own advice on this dark, rainy day when my car won’t start and rather use the time to spend some precious moments with my family than too worry about how inconvenient all these challenges are!