Monthly Archives: August 2013

It’s time to change

29 Thursday Aug 2013

Posted by in Advice, Change, Lists, Projects

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Why does love (especially new love) feel so good?
Besides all the hormones that are floating around your brain making your world rose tinted and generally a lovely place to be in, my opinion on love is that the reason it makes you so happy is it gives you something to look forward to everyday.
It makes you spring out of bed with a smile on your face, eager to start the day.
It is the same feeling that you get when you are starting a new job or initiating a new venture or project.  Everything is new and exciting and you can’t wait to start.
So for all of you who are reading this who are totally and utterly head over heels in love with someone, you’re good.
For those of you who have a brilliant project or an exciting life change about to happen, you’re good too.
And I sincerely hope that at least one person reading this feels that way.

What about the rest of you?  Everyone who feels that life is just about routine.  Same old job, same people that you see every day of your life.  You have been in a relationship for a long time or you’ve been single for ages.
Believe me, if you feel that you are part of that group, you are definitely in the majority (so please don’t start worrying about that).
Does it mean that if there is nothing new and exciting then life is not going to be good?
NO!  Not at all.
The first thing that you have to understand is that while love and life changes are new and exciting, it cannot last (and please don’t kill me for saying that). Everything eventually settles down and you end up joining the second group into the mundane world.
Unless…
Unless you decide to make life more exciting and give up the mundane no matter what stage of life you are in.
Life doesn’t have to be boring and ordinary but you can’t spend your life always waiting for something new and exciting to happen.
It is up to you to shake it up a little (or a lot).
Now is the time to dress differently, to greet somebody that you’ve never spoken to, to change where you eat your lunch (and what you eat for lunch).
It is time to find a new hobby, to take a different route to work, to try out that new hair colour that you were too scared to do before.

A new hair colour?

I am not being paid to promote it but I find that Pinterest (www.pinterest.com) is a very good place to organise your ideas and find things that you love and keep them in one place.  If you don’t want to go onto Pinterest, you can do it the good, old fashioned way and stick ideas onto a board and put it up somewhere you’ll see it all the time to keep you inspired.  Or maybe you just want a simple list – write down some new ideas and tick them off as you invest in change.

Whatever you decide to do in order to change things, you will find your life becoming just that little bit more exciting and before you know it, your world will become a little more rose tinted too – and you will become that person who is smiling, happy and excited about life!
Go for it!

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Does failure equal success?

22 Thursday Aug 2013

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Fear, Self growth, Success

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Og Mandino, the author of numerous books including The Greatest Salesman on Earth said, “Remind thyself, in the darkest moments, that every failure is only a step toward success, every detection of what is false directs you toward what is true, every trial exhausts some tempting form of error, and every adversity will only hide, for a time, your path to peace and fulfillment.”

We live in a world where there are so many expectations placed on us to succeed and a large amount of those expectations are from ourselves.  This crazy, unrealistic drive for perfection.
We want our relationships to always work.  We want to succeed in our careers.  We want to be brilliant parents, outstanding scholars and upstanding members of the community.  And most of all, we want to be recognised and acknowledged for all of the wonderful things that we do.  And that doesn’t leave any room for failure, or for things going wrong or not according to your great and wonderful plan.

If you believe in perfection, then there is a good chance that you believe that failure is a bad thing, something to avoid at all costs.  So, it is interesting that when Mandino was asked what the secret of success was, he answered, “You should triple your rate of failure”

When you make mistakes, you learn from them.  You learn not to be afraid of failure.  You become a stronger person when you realise that you have overcome all of the obstacles that you were so afraid of.
And of course, how do we recognise perfection if we haven’t actually seen the other side?  How do you know that something is really working if you haven’t felt what it feels like for things to be falling apart?
It is said that “a head full of fears has no space for dreams.”
So fear of failure doesn’t allow you to live those dreams, achieve those goals and stand tall through adversity.
Fear of failure keeps us in our safe comfort zones where we are stuck and frustrated and unmotivated.

Get out there! Fail! Live your life without fear because every time that you do, a seed is planted that is going to help you grow into something magnificent.

Is there anyone “youer than you”?

15 Thursday Aug 2013

Posted by in Advice, Projects, self esteem

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I am an expert in therapy but you are an expert in you!
And while I am here to help you and I hope that you will continue to benefit from my blog, I think that the best therapist in the world will always be you! Yes, you!

It is very easy to firstly always expect other people to help you or feel that you are unable to help yourself.
It is also very easy to get into the habit of spending all of your energy and time and resources that you have on other people.  In order to make them happy so that you can feel happy and fulfilled.
So today is the day to focus on you.
You are the best expert on you.  You know yourself and your needs and wants better than anyone else.  So it is time to trust and believe in you!
As Dr Seuss says, “Today you are You, that is truer than true.  There is no one alive that is youer than YOU.”

So, my first question to you is what makes you worthy?
In other words, why are you important? What can you contribute to your world that is special and unique?
Try to think of at least 5 reasons that makes you worthy.

Now, that you know how worthy you are, what are you going to start doing for you?
Not for your kids, not for your family, not for anyone else except for you.  How are you going to look after yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually?  Today may be the day that you choose to go for a massage.  It may be a yoga and healthy salad day.  But it may be a gooey, moist chocolate cake (recipe to follow) and cappuccino kind of day.  As long as it is about you and making yourself happy.  It is a mini holiday from your stressful life.  And I am sure that we can all use a holiday.

Once you have the answers to these questions, write them down and put them in a prominent place.  Write them in your diary, stick them on your fridge, pin them next to your computer screen where you can see them often and commit to doing something amazing for yourself.

Because you are so, so worth it!

Happy Woman’s Day

08 Thursday Aug 2013

Posted by in Advice, Projects, Relaxation, Wonderful Women

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For those of you who don’t live in South Africa, let me just tell you that tomorrow is a holiday – it is Woman’s Day.

And no, we don’t have a Man’s day – that’s just the way that things work around here.  I certainly don’t aim to exclude men in this post but I am going to focus on woman.

Somebody sent this quote to me yesterday: “SuperWomen are a new breed of women – who work, workout, manage a family and a household, socialise, empathise, text, tweet, follow trends, do follow up studies, cook, clean, and keep her manicured finger on the pulse of current affairs, all in a day’s work…”

It is a lovely theory and I’m sure that we all aspire to be Superwoman but it only leads to increased stress and pressure and ultimately burnout.  And the last time I looked, there was not a cape hanging up in my cupboard.

As women (and yes of course as men) we should just be striving to be the best that we can be.  We can’t all do everything all the time.  There are going to be times that you can’t work, definitely can’t work out, want to run away from your family….  And that is OK too because you need to be kind to yourself.  You need to make time to nurture yourself because no matter who you are or how much you do, you are worth looking after.

So, I’ll give you this quote which I prefer:  “Women are angels, and when someone breaks your wings…We simply continue to fly…On a broomstick. We are flexible like that”

In honour of Woman’s Day and all of you great, amazing people who are so kind to read my blog – here’s a simple activity to do that you can really enjoy using and treat yourself with (note: yourself! – when you’ve mastered the recipe, then feel free to give it out to family and friends)

Soothing Lavender and Chamomile bath salts:

Fill a container of your choice with coarse salt (I use salt from a soap supply shop but you can use standard coarse salt from the grocery store)

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Add one tablespoon of dried lavender and one tablespoon of dried chamomile flowers (you can get these from a health store or whole food store – but feel free to cut open a bag of herbal tea and throw that into the mix).

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Add a few drops of lavender essential oil

Put the lid on and shake really, really well (do a little jiggy dance while you do this – it helps)

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Pour a handful of your salt into a hot bath – lie back, relax….. Aahhhh

(and of course, feel free to mix any herbs and oils that appeal to you)

Are we really that unique?

01 Thursday Aug 2013

Posted by in Attitude, Life Lessons, self esteem, Self growth

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Today I have a challenge for you.
First read this paragraph from The Art of Choosing by Sheena Iyenga:

“You are a hard working person.  Others don’t always appreciate that about you because you’re not able to meet everyone’s expectations.  But when something really matters to you, you put forth your best effort.
No, you’re not always successful by conventional measures, but that’s okay because you’re not someone who sets too much store by what the average person thinks.  You believe certain rules and standards exist for good reason,  so you don’t go out of your way to defy them,  but what you really rely on to guide you is your strong inner compass.  This strength isn’t necessarily visible to others, and they may underestimate your resourcefulness, but sometimes you surprise even yourself with your abilities.  You enjoy learning new things, but you don’t think all education has to take place in a formal environment or have a specific purpose.  You would like to be able to do more for the less fortunate, but even when you can’t, you are caring and considerate in your own way.  Life has dealt you a few harsh blows, but you’ve pulled through and you intend to keep up your spirits.  You know that if you stay focused and confident, your efforts will bear fruit.  In fact, a special opportunity is about to present itself  in either your personal or your professional life.  If you watch out for it and pursue it fully, you will achieve your goal!”

Has she described you perfectly or quite closely?
There is a good chance that she has because she states that we are all not as unique as we would like to think.
And while there is probably a lot of truth to this, I think that it proves that most of us are inherently just good people who try our best in life… Who have to overcome difficulties and who are always trying to better our lives and achieve our goals.
Well done! You are not a psychopath!

So here’s the challenge.  Now that we know what makes us similar to almost everybody else, what makes you different?
What makes you stand out in a crowd?
What are you passionate about?
Could you write a paragraph that describes only you?
I think that I it is an exercise worth doing. ( And I would like to add that what probably makes me just a bit more unique is that I write this while I’m wearing red shoes!)

red shoes
Give it a go and let me know the outcome.