Monthly Archives: September 2013

The BIG attitude of Gratitude Challenge

25 Wednesday Sep 2013

Posted by in Attitude, Gratitude

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“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” – Epicurus (an ancient Greek philosopher – if you didn’t know who he was.  I didn’t)

This week, I get to keep quiet and you get to do the work!
After last week’s post where I spoke about gratitude, I decided to set a task for myself and once I had done it, I decided that you could do it too.
Be brave now…. Deep breath and….
I want you to write a list of 100 (yes, 100!) things that you are grateful for.
Before you think that it is going to be impossible, just start. Even if you only get to 10 today, keep on adding until you get to the magic 100.
You can do it!

The reason that we instinctively think that we can’t do it, is because our brains seem to be wired to notice what we don’t have rather than what we do. It is time to start changing that around.
When you start listing the things that you are grateful for, you start noticing all of the things that you have. Don’t forget to include the fact that you woke up this morning and that you can breathe!
Don’t forget to mention the people that help you out, the person who always smiles, the traffic lights that work.  Don’t forget the delicious lunch that you ate, the invention of elevators when you are too tired to walk up the stairs.  The warmth of the sun, your cuddly pet, a hug, a soulful tune, the smell of jasmine blossoms in the morning… OK, I’m not giving you all the answers!
You will be surprised once you start, how easy it is.
Keep going, keep challenging yourself – I believe in you.
Let me know how it goes.

I’ll leave you with a quote from my favourite philosopher – the one and only A.A. Milne, author of Winnie the Pooh,
“Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.”

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Am I crazy?

18 Wednesday Sep 2013

Posted by in Attitude, Food for the soul, Gratitude

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There are times when I think that being Jewish is a little bit on the crazy side.  I certainly feel that other people think that when I explain our customs to them.  One day we are feasting, a few days later we are fasting.  Sometimes we don’t eat bread, sometimes we eat lots of bread.  And this week, we will move into a temporary shelter with a roof made out of leaves (called a sukkah) , built in our garden and we will eat every meal and every snack in there for 7 days no matter what the weather is like.
Did I say that we were crazy?  Was that me?

The first thing that I have to say is that I am eternally grateful for the fact the I live in Johannesburg where the weather at this time of the year is wonderful for eating outdoors.  People in the northern hemisphere often sit in their sukkahs freezing cold and I’m guessing, miserable.
No matter what the religious reasons are for this custom, and there are a lot, one of the primary things that I gain from this festival is appreciation for what I do have.
How many people don’t have a roof over their head and what we sometimes feel we have to endure once a year for only a week, is their daily reality.  And those people often don’t even worry about the lack of shelter when they are more concerned about where their next meal is going to come from.

Sometimes we just don’t appreciate how much we have, until we don’t have it.
Anyone who has fasted knows the pain of hunger and hopefully experiences gratitude the minute they are able to start eating again.

This week I would like you to take a few moments to appreciate all that you have.  To really focus on your blessings – and even if you feel that you have none, to find those blessings.  No matter who you are, what you believe in, how much you have, or don’t have, you are truly blessed!

I would like to take this opportunity to thank every one of you, my dearest readers.  The positive feedback that I get from you every single week is inspirational.  Not only do you keep this blog going, but you keep me going.  You teach me new things.  Your inspirational stories inspire and fill me with awe.
Each of you is a hero in my eyes and I thank you for being part of my life.
Have a blessed week!

Lessons from 9/11

12 Thursday Sep 2013

Posted by in Attitude, Life Lessons, Positivity

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In a world where we are consistently looking at who sees the glass as half full and who sees it as half empty, research has actually shown that when faced with a difficult challenge, people tend to see 90% negativity and 10% positivity.
There is no half-half going on there (unless my mathematics ability is far worse than I imagined – and even that is a negative assumption, isn’t it?)

Of course there are those really ‘strange’ and unusual people who are immensely positive and always see the good in everything but most people tend to focus on the negative.
Most likely, the negative is safer.
It is easier to say, “I knew that it would go wrong” or “I knew that I would fail” and be right about it than to say “wow! Look at how great I am!” and possibly be wrong about that.
In guarding ourselves, we fail to notice the positive that surrounds us and spend all of our energy just looking at the negative and feeling really miserable about it.

There is a fascinating term that I’ve heard being used when people are describing their high levels of stress at work to me – blamestorming. Blamestorming is when people meet for a “brainstorming session” and they work out who was to blame for a project failing. It tends to be filled with negativity and accusation and it is unfortunately very rare that anybody gets compliments or recognition for what they did do correctly in those sessions.

Yesterday, as we know, was the 12th anniversary of 9/11 – the day that the world seemed to change forever.  Everywhere I looked, people were putting messages onto the social networks and it was trending on twitter:  Where were you that day? What memories do you have of the day?
No matter where you were in the world at the time and whether it affected you directly or not, we were all shocked and horrified by what we saw.
12 years later, people still express a level of shock when they talk about it.
It is humbling, it is scary, it is traumatic.
But what about the good stories that came out of 9/11?  Those stories are often overlooked.
Those stories of people who are doing amazing things for themselves and their communities – not despite the fact that they are 9/11 survivors but because they are survivors.
Those are the people who experienced trauma and mourned loss but came out of their experiences as stronger people with more to give to the world.
You can read some of their stories here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/11/9-11-survivors-_n_1872278.html#slide=1499389

Every negative experience that life throws at you is an opportunity to learn and grow.
Every person that you meet gives you the opportunity to learn something new.
Sometimes you just need to be quiet.  Stop questioning.  Just listen to what life has to say.
Sometimes those lessons are bigger than you ever imagined them to be.
You will survive this.  And you will be wiser for it.
And one day, you might just be grateful for that 90% negative because the 10% positive that came out of it was so, so worth it!

Beginnings and Endings

04 Wednesday Sep 2013

Posted by in Advice, Coping skills, Life Lessons, trauma

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Tonight is the start of the Jewish new year – Rosh Hashana.
The greeting that we commonly use is to wish each other a sweet, happy and healthy new year.
And although a lot of you reading this are not Jewish, I wish the same to all of you – health, happiness and success for the future.

On the new year, we focus on renewal so it may be strange that I am choosing to focus on death today.
But in the circle of life, isn’t it all about beginnings and endings, losses and new beginnings?  Sometimes you need to lose something in order to gain something else (and please know that I am in no way justifying why we go through such painful losses).
I have been dealing with so many people lately who have lost loved ones that I felt that it was important to say something about it here (and somebody very kindly asked me to do it too).

I’m sure that everyone has lost somebody, and I know that some of you have had multiple losses or losses that are so painful that you can’t imagine how you are ever going to make it to the other side.
For some people, loss is not about death of a person but rather a loss of something else.  It may be the loss of a job or the end of a relationship but it can even be a loss of self – a loss of hope or a loss of self belief.

Whatever loss you are experiencing, I want to give you some tips on what NOT to do:

  • Don’t give yourself a time limit for your grief.  You have no idea how long it will take to get over it.  There is enough pressure from other people without you putting pressure on yourself.  Time will look after itself.
  • Don’t let people tell you what to expect based on their own experiences.  Nobody experiences things the same way even the experience is identical.  This is going to be your experience – deal with it your way.
  • Never listen to the stories about lights at the end of tunnels, silver linings to clouds, rainbows after storms.  Your rainbow will come, there will be light but when you are feeling emotional, you are allowed to feel that way and not focused on the other side.
  • Don’t be ‘strong’.  Most likely you are being strong for somebody else, let each person deal with their loss their own way as you are allowed to express your grief too.
  • Don’t worry about any stupid advice you may get (and believe me, there will be lots of it).  The only reason people say things that seem stupid to you is that they don’t know what else to say.  At least they are trying to say something.  Take it with a pinch of salt.
  • Don’t expect your routine to always work out.  You may have problems concentrating, you may take longer to get things done.  It won’t last forever. Forgive yourself if you don’t get everything done everyday!
  • Don’t battle on your own.  If you are really not coping and are finding it difficult to function, please seek help.  Don’t be afraid to say “I can’t do it on my own.”
  • Don’t expect that there is a formula for mourning.  Elisabeth Kubler Ross wrote about the stages of mourning – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – in her book, On Death and Dying.  You will probably go through all of those stages, but you might skip some, you might have them in the wrong order, you might find yourself stuck in a certain stage.  It is all alright.  You are not abnormal!

Eventually in a time that is right for you, you will move on and see that light at the end of the tunnel and discover the rainbows.

This is dedicated to the amazing people who I work with every day that are braver than they know, that are an inspiration to so many people when they share their pain and make people realise that they are not alone.
Look after yourselves kindly!