Monthly Archives: October 2013

Which wolf would you choose?

31 Thursday Oct 2013

Posted by in Attitude, Positivity

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I’m sitting in my car listening to opera and eating a peppermint crisp (sorry to my non-South African readers who don’t know what this is.  It is an exquisite chocolate with crispy crackley peppermint candy inside)
Absolute bliss! And I deserve it!

There is a story that has been doing the email and Facebook rounds that the tells the story about a discussion between an old Cherokee and his grandson.  He said, “My son, there is a battle between two wolves that goes on inside of all of us.  One is evil, it is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.
The other is good.  It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “which wolf wins?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “whichever one you feed”

It is such a lovely story that happens to be so true and so relevant to the lives that we lead in this busy, hectic, crazy world of ours. 
You always have a choice between the negative and the positive.
I could choose to be irritable about having to sit in the car waiting for my son to finish his drum lessons or I can choose to use this time for my own peaceful, happy and quiet (kid free) time (and to write this of course).

I am not saying that people with depression can choose to be positive when they are not well.  That is a really difficult thing to do.
But I am saying that most people who are stressed (and I know that you don’t want to be stressed because you are reading this) tend to choose the negative option.  We get stuck in the negativity and always expect the worst.
The problem is that if you have a negative attitude, you tend to only notice the negative. 
You tend to let the small stuff get you down and you quickly become overwhelmed by your life and all of your responsibilities.
Yet, if you choose to focus on positivity, you start noticing the good around you.  You feel more able to cope and find life more enjoyable because you create enjoyable moments.

Try not to feed the negative wolf.
I know that you can make that choice, because your life is worth so much more than entertaining that negative wolf!

Think yourself positive

24 Thursday Oct 2013

Posted by in Attitude, Fear, Positivity

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My son has not been well and today he had to go to the doctor – a new doctor.
He was terrified in case she had a chainsaw (yes, that was what he said!) and even worse than a chainsaw was the idea of having to have his blood taken.
He sat shaking in the waiting room until he saw that the doctor was quite a sweet, gentle lady.
That was until she said that she wanted to give him an injection. He very impolitely declined her kind offer!
But by the time the appointment was over, he walked out with a smile on his face and said that she wasn’t so bad after all.

Things are almost always worse in your imagination.
You create stories in your mind about what you think will happen and usually, those thoughts are based on negativity and fears.
They are based on irrational thoughts.

I challenge you to try to change your negative “what if” thoughts into positive “what if” thoughts.
What if things worked out?
What if things ended up being better than you imagined?
What if the end result is brilliant?
What if you succeed?

Don’t allow yourself to always expect the worst because you are trying to protect yourself – so that if you fail, you can tell yourself that you knew that you would fail.
Tell yourself that you are going to succeed.  Tell yourself that it is going to be OK.
And even if it is not OK, you have no idea where this journey is taking you.
And while it may not feel OK right now,  something is going to come out of all of this – and you are going to end up being stronger and happier for having overcome this.

In the meantime, have faith in yourself, believe in the best – because you can do this!

You will move on

17 Thursday Oct 2013

Posted by in Advice, Coping skills, Fear

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So today I want to talk about something close to my heart (and body too I guess).
I often talk about living in the moment and not worrying about the past and the future.  Good?
So far, so good.
There is one problem with living in the moment, and that is if that moment is a tough one, it is very difficult to imagine ever moving on.
This week, I was knocked out by a “nasty” ailment and I felt so miserable and so sorry for myself.
I truly thought that I was never going to recover.  And then suddenly on Wednesday morning, I woke up feeling a bit better – what a difference in my mood and attitude!

When you are sick, you start to imagine that you are never going to get better.
A pain filled day leads you to believe that you are going to be in pain for the rest of your life.
And a lot of people that I treat who have depression find it hard to believe that they will ever feel ‘normal’ again.  They believe that they will feel sad forever.
And one of the most difficult things to ever imagine overcoming is grief.  When grief consumes you, it seems impossible that you are ever going to get over this sad, sad stage of your life.  And you can never imagine moving on without your loved one.

Let me tell you this.  You will get over it!
Don’t question how you are going to cope.  You will cope!  It is not easy to understand that, but you will. Everybody does.
Don’t allow pain, whether it is physical or emotional, to make you fearful.
Do the best that you can within the situation, put one foot in front of the other.
You don’t have to get everything done, you don’t have to get anything done.
Ask for help, talk about how you are feeling.
Accept that other people may not have a clue about what you are going through.
But you will get through this.
If nobody overcame their difficulties, I would not be doing the job that I do, and this blog certainly wouldn’t exist.  Just the fact that you are reading this means that you believe that things are going to get better and they will.

And if you’re still not sure, then read this quote by Michael Jordan:
“Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.”

Getting in touch with your inner child

10 Thursday Oct 2013

Posted by in Attitude, Freedom

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So people love it, some people don’t.  Some people think that it is a little strange but it seems that the two authors that I quote the most are children’s authors.
It is true that I love A. A. Milne and his lovable Winnie the Pooh and of course Dr Seuss.
And I choose to quote them above any of the other well known or lesser known philosophers, self help gurus and general do-gooders of the world.
I wish that I could come up with something brilliant but until that inspiration hits me on some idle day, I will have to do with great quotes like:
“Don’t cry because it’s over.  Smile because it happened” – Dr Seuss, of course.

It think that one of the reasons that I still love children’s authors and still have a real soft spot for children’s books is that they transport me to a time when I was much more care free than I am now.  My childhood – crazy and upside down though it was at times.
Most children have few regrets and most spend very little time worrying about the future.
Adults though, are a different story.    They constantly re-analyse the past and continually worry about the future.

Although we can’t go back to the innocence of childhood, we can choose not to be consumed by the worries of adulthood.
Easier said than done, of course.
But…
Imagine if you could be more concerned about licking out the bowl than being the one to bake the cake and perfectly decorate it.
How would you feel if you spent less time worrying about taxes and more time doing something for fun?
Wouldn’t it be brilliant if you just stopped all the stress for a few moments and just concentrated on the moment – and finding something wonderful to enjoy in that moment.
When last did you stop to look around you in wonder, rather than allowing life to rush ahead of you because you are only looking for better times in the future?

You deserve to enjoy yourself!
You deserve to have fun.
Stop taking life so seriously all the time – there are many hours to be a responsible (and stressed out) adult, so take a little bit of time to be carefree and child like.
You can do it, I know that you can!

And I will leave you with the ultimate solution to dealing with troubles from Dr Seuss:
“I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!”

Are you ready to change?

03 Thursday Oct 2013

Posted by in Advice, Change

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So, today there was a big discussion during my group session (actually, let’s be honest, it was an argument) about what you should do if things aren’t working out according to plan.
The argument escalated hugely when it turned to the topic of marriage and one particular gentleman (and I’m being very nice here) said that all marriage problems could be attributed to the wife.  He was not very popular after that!
The group was quite split on what was the ‘correct’ thing to do about ongoing issues though.
Some people said that it is better to give up and walk away and then start again.  Our friendly gentleman said, dump the wife and find another one.  Yes, okay then, moving on…. The others said that you need to keep trying and persist until you reach a solution.
My feeling is that it can go either way.
Your challenge is going to be to figure out which is the best solution for you.
Staying and trying, or moving on and starting again.

I do think that you should try.  And I think that you should try again.
But there has to come a time when you say that you have tried enough.  That there’s a time when you have done all that you could have done and now it is time to walk away.
It probably takes more strength to walk away because it is going to take a lot of effort to start again.
It is going to mean that you need to step out of your comfort zone and change!

Stop fighting change.  Stop driving yourself crazy by being stuck in a situation that is not working for you.
If you have tried everything, now is the time to change and you are the only person who can make that positive change that is going to work for you.
The thing is that you are going to have to be brave.
You can do this!
You can be strong enough to make changes in your life.
And even though that journey is going to be difficult, it is going to be so worth it when your life becomes so much better!