I have been asked for advice twice this week from very different people in comletely different situations but my answers to both people have been very similar.
The first person was someone who was desperately trying to find a job and was, so far, unsuccessful. The more they were turned down or rejected, the more depressed they felt. And the more depressed they felt, the lower their self esteem.
The job hunt became more urgent and that urgency was just driven by a sense of failure.
Stop looking for a job! Yes, I understood that the situation was desperate and they really were worried about their finances but truthfully, I would not employ them in that miserable state!
I advised them to just stop the job search for a short while and work on feeling better about themself. I wanted them to work on what their strengths were and what they could achieve – to focus on positives.
Once they felt better about themself, they would present to others with more confidence and be more likely to have a more positive experience looking for employment.
The other person presented with a really sad situation. She had lost two children within a few months of each other. She has one other child and she felt really bad that she was a ‘bad mother’ and was so busy mourning her other two children that she wasn’t giving the surviving child the attention that they needed.
Stop parenting and start looking after yourself. She wasn’t doing a very good job parenting anyway and she had a support system helping her with that child. I told her to start nurturing herself and give herself time to mourn. Her child is resilient and she would probably cope, and would more likely cope when she saw her mother being allowed to express her emotions honestly.
I hope that very few of you are currently going through challenges like these two people. But whether your challenges are big or small, it is important that you take the time to deal with them. And to deal with the emotions connected with them.
Pushing yourself to always move forward is not going to help you.
When the time is right, you will be ready!
It may take a bit of a push and some stress to get going again but you deserve the time to stop. You deserve to give yourself the time to deal with things and to nurture yourself.
You are not going to be losing out on time or falling behind when the rest of the world is moving on.
Let yourself be in the moment, even if that moment is painful.
I promise you this:
This will pass and you will move forward and be more successful and more happy than you ever imagined!