Monthly Archives: May 2014

100 Happy Days Feedback

29 Thursday May 2014

Posted by in Attitude, Gratitude, Positivity

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On the 20th of January this year, I embarked on a journey to document 100 happy days.
It has taken me longer than 100 days to get this far but here I am, almost done with photographing 100 happy moments in my life.
I am so blessed and privileged to have had some moments in these 100 days that were much more than happy.  They were hugely exciting and life changing.
But I also had days that were quite mundane but still happy because of simple things like being greeted at the door every day after work by my excitable dogs, or eating food that makes me happy and just appreciating simple things.
I noticed that there were so many things going on around me that I would often overlook.  Or I would be so caught up in my stress and worrying about getting things done that I never noticed some truly amazing things happening.  Sometimes they were random, coincidental things and sometimes I had to put a lot of effort into creating something happy (like forcing myself to eat a chocolate!)

So the big question is:
Was this project life changing for me?
I wouldn’t say that it was hugely life changing but it definitely put a positive spin on my routine.  I started to get more excited about small things and not so bogged down by the small stressors that turned out to be quite insignificant and situational.
My attitude definitely improved and I feel calmer and happier for it.
Not jumping up and down, over-excited kind of happy, but just more content in what blessings surround me.

If you haven’t tried any positive thinking projects, I would highly recommend that you choose one to commit to.  Whether it is documenting 100 happy days; working on being more positive for a month (or even a week) or keeping a gratitude journal, you are likely to be in a more positive space for doing it.

I feel quite sad that my project is almost over – it has become an important part of my life, so being true to me, I need to find a new project.  I’m always up to something creative but I decided to challenge myself a bit by taking on some sewing projects (if my High School Home Economics teacher is reading this, she would surely fall right off her chair!).
That is just a small detour from the next big project which is a Random Acts of Kindness project – so watch this space!

Please let me know how your life has changed by being more positive. I would love to hear your story.

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Being NOT OK

22 Thursday May 2014

Posted by in Advice, Depression, Moods, Stress

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It is a little known fact that on 21 May 1936, Sada Abe was arrested after wandering the streets of Tokyo for days with her dead lover’s severed genitals in her handbag.
Aren’t you glad that you know that now?
I’m guessing that chances are that 21 May 2014 is probably going to be a better day for you than it was for Sada Abe in 1936!
Was Sada Abe OK? Probably not.  Did she tell anyone that she wasn’t OK? Probably not!
She had a difficult life and suffered much abuse.

There are many, many people who have difficult lives, or more frequently, have difficult moments – periods of extreme stress and burn out.
And a lot of these people get diagnosed with Depression or Bipolar or anxiety disorder.
And most people don’t talk about it.
Every day I deal with people who feel that they are too embarrassed to tell others that they are not OK.  They worry about stigma and how others will judge them so the fact that they are not coping becomes a “dirty secret”.

I understand that it is difficult and I know that stigma exists.  You don’t have to hire a plane to fly a banner across the sky shouting “I am not OK!” but you certainly have the right to say it out loud.
“I am not OK!”
It is time to be honest about how you feel.
You don’t have to share all of your personal stories about why you are not OK but you do have the right to say that you are not coping.
“I am not OK, thanks for asking”
Part of the exhaustion that comes with stress is always keeping up the pretense that things are fine and that you are managing.  It is so, so difficult to smile when you feel like crying or screaming.
“I am not OK, I am having a rough time but I appreciate you caring”
Nobody is perfect and whether you are just going through situational problems, or you feel that your life is coming apart at the seams, or you have been battling depression your whole life, it doesn’t mean that you are worth less than anybody else.
Always remember that some people wear better masks than others – you could be keeping up a pretense of happiness to be like other happy people around you who are also not actually happy.
Maybe by talking about it, you will allow others to be honest about themselves too.
“I am not OK but I am working on getting better!”

And you will get better, and this will pass.
That is the one thing that is guaranteed – that life is going to change. And it is going to keep on changing!
One day you will look back at this difficult time and recognise the survivor that you really are:
“I am OK!”

Be YOU!

16 Friday May 2014

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, self esteem

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We are in the dreaded time of the year of Parent Teacher conferences.  I dread them because of course I think that my kids are wonderful and I fear hearing something different – which is bound to happen.
We were fortunate to hear only good things about my son this week, but I am not convinced that things are going to go as well next week, when it is my younger son’s chance.
He doesn’t necessarily do things the way that his teachers would like things done.
There is always a huge pressure to be the perfect parent with a wonderful child.
Yet no two people are alike, no matter how they are brought up.  Everybody has their own unique talent and it is not necessarily going to be recognised or understood.
I frequently have to remind myself of this fact.

We have this need to do things correctly, to be as perfect as possible, to fit in with the crowd or what is considered the norm.
We constantly seek validation from others to see that we are on the “right” path.  We want recognition and acknowledgement and often the material payback too – an increase in salary, a promotion, an award wouldn’t really be amiss would it?

You have to understand that success is not material.
You can be brilliant without the reward, you can excel without the recognition.
Yes, it is not easy but you don’t need validation from anyone!
You have a divine and unique purpose and there are going to be people in your life who don’t realise or appreciate that.
It doesn’t matter!
You are perfectly imperfect just the way that you are.
You are talented and skilled in your own way.  You do not need anybody to recognise that but rather you need to nurture yourself – praise yourself, make decisions that work for you.
Look for the best in you rather than compare yourself to others.
Once you do this, you will notice a sense of calm in your life – a sense of acceptance and you will feel amazing for it!

Unbelievably strong

09 Friday May 2014

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Positivity

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I am attending a 6 week course – for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to attend a course on a Monday night.  I’m not sure if that was one of my brightest plans ever but since the course is focused a lot on positivity and changing the way we view our lives, it is probably not such a bad way to start the week after all.

Then on Thursday, I opened my diary and read the following quote at the bottom of the page:
“A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner” – English Proverb
Interesting coincidence since part of the course on Monday was focused on the eternal question of “why do bad things happen to good people?”
The answer given was that bad things need to happen to good people so that they have the opportunity to grow as individuals, to become stronger and wiser humans.

I think that we so often wish that our lives were smoother and easier and that things would always go our way.
And then life comes and just laughs at you and throws something truly awful into your path.
You will struggle – not only with the problem that you are dealing wih but also with the unfairness of life and persistently questioning “why me?” .
But eventually, the struggle and the awfulness slowly eases, and you wake up and realise that you are truly strong.  You understand that you have survived and you will keep plodding along until eventually you wake up again and realise that you are awesome and life is not so awful at all.

How are we going to become skilled mariners?
By riding out those rough seas.
By realising what it takes to survive those rough times, and more importantly what we have within us that is going to help us to survive.

You are truly strong and you are truly awesome but you will never know that if you don’t first overcome!

Super anti-stress granola

01 Thursday May 2014

Posted by in Chocolate yeah!, Food for the soul, Recipes, Stress

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The amount of holidays that we have had in South Africa is starting to get ridiculous and I fear that when everything returns to normal, it is going to be difficult to deal with a full week of work, routine, driving the kids around, homework etc.
The perfect part about time off – even if I have to go into work – is the late start to the day and the leisurely breakfasts that come with that luxury.
My favourite breakfast?
Granola!
I don’t buy it, although I am sure that there are some wonderful brands out there, because I like to customise my granola according to my mood and therefore I make it myself.

I’ll share my recipe with you here – remember that granola is a very forgiving food (we could all learn from it actually) and you can’t actually go wrong if you change the amounts or add or subtract ingredients.

  • Melt together ½ cup honey with ½ cup peanut butter (unless you have a peanut allergy – then you can use any other nut butter or use more coconut oil to make up the difference – it still works either way) and 3 tablespoons of coconut oil (chocolate addicts, you can add 2 tablespoons, or more I guess, of chocolate spread)
  • Pour this mixture over 2 cups of raw, rolled/steel cut oats and about a cup of nuts of your choice
  • I also add pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds and flax seeds to this mix
  • Mix together until well coated and spread on a baking tray and bake at 160°C
  • Please keep an eye on your granola while it is baking and take it out as soon as it is looking brown and toasty but before it gets too dark and yucky.
  • Leave it to cool and then go overboard adding your extras – throw on dried fruit, raisins, shredded coconut, goji berries – whatever you have or whatever you like (chocolate people – this is where you can add chocolate chips, chocolate covered peanuts, chocolate covered raisins – see where I am going?)
  • Pour everything into a container, mix it all up well and enjoy with yoghurt, milk or on its own.  I like to drizzle a little extra honey on top – it makes my day that little bit sweeter!
  • Enjoy!
Granola - two ways

Granola – two ways: tropical fruit, nut and coconut on the left and triple chocolate on the right

Because this is a stress blog, I feel responsible to tell you how amazing this granola is for helping you to help your body to manage your stress.
Here are some of the benefits of the ingredients in granola:

  • Oats apparently boost serotonin levels which make you feel calmer and happier.  It also keeps your blood sugar balanced which is important for keeping your mood balanced.
  • Nuts are known to lower cholesterol, reduce inflammation and counteract negative effects of stress – almonds in particular are rich in vitamin E (anti-inflammatory) and vitamin B (makes you more resilient to stress).  Walnuts will improve your memory (and I know that we could all use a little bit of that!)
  • Berries are rich in anti-oxidants and vitamin C which also helps your body to cope better with stress
  • Of course chocolate is full of all kind of good things but we know that eating chocolate improves your mood and is good for your heart (yes, really!)
  • Honey boosts your immune system, is anti-bacterial and probiotic – good for infections and digestive health.
  • Coconut oil is the ultimate superfood – if you believe all the hype around it, it cures everything! Including stress – I’ll take that!