Monthly Archives: September 2014

The late, late new year blog

29 Monday Sep 2014

Posted by in Advice, Quiet and slow, Self growth

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My humblest apologies for the very late blog.
I was offline last week for the Jewish New Year – Rosh Hashana.
While writing this blog on a Monday, I was thinking that maybe it is better for people  to read about being more positive and dealing with stress on a Monday, when most people really need it, rather than on a Friday when most people are probably winding down for the week and feeling less stressed than they were on Monday.
So, I’m going to try to send this out on a Monday in future and see how that works out.

My new year was great!
Our new year is not the same as the secular one which is about one big party and celebration.  It is much more solemn and somber than that.  It is a time of reflection, contemplation and prayer.
In other words, you get to spend a lot of time with yourself, thinking about life and your actions.  If ever there is a time to truly make resolutions, it is probably now.
One of the things that really only struck me after it was over and I had spent 3 full days with no access to my phone or computer, was that I really didn’t miss it.
In fact, I found it really intrusive to turn my phone on and be bombarded with messages and notifications.  Not one of which were that important that waiting 3 days to see to them caused the world to shift off its axis.
And I really didn’t miss hearing about people’s pets or their pet peeves either.
I resolved not to get so caught up in social media and the constant need to be connected.  There are really more important things to deal with and to make time for.
I challenge anyone reading this to check their phone a few times less than what you think is necessary and see if it makes a difference to you.

The other thing that I reflected on was how much I give and how little I often receive in return.
My choice is to either feel sorry for myself because “nobody gives as much as me” and stop giving all together or to continue to give but to give freely knowing that I am doing it because I choose to do it and not worrying about what anyone else does or says.
When I mentioned thisin my group session this morning, there was a consensus that most people who end up being overwhelmed by stress just give too much.
And then they get more stressed by choosing to focus on why nobody else gives as much as they do.
Make your choice.
If you are a “giver” – choose to give with no expectations of others.  Choose to give because you are a nice, kind person.  Acknowledge what you get from giving and if it still makes you happy, then keep doing it.
If it makes you bitter and resentful then stop doing it right now.

My mission in giving is to give more compliments.
And I’ll start with you:
Thank you for being so awesome.
Thanks for reading my blog and for using it to make yourself a better person.
Thank you for being a unique and special person – for being you!

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Ahoy there all ye non stressed pirates

19 Friday Sep 2014

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Life Lessons

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First of all, sorry for sending this out late – it is all my husband’s fault!  And he even gave me permission to blame him.
I usually write my blog on a Friday morning and this morning instead of writing, I had a leisurely breakfast with my husband.  So, although it affected my Friday routine, the breakfast was good for my soul.

But Arrr! Me hearties, today happens to be International Talk like a Pirate Day.
Not to be confused with the awesome South African Football team Orlando Pirates who make you want to shout out Up the Bucssss! Rather than Shiver me Timbers!
Besides walking around talking like a pirate today, we should try to be a little more “pirate-like” and if it works for you, then keep it up…

Pirates never give up on looking for their treasure:
If they could keep motivated across stormy seas and at risk of life and limb, we should be mindful to keep focused on our goals and no matter what gets thrown in our path, we shouldn’t allow it to prevent us from getting to where we want to be.

Pirates need to work together to achieve their goal:
Even the greatest pirates needed a good crew behind them.
Find your own crew to stand behind you – people who are going to support you and cheerlead you and generally be there for you. (If you don’t have a good crew, make them walk the plank and find a crew who will be there for you!)

Pirates are not afraid to do things differently:
A lot of pirates were trained as professional merchant sailors but working conditions were terrible and they broke away to do things their own way.  They earned more money and had more job protection as pirates.
If you feel that you don’t fit into the place that you are in or it is really not working for you, you need to break away and do things the way you feel is right for you – even if it seems to go against the grain and against other people’s expectations of you.
Take what you can get from where you are, learn from it and use it to make the next step even better for you.

When a pirate finds the treasure that they are looking for, they celebrate it
Don’t forget to celebrate your achievements – reward yourself for achieving goals, no matter how small they are.  For some people, just making it through the day is an achievement worthy of a celebration.  It can be something really small like going to bed early with a good book, or just sitting on your own for a few minutes with a cup of tea.  You’ll feel great for doing it.

Have an excellent day ‘n a restful shore leave
And ye may lay to that!

(Or for the English speakers:
Have an excellent day and a restful weekend
Yes we will!)

I don’t want to be angry

12 Friday Sep 2014

Posted by in Advice, Anger, Attitude, Life Lessons

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I am neither a lawyer nor a judge, nor do I have any desire what so ever to take on either of those professions.
But I do have something to say about the Oscar Pistorius case as we sit with bated breath waiting for final judgement.
As I write this, Oscar has been found not guilty for murder but still may be found guilty for culpable homicide which brings me to my case:
A split second decision could ruin your life forever.
I truly feel sorry for Oscar when I see him sitting there in that court waiting for judgement because he is going to have to face the consequences of his actions for the rest of his life, no matter what the outcome of the case is.

Please know and understand that when you are stressed and overwhelmed, it is easy to make mistakes.
I don’t want you to get stressed about this but really understand the importance of learning to manage your stress and sometimes, more importantly, having control over your anger.

We all get angry.  Some of us get more angry than others; some bottle it in and some just rage; some express it verbally while some express it physically.
Just remember that anger is energy and you can use it destructively or you can use it creatively.
There are many ways to help yourself deal with the horrible physical symptoms of anger including exercising to burn off that energy, take up a hobby that uses energy (and not too many tools that could be harmful), do something to creatively express yourself.
Learn to breathe deeply and calmly, find something positive to redirect your energy, laugh at something!

When you feel angry or very anxious, do your best to have a plan of action of how to deal with it in place:
What calms you down?
How can you express yourself in a more positive, productive way?
When you feel like acting on your anger, is there something that you can do to walk away?

A quote that I love from Gautama Buddha is:
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

Your life is worth so much more than just allowing yourself to get burned!

Living a happy, multidimensional life

05 Friday Sep 2014

Posted by in Advice, Creativity, Positivity

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I went to an amazing conference last weekend and one of the things that really struck me about the people that I met and the speakers that I heard was that so many of those people live a multidimensional life.
By that I mean that there are people who really don’t have defined careers.
They are qualified in one thing, work in something else and then still do another thing in their “spare time”.
Sometimes, they do far more than that.
And that is on top of the usual multidimensional life that they are already living by working, being family members, belonging to a certain group or culture and somehow fitting into the world.

The more I think about this idea of being multidimensional, and of how much I do in my life, the more it sits well with me.
We spend so much time and energy trying to fit in and trying to justify that what we are doing is right.
I meet working mothers who feel guilty for not staying at home; stay at home mothers who feel guilty about not working; people who are working in careers that have nothing to do with what they have studied; people who can’t settle in one career and need to move every few years; people who are more excited by their hobbies than their jobs…
The list goes on.

We would all be so much happier if we just allowed ourselves to really do what makes us happy.  Rather than trying to fit in, or live according to other’s expectations of us.
Just be you!
Do what you want to do, create more opportunities to do the things that fulfill you and make you happy.
You may think that you don’t have the time to do these things but you will find yourself so much more energised in your life when you are happy doing things that you want to do.
You don’t need as much sleep as you think you do (6-8 hours is plenty for an adult), you don’t need to watch as much television as you think you do, you don’t need to waste time just staring out of the window wishing that your life would be better.
Do it! Create it!
You are so worthy!