Monthly Archives: April 2015

Depression – Part Two

28 Tuesday Apr 2015

Posted by in Attitude, Being brave, Depression, Mental health

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Last week’s blog about depression reached over 36 000 views which is a record for I don’t want to be stressed.
Obviously, I was elated that so many people had read my blog but it also saddened me to think that of all the blogs that I write, the one about depression would touch the most people.
Clearly this is a topic that needs to be spoken about and put in bright lights more often.
So, I will start here:
Depression is a real illness – it is not a mood or a random feeling, it is not attention seeking behaviour or feeling sorry for yourself and it is definitely not anything to be ashamed about!

The same goes for every mental illness in the book.  If an estimated 33% of all people have some kind of mental illness then there is a good chance that the people around you who are intolerant of your problems, probably have a mental illness too.  They are just not as brave as you.  They are your neighbours, your friends, your employers and your colleagues .  And while it might be obvious that your crazy aunt on your father’s side of the family is mentally unstable, it may not be so noticeable in the person who manages the entire company that you work for.

I believe that in a world where people are so intolerant of each other – whether it is because of race, religion, gender, social class or illness – we (yes, that means you!) need to be the shining examples.
We have to be the people who ask for help, who reach out to others, who express much more love than hatred.
We need to be the smilers, the huggers, the grateful, the hopeful and the true survivors.

Please spread the word. Nobody needs to be alone because of an illness.

Depression Awareness Week

22 Wednesday Apr 2015

Posted by in Depression, Mental health

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This week is Depression Awareness Week and I’d like to share some things that I’ve heard from the wonderful people that I work with:

“I just felt so sad that all I felt like doing was sitting in a dark room on my own.  I couldn’t stop crying”
“I didn’t even know that I was depressed, I kept going to the doctor because I felt so tired and I always had a headache but they couldn’t find anything wrong”
“My family always tell me to be strong.  But I don’t know how to do that”
“Every morning I would stand at the side of the road and think about just stepping in front of a bus or a truck.  But then I would think about my daughter and how much she needs me”
“I just could not make myself get out of bed”
“Nothing that I did felt like it had any value – even if I got positive feedback, I would still feel like a failure”
“I felt useless as a man – I was meant to be strong and support my family but I couldn’t do anything”
“My colleagues think that I am crazy.  I know that they talk about me behind my back about me being admitted to a psychiatric unit”

I know that some of you are reading this and nodding your head.  You are not alone!
There are millions of people who have depression yet very few people talk about it.  It is still seen as a shameful thing rather than just the illness that it is.
Because people can’t see it, they presume that it is not there.
Please use the fact that it is Depression Awareness Week to talk about it with your family and friends.
Be the one to start the conversation.
If you have never experienced depression, maybe you can use this opportunity to reach out to somebody who needs you.

The great advantage that I have is that I work with people with depression every day and I know that you will get better because I see it all the time.
Even if you feel that things are never going to get better, they will.
Do everything that you can to look after yourself – ask for help, get support, take treatment that works for you (and include fresh air, sunshine, music, colour, massages, dancing, exercise, hugs and healthy eating into the mix).

You can and you will do this!
You are an amazing person!

Keep holding on:

A big adventure

15 Wednesday Apr 2015

Posted by in Advice, Creativity, Fear, Projects

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I am on a mission…
I’m starting a new project and truthfully I’m not even sure what it entails yet.
It is probably the first time that I’ve allowed myself to do this – to just start something without a clear objective.
Usually I focus on the end goal and often, that goal is so big that I scare myself to a point where even starting it seems impossible.  And then as a consequence, my ideas just float around in my head for a while until, after some time, I rework them and start the whole process again.  Often scaring myself back to square one once again.
So, this time I’m doing it differently.
I’m going on a journey, I’m letting myself live an adventure.
Imagine if Indiana Jones knew what was just around the corner for him?  Would he have taken the risks that he did  to get that idol if he knew that a huge ball would almost take him out in an underground tunnel?

And this I can promise you: Nothing that you do will be as scary as almost dying underground while trying to steal an idol!

I may be talking to myself here, but hopefully you are all listening too.  Because so many people hold themselves back from great things due to fear.
How many books go unwritten, products are never invented, businesses are never started, opportunities are missed, designs that never come to light, art works that are never expressed because somebody was too afraid to start them?
Today is as good a day as any to start. (The first of January is way too far away – a random Wednesday in April is good enough)
Whether you want to start living your life differently or you want to do something new,  whether you have a business plan or you want to start a new hobby, this advice is for you:

1. Don’t be afraid!
2. Build up evidence of what you know and what you can do – you are going to need a journal (a real paper one is the only thing that works for me but go ahead and use your tablet/phone/computer).
3. Jot down or illustrate your ideas. Big or small, impossible sounding or not.
4. Take small steps BUT they have to be steps – don’t allow yourself to stagnate or say “I’ll do it tomorrow”
5. Ask for help, share your ideas with others, speak up!
6. Enjoy the process rather than panic about the end result
7. Don’t let others success overwhelm you. Everyone has their own journey and just because somebody does something amazing it doesn’t mean that you can’t do something amazing too.
8. Be brilliant!

Allowing freedom

08 Wednesday Apr 2015

Posted by in Attitude, Being brave, Creativity, Freedom

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I am smack bang in the middle of Pesach (Passover) and I feel like I am drowning in a sea of matzah and endless cooking.
But today between cooking and working, I made time to go to the Art of the Brick exhibition by Nathan Sawaya.
(If you have a chance to go and see this incredible exhibition, please go and see it.  It is currently in Johannesburg, London, Philadelphia and Oshkosh, Wisconsin)

Besides the fact that the art is amazing, the story behind the art was far more profound for me – and especially meaningful during Pesach when we celebrate freedom.
The artist, Nathan Sawaya was a frustrated lawyer who allowed himself to be free by being creative and creating a new career for himself in the process.
He describes one of his works entitled “Gray”:

Gray

“Taking a leap is hard.  I used to be a lawyer.  There was nothing wrong with being a lawyer, but I always knew there was another me, an Artist Me, lurking inside.  Then one day I decided to let the Artist in me out, and I never looked back.”

What would happen if we got out of our self imposed jails and allowed ourselves to be free?
Could we be who we are meant to be and let go of the person that we are expected to be?
I have a feeling that most people have the most amazing abilities that they keep locked inside, jailed by fear.
How awesome would it be if there were more people in the world like Nathan Sawaya?
Imagine the possibilities….

Letting go of control

01 Wednesday Apr 2015

Posted by in Attitude, Change, Freedom, Life Lessons

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On Monday, I was driving in a hurry to get to a shop and suddenly a car pulled in front of me.
So I swore under my breath.
But that didn’t change anything.
The car was driving erratically and slowly so I couldn’t overtake them and I was stuck behind them.
So I cursed again – this time with a little more enthusiasm.
And that didn’t change anything either.
I didn’t have a choice but to drive slowly behind the car, moaning as I did about how I was running late and I didn’t have time for this.
As I reached the bottom of the hill, the car suddenly turned left with no warning.  Now I was really frustrated but as I realised that at last I could accelerate, a huge part of old oak tree fell into the road in front of me.
I couldn’t believe it and all kinds of things went through my head about what could have happened if I hadn’t been forced to slow down by the strange car in front of me.
I’m not convinced that the tree could have killed me but my mind was racing anyway.
Why did that car pull in front of me? Why was it driving like that?  Why did it turn off just before the tree fell down?  Was there really a car in front of me? What would have happened if I had been hit by the tree?  Did I just imagine that?

When I posted about what happened on Facebook, the responses were as expected – my religious friends said that it was an act of God; my spiritual friends spoke about guardian angels and my atheist friends said that it was just coincidence.
Truthfully, I am open to any of those possibilities.
What I do know, however, is that we really don’t have control over our lives.  As much as we would love to think that we have control, and we sometimes fight for control to a point that we become stressed about it.
Things are going to happen whether you planned for them or not.
And you are not necessarily going to understand why.  You are definitely not going to be able to answer the ‘why’ or ‘what if’ questions.

Sometimes you just need to step back for a while and just let life take you where it is going to take you without questioning it.
Because you never know how amazing it could be on the other side.

(And what happened when I finally got to the shop that I so urgently needed to get to? It was closed!  And you know what? The world didn’t end either!)