Monthly Archives: May 2015

Faking it

27 Wednesday May 2015

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Positivity

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They say that you should “fake it until you make it” and I never really  held much by that because I believe in only telling the truth.
Yet, last Monday when I was feeling truly horrible and I literally had to drag myself to work, something interesting happened.
As I walked into the building, the receptionist called me over and she said that she wanted to ask me what my secret was.
“What secret? I have no secrets…”  I said
She replied’ “why do you always look so good? You always look so happy and energetic.  I wish I had some of what you had, you must have a secret!”
I was taken aback because I really did feel horrible and I was fantasizing about being in bed, lying in the sun, being on a beach… anything other than having to be at work.
But I did make sure that I looked good before I left for work.  I had red lipstick on and caffeine gel under my eyes, layers of mascara and red shoes, I had a lovely driver to deliver me to the front door of work.
And before I walked through that door, I put on a smile and took a deep breath and started my day.  It started with a compliment on how wonderful I looked!
Obviously I am a better liar than I thought I was!
And I now really think that there is room for making yourself look good and adjusting your face into a happy look even when you don’t feel that wonderful.
The more you convince yourself that you are OK, or much more than OK, the more likely you are to believe it.  I don’t think that it is necessarily about trying to convince other people that you are anything other than you are but believing that you are better than you allow yourself to be.
I heard about interesting research that was done where a few people randomly went up to somebody who was clearly well and asked after their health with some concern.  The message they gave this person was that they didn’t look well.
The person started by saying that there was nothing wrong with them but as more people gave them negative feedback about how they looked, they started to question whether perhaps they were not actually as well as they thought they were in the first place.
They went from feeling well to feeling sick just by responding to others’ feedback.
Imagine then, the power of positive feedback and of acting wonderful even if you’re not.  If you had to tell yourself (or other people) how well you are, how amazing you are, how happy you are, even if you don’t feel that way, how brilliant would you end up feeling?
I have a feeling that it might just work!

 

Saying hello to your illness

20 Wednesday May 2015

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Depression, Mental health

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I haven’t quoted Elizabeth Gilbert for a long time and then somebody asked me why they had depression and when I tried to answer them, something that Ms Gilbert wrote in Eat Pray Love came to mind.  In this section of the book, she is in Italy trying to start afresh with her life when Depression suddenly finds her where she least expects it:

“Depression and Loneliness track me down after about ten days in Italy.  I am walking through the Villa Borghese one evening after a happy day …….. and I get to thinking a little too much, and then my thinking turns to brooding, and that’s when they catch up with me.
They come upon me all silent and menacing like Pinkerton Detectives, and they flank me – Depression on my left, and Loneliness on my right.  They don’t need to show me their badges.  I know these guys very well.”

Whether it is depression or anxiety, migraines or any chronic illness, these illnesses have the ability of hitting you when you least expect it.
What doesn’t help is getting angry and frustrated and constantly asking “why me?” and “why now?” and crying that it is not fair.
Yes, it is not fair! But what are you going to do about it?  You are not going to change it.
Acceptance is a difficult thing but when you reach a level of acceptance, it is far easier to work on being the best you that you can be rather than letting whatever your illness is determine who and what you can be.

When your illness pops in for a visit, invite it in for tea but don’t let it stay for too long.  It is literally about saying – I recognise you and I see you are here but you do not determine who I am and you do not stop me from living my life.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to say “I am not coping right now”
Illness is NOT a sign of weakness – it just happens to be the challenge that you have right now.
And that amazing, awesome person that you are is still there – don’t ever lose sight of that!

Please be more creative

13 Wednesday May 2015

Posted by in Advice, Creativity, Projects

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I have to say that I really battled with writing this week.
I just could not make myself sit down in front of the computer to write.  So Monday happened, and then Tuesday happened too and finally on Wednesday, I decided not to write at all.  I thought that I would rather create something.
I started with a blank sheet (OK, it was a blue blank sheet) of paper at my desk away from the computer.  Of course I had to write a piece of advice and then I started drawing around it.  Now  I decided (as I tend to do) that I needed to add an owl to my picture .  I stepped away for a while and then I had to add washi tape.
(By the way, in case you didn’t know this important rule yet, I will gladly share it with you:  You can NEVER have too much washi tape!)
I had to use my chalk pens so chalk accents were added to my writing and then I decided that I needed to sew on the page (yes I sew on paper, no I am not crazy).
And suddenly, without even thinking or worrying about the words that I needed to write came pouring out…

You are a survivor

I think that we live in a crazy, hectic, super stressful world where we are expected to work hard and achieve goals that are set for us by other people.  We work, earn money, pay the bills (hopefully) and then start the cycle again.
I rarely meet somebody who tells me that they are living a life that they are passionate about.  Maybe passionate is too strong a word but I don’t even come across that many people who tell me that they enjoy their lives.
Except for artists and crafty people who make time to do things that make them happy.  I’m not saying that we all need to become artists or that we even can be artists, but I think that there is a need in every person to create or to be unique or to do things differently.  Ask any of my patients that I have treated what therapy they enjoyed the most or which therapy was most meaningful to them and the majority will say creative therapy over talk therapy.
Unfortunately most people do not even have the time, or allow themselves the time to do things that they enjoy.

Do things differently and creatively – even if it doesn’t seem that it is helping you to achieve your aim, by focusing away from what you “should” be doing, the answers often come out really clearly.
Please make time for the things that make you smile.

What can you learn from being sick?

06 Wednesday May 2015

Posted by in Advice, Illness, Life Lessons, Mental health

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This week I have been floored by high blood pressure which is now getting treated so I’m already feeling like a brand new person.
I spent some quality time feeling really sorry for myself for being sick and not able to keep up with my usual frenetic pace.
Though one day while moping on the couch, I suddenly had clarity that no matter what kind of illness you have – whether it is mental or physical, chronic or acute, life threatening or not, there are a few things that you really need to do (or not do) to help you through:

  • If you don’t get it done, there is a high probability that the world will not end.  Even though you may be a perfectionist, some things can be left for another time (or done by another person).  Thanks to Uber for the wonderful trips to work – I even treated myself to a luxury ride on Monday morning just because I thought that I deserved it and it definitely made Monday a lot better.
  • Your health always, always comes first.  Don’t put yourself at risk because you feel that you need to please other people or keep up with other people’s expectations.  You are allowed to say that you just don’t feel well enough to get something done.  If people don’t respect that, they are not worth the energy that you are prepared to give to them.
  • Don’t be fight the illness.  Even a cold makes you feel that you are never going to be well again and you can become miserable and feel sorry for yourself.  I believe that illness is often a way of your body forcing you to slow down because you need it.  Don’t fight that!
  • Eat when you are hungry, sleep when you need to, rest, rest, rest and then rest some more.
  • Be gentle on yourself – you are not a failure if you get sick.  Bodies get sick, minds get sick.  Unless you deliberately did something to make yourself sick (and I sincerely hope that you didn’t), you can’t do much to avoid it.  Stop being angry at yourself.
  • Sometimes you are not going to have control over life.  There is nothing like getting sick to teach you that things are not always going to go your way.  Let it go!