Monthly Archives: August 2015

Let’s talk about Depression

27 Thursday Aug 2015

Posted by in Depression, Illness, Mental health

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Today is a special person’s birthday.
What makes her special?  Well, there are a lot of reasons but mainly that she doesn’t know how special she is.  She battles and battles with depression so this week’s post is inspired by her.
It is also inspired by all of you who continue to read my posts – if you are here and reading this, you are working on yourself and working to find ways to cope better and be well.  That means that you are more awesome and special than you know and I am constantly inspired by you!

Depression (and all mental illness) is one of the hardest illnesses for people to understand.
Let’s look at what it is NOT:
Depression is not just feeling sad.
You cannot just “snap” out of it, no matter how much you wish you could.
Depression is not about feeling sorry for yourself or attention seeking.
It is not just a psychological illness – it affects you physically as well, and sometimes the physical effects feel so much worse than the psychological ones.  The constant tiredness, low energy and ongoing pain can be the most debilitating part of depression.
Depression is not the same in every one – some people can have it quite mildly while others are in such a deep, dark space, they don’t even have the energy to contemplate killing themselves.
Depression is not that different from any other illness like diabetes, asthma or hypertension – it is just in a different part of your body – there should not ever be a competition about which one is more serious, which is more life threatening, which one should receive more attention and which one should get more funding.

Every illness is a battle but obviously depression is close to my heart because I work with it every day.
If you have depression, you have some responsibilities that come with it:
You are responsible for being an advocate for your rights.
You are responsible for being an ambassador for mental health and being a true role model for taking responsibility for your health and well being.
You are responsible for not using it as an excuse either – there are people with all kinds of mental and physical illnesses who keep on working at getting better and finding better ways to be the best person that they can be.  They don’t let it determine who they are or what they can or can’t do.

If you have depression, please share this with people to help them to understand you better and to start a conversation about mental health.
If you know somebody who has depression, be kind and understanding.  I could not say it as eloquently as Stephen Fry – the wonderful man who has really given a voice to depression:

stephen-fry depression

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I did it all

19 Wednesday Aug 2015

Posted by in Attitude, Being brave, Depression, Fear, Life Lessons, Positivity

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One Republic has an amazing song called “I lived”.
The lyrics are so inspiring –

Hope when you take that jump, you don’t fear the fall
Hope when the water rises, you built a wall
Hope when the crowd screams out, they’re screaming your name
Hope if everybody runs, you choose to stay

Hope that you fall in love, and it hurts so bad
The only way you can know is give it all you have
And I hope that you don’t suffer but take the pain
Hope when the moment comes, you’ll say…

I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived

Hope that you spend your days, but they all add up
And when that sun goes down, hope you raise your cup
Oh, I wish that I could witness all your joy and all your pain
But until my moment comes, I’ll say…
I, I did it all

Not only are the words inspiring but the song is dedicated to one of their fans, Bryan Warnecke who battles with Cystic Fibrosis.  Yet, he does it all and lives for every moment.

So who are we to live our lives always fearing the future?
In my opinion, there is no difference between a physical illness and a mental illness.
If somebody with a physical illness can say that they “owned every second”, we should be able to do that too.
Do not allow Depression, Stress, Anxiety, Bipolar Mood Disorder or any other diagnosis to be in control of you.
It may be your illness but it should not be the manager of your life.
We spend so many moments waiting to get better or waiting for life to be better rather than making the most of that precious moment that we are living.

Be awesome, live with courage, have faith, embrace life so that you too can say, “I did it all”!

This week’s blog is dedicated to my friend, mentor and inspiration David who really does it all despite everything.

Let mistakes go

12 Wednesday Aug 2015

Posted by in Advice, Life Lessons, Self growth

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I have been treating a lady for the past few weeks who was raped and is constantly beating herself up about why she chose to walk through the area that she did when it happened.  She keeps on saying that she wishes that she had decided to walk somewhere else that day.  But she didn’t and unfortunately she had a horrific and traumatic experience.

And that is just one story.  I hear stories of regret every single day.  Things like “I should never have married him, I should have known that he was abusive”,   “I don’t know why I hit him, I wish that I hadn’t”,  “I was so stupid to have believed her” and one of the most common ones “I should have insisted on him using a condom”
Unfortunately it is too late!
Yes, it is too late to change what you did.
But the thing is that if you did something ‘stupid’ or even something not so stupid that still had negative consequences, unless you know how to tell the future (and I sincerely doubt that you can), you had no idea what would happen as a result.
In simple terms:
You most likely did the best that you could at the time.
It is easy to look back with hindsight and berate yourself.  As far as I know, nobody ever ‘fixed’ the past by beating themselves up about it.
It is what it is, it was what it was.
Bad things happen to good people.

You can go a long way by forgiving yourself for doing things that you did not know or understand at the time.
You are human, you are wonderful and therefore you make mistakes.
Try your best to let it go.  Try to be more gentle on yourself.

mistakes
There is this lovely quote:
“Everyone makes mistakes in their lives, that is why pencils have erasers”
You are allowed to ‘erase’ the past and move on.
Even better, you are allowed to redraw your life story, building on what you learned from your mistakes – and this version may be even more awesome than the one that you set out to write in the first place.

Quick fix stress management

05 Wednesday Aug 2015

Posted by in Advice, Chocolate yeah!, Projects

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I can talk a lot about changing your attitude towards life and dealing better with stress.  Yet, sometimes we just need a quick fix to deal with stress and anxiety.
I’m going to share some of these with you but know that there may be something that is specifically calming to you that may be irritating and absolutely not calming to somebody else.  Don’t be afraid to do your own version of stress management.
I know somebody (OK, I am married to somebody) who calms himself down by playing drums – which I find particularly irritating and very noisy but he finds calming and relaxing.

A really good idea is to make a box to keep some things in that you know will instantly calm you down.  And of course you can decorate that box to make it more special, but you can also just throw a few things into your desk drawer or your handbag too…

Lavender oil – smell it, put a drop on your wrist, a drop on your pillow to help you to sleep, a few drops in your bath before bedtime (you can thank me later)

Chamomile tea is super relaxing (and tastes horrible enough to make you think that it is medicinal).  A spoon of honey will make it taste better.

Chocolate (need I say anymore?) – especially dark 70% or more cocoa solids melting on your tongue

The Acupressure point for worry and anxiety is on your wrist crease on the side of your little finger.  Spend a few minutes massaging it while taking deep breaths

Having said that – take deep breaths.  Force the air out of your lungs from the diaphragm and then take huge breaths in and out

I learned some of the lovely art of Jin Shin Jyutsu (a Japanese art of self healing) this weekend.  Holding your index finger can be calming

Squeeze a stress ball (learn how to make one here: http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Balloon-Stress-Ball )

Listen to calming music

Doodle – just grab some paper and start drawing.  And while you are at it, write a list of things that are good about your life

Get outside, walk, breathe in fresh air and please don’t look at your phone while you are doing this – interruptions are unnecessary!

Let me know what else you add to this list.