Category Archives: Anxiety

Surviving that which you never think you will

22 Thursday Mar 2018

Posted by in Advice, Anxiety, Attitude, Being brave, Life Lessons, Stress

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People tell you awful and ridiculous things when you are going through a difficult time.
Things like chin up, be strong and my personal favourite – everything is going to be okay.
And you feel like saying, “How the hell do you know that things are going to be okay?” because it feels like it is never going to be okay.
This is what I do know – you don’t have to be okay and you don’t have to be strong.  You are absolutely allowed to fall apart and cry and scream and panic.
You do need to be gentle on yourself and realise that as much as nobody can tell the future, what you are going through is not going to last forever – it just can’t.
This is what you are going through now.
You are going to overcome this but it is not going to happen overnight.  You have the right to be stressed and anxious.
But don’t let that become your story.
Your story is that you will become resilient and you will have a great tale to tell future generations one day – “long time ago, I went through a really difficult time but I survived and I’m here to share my story with you”
I wish that you didn’t have to have that story to tell but it’s yours – embrace it, learn from it, grow from it and become a better person for having gone through it.
You absolutely have this!

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A letter of inspiration

30 Thursday Nov 2017

Posted by in Advice, Anxiety, Creativity, Projects, Stress

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I want you to do this:
When you are not feeling too stressed or sad and not anxious at all, and hopefully feeling pretty good about yourself, I want you to write a letter of encouragement to yourself that goes something like this:

Dear (me, your name, wonderful person….)
You are an amazing, strong survivor.
You might feel bad right now but that is just how you feel right now.  Your emotion does not define the person that you are – the person who is resilient and has been through this pain before.  The person who is going to make it.
This is why you are brilliant………….
This is what you are going to do to be amazing……….
This is why you are special……………
This is what you are thankful for…………

(Add anything else that you would like to say to yourself that is positive and motivational)

You can do this and you will do this!

I know that we live in the digital age but write the letter on a piece of lovely paper (or on a boring piece of paper that has been lovingly decorated or illustrated).
Add a picture of yourself that makes you feel good about yourself.  If that is really pushing it then add a picture of something (or someone) that makes you smile.
Now put it in an envelope (you remember those things that look like the mail icon on your phone) and write a message on the envelope like “open when you are feeling sad” or “a message for an anxious kind of day” and put it in a safe place or stick it into your journal for exactly that kind of day.


Read whenever necessary.
Repeat as often as needed.

Rise up through music

27 Thursday Jul 2017

Posted by in Advice, Anxiety, Mental health, Mindfulness, Moods, Stress

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I know that life is sometimes so difficult and so overwhelming but let me tell you this:
You have got this! You can do this!
You may not be able to imagine overcoming these problems, you may not see the light at the end of the tunnel yet but you have got this!
This will pass and you will look back on this time eventually and be amazed that you survived this.
Just start with getting up and taking one step.  Then take another.
There are some days that I find it difficult to get going and I want to hide away and avoid everyone and everything. When that happens, there is consistently one song that plays in my head that inspires me to keep going and to rise up – Rise Up by Andra Day.

It is my anthem that keeps me motivated that I can do this.  Listen to it and use it as your anthem too if you would like to.
Or find a song or music that speaks to you.
Musicians have the ability to really touch our lives, music has the ability to heal and to help.
If you can’t play an instrument, you can play music on your phone, or drum a beat out on your lounge table.  Sing out loud in the shower, share your song with your friends or family, use music to help you to meditate into a space of calm.
Whatever you do, find a way that music can help you to break through the first barrier in order to take the steps that you need to for a happier, calmer and more fulfilled life.
“My promise to myself:  to be so busy improving my own life that I have no time to be angry, frustrated, worried, anxious and stressed”

Chocolate cake cure

18 Thursday May 2017

Posted by in Advice, Anxiety, Chocolate yeah!, Depression, Food for the soul, Illness, Life Lessons, Recipes

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My 13 year old son has an autoimmune illness and he deals with frequent anxiety.
It is a constant battle for him to deal with his issues and he swears that chocolate cupcakes still warm out of the oven are a cure-all for a bad day.

This is what he writes:
How chocolate cake makes everything better

When you are feeling down or depressed and you need something to make you feel better – eat chocolate cake.  Cold, warm, hot, all of them are delicious.  Every bit of soft, spongy, rich chocolatey taste gives you the sensation where the taste is so good that you enter your own space.  It is like the world of stress doesn’t exist and all of your problems and worries are gone.  Afterwards you can focus on your work, your mission, your goal.
Life lesson: Eat Chocolate Cake!

I can’t argue with him even if I am not the world’s greatest chocolate cake lover.  But just spending a few minutes calmly enjoying something that you love is going to make a big difference.  Particularly if you are becoming overwhelmed by stress and anxiety.  You are seriously not going to get anything done while you are panicking.
Rather watch your manager’s expression while you sip your tea and eat your snack as they stare you down expecting your deadline to be met yesterday (don’t tell them I said this…)

So here is my son’s favourite chocolate cake recipe.  It sounds crazy but that is because it is called a crazy cake but trust me on this.  It is a fast and easy way to make cake.  You can make it into one large cake (enough to share with everyone in the office) or make 24 cupcakes – freeze them all and take one out each day to pop into your lunch box….

3 cups flour
2 cups white sugar (stop right here if you are diabetic or a health food fanatic)
1 teaspoon of salt
2 teaspoons baking powder
½  cup cocoa powder

Mix all of these ingredients into a large bowl and then make three wells and add:
¾ cup sunflower oil
2 tablespoons vinegar (really!)
2 teaspoons vanilla essence or extract (or be daring and use a different flavouring – I’m quite partial to caramel)
Put each one into a well (don’t worry if they overflow or the wells collapse.  It works anyway)
Top the whole mix with 2 cups of water and mix well until there are no lumps (I do this in a mixer but you can do it by hand)
Pour into a prepared cake tin (or in a foil roasting tin that you can just throw away when the cake has been eaten) or into 24 cupcake cases (put them in muffin tins because the mixture is really runny)

Bake at 180 C for about 40 minutes for a cake and 25 minutes for cupcakes

Fighting the anxiety monster

11 Thursday May 2017

Posted by in Anxiety, Being brave, Coping skills, Mindfulness

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When you get stressed or anxious, one of the feelings that you may feel is being overwhelmed, feeling that your life is out of control or that you feel distant from the world around you (almost like you are living life in a bubble).
If you experience any of these feelings, the impact on you can make you feel even worse and it could escalate into panic.
Common symptoms include having chest pains, difficulty breathing, tightness in your throat, dizziness, sweating and numbness or tingling in your body.
I know that these are also symptoms of a heart attack but let me tell you this:
You are probably not having a heart attack!  And if you genuinely are concerned that you may be having one, stop reading this and call for an ambulance.  But you probably are not having a heart attack.  A large majority of people who go into doctors and emergency rooms with any of the symptoms mentioned here are most likely to be having a panic attack.
It’s really horrible when you think that your heart is about to give up and the doctor tells you that there is nothing wrong with you!  The less informed doctors then categorize you as a GOOMER (get out of my emergency room!) instead of offering or referring to psychological support (a little pet hate of mine….)

It is definitely not easy to control anxiety but know this:
You’ve felt this way before and you have survived and there is a really good chance that you are going to survive this too.
Try to sit quietly and acknowledge the anxiety for what it is “I am having an anxiety attack.  I AM NOT DYING!
And then really focus on the here and now.
Zone in on your 5 senses –
What am I looking at?  What sounds can I hear around me? Breathe! What can I smell? What am I touching? (including the feeling of your bum on the chair, your feet on the floor) Breathe!  Sip some water, notice how it cools your throat.  Sip some tea, notice how it warms you.  Breathe!  You are alive! You can do this.  Squeeze your stress ball or a tissue balled up in your hand.  Breathe!  Close your eyes for a few seconds, centre yourself in the now.  Breathe!

I know that you can do this.  Now you have to believe that you can do this too.
You can have control over this!

Making a meal of anxiety

07 Thursday Apr 2016

Posted by in Advice, Anxiety, Being brave

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Have you ever had a guest drop by unexpectedly and you don’t want to be rude and tell them that you are too busy or that you really would prefer your own company to theirs?
And so, you let them in and then they stay, and don’t want to leave but you are too polite or too embarrassed to get rid of them.  So they stay for a bit longer, or a lot longer while you stare at the clock and make subtle hints about your busy schedule.

Anxiety is just like that guest – it often drops in unexpectedly and it stays.
Well it stays for as long as you entertain it.

So, back to your visitor – imagine somebody comes over and you say to them, “I see that you wanted to come and visit but actually, as much as I appreciate it, I have other things to do.  Have a good day!”
Anxiety comes for a visit – imagine this:
Recognise the anxiety “hello anxiety – I know it’s you because you have been a frequent/frustrating/difficult visitor.  I know these feelings – my heart feels like it is going to explode, I really can’t breathe, I feel weak, I’m shaking and I feel out of control but guess what? I know that these feeling cannot kill me so I’ll have the feelings but I will not let them get me down and I will not let them stay!”
Anxiety does not deserve to stay all day.
It will arrive (because that is what it does) but if you recognise it for what it is, it goes away much faster.  But if you choose to let the symptoms cause you distress, the anxiety is only going to get worse.  Don’t give it all the attention that it wants.
If you have survived anxiety or panic attacks before, then the chances are very good that you will survive again.
Nobody has ever died from anxiety and I really doubt that you are going to be the first.

The same way that you wouldn’t offer a 3 course meal to a casual by passer (well I don’t think you would), don’t offer anxiety any more either.
It’s there, it’s horrible, it’s nasty but you can still be amazing despite it.

My end of year message to you:

23 Wednesday Dec 2015

Posted by in Advice, Anxiety, Attitude, Being brave, Depression, Gratitude, Stress, trauma

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This is my final post for the year so I would like to take the opportunity to say thank you to every single one of you wonderful people who are reading this.
Some of you have contributed, some have given me ideas, some people have written comments and given feedback and some people just quietly read what I have to say every week.
It doesn’t matter how much you give, the important thing is that every one of you matters to me – you are the reason that this blog keeps going and you are definitely the motivation that I need when when my screen stares back blankly at me.
I am constantly inspired by the survivors in this world – the people who stand up no matter how many times life beats them down and if you are reading this, the only reason you hang out here is that you are a survivor too.  You are part of a great community of survivors who battle depression, stress, low self esteem, anxiety and all the stigma that comes with it.  And you battle it with dignity and grace.

My wish to you all is that no matter what your religion is, that you have a good festive season.  Use the time to really notice what is important to you, to celebrate the little things and to take your own health and happiness more seriously.

When I saw this quote about Morgan Freeman narrating your story, I smiled – mainly because I always fancy Morgan Freeman narrating my day to day routine.
(“Andi gets into her car and grimaces at the thought of another morning of fighting rude taxi drivers on the road, yet she turns the ignition and goes on anyway”)
I also fancy that even if I’m not doing anything awesome, it is still worth having a narrator.  Not all stories are going to be happy ever after love stories are they? (Although we may wish them to be so)
Your current story may be an action adventure (read: traumatic and stressful time) or a horror (read: traumatic and stressful time) but whatever it is, it is going to leave you with a legacy that I hope you will end up not regretting.

morgan freeman

Keep moving forward, keep learning and keep growing – I know that you are awesome!

Talk about anxiety

10 Thursday Dec 2015

Posted by in Anxiety, Being brave, Mental health

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It is amazing how things work out.
A friend sent me a link for a vlog about the Cinderella Pantomime (showing in Manchester if you are interested with Torvill and Dean! And Ponies!), and I was suitably impressed enough by the guy’s video to go and look for some of his other videos.  The first video that I noticed was (obviously) about having a panic attack.
Please do yourself a favour and go and watch his video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEWM1kIfeis

Now, I have read a lot of people’s writings about panic and anxiety (and by the way, a panic attack and anxiety attack are the same thing) and I’ve seen a lot of videos about the subject, but what really struck me about this one was his honesty – just telling it as it is, and without the drama!

One of the biggest issues that come with anxiety is that it nobody talks about it (and there is already a problem with people not talking enough about any mental health issues).
A lot of people who have anxiety are embarrassed to talk about it and even more people who have anxiety may not even be aware that they have anxiety.  This is because anxiety has far more physical symptoms than emotional ones.
It is a little known fact that I battle anxiety too – and I am probably guilty of not talking enough about it either.  But the reason that most people don’t know that I have anxiety is that I manage it so well that I could be having a panic attack while I am standing right next to you and you wouldn’t have a clue.
Go back to read some of my favoured anxiety management techniques:
https://idontwanttobestressed.com/2015/10/29/scary-anxiety/

I hate having anxiety but it certainly has given me the equipment to become a better therapist and to be able to help people practically – when I say that something works, I know that it works because I do it myself.

Thank you for making this video, Scott – when you could have easily just kept the experience to yourself or been too ashamed to share it.  I hope that your bravery in sharing your experience will go a long way to helping others share theirs too and to reducing the stigma that comes with it.

Acupressure – a quick fix for stress

11 Wednesday Nov 2015

Posted by in Advice, Anxiety, Stress

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Sometimes you just need a quick fix when you are stressed or anxious (and no, I’m not talking about drugs and alcohol).
Acupressure is a wonderful alternative treatment that can help you with hundreds of ailments using hundreds of points on your body.
I find acupressure beneficial, especially when combined with aromatherapy.
It is not necessarily going to cure the problem but it goes a long way to help you to feel more comfortable.
There is also a huge fear when you are stressed or anxious that you are going to become overwhelmed or lose control.  By knowing some simple techniques to help yourself, you are taking some of the control back.

These are my favourite (and most convenient and easy to find) points:

1.  Headaches:  Press hard on your finger tips for 30 seconds at a time OR press down on the middle of the 4th bone of your index finger (yes, you have 4 bones in your finger – count them) putting pressure on the inside of your finger.

2.  Anxiety:  Pulse push (in other words push, release and push again) on the spot between your eyebrows (that is presuming that you have 2 eyebrows – if you have one, figure out where the middle is – basically above your nose) This point is also helpful for treating insomnia so if you can’t fall asleep, breathe deeply and press between your eyebrows!
Another brilliant pressure point for anxiety that helps you to breathe more deeply is just above the point where the bones of your index finger and thumb meet.
Press this point while breathing in, hold your breath and then release while breathing out.
(You can comfortably do this when you are sitting at your desk or facing your manager across the boardroom table)

3.  Feeling stressed? Measure one thumb width below your wrist crease (where your wrist bends) and put pressure just under that spot for 30 seconds.

A brilliant combination of pressure and aromatherapy oil would be to use lavender oil for relaxation or jasmine oil for stress.

Feel free to print this picture to have a reference whenever you need it.
Good luck!

Acupressure points

Scary anxiety

29 Thursday Oct 2015

Posted by in Advice, Anxiety, Being brave, Mental health

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Since Halloween is around the corner, and we are talking all things spooky, let’s look at the one of the scariest “monsters” around – anxiety.
Anxiety can be so scary because it is associated with fear – fear of the unknown, fear of dying, fear of losing control and a fear that something really bad is going to happen (an impending sense of doom).
So far, a great script for a horror movie.
Every horror movie needs a hero, and it is time for you to step up and take that role because your choice is always going to be:
Is anxiety going to fight you or are you going to fight anxiety?
Scare away anxiety
Tips for becoming an anxiety monster fighter:

  1. You are not going to die! Repeat after me: you are not going to die!  How do you know that you are not going to die? Well, you didn’t die the last time you had an anxiety attack so the chances are fairly good that you are not going to die this time either.
  2. Recognise an anxiety attack for what it is.  If you become familiar with the symptoms (racing heart, chest pains, difficultly breathing, dizziness, feeling out of control and ‘floaty’, nausea), you can talk yourself through an attack “hello anxiety – I see you, I know you and I know that I am going to be OK”
  3. Breathe! Breathe out as hard as you can and then take a deep breath in.  Concentrate on regulating your breathing
  4. Run cold water over your wrists
  5. Suck a peppermint or a small ice cube
  6. Stand in a breeze or in front of a fan
  7. This may sound crazy but try this:  pinch the tips of your fingers with a clothes peg – it stimulates a trigger point that can calm you down – so can pressing down into your web space (the gap between your thumb and your finger)
  8. Rub a drop of lavender oil on your forehead
  9. You are not going to faint! Trust me on this one, there is very little chance of fainting when you have anxiety (unless you panic so much that you stop breathing properly – so back to point 3)
  10. Use every time that you survive an anxiety attack as a positive affirmation of how brilliant you are to have overcome it and know that if it happens again, you will deal with it again!  Remember that if your body is reacting to anxiety, it probably means that your body works really well.

Happy Halloween!