Category Archives: Being brave

Fighting the anxiety monster

11 Thursday May 2017

Posted by in Anxiety, Being brave, Coping skills, Mindfulness

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When you get stressed or anxious, one of the feelings that you may feel is being overwhelmed, feeling that your life is out of control or that you feel distant from the world around you (almost like you are living life in a bubble).
If you experience any of these feelings, the impact on you can make you feel even worse and it could escalate into panic.
Common symptoms include having chest pains, difficulty breathing, tightness in your throat, dizziness, sweating and numbness or tingling in your body.
I know that these are also symptoms of a heart attack but let me tell you this:
You are probably not having a heart attack!  And if you genuinely are concerned that you may be having one, stop reading this and call for an ambulance.  But you probably are not having a heart attack.  A large majority of people who go into doctors and emergency rooms with any of the symptoms mentioned here are most likely to be having a panic attack.
It’s really horrible when you think that your heart is about to give up and the doctor tells you that there is nothing wrong with you!  The less informed doctors then categorize you as a GOOMER (get out of my emergency room!) instead of offering or referring to psychological support (a little pet hate of mine….)

It is definitely not easy to control anxiety but know this:
You’ve felt this way before and you have survived and there is a really good chance that you are going to survive this too.
Try to sit quietly and acknowledge the anxiety for what it is “I am having an anxiety attack.  I AM NOT DYING!
And then really focus on the here and now.
Zone in on your 5 senses –
What am I looking at?  What sounds can I hear around me? Breathe! What can I smell? What am I touching? (including the feeling of your bum on the chair, your feet on the floor) Breathe!  Sip some water, notice how it cools your throat.  Sip some tea, notice how it warms you.  Breathe!  You are alive! You can do this.  Squeeze your stress ball or a tissue balled up in your hand.  Breathe!  Close your eyes for a few seconds, centre yourself in the now.  Breathe!

I know that you can do this.  Now you have to believe that you can do this too.
You can have control over this!

Fear of failure

16 Thursday Mar 2017

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Change, Life Lessons, Self growth

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I never loved school – when I look back at my schooling, the one thing that always comes to mind was my fear of failure.  That was probably because we were constantly being taught that failure is a bad thing and we not only had to avoid it at all costs but also to always work harder.
As children we are often told by our parents and grandparents what we are not allowed to do or say or touch.  To avoid risk and potential failure or hurt and pain.
So we stick with those beliefs.

The negative reputation that failure gets follows you into your adulthood where you still feel that fear is a bad thing.
More often than not, you are not taught that failure might actually open up new doors for you.  You are not taught that failure is an opportunity to learn and grow as an individual.  You are not given the chance to discover what your strengths and weaknesses are and to really build on your strengths because you spend so much energy and time trying to fix the weaknesses.

If you could let the fear of failure go and bravely enter new places, discover new opportunities and take chances, you may just find something that you never even knew existed.
As uncomfortable as it is to fail, the fear of failing or avoidance of failure just holds you back.  It makes you want to stay in your comfort zone.
And you are worthy of doing so much more than just holding yourself back.
Jump in, try it, take a risk – great, great things might happen!

Fighting mediocrity

02 Thursday Mar 2017

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Freedom, Positivity, self esteem

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mediocre
ˌmiːdɪˈəʊkə/
adjective

  1. of only average quality; not very good.

Mediocre is my worst word – I hate the idea of mediocrity.  I think it is because being mediocre shows no commitment.  It is neither good nor bad, just in the middle.
I truly believe that people who are the most stressed are the least mediocre people.  You get stressed because you are passionate about something and often people stand in your way.
They stand in your way because they are comfortable with their mediocrity and your passion, excitement and commitment are a serious threat to their comfort zone.  If you are not strong enough in your self belief, you will find it easy just to fall back and join the mediocre people.
Please don’t.
You are so amazing, interesting and unique.  You have so much to offer.  Don’t let anybody else destroy that!
Stop trying to fit in to please other people.
Start asserting your right to be an individual.
You are wonderful just as you are!great-spirits

Thank you for being an inspiration

12 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by in Attitude, Being brave, Depression, Fear, Positivity

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Here’s to the brave ones:
The people that are brave enough to say no.
Who don’t stand for being treated badly or unfairly.
The people who do something about their problems rather than hiding away from them.
Those who are able to say “I am fine with being myself – don’t try to change me”

I hate the fact that I even have to use the word brave.  You shouldn’t have to be brave to be different.  You shouldn’t have to be brave to stand up for what you believe or to say how you are feeling.
Unfortunately, it has become difficult for people to say out loud how they really feel.  Because it is difficult to feel like you are different from everyone else.
The truth is that you are not different from everyone else – there are a lot of people going through hardships who also don’t want anyone to know or who see it as a sign of weakness to talk about their pain.
So what happens is you get a lot of people (apparently close to 40% of the population – although I think it is a higher number) who are all not feeling good and most of them put on a “mask”.  Then everybody thinks that everybody else is okay.

I am constantly inspired by the people who are prepared to drop the mask.  They are the people who say that they feel depressed, some that will admit that they are disappointed, those who say they are not sure if they were born in the right body, that they don’t want to follow the career that they were ‘meant’ to follow,  that maybe they married the wrong person…. The list is endless and there are people who speak up. They are the brave and inspiring ones.
I really hope that you are one of them.  Or that you plan to become one of them.
We need more people in the world like you!
Thank you for being an inspiration!

Asking for help – no, you are not a failure

05 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Change, Depression, Fear

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Happy new year!
May 2017 bring everything that you wish for yourself.

During my leisurely break, I was browsing online and I found this advice written by somebody called sassygaynicoo on what would be nice for a person to do for somebody who has depression:

Chances are their room is a disaster and they have -846 motivation to do anything about it.  Helping them tidy up will make them feel a little less overwhelmed.

Do their laundry.  Even small chores seem to pile up when a person is depressed and not having clean clothes won’t make them feel any better. Washing their bedding is also great.

Try to convince them to go for a short walk with you.  There is a good chance they will feel a lot better after.

If you can’t get them outside, at least open a window for fresh air and let some sunshine in.

Prepare them a healthy meal with some fresh fruit.  Many depressed people fall into bad eating patterns.

If they aren’t eating enough, make sure they are taking a multi-vitamin since not getting enough of a vitamin can cause depression.

Make them a warm, nice smelling bath.  Aromatherapy is a great way to treat depression and anxiety.

Write them a letter or card to read for when they’re feeling really bad.

Make them a recovery playlist with some of their favourite songs and anything uplifting.

Make them laugh.

Make them a cup of tea and sit with them.

Listen to them.

I’m sure that you wish that somebody would do any of these things for you.
Well, next time somebody asks what they can do for you (and I really hope they do), instead of saying “Don’t worry, I’m fine” ask them to do something for you from this list or anything that you think will help you.  “Bring me some cake” seems to work fine for me.

Make it your mission this year to be wonderfully you with no fear of being judged by anyone or being seen as needy and dependent.  You deserve care.  You really do.

Count your blessings

10 Thursday Nov 2016

Posted by in Being brave, Gratitude, Life Lessons

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Yesterday we had the most horrific storm in Johannesburg (apparently it has not been this bad in 100 years).  And as I sit here writing this, another storm is rolling in.

It was terrifying sitting in my house just watching the devastation out of the window when there was nothing that I could really do.  We put towels down anticipating the water coming into the house but thankfully, only a trickle of water came in.
Our neighbours were not so lucky – water poured into houses, walls and trees have fallen, cars and property are damaged.  And yet, we were all luckier than others because people lost their lives last night – swept away in their cars in the storm water.

I often talk about appreciating what you have but never has it been so clear as it was last night.
As scary as it was sitting in the house, we were so blessed to be dry and protected.
It is a huge lesson in never taking things for granted.
Your house may not be great, but it is your house.  With the added bonus of a roof and walls.
Be grateful for every moment that you get to spend with your loved ones.
Focus on what you have rather than what you don’t have.
Count your blessings rather than moan about your “curses”.

To everyone – be safe, look after yourselves and your loved ones.  Material objects can be replaced, lives can’t.

Aim high

23 Thursday Jun 2016

Posted by in Attitude, Being brave, Positivity

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I am not a fan of politics and would rather not say much political here…
But why do we often think that our country’s leaders are idiots and we question how somebody like them got into such a high position.
Look at the positive side – why not?
Why should somebody not believe that they could be so great that they could rule a country?  What makes somebody believe that they can be anything so big and so wonderful?
Maybe we are not meant to be presidents (I’m certainly not cut out for the job – too stressful and too much responsibility) but we can aim as high as we wish.  The difference between you and somebody really successful or powerful is that they believed that they could do it.
Believe that you can do it too.
Believe that you can be the most incredible, successful and content person that you can be in your life.  Know that you can be an inspiration to your family, your friends and your community.
You may not change the world but you can change your world.
And today is as good a day as any to start!

michelangelo quote

Making a meal of anxiety

07 Thursday Apr 2016

Posted by in Advice, Anxiety, Being brave

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Have you ever had a guest drop by unexpectedly and you don’t want to be rude and tell them that you are too busy or that you really would prefer your own company to theirs?
And so, you let them in and then they stay, and don’t want to leave but you are too polite or too embarrassed to get rid of them.  So they stay for a bit longer, or a lot longer while you stare at the clock and make subtle hints about your busy schedule.

Anxiety is just like that guest – it often drops in unexpectedly and it stays.
Well it stays for as long as you entertain it.

So, back to your visitor – imagine somebody comes over and you say to them, “I see that you wanted to come and visit but actually, as much as I appreciate it, I have other things to do.  Have a good day!”
Anxiety comes for a visit – imagine this:
Recognise the anxiety “hello anxiety – I know it’s you because you have been a frequent/frustrating/difficult visitor.  I know these feelings – my heart feels like it is going to explode, I really can’t breathe, I feel weak, I’m shaking and I feel out of control but guess what? I know that these feeling cannot kill me so I’ll have the feelings but I will not let them get me down and I will not let them stay!”
Anxiety does not deserve to stay all day.
It will arrive (because that is what it does) but if you recognise it for what it is, it goes away much faster.  But if you choose to let the symptoms cause you distress, the anxiety is only going to get worse.  Don’t give it all the attention that it wants.
If you have survived anxiety or panic attacks before, then the chances are very good that you will survive again.
Nobody has ever died from anxiety and I really doubt that you are going to be the first.

The same way that you wouldn’t offer a 3 course meal to a casual by passer (well I don’t think you would), don’t offer anxiety any more either.
It’s there, it’s horrible, it’s nasty but you can still be amazing despite it.

I don’t want to be mediocre

02 Wednesday Mar 2016

Posted by in Being brave, Fear, Life Lessons, Success

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How comfortable is your comfort zone?
It may feel comfortable only because it is familiar – you all know the saying “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t” – and what a shocking thing to say!
How about no devil at all?

A comfort zone is about just getting by – doing what you have to do without any real level of enjoyment or passion.  It is like operating on automatic mode.
You will know that you are in that position when a day, or even a week, goes by and when you think about it, it feels like you haven’t really achieved anything or you haven’t got a lot to show for your efforts.
A comfort zone is associated with one my worst words in the world (right up there with slug) – mediocrity.

“adjective

  1. of only average quality; not very good.”

That word makes me cringe because really, who wants to be mediocre?
Even if you are not doing well or you feel like you are failing, at least you are creating opportunities to learn and to find what works for you (or what doesn’t work out).
Mediocrity is just being in the middle – nothing good, nothing bad, no risks taken, no stepping out of ‘box’ and certainly no adventures.

Start an adventure!
Get out of that comfort zone of yours because you really aren’t gaining anything by being in there and you aren’t doing yourself any favours.
That means that you are going to have to face your fears and take risks.
You are going to explore new things and try new ideas.
You will make conscious efforts to get your dreams out of your imagination and into reality.
It is going to take courage and you may not succeed on the first attempt – you may not even succeed on the tenth attempt.
But you know what?
You are going to be amazing!

Trying a more positive style

20 Wednesday Jan 2016

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Being brave, Gratitude, Positivity

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I’m sure that you can all imagine that I spend a lot of my day listening to people moaning about their lives.
There are countless people who feel sorry for themselves and you don’t need to be a therapist to be exposed to this – just spend some time on Facebook or in the break room at work, or even sitting with your family members and you will be confronted by people who complain incessantly.
The sad thing is that most of the people doing the complaining have no idea how blessed they are or how much good they actually have in their lives.

I am treating a lady at the moment who developed a meningitis infection as a result of HIV which left her blind.  After surviving that ordeal, she decided to really start living her life – she has learned how to swim, gained new skills and is always on a mission to learn new things and embrace the wonder around her.  Part of that journey is attending therapy.
I am so inspired my her story and her attitude.
To top it off, I watched a documentary about Nick Vujicic today and I think that it should be compulsory for everyone to watch or read his story.
http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/about-life-without-limbs/
How does somebody with so many limitations live a life with so much positivity and enthusiasm?
And how do people who have so much spend so much energy on negativity and moaning?

I think that Depression, Anxiety and Bipolar Mood Disorder are some of the most difficult, misunderstood illnesses to have.  And while I never expect any of my clients to be jumping up and down with the joys of life and constantly counting their blessings, I do ask them to try to focus on what they have rather than what they don’t.
I ask them to think about what they think their mission is in life and what they can learn through their own challenges.
It is difficult and challenging to be positive when it is the last thing that you feel, but understand this:
You are so wonderful, so blessed and so unique.  You could really give so much to yourself and the world if you just allow yourself do it.