Category Archives: Being brave

Friday the Thirteenth

12 Thursday Apr 2018

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Being brave, Life journey

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Friday the 13th…
Scared or not?
There are some people who are so scared of the date that they stay at home to avoid accidents or sudden death.  If you are one of those people, hello! We wish that we were home in our pyjamas too.
So, how can we be scared of a date?
Or a black cat crossing our path, or walking under a ladder, or breaking a mirror or any other superstition that you may have grown up with?
My mother taught me that if I killed a spider, I would lose my money which may explain a lot….
Whether you are superstitious or not, I hope that you are aware of the fact that all of these fears only come true if you allow them to.  The more you think about them and obsess about them, the more likely it is that something happens to you.  Not because you are willing it to but because you are more aware of things potentially going wrong.
Suddenly you have a spate of bad luck and you remember that a cat happened to have run past you a few days ago and that cat might have even been black.
The more you think about it, the more you notice that your luck seems to have changed for the worst.

The truth is that some things are just out of your control.  Things happen – whether for a reason or not.  You go through good things and bad things and you may be prepared for them or not.  And a lot of the time, they have nothing to do with you.  You just happened to be there.  Wrong place, wrong time, wrong man, wrong career choice….
When you realise that you have no control, you can either freak out or sit back and relax.
Okay, maybe not relax but realise that things are out of your hands and you can stress about forcing it back to the way that you want it to be or see where it takes you.
Because it may be a crazy, wild adventure.
Wild enough to even go to work on Friday the 13th!

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Surviving that which you never think you will

22 Thursday Mar 2018

Posted by in Advice, Anxiety, Attitude, Being brave, Life Lessons, Stress

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People tell you awful and ridiculous things when you are going through a difficult time.
Things like chin up, be strong and my personal favourite – everything is going to be okay.
And you feel like saying, “How the hell do you know that things are going to be okay?” because it feels like it is never going to be okay.
This is what I do know – you don’t have to be okay and you don’t have to be strong.  You are absolutely allowed to fall apart and cry and scream and panic.
You do need to be gentle on yourself and realise that as much as nobody can tell the future, what you are going through is not going to last forever – it just can’t.
This is what you are going through now.
You are going to overcome this but it is not going to happen overnight.  You have the right to be stressed and anxious.
But don’t let that become your story.
Your story is that you will become resilient and you will have a great tale to tell future generations one day – “long time ago, I went through a really difficult time but I survived and I’m here to share my story with you”
I wish that you didn’t have to have that story to tell but it’s yours – embrace it, learn from it, grow from it and become a better person for having gone through it.
You absolutely have this!

Did I hear a yes?

08 Thursday Feb 2018

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Self growth

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I found this question while browsing Pinterest (as I do):

“What would you ask for, if you knew the answer would be yes?”

During my midnight meanderings, I thought a lot about this question because initially, I thought the obvious –
“Please buy a new car for me.”
“Can I have money?”
“Will you take me away on a island vacation?”

And while I would love the answers to these questions to be yes, I also thought about what I actually needed.
And the truth is that I don’t need much.
Yes, a life of luxury would be wonderful but what we really need is more love, more appreciation and more care.
I thought about how much a hug would make a difference and how a gesture of thanks would go a long way.
So my question became:
“Please sit and talk to me over a cup of coffee”
“Will you listen to what I have to say?”
“Will you hold my hand when I’m trying to be brave?”
“Would you notice what I do?”

What I know is that if we sit and wait for somebody to  answer yes by guessing what we want, we may wait a long time.  So unless your friend, partner, employer, parent etc. is a mind reader (and I would be quite fearful if they were), you need to put what you need out there.
The fear of somebody saying no makes us never ask.
And if you never ask, you may lose an opportunity.
Maybe they will say yes….
Give it a try.

Use Kintsugi in your life

09 Wednesday Aug 2017

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Change, Positivity

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In the 15th Century in Japan, a technique of repairing broken pottery was invented which came to be known as Kintsugi.
If a bowl was broken, instead of throwing it away or trying to repair it to its original state, pure gold was used to repair the broken pieces.  The bowl became a more beautiful, and highly sought after, piece of pottery.

When I learned about this exquisite technique, it made me think about how often we are broken into pieces through tragedy, trauma and loss.
Our instinct when we go through something really difficult is to try to repair ourselves so that we eventually go back to being the same person that we were before it happened.
We know well enough that this rarely happens because we are scarred.  But what if instead of trying to repair ourselves to our original state we create a new self?  We repair ourselves with gold.
Breaking down gives us the most incredible gift in allowing us to redesign our lives and ourselves.
Every time you long to go back to ‘the good old days’ remember kintsugi.

Tell yourself “I am not going back, I am creating a new me and I am going to be more beautiful, more brave and more interesting than I ever was before”

Fighting the anxiety monster

11 Thursday May 2017

Posted by in Anxiety, Being brave, Coping skills, Mindfulness

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When you get stressed or anxious, one of the feelings that you may feel is being overwhelmed, feeling that your life is out of control or that you feel distant from the world around you (almost like you are living life in a bubble).
If you experience any of these feelings, the impact on you can make you feel even worse and it could escalate into panic.
Common symptoms include having chest pains, difficulty breathing, tightness in your throat, dizziness, sweating and numbness or tingling in your body.
I know that these are also symptoms of a heart attack but let me tell you this:
You are probably not having a heart attack!  And if you genuinely are concerned that you may be having one, stop reading this and call for an ambulance.  But you probably are not having a heart attack.  A large majority of people who go into doctors and emergency rooms with any of the symptoms mentioned here are most likely to be having a panic attack.
It’s really horrible when you think that your heart is about to give up and the doctor tells you that there is nothing wrong with you!  The less informed doctors then categorize you as a GOOMER (get out of my emergency room!) instead of offering or referring to psychological support (a little pet hate of mine….)

It is definitely not easy to control anxiety but know this:
You’ve felt this way before and you have survived and there is a really good chance that you are going to survive this too.
Try to sit quietly and acknowledge the anxiety for what it is “I am having an anxiety attack.  I AM NOT DYING!
And then really focus on the here and now.
Zone in on your 5 senses –
What am I looking at?  What sounds can I hear around me? Breathe! What can I smell? What am I touching? (including the feeling of your bum on the chair, your feet on the floor) Breathe!  Sip some water, notice how it cools your throat.  Sip some tea, notice how it warms you.  Breathe!  You are alive! You can do this.  Squeeze your stress ball or a tissue balled up in your hand.  Breathe!  Close your eyes for a few seconds, centre yourself in the now.  Breathe!

I know that you can do this.  Now you have to believe that you can do this too.
You can have control over this!

Fear of failure

16 Thursday Mar 2017

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Change, Life Lessons, Self growth

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I never loved school – when I look back at my schooling, the one thing that always comes to mind was my fear of failure.  That was probably because we were constantly being taught that failure is a bad thing and we not only had to avoid it at all costs but also to always work harder.
As children we are often told by our parents and grandparents what we are not allowed to do or say or touch.  To avoid risk and potential failure or hurt and pain.
So we stick with those beliefs.

The negative reputation that failure gets follows you into your adulthood where you still feel that fear is a bad thing.
More often than not, you are not taught that failure might actually open up new doors for you.  You are not taught that failure is an opportunity to learn and grow as an individual.  You are not given the chance to discover what your strengths and weaknesses are and to really build on your strengths because you spend so much energy and time trying to fix the weaknesses.

If you could let the fear of failure go and bravely enter new places, discover new opportunities and take chances, you may just find something that you never even knew existed.
As uncomfortable as it is to fail, the fear of failing or avoidance of failure just holds you back.  It makes you want to stay in your comfort zone.
And you are worthy of doing so much more than just holding yourself back.
Jump in, try it, take a risk – great, great things might happen!

Fighting mediocrity

02 Thursday Mar 2017

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Freedom, Positivity, self esteem

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mediocre
ˌmiːdɪˈəʊkə/
adjective

  1. of only average quality; not very good.

Mediocre is my worst word – I hate the idea of mediocrity.  I think it is because being mediocre shows no commitment.  It is neither good nor bad, just in the middle.
I truly believe that people who are the most stressed are the least mediocre people.  You get stressed because you are passionate about something and often people stand in your way.
They stand in your way because they are comfortable with their mediocrity and your passion, excitement and commitment are a serious threat to their comfort zone.  If you are not strong enough in your self belief, you will find it easy just to fall back and join the mediocre people.
Please don’t.
You are so amazing, interesting and unique.  You have so much to offer.  Don’t let anybody else destroy that!
Stop trying to fit in to please other people.
Start asserting your right to be an individual.
You are wonderful just as you are!great-spirits

Thank you for being an inspiration

12 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by in Attitude, Being brave, Depression, Fear, Positivity

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Here’s to the brave ones:
The people that are brave enough to say no.
Who don’t stand for being treated badly or unfairly.
The people who do something about their problems rather than hiding away from them.
Those who are able to say “I am fine with being myself – don’t try to change me”

I hate the fact that I even have to use the word brave.  You shouldn’t have to be brave to be different.  You shouldn’t have to be brave to stand up for what you believe or to say how you are feeling.
Unfortunately, it has become difficult for people to say out loud how they really feel.  Because it is difficult to feel like you are different from everyone else.
The truth is that you are not different from everyone else – there are a lot of people going through hardships who also don’t want anyone to know or who see it as a sign of weakness to talk about their pain.
So what happens is you get a lot of people (apparently close to 40% of the population – although I think it is a higher number) who are all not feeling good and most of them put on a “mask”.  Then everybody thinks that everybody else is okay.

I am constantly inspired by the people who are prepared to drop the mask.  They are the people who say that they feel depressed, some that will admit that they are disappointed, those who say they are not sure if they were born in the right body, that they don’t want to follow the career that they were ‘meant’ to follow,  that maybe they married the wrong person…. The list is endless and there are people who speak up. They are the brave and inspiring ones.
I really hope that you are one of them.  Or that you plan to become one of them.
We need more people in the world like you!
Thank you for being an inspiration!

Asking for help – no, you are not a failure

05 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Change, Depression, Fear

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Happy new year!
May 2017 bring everything that you wish for yourself.

During my leisurely break, I was browsing online and I found this advice written by somebody called sassygaynicoo on what would be nice for a person to do for somebody who has depression:

Chances are their room is a disaster and they have -846 motivation to do anything about it.  Helping them tidy up will make them feel a little less overwhelmed.

Do their laundry.  Even small chores seem to pile up when a person is depressed and not having clean clothes won’t make them feel any better. Washing their bedding is also great.

Try to convince them to go for a short walk with you.  There is a good chance they will feel a lot better after.

If you can’t get them outside, at least open a window for fresh air and let some sunshine in.

Prepare them a healthy meal with some fresh fruit.  Many depressed people fall into bad eating patterns.

If they aren’t eating enough, make sure they are taking a multi-vitamin since not getting enough of a vitamin can cause depression.

Make them a warm, nice smelling bath.  Aromatherapy is a great way to treat depression and anxiety.

Write them a letter or card to read for when they’re feeling really bad.

Make them a recovery playlist with some of their favourite songs and anything uplifting.

Make them laugh.

Make them a cup of tea and sit with them.

Listen to them.

I’m sure that you wish that somebody would do any of these things for you.
Well, next time somebody asks what they can do for you (and I really hope they do), instead of saying “Don’t worry, I’m fine” ask them to do something for you from this list or anything that you think will help you.  “Bring me some cake” seems to work fine for me.

Make it your mission this year to be wonderfully you with no fear of being judged by anyone or being seen as needy and dependent.  You deserve care.  You really do.

Count your blessings

10 Thursday Nov 2016

Posted by in Being brave, Gratitude, Life Lessons

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Yesterday we had the most horrific storm in Johannesburg (apparently it has not been this bad in 100 years).  And as I sit here writing this, another storm is rolling in.

It was terrifying sitting in my house just watching the devastation out of the window when there was nothing that I could really do.  We put towels down anticipating the water coming into the house but thankfully, only a trickle of water came in.
Our neighbours were not so lucky – water poured into houses, walls and trees have fallen, cars and property are damaged.  And yet, we were all luckier than others because people lost their lives last night – swept away in their cars in the storm water.

I often talk about appreciating what you have but never has it been so clear as it was last night.
As scary as it was sitting in the house, we were so blessed to be dry and protected.
It is a huge lesson in never taking things for granted.
Your house may not be great, but it is your house.  With the added bonus of a roof and walls.
Be grateful for every moment that you get to spend with your loved ones.
Focus on what you have rather than what you don’t have.
Count your blessings rather than moan about your “curses”.

To everyone – be safe, look after yourselves and your loved ones.  Material objects can be replaced, lives can’t.