Category Archives: Being brave

Write a new story

08 Thursday Nov 2018

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Being brave, Change, Fear, Life journey, trauma

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Life sucks!

Sorry if I am being blunt or rude but if you’re reading this, you probably agree with me.

Why else would you be hanging out on a page called I don’t want to be stressed?

Maybe because you don’t want to be stressed?

Every one of us have a story…. Most of us have some kind of negative story that includes trauma, loss, violence, abuse or extreme stress. Some unfortunate people have all of those things included in their story.

But guess what?

You’re still here – sometimes against huge odds – to tell the story and to do something about it.

Whatever happened in the past is your story.  We can wish the past didn’t happen but that doesn’t undo it.

We can wish that whatever happened to us did not affect who we are today – that won’t help either.

What you are is a survivor.

An amazing survivor with a story of resilience to tell.  Because despite everything – you made it this far.

Your mission now is take it further.

You are not your past.  You are not your old story.  You are no longer that victim or that child that was hurting.

It is time to rewrite your story – to step out of your comfort zone and try new things and new ways of doing things.

Take responsibility for your actions, your emotions and the consequences of your behaviours now.

Let your actions, emotions and behaviours of the past stay in the past.

Do things in small steps – one step at a time.

Be gentle on yourself – those small steps often go backward or stay in one place. This doesn’t mean that you’re failing – just don’t give up.

One day you will look back at this time and marvel that you ever doubted yourself.

You can and you will do this!

Be brave enough to fail

30 Thursday Aug 2018

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Being brave, Change, Fear, Life journey, Life Lessons, Positivity

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All through our lives and definitely in childhood (well, that was my experience of education and growing up), we are told that failure is a bad thing to be avoided at all costs.
Does the phrase “you’re not trying hard enough!” sound familiar?
JK Rowling said:
“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case you fail by default”

Instead of seeing failure as a bad thing, why can’t we see it as an opportunity to grow? To try to figure out what works and what doesn’t. What our strengths are and what our weaknesses are.  And to keep on building on those strengths rather than fighting to overcome weaknesses.

I sometimes think that I am the queen of mess ups. And while I do beat myself up a bit when I’ve made another mistake (usually from jumping into things impulsively), I try to be gentle on myself.  And I seriously encourage you to do the same.
Be gentle on yourself.
Explore what works, go on a journey, make new discoveries, live for the moment.
Constantly worrying about the potential outcome and possible failure of every decision that you make and every action that you take will just paralyze you and stop you from reaching your potential and living a content (or dare I say it, happy) life.
Live a messy, confused and exciting life.
Be bold in your decisions.
And most of all trust in the process – it will unfold the way it is meant to.

Happy Women’s Day

09 Thursday Aug 2018

Posted by in Attitude, Being brave, Freedom, Positivity, Wonderful Women

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Happy Women’s day to all of the wonderful women out there and to the men who support them, love them and respect them.
Women’s Day celebrates women who were prepared to stand up for what they believed in and were willing to take a risk to be heard.
We should be inspired to keep up that legacy. To be heard no matter how much what you have to say may potentially threaten somebody else’s ego.
To be prepared to stand tall and proud in your difference.
To remain true to your values even when surrounded by people who have lost theirs.
To live a life so boldly that people will talk about you even when you’re gone.
Be that person whether in a big, bold way or in a small, modest and gentle way. You have it in you to do great things!

Bold women

Speak butterfly

05 Thursday Jul 2018

Posted by in Attitude, Being brave, Change, Freedom, Positivity, Uncategorized

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Can a caterpillar speak butterfly?
No. Not really…
People who have no idea what you are going through or what you have survived will have no understanding of your feelings or how you are dealing with your life and your issues at the moment.
In fact nobody can ever understand what you are going through.
It’s not your job to try to get them to understand you. That is just going to make you more frustrated.
Those people are caterpillars and you are a butterfly.
You have gone through a metamorphosis that they haven’t gone through. They have their own journey to go on so they are still crawling on the ground while you are flying in the sky.
Don’t let them pull you back to the ground because they don’t understand what it means to fly. They feel threatened by the heights you are reaching and will do everything to feel more comfortable with themselves by keeping you at their level.
Don’t let them!
Rise above that and keep flying.
Let the caterpillars stay where they are.
It is no business of yours how they feel about you and it is an opportunity for you to really grasp how far you have come.
You worked so hard to get where you are today and even if it’s not always easy,  please keep flying.
Be the amazing survivor that you are.

Friday the Thirteenth

12 Thursday Apr 2018

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Being brave, Life journey

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Friday the 13th…
Scared or not?
There are some people who are so scared of the date that they stay at home to avoid accidents or sudden death.  If you are one of those people, hello! We wish that we were home in our pyjamas too.
So, how can we be scared of a date?
Or a black cat crossing our path, or walking under a ladder, or breaking a mirror or any other superstition that you may have grown up with?
My mother taught me that if I killed a spider, I would lose my money which may explain a lot….
Whether you are superstitious or not, I hope that you are aware of the fact that all of these fears only come true if you allow them to.  The more you think about them and obsess about them, the more likely it is that something happens to you.  Not because you are willing it to but because you are more aware of things potentially going wrong.
Suddenly you have a spate of bad luck and you remember that a cat happened to have run past you a few days ago and that cat might have even been black.
The more you think about it, the more you notice that your luck seems to have changed for the worst.

The truth is that some things are just out of your control.  Things happen – whether for a reason or not.  You go through good things and bad things and you may be prepared for them or not.  And a lot of the time, they have nothing to do with you.  You just happened to be there.  Wrong place, wrong time, wrong man, wrong career choice….
When you realise that you have no control, you can either freak out or sit back and relax.
Okay, maybe not relax but realise that things are out of your hands and you can stress about forcing it back to the way that you want it to be or see where it takes you.
Because it may be a crazy, wild adventure.
Wild enough to even go to work on Friday the 13th!

Surviving that which you never think you will

22 Thursday Mar 2018

Posted by in Advice, Anxiety, Attitude, Being brave, Life Lessons, Stress

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People tell you awful and ridiculous things when you are going through a difficult time.
Things like chin up, be strong and my personal favourite – everything is going to be okay.
And you feel like saying, “How the hell do you know that things are going to be okay?” because it feels like it is never going to be okay.
This is what I do know – you don’t have to be okay and you don’t have to be strong.  You are absolutely allowed to fall apart and cry and scream and panic.
You do need to be gentle on yourself and realise that as much as nobody can tell the future, what you are going through is not going to last forever – it just can’t.
This is what you are going through now.
You are going to overcome this but it is not going to happen overnight.  You have the right to be stressed and anxious.
But don’t let that become your story.
Your story is that you will become resilient and you will have a great tale to tell future generations one day – “long time ago, I went through a really difficult time but I survived and I’m here to share my story with you”
I wish that you didn’t have to have that story to tell but it’s yours – embrace it, learn from it, grow from it and become a better person for having gone through it.
You absolutely have this!

Did I hear a yes?

08 Thursday Feb 2018

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Self growth

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I found this question while browsing Pinterest (as I do):

“What would you ask for, if you knew the answer would be yes?”

During my midnight meanderings, I thought a lot about this question because initially, I thought the obvious –
“Please buy a new car for me.”
“Can I have money?”
“Will you take me away on a island vacation?”

And while I would love the answers to these questions to be yes, I also thought about what I actually needed.
And the truth is that I don’t need much.
Yes, a life of luxury would be wonderful but what we really need is more love, more appreciation and more care.
I thought about how much a hug would make a difference and how a gesture of thanks would go a long way.
So my question became:
“Please sit and talk to me over a cup of coffee”
“Will you listen to what I have to say?”
“Will you hold my hand when I’m trying to be brave?”
“Would you notice what I do?”

What I know is that if we sit and wait for somebody to  answer yes by guessing what we want, we may wait a long time.  So unless your friend, partner, employer, parent etc. is a mind reader (and I would be quite fearful if they were), you need to put what you need out there.
The fear of somebody saying no makes us never ask.
And if you never ask, you may lose an opportunity.
Maybe they will say yes….
Give it a try.

Use Kintsugi in your life

09 Wednesday Aug 2017

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Change, Positivity

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In the 15th Century in Japan, a technique of repairing broken pottery was invented which came to be known as Kintsugi.
If a bowl was broken, instead of throwing it away or trying to repair it to its original state, pure gold was used to repair the broken pieces.  The bowl became a more beautiful, and highly sought after, piece of pottery.

When I learned about this exquisite technique, it made me think about how often we are broken into pieces through tragedy, trauma and loss.
Our instinct when we go through something really difficult is to try to repair ourselves so that we eventually go back to being the same person that we were before it happened.
We know well enough that this rarely happens because we are scarred.  But what if instead of trying to repair ourselves to our original state we create a new self?  We repair ourselves with gold.
Breaking down gives us the most incredible gift in allowing us to redesign our lives and ourselves.
Every time you long to go back to ‘the good old days’ remember kintsugi.

Tell yourself “I am not going back, I am creating a new me and I am going to be more beautiful, more brave and more interesting than I ever was before”

Fighting the anxiety monster

11 Thursday May 2017

Posted by in Anxiety, Being brave, Coping skills, Mindfulness

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When you get stressed or anxious, one of the feelings that you may feel is being overwhelmed, feeling that your life is out of control or that you feel distant from the world around you (almost like you are living life in a bubble).
If you experience any of these feelings, the impact on you can make you feel even worse and it could escalate into panic.
Common symptoms include having chest pains, difficulty breathing, tightness in your throat, dizziness, sweating and numbness or tingling in your body.
I know that these are also symptoms of a heart attack but let me tell you this:
You are probably not having a heart attack!  And if you genuinely are concerned that you may be having one, stop reading this and call for an ambulance.  But you probably are not having a heart attack.  A large majority of people who go into doctors and emergency rooms with any of the symptoms mentioned here are most likely to be having a panic attack.
It’s really horrible when you think that your heart is about to give up and the doctor tells you that there is nothing wrong with you!  The less informed doctors then categorize you as a GOOMER (get out of my emergency room!) instead of offering or referring to psychological support (a little pet hate of mine….)

It is definitely not easy to control anxiety but know this:
You’ve felt this way before and you have survived and there is a really good chance that you are going to survive this too.
Try to sit quietly and acknowledge the anxiety for what it is “I am having an anxiety attack.  I AM NOT DYING!
And then really focus on the here and now.
Zone in on your 5 senses –
What am I looking at?  What sounds can I hear around me? Breathe! What can I smell? What am I touching? (including the feeling of your bum on the chair, your feet on the floor) Breathe!  Sip some water, notice how it cools your throat.  Sip some tea, notice how it warms you.  Breathe!  You are alive! You can do this.  Squeeze your stress ball or a tissue balled up in your hand.  Breathe!  Close your eyes for a few seconds, centre yourself in the now.  Breathe!

I know that you can do this.  Now you have to believe that you can do this too.
You can have control over this!

Fear of failure

16 Thursday Mar 2017

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Change, Life Lessons, Self growth

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I never loved school – when I look back at my schooling, the one thing that always comes to mind was my fear of failure.  That was probably because we were constantly being taught that failure is a bad thing and we not only had to avoid it at all costs but also to always work harder.
As children we are often told by our parents and grandparents what we are not allowed to do or say or touch.  To avoid risk and potential failure or hurt and pain.
So we stick with those beliefs.

The negative reputation that failure gets follows you into your adulthood where you still feel that fear is a bad thing.
More often than not, you are not taught that failure might actually open up new doors for you.  You are not taught that failure is an opportunity to learn and grow as an individual.  You are not given the chance to discover what your strengths and weaknesses are and to really build on your strengths because you spend so much energy and time trying to fix the weaknesses.

If you could let the fear of failure go and bravely enter new places, discover new opportunities and take chances, you may just find something that you never even knew existed.
As uncomfortable as it is to fail, the fear of failing or avoidance of failure just holds you back.  It makes you want to stay in your comfort zone.
And you are worthy of doing so much more than just holding yourself back.
Jump in, try it, take a risk – great, great things might happen!