Category Archives: Change

Write a new story

08 Thursday Nov 2018

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Being brave, Change, Fear, Life journey, trauma

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Life sucks!

Sorry if I am being blunt or rude but if you’re reading this, you probably agree with me.

Why else would you be hanging out on a page called I don’t want to be stressed?

Maybe because you don’t want to be stressed?

Every one of us have a story…. Most of us have some kind of negative story that includes trauma, loss, violence, abuse or extreme stress. Some unfortunate people have all of those things included in their story.

But guess what?

You’re still here – sometimes against huge odds – to tell the story and to do something about it.

Whatever happened in the past is your story.  We can wish the past didn’t happen but that doesn’t undo it.

We can wish that whatever happened to us did not affect who we are today – that won’t help either.

What you are is a survivor.

An amazing survivor with a story of resilience to tell.  Because despite everything – you made it this far.

Your mission now is take it further.

You are not your past.  You are not your old story.  You are no longer that victim or that child that was hurting.

It is time to rewrite your story – to step out of your comfort zone and try new things and new ways of doing things.

Take responsibility for your actions, your emotions and the consequences of your behaviours now.

Let your actions, emotions and behaviours of the past stay in the past.

Do things in small steps – one step at a time.

Be gentle on yourself – those small steps often go backward or stay in one place. This doesn’t mean that you’re failing – just don’t give up.

One day you will look back at this time and marvel that you ever doubted yourself.

You can and you will do this!

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Be brave enough to fail

30 Thursday Aug 2018

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Being brave, Change, Fear, Life journey, Life Lessons, Positivity

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All through our lives and definitely in childhood (well, that was my experience of education and growing up), we are told that failure is a bad thing to be avoided at all costs.
Does the phrase “you’re not trying hard enough!” sound familiar?
JK Rowling said:
“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case you fail by default”

Instead of seeing failure as a bad thing, why can’t we see it as an opportunity to grow? To try to figure out what works and what doesn’t. What our strengths are and what our weaknesses are.  And to keep on building on those strengths rather than fighting to overcome weaknesses.

I sometimes think that I am the queen of mess ups. And while I do beat myself up a bit when I’ve made another mistake (usually from jumping into things impulsively), I try to be gentle on myself.  And I seriously encourage you to do the same.
Be gentle on yourself.
Explore what works, go on a journey, make new discoveries, live for the moment.
Constantly worrying about the potential outcome and possible failure of every decision that you make and every action that you take will just paralyze you and stop you from reaching your potential and living a content (or dare I say it, happy) life.
Live a messy, confused and exciting life.
Be bold in your decisions.
And most of all trust in the process – it will unfold the way it is meant to.

Speak butterfly

05 Thursday Jul 2018

Posted by in Attitude, Being brave, Change, Freedom, Positivity, Uncategorized

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Can a caterpillar speak butterfly?
No. Not really…
People who have no idea what you are going through or what you have survived will have no understanding of your feelings or how you are dealing with your life and your issues at the moment.
In fact nobody can ever understand what you are going through.
It’s not your job to try to get them to understand you. That is just going to make you more frustrated.
Those people are caterpillars and you are a butterfly.
You have gone through a metamorphosis that they haven’t gone through. They have their own journey to go on so they are still crawling on the ground while you are flying in the sky.
Don’t let them pull you back to the ground because they don’t understand what it means to fly. They feel threatened by the heights you are reaching and will do everything to feel more comfortable with themselves by keeping you at their level.
Don’t let them!
Rise above that and keep flying.
Let the caterpillars stay where they are.
It is no business of yours how they feel about you and it is an opportunity for you to really grasp how far you have come.
You worked so hard to get where you are today and even if it’s not always easy,  please keep flying.
Be the amazing survivor that you are.

A new year kind of attitude

19 Friday Jan 2018

Posted by in Attitude, Change, Life journey, Moods, Positivity, Success

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I’ve spoken to so many people who have started the year with a negative attitude
With the feeling that the new year will be exactly the same as the old one because – really? What would change from the 31st of December 2017 to the 1st of January 2018?
Well truthfully nothing!
Which, depressing as it sounds, is why I don’t wait up for new year to celebrate with fireworks and loud music. I wake up on January the first and carry on with my life just the same as I had done the day before.
Because life is what you make of it.
No change in year is going to miraculously change your fortune.
You want 2018 to be great?
Make it great!
The week is dragging… Do something to make it more exciting!
Your job is terrible? Look for a new one or enjoy moments in your job – like packing up at the end of the day and going home or having coffee with your colleagues.

We cannot control what happens to us but we can absolutely control how we react to it and what we do about it. That is why you will find people in really trying circumstances who are really positive and people who seem to have it all that never stop complaining (shame).
Attitude is everything.
So I won’t wish you a happy new year or a successful new year, I wish you continued wisdom, bravery, courage, commitment and self belief.
I wish you confidence, a sense of humour in the hard times and new journeys starting today!
I look forward to continuing to share my journey with you.

Taking control

25 Wednesday Oct 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Change, Coping skills

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One of the most difficult things to deal with when life gets really stressful is trying to get ‘control’ back.
By control we mean getting life back to where we feel familiar with what we are doing.  We want things to function the way they have always worked.  And life has a funny (okay really not that funny) way of pushing you way out of your comfort zone which leaves you reeling and fighting to take control back.

But what if you weren’t meant to have control over it in the first place?  As terrible as it sounds, and no matter how much we hate it, when we lose control it is just not worth fighting to get the control back.  You have to find a new way of doing things.
Losing control gives you a new perspective and a different angle on your life.  It gives you a chance to start again.
When it seems that everything is out of control and you feel that you are falling apart tell yourself:

– I take responsibility for myself
– I do not blame others for my problems (not that it isn’t their fault but that you don’t give them power over you)
– I can take control back by changing the way that I do things
– I can make decisions for myself
– My emotions are determined by me

You have no idea how strong you really are or what you are capable of until you go through this.  I really hope that one day you will look back at this stressful time and be really proud of yourself for overcoming this and taking control back in your own unique way.

Take a compliment

11 Monday Sep 2017

Posted by in Advice, Change, Coping skills, Mental health, Stress

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I work with people daily who have extreme work stress and almost across the board they have the same complaint. They never get recognised for the good that they are doing but if they do something wrong, then they get a lot of attention.
It really upsets me that this happens. Why don’t people get credit and recognition that they deserve?
One of the reasons is that it is expected that you will always perform brilliantly- you should never make mistakes, you shouldn’t put a foot out of line and you certainly shouldn’t challenge management.
The problem is that when you work harder you are expected to keep up that standard. So you push yourself harder and work more and become more stressed and burn out and make a mistake. And then you are punished – for being stressed. For being human!

So how do we change this? Well the difficult part is that we are not going to change other people’s perceptions but you can change your own:
1. Accept that you can’t always work at 100% and be gentle on yourself
2. Don’t expect compliments (sad, I know) – work hard because you enjoy doing it not because it is expected of you
3. Compliment yourself when you know that you’ve done well (and that might even include a little gift for yourself)
4. Take the fact that people notice everything that you do (good or bad) as a compliment
5. Insist on occasionally taking a ‘mental health’ day – time out for doing something that nourishes your mind, body and soul

Use Kintsugi in your life

09 Wednesday Aug 2017

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Change, Positivity

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In the 15th Century in Japan, a technique of repairing broken pottery was invented which came to be known as Kintsugi.
If a bowl was broken, instead of throwing it away or trying to repair it to its original state, pure gold was used to repair the broken pieces.  The bowl became a more beautiful, and highly sought after, piece of pottery.

When I learned about this exquisite technique, it made me think about how often we are broken into pieces through tragedy, trauma and loss.
Our instinct when we go through something really difficult is to try to repair ourselves so that we eventually go back to being the same person that we were before it happened.
We know well enough that this rarely happens because we are scarred.  But what if instead of trying to repair ourselves to our original state we create a new self?  We repair ourselves with gold.
Breaking down gives us the most incredible gift in allowing us to redesign our lives and ourselves.
Every time you long to go back to ‘the good old days’ remember kintsugi.

Tell yourself “I am not going back, I am creating a new me and I am going to be more beautiful, more brave and more interesting than I ever was before”

Knock on new doors

24 Friday Mar 2017

Posted by in Advice, Change, Fear, Life journey, Success

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Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had done things different.
How different would my life be if I had said yes instead of no or no instead of yes.  What could have happened if I had taken a different career path?

Even the smallest decisions can push your life on a different path.
Meeting someone randomly, being in the right place at the right time, being in the wrong place in the wrong time, choosing to stay home, taking a different route…
Everything has potential consequences – and they could potentially be life altering ones.

You can’t drive yourself crazy with could haves and would haves and what ifs.  There is no way that we could ever know if things were meant to happen because of fate or by pure chance.  And we definitely have no idea about the consequences that our actions in the present are going to have on our future.
But you do have the ability to knock on new doors and to expose yourself to experiences that maybe you wouldn’t have tried before if you are open to the fact that every thing that you do could be an opportunity.  Don’t let fears from past experiences stop you from creating new opportunities.
Don’t be afraid to try new things, meet new people and step out of your comfort zone.
Be prepared to kick that door down and shout out “Life! Here I am!”

Fear of failure

16 Thursday Mar 2017

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Change, Life Lessons, Self growth

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I never loved school – when I look back at my schooling, the one thing that always comes to mind was my fear of failure.  That was probably because we were constantly being taught that failure is a bad thing and we not only had to avoid it at all costs but also to always work harder.
As children we are often told by our parents and grandparents what we are not allowed to do or say or touch.  To avoid risk and potential failure or hurt and pain.
So we stick with those beliefs.

The negative reputation that failure gets follows you into your adulthood where you still feel that fear is a bad thing.
More often than not, you are not taught that failure might actually open up new doors for you.  You are not taught that failure is an opportunity to learn and grow as an individual.  You are not given the chance to discover what your strengths and weaknesses are and to really build on your strengths because you spend so much energy and time trying to fix the weaknesses.

If you could let the fear of failure go and bravely enter new places, discover new opportunities and take chances, you may just find something that you never even knew existed.
As uncomfortable as it is to fail, the fear of failing or avoidance of failure just holds you back.  It makes you want to stay in your comfort zone.
And you are worthy of doing so much more than just holding yourself back.
Jump in, try it, take a risk – great, great things might happen!

Asking for help – no, you are not a failure

05 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Change, Depression, Fear

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Happy new year!
May 2017 bring everything that you wish for yourself.

During my leisurely break, I was browsing online and I found this advice written by somebody called sassygaynicoo on what would be nice for a person to do for somebody who has depression:

Chances are their room is a disaster and they have -846 motivation to do anything about it.  Helping them tidy up will make them feel a little less overwhelmed.

Do their laundry.  Even small chores seem to pile up when a person is depressed and not having clean clothes won’t make them feel any better. Washing their bedding is also great.

Try to convince them to go for a short walk with you.  There is a good chance they will feel a lot better after.

If you can’t get them outside, at least open a window for fresh air and let some sunshine in.

Prepare them a healthy meal with some fresh fruit.  Many depressed people fall into bad eating patterns.

If they aren’t eating enough, make sure they are taking a multi-vitamin since not getting enough of a vitamin can cause depression.

Make them a warm, nice smelling bath.  Aromatherapy is a great way to treat depression and anxiety.

Write them a letter or card to read for when they’re feeling really bad.

Make them a recovery playlist with some of their favourite songs and anything uplifting.

Make them laugh.

Make them a cup of tea and sit with them.

Listen to them.

I’m sure that you wish that somebody would do any of these things for you.
Well, next time somebody asks what they can do for you (and I really hope they do), instead of saying “Don’t worry, I’m fine” ask them to do something for you from this list or anything that you think will help you.  “Bring me some cake” seems to work fine for me.

Make it your mission this year to be wonderfully you with no fear of being judged by anyone or being seen as needy and dependent.  You deserve care.  You really do.