Category Archives: Depression

Be here for me on my cloudy days

29 Thursday Jun 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Depression, Illness, Mental health

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A lot of people are fascinated by the job that I do – for many people it makes for great dinner conversations: “tell us about your crazy patients!” or “tell us about how you got threatened your bipolar patient…”
It is like I have some kind of brilliant and exciting job like a performer who gets shot out of a cannon every night at a circus (now that is a job that I wouldn’t mind having).
It just shows how so many people are ignorant about what mental illness really is.
What makes it worse is that most of you are constantly dealing with family, friends and colleagues who think that you are:
– crazy
– difficult
– attention seeking
– overly dramatic
(pick one or all)

I swing between the idea of standing up for yourself and educating others or just being quiet and ignoring their ignorance.  You need to be honest with the people that you trust though and make it clear that you need their support more than you need their advice, their criticism or their need to be able to “fix” you.
I found this beautiful piece by one of my favourite poets, Tyler Knott Gregson:

I cannot promise
I will never become restless,
that I won’t ache
in ways you don’t know
how to help.
There are clouds in me
and they roll in
from time to time,
I hope you learn to love
the dark mornings,
instead of always
fumbling around
for your umbrella.

In an ideal world, you would be surrounded by people who will love or respect you even on your cloudy days.  Unfortunately it will not always be that way but if you can find one or two people who really respect you for being you, who will see beyond the depression and the stress, then those are the people who you should be with.
It may even be worth sharing this poem with the people in your life.

Be proudly you!  Demand respect by starting with being respectful to yourself.
You know that you are worth it!

Is it your disaster?

08 Thursday Jun 2017

Posted by in Advice, Coping skills, Depression, Gratitude, trauma

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It’s easy to get caught up in all of the drama of the disasters and bad news in the world.  And the media delight in sharing the worst of the news with us.  Social media also drives us into a mass hysteria or mass sympathy.
So this week was again filled with bad news and disasters, one after the other, and it is really easy to get depressed by it all.
If it did not affect you directly, it is not your story.
You have your own story.
Do what you can to avoid getting pulled down by what you hear about or read about.  You have no power over those things.

If those incidences like the fires and the floods and the deaths that happened this week have affected you directly, I am really sorry that you have had to go through that.

If it didn’t affect you directly then what can you do?
Firstly – count your blessings.  Take a moment to give thanks for being safe, for having your family with you.  Be grateful for the roof over your head, a home to go to (no matter how small or inadequate it may be), a warm cup of tea and a cosy blanket.
Secondly – if you feel that you need to help those affected by disasters, don’t spend time on social media using hash tags.  Rather find out where help is needed and what you can do for them.  Donate a blanket or some food, volunteer at an organisation that is giving support.
Thirdly – celebrate life.  Celebrate the times when you are healthy.  Celebrate the little things – things as small as sleeping through the night, eating an enjoyable meal, doing something that gives you pleasure.  If there is one thing that we can learn from all of this bad news, it is that life is short.  Don’t wait for one day.  Don’t wait for the big events to celebrate.
Take pleasure in what you have.
What you have is wonderful.

Chocolate cake cure

18 Thursday May 2017

Posted by in Advice, Anxiety, Chocolate yeah!, Depression, Food for the soul, Illness, Life Lessons, Recipes

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My 13 year old son has an autoimmune illness and he deals with frequent anxiety.
It is a constant battle for him to deal with his issues and he swears that chocolate cupcakes still warm out of the oven are a cure-all for a bad day.

This is what he writes:
How chocolate cake makes everything better

When you are feeling down or depressed and you need something to make you feel better – eat chocolate cake.  Cold, warm, hot, all of them are delicious.  Every bit of soft, spongy, rich chocolatey taste gives you the sensation where the taste is so good that you enter your own space.  It is like the world of stress doesn’t exist and all of your problems and worries are gone.  Afterwards you can focus on your work, your mission, your goal.
Life lesson: Eat Chocolate Cake!

I can’t argue with him even if I am not the world’s greatest chocolate cake lover.  But just spending a few minutes calmly enjoying something that you love is going to make a big difference.  Particularly if you are becoming overwhelmed by stress and anxiety.  You are seriously not going to get anything done while you are panicking.
Rather watch your manager’s expression while you sip your tea and eat your snack as they stare you down expecting your deadline to be met yesterday (don’t tell them I said this…)

So here is my son’s favourite chocolate cake recipe.  It sounds crazy but that is because it is called a crazy cake but trust me on this.  It is a fast and easy way to make cake.  You can make it into one large cake (enough to share with everyone in the office) or make 24 cupcakes – freeze them all and take one out each day to pop into your lunch box….

3 cups flour
2 cups white sugar (stop right here if you are diabetic or a health food fanatic)
1 teaspoon of salt
2 teaspoons baking powder
½  cup cocoa powder

Mix all of these ingredients into a large bowl and then make three wells and add:
¾ cup sunflower oil
2 tablespoons vinegar (really!)
2 teaspoons vanilla essence or extract (or be daring and use a different flavouring – I’m quite partial to caramel)
Put each one into a well (don’t worry if they overflow or the wells collapse.  It works anyway)
Top the whole mix with 2 cups of water and mix well until there are no lumps (I do this in a mixer but you can do it by hand)
Pour into a prepared cake tin (or in a foil roasting tin that you can just throw away when the cake has been eaten) or into 24 cupcake cases (put them in muffin tins because the mixture is really runny)

Bake at 180 C for about 40 minutes for a cake and 25 minutes for cupcakes

Thank you for being an inspiration

12 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by in Attitude, Being brave, Depression, Fear, Positivity

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Here’s to the brave ones:
The people that are brave enough to say no.
Who don’t stand for being treated badly or unfairly.
The people who do something about their problems rather than hiding away from them.
Those who are able to say “I am fine with being myself – don’t try to change me”

I hate the fact that I even have to use the word brave.  You shouldn’t have to be brave to be different.  You shouldn’t have to be brave to stand up for what you believe or to say how you are feeling.
Unfortunately, it has become difficult for people to say out loud how they really feel.  Because it is difficult to feel like you are different from everyone else.
The truth is that you are not different from everyone else – there are a lot of people going through hardships who also don’t want anyone to know or who see it as a sign of weakness to talk about their pain.
So what happens is you get a lot of people (apparently close to 40% of the population – although I think it is a higher number) who are all not feeling good and most of them put on a “mask”.  Then everybody thinks that everybody else is okay.

I am constantly inspired by the people who are prepared to drop the mask.  They are the people who say that they feel depressed, some that will admit that they are disappointed, those who say they are not sure if they were born in the right body, that they don’t want to follow the career that they were ‘meant’ to follow,  that maybe they married the wrong person…. The list is endless and there are people who speak up. They are the brave and inspiring ones.
I really hope that you are one of them.  Or that you plan to become one of them.
We need more people in the world like you!
Thank you for being an inspiration!

Asking for help – no, you are not a failure

05 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Change, Depression, Fear

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Happy new year!
May 2017 bring everything that you wish for yourself.

During my leisurely break, I was browsing online and I found this advice written by somebody called sassygaynicoo on what would be nice for a person to do for somebody who has depression:

Chances are their room is a disaster and they have -846 motivation to do anything about it.  Helping them tidy up will make them feel a little less overwhelmed.

Do their laundry.  Even small chores seem to pile up when a person is depressed and not having clean clothes won’t make them feel any better. Washing their bedding is also great.

Try to convince them to go for a short walk with you.  There is a good chance they will feel a lot better after.

If you can’t get them outside, at least open a window for fresh air and let some sunshine in.

Prepare them a healthy meal with some fresh fruit.  Many depressed people fall into bad eating patterns.

If they aren’t eating enough, make sure they are taking a multi-vitamin since not getting enough of a vitamin can cause depression.

Make them a warm, nice smelling bath.  Aromatherapy is a great way to treat depression and anxiety.

Write them a letter or card to read for when they’re feeling really bad.

Make them a recovery playlist with some of their favourite songs and anything uplifting.

Make them laugh.

Make them a cup of tea and sit with them.

Listen to them.

I’m sure that you wish that somebody would do any of these things for you.
Well, next time somebody asks what they can do for you (and I really hope they do), instead of saying “Don’t worry, I’m fine” ask them to do something for you from this list or anything that you think will help you.  “Bring me some cake” seems to work fine for me.

Make it your mission this year to be wonderfully you with no fear of being judged by anyone or being seen as needy and dependent.  You deserve care.  You really do.

Understanding that change has to happen

24 Thursday Nov 2016

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Change, Depression, Fear, Gratitude, Positivity

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There are definitely days when I get overwhelmed by what I do – I feel responsible for so many people.
That can be really difficult, but it is also so rewarding.
I don’t think that there are many people who are truly blessed to be able to witness – every single day – people transforming right before their eyes.

The truth is that even though I feel so responsible for all these people, I am not responsible for one of them.
Each person needs to take responsibility for themselves.  I can put so much effort into working with somebody who is just not going to get better or is not going to want to change and there is not much that I can do about that.
I constantly tell people that although I am grateful for their appreciation and thanks, they should look inward and realise the amount of work that they put into their own recovery.

Everybody who believes that they are going to change and that their lives are going to improve will do exactly that.
You cannot change what happens to you and you can’t take away the experiences that you’ve had but you can definitely choose how you are going to deal with them.
For every lonely, hopeless moment that you have, you need to understand that you can pick yourself up when you are ready and start making changes.
Change is the one thing that most people fear and you are so blessed to have these problems (yes, seriously!) because they have forced you to change.  You have nothing to lose now.
And as difficult and uncomfortable as it feels at the time, I really hope that one day you will look back at this time and be grateful for the change that it forced you to make.

You are a better, stronger and more resilient person for having gone through this.

My end of year message to you:

23 Wednesday Dec 2015

Posted by in Advice, Anxiety, Attitude, Being brave, Depression, Gratitude, Stress, trauma

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This is my final post for the year so I would like to take the opportunity to say thank you to every single one of you wonderful people who are reading this.
Some of you have contributed, some have given me ideas, some people have written comments and given feedback and some people just quietly read what I have to say every week.
It doesn’t matter how much you give, the important thing is that every one of you matters to me – you are the reason that this blog keeps going and you are definitely the motivation that I need when when my screen stares back blankly at me.
I am constantly inspired by the survivors in this world – the people who stand up no matter how many times life beats them down and if you are reading this, the only reason you hang out here is that you are a survivor too.  You are part of a great community of survivors who battle depression, stress, low self esteem, anxiety and all the stigma that comes with it.  And you battle it with dignity and grace.

My wish to you all is that no matter what your religion is, that you have a good festive season.  Use the time to really notice what is important to you, to celebrate the little things and to take your own health and happiness more seriously.

When I saw this quote about Morgan Freeman narrating your story, I smiled – mainly because I always fancy Morgan Freeman narrating my day to day routine.
(“Andi gets into her car and grimaces at the thought of another morning of fighting rude taxi drivers on the road, yet she turns the ignition and goes on anyway”)
I also fancy that even if I’m not doing anything awesome, it is still worth having a narrator.  Not all stories are going to be happy ever after love stories are they? (Although we may wish them to be so)
Your current story may be an action adventure (read: traumatic and stressful time) or a horror (read: traumatic and stressful time) but whatever it is, it is going to leave you with a legacy that I hope you will end up not regretting.

morgan freeman

Keep moving forward, keep learning and keep growing – I know that you are awesome!

Dealing with invisible illness

30 Wednesday Sep 2015

Posted by in Advice, Depression, Illness, Mental health, Stress

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This week is Invisible Illness Week – a week to highlight illness that nobody else sees.

http://invisibleillnessweek.com/
And because nobody can see it, there is a good chance that nobody (or most people at least) really don’t understand what you are going through.
How can they? There is nothing to see.
In order to be seen as sick, it is really helpful to have a cast on at least one limb, a drip stand would be useful, an awful sounding cough might help too.
Unfortunately, many people have an invisible illness and they suffer in silence.  In fact, most invisible illnesses become worse if you are stressed.
If you are suffering on your own, feeling tense and angry, it is only going to make your symptoms worse.

While I think it is so important to have awareness weeks for illness, it is more important for you to take responsibility for yourself:

1.  Speak up!  People can’t see what you are going through so you need to let them know.  You don’t have to spend ages moaning and complaining but you do need to let people around you know that you are battling.

2.  Ask for help!  There are no prizes for doing everything by yourself – believe me, if there were I would be overwhelmed by the amount of prizes that I would get.
Tell people what you need and what they can do for you – people often like feeling that they have an important role to play and by giving them a practical task to help you, they will feel good and it will benefit you – win-win!

3.  Educate!  You have a responsibility to educate people about your illness.  People are only going to understand if you become an advocate for your illness.

4.  Be gentle on yourself.  If you are going through a tough time, take some time out to recover and don’t (DON’T!) feel guilty about not being the perfect parent, spouse, partner, colleague etc.

5.  Putting other people’s needs before your own is not going to make you any better.  It is nice to be nice but know that you don’t need to be nice to other people to feel good about yourself – you are wonderful! That is enough.

6.  Take breaks!  If you don’t make the decision to take a break to look after your health, your body will force you to take a break when you burn out or your immune system crashes – it is your choice.

7.  You are NOT your illness!  You may feel that it totally dominates your life but it is a guest in your body, not the general manager.

Let’s talk about Depression

27 Thursday Aug 2015

Posted by in Depression, Illness, Mental health

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Today is a special person’s birthday.
What makes her special?  Well, there are a lot of reasons but mainly that she doesn’t know how special she is.  She battles and battles with depression so this week’s post is inspired by her.
It is also inspired by all of you who continue to read my posts – if you are here and reading this, you are working on yourself and working to find ways to cope better and be well.  That means that you are more awesome and special than you know and I am constantly inspired by you!

Depression (and all mental illness) is one of the hardest illnesses for people to understand.
Let’s look at what it is NOT:
Depression is not just feeling sad.
You cannot just “snap” out of it, no matter how much you wish you could.
Depression is not about feeling sorry for yourself or attention seeking.
It is not just a psychological illness – it affects you physically as well, and sometimes the physical effects feel so much worse than the psychological ones.  The constant tiredness, low energy and ongoing pain can be the most debilitating part of depression.
Depression is not the same in every one – some people can have it quite mildly while others are in such a deep, dark space, they don’t even have the energy to contemplate killing themselves.
Depression is not that different from any other illness like diabetes, asthma or hypertension – it is just in a different part of your body – there should not ever be a competition about which one is more serious, which is more life threatening, which one should receive more attention and which one should get more funding.

Every illness is a battle but obviously depression is close to my heart because I work with it every day.
If you have depression, you have some responsibilities that come with it:
You are responsible for being an advocate for your rights.
You are responsible for being an ambassador for mental health and being a true role model for taking responsibility for your health and well being.
You are responsible for not using it as an excuse either – there are people with all kinds of mental and physical illnesses who keep on working at getting better and finding better ways to be the best person that they can be.  They don’t let it determine who they are or what they can or can’t do.

If you have depression, please share this with people to help them to understand you better and to start a conversation about mental health.
If you know somebody who has depression, be kind and understanding.  I could not say it as eloquently as Stephen Fry – the wonderful man who has really given a voice to depression:

stephen-fry depression

I did it all

19 Wednesday Aug 2015

Posted by in Attitude, Being brave, Depression, Fear, Life Lessons, Positivity

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One Republic has an amazing song called “I lived”.
The lyrics are so inspiring –

Hope when you take that jump, you don’t fear the fall
Hope when the water rises, you built a wall
Hope when the crowd screams out, they’re screaming your name
Hope if everybody runs, you choose to stay

Hope that you fall in love, and it hurts so bad
The only way you can know is give it all you have
And I hope that you don’t suffer but take the pain
Hope when the moment comes, you’ll say…

I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived

Hope that you spend your days, but they all add up
And when that sun goes down, hope you raise your cup
Oh, I wish that I could witness all your joy and all your pain
But until my moment comes, I’ll say…
I, I did it all

Not only are the words inspiring but the song is dedicated to one of their fans, Bryan Warnecke who battles with Cystic Fibrosis.  Yet, he does it all and lives for every moment.

So who are we to live our lives always fearing the future?
In my opinion, there is no difference between a physical illness and a mental illness.
If somebody with a physical illness can say that they “owned every second”, we should be able to do that too.
Do not allow Depression, Stress, Anxiety, Bipolar Mood Disorder or any other diagnosis to be in control of you.
It may be your illness but it should not be the manager of your life.
We spend so many moments waiting to get better or waiting for life to be better rather than making the most of that precious moment that we are living.

Be awesome, live with courage, have faith, embrace life so that you too can say, “I did it all”!

This week’s blog is dedicated to my friend, mentor and inspiration David who really does it all despite everything.