Category Archives: Fear

Write a new story

08 Thursday Nov 2018

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Being brave, Change, Fear, Life journey, trauma

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Life sucks!

Sorry if I am being blunt or rude but if you’re reading this, you probably agree with me.

Why else would you be hanging out on a page called I don’t want to be stressed?

Maybe because you don’t want to be stressed?

Every one of us have a story…. Most of us have some kind of negative story that includes trauma, loss, violence, abuse or extreme stress. Some unfortunate people have all of those things included in their story.

But guess what?

You’re still here – sometimes against huge odds – to tell the story and to do something about it.

Whatever happened in the past is your story.  We can wish the past didn’t happen but that doesn’t undo it.

We can wish that whatever happened to us did not affect who we are today – that won’t help either.

What you are is a survivor.

An amazing survivor with a story of resilience to tell.  Because despite everything – you made it this far.

Your mission now is take it further.

You are not your past.  You are not your old story.  You are no longer that victim or that child that was hurting.

It is time to rewrite your story – to step out of your comfort zone and try new things and new ways of doing things.

Take responsibility for your actions, your emotions and the consequences of your behaviours now.

Let your actions, emotions and behaviours of the past stay in the past.

Do things in small steps – one step at a time.

Be gentle on yourself – those small steps often go backward or stay in one place. This doesn’t mean that you’re failing – just don’t give up.

One day you will look back at this time and marvel that you ever doubted yourself.

You can and you will do this!

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Be brave enough to fail

30 Thursday Aug 2018

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Being brave, Change, Fear, Life journey, Life Lessons, Positivity

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All through our lives and definitely in childhood (well, that was my experience of education and growing up), we are told that failure is a bad thing to be avoided at all costs.
Does the phrase “you’re not trying hard enough!” sound familiar?
JK Rowling said:
“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case you fail by default”

Instead of seeing failure as a bad thing, why can’t we see it as an opportunity to grow? To try to figure out what works and what doesn’t. What our strengths are and what our weaknesses are.  And to keep on building on those strengths rather than fighting to overcome weaknesses.

I sometimes think that I am the queen of mess ups. And while I do beat myself up a bit when I’ve made another mistake (usually from jumping into things impulsively), I try to be gentle on myself.  And I seriously encourage you to do the same.
Be gentle on yourself.
Explore what works, go on a journey, make new discoveries, live for the moment.
Constantly worrying about the potential outcome and possible failure of every decision that you make and every action that you take will just paralyze you and stop you from reaching your potential and living a content (or dare I say it, happy) life.
Live a messy, confused and exciting life.
Be bold in your decisions.
And most of all trust in the process – it will unfold the way it is meant to.

Wish upon a star

15 Friday Dec 2017

Posted by in Attitude, Depression, Fear, Feel good Friday, Positivity, Quiet and slow

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Last night I lay down under the stars waiting to see a meteor shower.
I didn’t see much of a shower, rather more of an occasional shooting star across the sky.  Which was wonderful in itself.
Did I make a wish upon a star?
You bet I did!
I wished for more quiet moments like that one and I wished that I could always keep life in perspective – to recognise how small we are in comparison to the greatness of the universe. When we realise this, our problems don’t seem as huge as they were before.
Og Mandino said “I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars”
Yet without darkness we will never understand or appreciate the light.


Nobody wants to be in the darkness but if you find yourself there, remember to look for the stars.
They are there if you just look up (and while you’re looking, don’t forget to make a wish)
At this time of the year when things do slow down, take some time just to be quiet, to appreciate the things around you and… to look up at the stars.

Knock on new doors

24 Friday Mar 2017

Posted by in Advice, Change, Fear, Life journey, Success

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Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had done things different.
How different would my life be if I had said yes instead of no or no instead of yes.  What could have happened if I had taken a different career path?

Even the smallest decisions can push your life on a different path.
Meeting someone randomly, being in the right place at the right time, being in the wrong place in the wrong time, choosing to stay home, taking a different route…
Everything has potential consequences – and they could potentially be life altering ones.

You can’t drive yourself crazy with could haves and would haves and what ifs.  There is no way that we could ever know if things were meant to happen because of fate or by pure chance.  And we definitely have no idea about the consequences that our actions in the present are going to have on our future.
But you do have the ability to knock on new doors and to expose yourself to experiences that maybe you wouldn’t have tried before if you are open to the fact that every thing that you do could be an opportunity.  Don’t let fears from past experiences stop you from creating new opportunities.
Don’t be afraid to try new things, meet new people and step out of your comfort zone.
Be prepared to kick that door down and shout out “Life! Here I am!”

Thank you for being an inspiration

12 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by in Attitude, Being brave, Depression, Fear, Positivity

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Here’s to the brave ones:
The people that are brave enough to say no.
Who don’t stand for being treated badly or unfairly.
The people who do something about their problems rather than hiding away from them.
Those who are able to say “I am fine with being myself – don’t try to change me”

I hate the fact that I even have to use the word brave.  You shouldn’t have to be brave to be different.  You shouldn’t have to be brave to stand up for what you believe or to say how you are feeling.
Unfortunately, it has become difficult for people to say out loud how they really feel.  Because it is difficult to feel like you are different from everyone else.
The truth is that you are not different from everyone else – there are a lot of people going through hardships who also don’t want anyone to know or who see it as a sign of weakness to talk about their pain.
So what happens is you get a lot of people (apparently close to 40% of the population – although I think it is a higher number) who are all not feeling good and most of them put on a “mask”.  Then everybody thinks that everybody else is okay.

I am constantly inspired by the people who are prepared to drop the mask.  They are the people who say that they feel depressed, some that will admit that they are disappointed, those who say they are not sure if they were born in the right body, that they don’t want to follow the career that they were ‘meant’ to follow,  that maybe they married the wrong person…. The list is endless and there are people who speak up. They are the brave and inspiring ones.
I really hope that you are one of them.  Or that you plan to become one of them.
We need more people in the world like you!
Thank you for being an inspiration!

Asking for help – no, you are not a failure

05 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Change, Depression, Fear

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Happy new year!
May 2017 bring everything that you wish for yourself.

During my leisurely break, I was browsing online and I found this advice written by somebody called sassygaynicoo on what would be nice for a person to do for somebody who has depression:

Chances are their room is a disaster and they have -846 motivation to do anything about it.  Helping them tidy up will make them feel a little less overwhelmed.

Do their laundry.  Even small chores seem to pile up when a person is depressed and not having clean clothes won’t make them feel any better. Washing their bedding is also great.

Try to convince them to go for a short walk with you.  There is a good chance they will feel a lot better after.

If you can’t get them outside, at least open a window for fresh air and let some sunshine in.

Prepare them a healthy meal with some fresh fruit.  Many depressed people fall into bad eating patterns.

If they aren’t eating enough, make sure they are taking a multi-vitamin since not getting enough of a vitamin can cause depression.

Make them a warm, nice smelling bath.  Aromatherapy is a great way to treat depression and anxiety.

Write them a letter or card to read for when they’re feeling really bad.

Make them a recovery playlist with some of their favourite songs and anything uplifting.

Make them laugh.

Make them a cup of tea and sit with them.

Listen to them.

I’m sure that you wish that somebody would do any of these things for you.
Well, next time somebody asks what they can do for you (and I really hope they do), instead of saying “Don’t worry, I’m fine” ask them to do something for you from this list or anything that you think will help you.  “Bring me some cake” seems to work fine for me.

Make it your mission this year to be wonderfully you with no fear of being judged by anyone or being seen as needy and dependent.  You deserve care.  You really do.

Understanding that change has to happen

24 Thursday Nov 2016

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Change, Depression, Fear, Gratitude, Positivity

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There are definitely days when I get overwhelmed by what I do – I feel responsible for so many people.
That can be really difficult, but it is also so rewarding.
I don’t think that there are many people who are truly blessed to be able to witness – every single day – people transforming right before their eyes.

The truth is that even though I feel so responsible for all these people, I am not responsible for one of them.
Each person needs to take responsibility for themselves.  I can put so much effort into working with somebody who is just not going to get better or is not going to want to change and there is not much that I can do about that.
I constantly tell people that although I am grateful for their appreciation and thanks, they should look inward and realise the amount of work that they put into their own recovery.

Everybody who believes that they are going to change and that their lives are going to improve will do exactly that.
You cannot change what happens to you and you can’t take away the experiences that you’ve had but you can definitely choose how you are going to deal with them.
For every lonely, hopeless moment that you have, you need to understand that you can pick yourself up when you are ready and start making changes.
Change is the one thing that most people fear and you are so blessed to have these problems (yes, seriously!) because they have forced you to change.  You have nothing to lose now.
And as difficult and uncomfortable as it feels at the time, I really hope that one day you will look back at this time and be grateful for the change that it forced you to make.

You are a better, stronger and more resilient person for having gone through this.

Change – the scary stuff

03 Thursday Nov 2016

Posted by in Advice, Change, Fear

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Change is scary!
Maybe not as scary as snakes, zombie apocalypses and ghosts (Okay, I know Halloween is over now… get on with it)
Just as I was about to start writing about dealing with change, my 13 year old came into my office and asked if he could write my blog for me.

So this is what he wrote (unedited):
“Change can be scary because its like you are going into new territory the unknown, you could be scared because of a new medication you need to take or starting a new job even learning the simplest of things can be scary and hold you back, what you need is to break through your fears and try if you cant do it try try and try again never give up hope never stop believing in yourself”

My son has a chronic illness so we never know how each day is going to go – some days he wakes up feeling well and our day is routine based and for a short while we feel normal, and other days are so horrible that all of our plans go out the window.  He is used to nothing going as planned even though he craves living a “normal life”.  I really hope that this will put him in good stead for his adult years.

Most adults fear change so much that they stay in their comfort zones and stay unhappy.
I’m guessing that if you were truly happy, you wouldn’t need to be reading this blog.  So if you are not happy, or if you think that you could improve some aspects of your somewhat happy life, you are going to need to change in order to do that.
Often change is an absolute blessing but we don’t realise it when it happens because it makes us feel that uncomfortable.
Change leads to growth and onto new things that you may never have even thought possible.
If you find it difficult, start doing small things that will still make a difference but won’t necessarily change your life path.
I do things like colour my hair (it’s currently purple) or change my route to work.  It adds a tiny twist of adventure that makes me believe that the bigger changes are manageable too.
Give yourself a chance for adventure too!

10 Lessons from Star Wars

04 Wednesday May 2016

Posted by in Coping skills, Fear, Life Lessons, Lists, Success

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Today is the 4th of May – or more accurately, May the Fourth (international Star Wars Day)

starwars

Since we celebrate Star Wars Day, here are some important lessons that I have learned from Star Wars.

  1. You can learn something from somebody younger than you.  Just because you are older (and seemingly more experienced), doesn’t mean that a younger person can’t teach you something new.  They may have had an experience or have a skill that you don’t.  So be humble (see Anakin Skywalker’s pod racing abilities)
  2. Big ideas can come in small packages – Yoda is enough proof of that.  Don’t judge people by their size, race or gender.  Everybody has a story to tell, everybody has something that they can teach you.
  3. Use the force (okay, we don’t have Jedi force although that would be really great!) but your attitude could be your force.  The way that you treat people could be your power.  Think about how powerful you really are (and don’t ever let anybody tell you otherwise)
  4. Yoda says “Do or not do, there is no try” – we are so afraid of failure that we often don’t even start to try.  If there is something that you want to do, commit to it and do it!
  5. Your biggest fears are within yourself.  You really need to look deeply at yourself before you look on the outside.  How much of what you fear is about your own negative stories that you create around that fear?
  6. If you have a bad feeling about something, try to trust your instinct (or your Jedi abilities) – usually you have a bad feeling for a reason, so don’t put yourself at risk unless you really love danger.
  7. Sometimes the person who looks or acts the strangest can be your closest friend.  A wookiee and a person can be great partners.  We can be wonderful friends with people from different cultures, races and religions if we are prepared to see beyond the ‘box’
  8. Stand up for what is right – even if it is your father that is your enemy.
  9. Yoda said “when 900 year you will reach, look as good you will not” – learn to love (or at least like) yourself as you are – in a beauty and looks orientated material world, it is easy to forget that true beauty comes from within
  10. Sometimes you need to leave your comfort zone (or even your planet) in order to really start fulfilling your destiny

May the fourth (or even the force) be with you!

I don’t want to be mediocre

02 Wednesday Mar 2016

Posted by in Being brave, Fear, Life Lessons, Success

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How comfortable is your comfort zone?
It may feel comfortable only because it is familiar – you all know the saying “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t” – and what a shocking thing to say!
How about no devil at all?

A comfort zone is about just getting by – doing what you have to do without any real level of enjoyment or passion.  It is like operating on automatic mode.
You will know that you are in that position when a day, or even a week, goes by and when you think about it, it feels like you haven’t really achieved anything or you haven’t got a lot to show for your efforts.
A comfort zone is associated with one my worst words in the world (right up there with slug) – mediocrity.

“adjective

  1. of only average quality; not very good.”

That word makes me cringe because really, who wants to be mediocre?
Even if you are not doing well or you feel like you are failing, at least you are creating opportunities to learn and to find what works for you (or what doesn’t work out).
Mediocrity is just being in the middle – nothing good, nothing bad, no risks taken, no stepping out of ‘box’ and certainly no adventures.

Start an adventure!
Get out of that comfort zone of yours because you really aren’t gaining anything by being in there and you aren’t doing yourself any favours.
That means that you are going to have to face your fears and take risks.
You are going to explore new things and try new ideas.
You will make conscious efforts to get your dreams out of your imagination and into reality.
It is going to take courage and you may not succeed on the first attempt – you may not even succeed on the tenth attempt.
But you know what?
You are going to be amazing!