Category Archives: Fear

Knock on new doors

24 Friday Mar 2017

Posted by in Advice, Change, Fear, Life journey, Success

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Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had done things different.
How different would my life be if I had said yes instead of no or no instead of yes.  What could have happened if I had taken a different career path?

Even the smallest decisions can push your life on a different path.
Meeting someone randomly, being in the right place at the right time, being in the wrong place in the wrong time, choosing to stay home, taking a different route…
Everything has potential consequences – and they could potentially be life altering ones.

You can’t drive yourself crazy with could haves and would haves and what ifs.  There is no way that we could ever know if things were meant to happen because of fate or by pure chance.  And we definitely have no idea about the consequences that our actions in the present are going to have on our future.
But you do have the ability to knock on new doors and to expose yourself to experiences that maybe you wouldn’t have tried before if you are open to the fact that every thing that you do could be an opportunity.  Don’t let fears from past experiences stop you from creating new opportunities.
Don’t be afraid to try new things, meet new people and step out of your comfort zone.
Be prepared to kick that door down and shout out “Life! Here I am!”

Thank you for being an inspiration

12 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by in Attitude, Being brave, Depression, Fear, Positivity

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Here’s to the brave ones:
The people that are brave enough to say no.
Who don’t stand for being treated badly or unfairly.
The people who do something about their problems rather than hiding away from them.
Those who are able to say “I am fine with being myself – don’t try to change me”

I hate the fact that I even have to use the word brave.  You shouldn’t have to be brave to be different.  You shouldn’t have to be brave to stand up for what you believe or to say how you are feeling.
Unfortunately, it has become difficult for people to say out loud how they really feel.  Because it is difficult to feel like you are different from everyone else.
The truth is that you are not different from everyone else – there are a lot of people going through hardships who also don’t want anyone to know or who see it as a sign of weakness to talk about their pain.
So what happens is you get a lot of people (apparently close to 40% of the population – although I think it is a higher number) who are all not feeling good and most of them put on a “mask”.  Then everybody thinks that everybody else is okay.

I am constantly inspired by the people who are prepared to drop the mask.  They are the people who say that they feel depressed, some that will admit that they are disappointed, those who say they are not sure if they were born in the right body, that they don’t want to follow the career that they were ‘meant’ to follow,  that maybe they married the wrong person…. The list is endless and there are people who speak up. They are the brave and inspiring ones.
I really hope that you are one of them.  Or that you plan to become one of them.
We need more people in the world like you!
Thank you for being an inspiration!

Asking for help – no, you are not a failure

05 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Change, Depression, Fear

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Happy new year!
May 2017 bring everything that you wish for yourself.

During my leisurely break, I was browsing online and I found this advice written by somebody called sassygaynicoo on what would be nice for a person to do for somebody who has depression:

Chances are their room is a disaster and they have -846 motivation to do anything about it.  Helping them tidy up will make them feel a little less overwhelmed.

Do their laundry.  Even small chores seem to pile up when a person is depressed and not having clean clothes won’t make them feel any better. Washing their bedding is also great.

Try to convince them to go for a short walk with you.  There is a good chance they will feel a lot better after.

If you can’t get them outside, at least open a window for fresh air and let some sunshine in.

Prepare them a healthy meal with some fresh fruit.  Many depressed people fall into bad eating patterns.

If they aren’t eating enough, make sure they are taking a multi-vitamin since not getting enough of a vitamin can cause depression.

Make them a warm, nice smelling bath.  Aromatherapy is a great way to treat depression and anxiety.

Write them a letter or card to read for when they’re feeling really bad.

Make them a recovery playlist with some of their favourite songs and anything uplifting.

Make them laugh.

Make them a cup of tea and sit with them.

Listen to them.

I’m sure that you wish that somebody would do any of these things for you.
Well, next time somebody asks what they can do for you (and I really hope they do), instead of saying “Don’t worry, I’m fine” ask them to do something for you from this list or anything that you think will help you.  “Bring me some cake” seems to work fine for me.

Make it your mission this year to be wonderfully you with no fear of being judged by anyone or being seen as needy and dependent.  You deserve care.  You really do.

Understanding that change has to happen

24 Thursday Nov 2016

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Change, Depression, Fear, Gratitude, Positivity

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There are definitely days when I get overwhelmed by what I do – I feel responsible for so many people.
That can be really difficult, but it is also so rewarding.
I don’t think that there are many people who are truly blessed to be able to witness – every single day – people transforming right before their eyes.

The truth is that even though I feel so responsible for all these people, I am not responsible for one of them.
Each person needs to take responsibility for themselves.  I can put so much effort into working with somebody who is just not going to get better or is not going to want to change and there is not much that I can do about that.
I constantly tell people that although I am grateful for their appreciation and thanks, they should look inward and realise the amount of work that they put into their own recovery.

Everybody who believes that they are going to change and that their lives are going to improve will do exactly that.
You cannot change what happens to you and you can’t take away the experiences that you’ve had but you can definitely choose how you are going to deal with them.
For every lonely, hopeless moment that you have, you need to understand that you can pick yourself up when you are ready and start making changes.
Change is the one thing that most people fear and you are so blessed to have these problems (yes, seriously!) because they have forced you to change.  You have nothing to lose now.
And as difficult and uncomfortable as it feels at the time, I really hope that one day you will look back at this time and be grateful for the change that it forced you to make.

You are a better, stronger and more resilient person for having gone through this.

Change – the scary stuff

03 Thursday Nov 2016

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Change is scary!
Maybe not as scary as snakes, zombie apocalypses and ghosts (Okay, I know Halloween is over now… get on with it)
Just as I was about to start writing about dealing with change, my 13 year old came into my office and asked if he could write my blog for me.

So this is what he wrote (unedited):
“Change can be scary because its like you are going into new territory the unknown, you could be scared because of a new medication you need to take or starting a new job even learning the simplest of things can be scary and hold you back, what you need is to break through your fears and try if you cant do it try try and try again never give up hope never stop believing in yourself”

My son has a chronic illness so we never know how each day is going to go – some days he wakes up feeling well and our day is routine based and for a short while we feel normal, and other days are so horrible that all of our plans go out the window.  He is used to nothing going as planned even though he craves living a “normal life”.  I really hope that this will put him in good stead for his adult years.

Most adults fear change so much that they stay in their comfort zones and stay unhappy.
I’m guessing that if you were truly happy, you wouldn’t need to be reading this blog.  So if you are not happy, or if you think that you could improve some aspects of your somewhat happy life, you are going to need to change in order to do that.
Often change is an absolute blessing but we don’t realise it when it happens because it makes us feel that uncomfortable.
Change leads to growth and onto new things that you may never have even thought possible.
If you find it difficult, start doing small things that will still make a difference but won’t necessarily change your life path.
I do things like colour my hair (it’s currently purple) or change my route to work.  It adds a tiny twist of adventure that makes me believe that the bigger changes are manageable too.
Give yourself a chance for adventure too!

10 Lessons from Star Wars

04 Wednesday May 2016

Posted by in Coping skills, Fear, Life Lessons, Lists, Success

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Today is the 4th of May – or more accurately, May the Fourth (international Star Wars Day)

starwars

Since we celebrate Star Wars Day, here are some important lessons that I have learned from Star Wars.

  1. You can learn something from somebody younger than you.  Just because you are older (and seemingly more experienced), doesn’t mean that a younger person can’t teach you something new.  They may have had an experience or have a skill that you don’t.  So be humble (see Anakin Skywalker’s pod racing abilities)
  2. Big ideas can come in small packages – Yoda is enough proof of that.  Don’t judge people by their size, race or gender.  Everybody has a story to tell, everybody has something that they can teach you.
  3. Use the force (okay, we don’t have Jedi force although that would be really great!) but your attitude could be your force.  The way that you treat people could be your power.  Think about how powerful you really are (and don’t ever let anybody tell you otherwise)
  4. Yoda says “Do or not do, there is no try” – we are so afraid of failure that we often don’t even start to try.  If there is something that you want to do, commit to it and do it!
  5. Your biggest fears are within yourself.  You really need to look deeply at yourself before you look on the outside.  How much of what you fear is about your own negative stories that you create around that fear?
  6. If you have a bad feeling about something, try to trust your instinct (or your Jedi abilities) – usually you have a bad feeling for a reason, so don’t put yourself at risk unless you really love danger.
  7. Sometimes the person who looks or acts the strangest can be your closest friend.  A wookiee and a person can be great partners.  We can be wonderful friends with people from different cultures, races and religions if we are prepared to see beyond the ‘box’
  8. Stand up for what is right – even if it is your father that is your enemy.
  9. Yoda said “when 900 year you will reach, look as good you will not” – learn to love (or at least like) yourself as you are – in a beauty and looks orientated material world, it is easy to forget that true beauty comes from within
  10. Sometimes you need to leave your comfort zone (or even your planet) in order to really start fulfilling your destiny

May the fourth (or even the force) be with you!

I don’t want to be mediocre

02 Wednesday Mar 2016

Posted by in Being brave, Fear, Life Lessons, Success

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How comfortable is your comfort zone?
It may feel comfortable only because it is familiar – you all know the saying “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t” – and what a shocking thing to say!
How about no devil at all?

A comfort zone is about just getting by – doing what you have to do without any real level of enjoyment or passion.  It is like operating on automatic mode.
You will know that you are in that position when a day, or even a week, goes by and when you think about it, it feels like you haven’t really achieved anything or you haven’t got a lot to show for your efforts.
A comfort zone is associated with one my worst words in the world (right up there with slug) – mediocrity.

“adjective

  1. of only average quality; not very good.”

That word makes me cringe because really, who wants to be mediocre?
Even if you are not doing well or you feel like you are failing, at least you are creating opportunities to learn and to find what works for you (or what doesn’t work out).
Mediocrity is just being in the middle – nothing good, nothing bad, no risks taken, no stepping out of ‘box’ and certainly no adventures.

Start an adventure!
Get out of that comfort zone of yours because you really aren’t gaining anything by being in there and you aren’t doing yourself any favours.
That means that you are going to have to face your fears and take risks.
You are going to explore new things and try new ideas.
You will make conscious efforts to get your dreams out of your imagination and into reality.
It is going to take courage and you may not succeed on the first attempt – you may not even succeed on the tenth attempt.
But you know what?
You are going to be amazing!

Slaying dragons

04 Wednesday Nov 2015

Posted by in Attitude, Being brave, Fear, Stress

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I started Monday with a quote for motivation about how we should go and slay dragons.
In other words, we should start the week ready to face our fears and deal with our stressors.

dragons

It definitely put a spring in my step (well, as much spring as there can be on a Monday morning) and I was really motivated to have a much more positive week than I had last week.
Of course being me, I also felt the need to document my feelings through art and I decided that I should draw a picture of a dragon so that I could have a reminder of what I needed to do.
I spent some time looking at pictures of dragons and I was confident that I had an idea of how mean (but not too mean), and scary (but not too scary) I wanted my dragon to look.
So far, so good…. Until I took out my sketch pad and happened to grab a purple pencil (of course it would be purple!) and before I know it, my dragon is most un-scary and un-mean dragon that ever existed.
So, my dragon is obviously not meant to be ferocious – in fact it was quite the opposite.

photo 1

Which made me think (as I do) that I start off Monday generally feeling a bit anxious about what is going to happen in the week, I always long for the weekend to be just one day longer and I definitely have my share of feeling sorry for myself.
But my dragon is not even scary.
How blessed am I to have the stress that I do?  Compared to other people, my stress (my dragon) is hardly a thing at all.
Even my son laughed at my dragon and told me that his dragon was far more vicious than mine.
I laughed back because how much stress can he have compared to me?
He quickly reminded me that although his stress did not seem like much to me, to him it was big enough to worry him.

photo 2

Everybody has stress but not everybody experiences stress the same way.
We are so blessed to have the things that we do have and the opportunities that are presented to us.
Would you rather have work stress or be worried about how you are going to survive living in a war torn country?
Would you rather have issues in your relationship or be stressing about where you are going to sleep for the night, or where you are going to get food?

Yes, our dragons may not be huge, and we should be grateful for that, but they are still our dragons.
It is not a competition about whose dragons are bigger or scarier.
We still need to gather all the weapons that we need to slay whatever dragon we have in our lives.

Be bold, be brave, be a warrior!
I know that you can do it!

I did it all

19 Wednesday Aug 2015

Posted by in Attitude, Being brave, Depression, Fear, Life Lessons, Positivity

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One Republic has an amazing song called “I lived”.
The lyrics are so inspiring –

Hope when you take that jump, you don’t fear the fall
Hope when the water rises, you built a wall
Hope when the crowd screams out, they’re screaming your name
Hope if everybody runs, you choose to stay

Hope that you fall in love, and it hurts so bad
The only way you can know is give it all you have
And I hope that you don’t suffer but take the pain
Hope when the moment comes, you’ll say…

I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived

Hope that you spend your days, but they all add up
And when that sun goes down, hope you raise your cup
Oh, I wish that I could witness all your joy and all your pain
But until my moment comes, I’ll say…
I, I did it all

Not only are the words inspiring but the song is dedicated to one of their fans, Bryan Warnecke who battles with Cystic Fibrosis.  Yet, he does it all and lives for every moment.

So who are we to live our lives always fearing the future?
In my opinion, there is no difference between a physical illness and a mental illness.
If somebody with a physical illness can say that they “owned every second”, we should be able to do that too.
Do not allow Depression, Stress, Anxiety, Bipolar Mood Disorder or any other diagnosis to be in control of you.
It may be your illness but it should not be the manager of your life.
We spend so many moments waiting to get better or waiting for life to be better rather than making the most of that precious moment that we are living.

Be awesome, live with courage, have faith, embrace life so that you too can say, “I did it all”!

This week’s blog is dedicated to my friend, mentor and inspiration David who really does it all despite everything.

Have faith rather than fear!

17 Wednesday Jun 2015

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I hear so many stories, on an almost daily basis, of people telling me what they are going to do…. if only they were not afraid, or if they had more courage, or if they had more resources, or more support.

Faith and fear cannot exist together.
Choose faith instead of fear!

  • Have faith in the fact that life is an ongoing experiment rather than something that you need to get right. Try something new and if it doesn’t work, at least you tried and you have learned what you can’t do or how not to do it.
  • Have faith in your ability to reach beyond what others expect of you and your own limitations and be bigger and bolder than what you believe you can be.
  • Have faith that today is a good enough day to start your new journey. Not tomorrow, not next year, not Monday – just one step forward today!
  • Have faith that you have a purpose (even though you may not know what it is) and that everything in your life is a step towards that purpose – and NO, your purpose is NOT to be a failure!
  • Believe that there are people who care (I do!)
  • Trust yourself – you are awesome.
  • If it is not working – do it differently.  Don’t fear that you have failed. It is really not worth thinking that you can’t do it because one way isn’t working. There may be plenty more ways that DO work.