Category Archives: Freedom

Am I free?

13 Thursday Apr 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Freedom, Gratitude, Positivity

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Happy Easter and a good Pesach to everyone!
As usual, when Pesach (Passover) comes along, so does the conversation about freedom.  During Pesach we discuss what it meant for the Jewish people to be free from slavery in Egypt and we compare it to our lives now.
The question is are we really free?
We may not be actual slaves although many people express that they feel like slaves to their kids, to their partners and to their jobs.  Are we free to spend quality time on our own without limitations?
Are we free because we have a lot of material things or are we slaves to our phones and our possessions (and what it takes to pay off the debts that those possessions create)?
Are we free to express ourselves without being labeled or put into a box by stigma?

We can focus on all the reasons that we are not free or we can learn to appreciate all the reasons that we are free.  So many of us are free from hunger and cold.  We are free to be the person that we want to be if we stop worrying about what everyone thinks of us and we stop worrying about pleasing other people.

We need to create a space to be free.
Whether it is just going outside and taking a deep breath or going for a walk and watching the world go by.
Pause to appreciate what you have.
Celebrate the little things that make your life a bit better (thanks Haagen Dazs salted caramel ice cream).
Remember how far you have come and how truly fabulous you really are – even if nobody can see it and no one acknowledges it.
You are amazingly perfectly imperfect just the way you are!

Fighting mediocrity

02 Thursday Mar 2017

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Freedom, Positivity, self esteem

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mediocre
ˌmiːdɪˈəʊkə/
adjective

  1. of only average quality; not very good.

Mediocre is my worst word – I hate the idea of mediocrity.  I think it is because being mediocre shows no commitment.  It is neither good nor bad, just in the middle.
I truly believe that people who are the most stressed are the least mediocre people.  You get stressed because you are passionate about something and often people stand in your way.
They stand in your way because they are comfortable with their mediocrity and your passion, excitement and commitment are a serious threat to their comfort zone.  If you are not strong enough in your self belief, you will find it easy just to fall back and join the mediocre people.
Please don’t.
You are so amazing, interesting and unique.  You have so much to offer.  Don’t let anybody else destroy that!
Stop trying to fit in to please other people.
Start asserting your right to be an individual.
You are wonderful just as you are!great-spirits

My list of wonderful things I’ve done

13 Thursday Oct 2016

Posted by in Acts of Kindness, Attitude, Creativity, Freedom, Lists, Mental health, Positivity, Projects

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Yesterday was the Jewish holy day of Yom Kippur.  It is a day when we have a final opportunity to ask for forgiveness for our sins and contemplate the year ahead and how we are going to live it better than the last.
We spend so much energy focusing on what we have done wrong and very little (or even no time at all) looking at what we did right.  A few days ago, I read an article where the author suggested that we replace our list of sins (which it seems I have done many) with a list of all the good deeds that we have done.

Rabbi Weiss wrote this down as:

We have loved, we have blessed, we have grown, we have spoken positively, we have raised up, we have shown compassion, we have acted enthusiastically, we have been empathetic.We have cultivated truth, we have given good advice.  We have respected, we have learned, we have comforted, we have forgiven.
We have been creative, we have been stirred… we have given full effort, we have supported, we have contributed, we have repaired.

How much better is this list than a list of all of our sins?
Of course we sin, but I am sure that every one of us do far more good than bad.
I think that it is worth reading this list of good deeds every day to remind yourself of how much you have achieved.
Please add your own achievements today – things like:
I have enjoyed tea, I drew a picture of a dragon, I knitted a square for a blanket, I smiled, I laughed, I licked the batter when I baked a cake, I danced, I sang out loud, I made someone feel better….

I am sure your list will be long and wonderful

The story of my life (today)

05 Wednesday Oct 2016

Posted by in Attitude, Freedom, Positivity, Quiet and slow, Self growth

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Today was a totally bizarre day:

  1. I woke up too early
  2. I got to work late because an accident happened in front of me and the drivers decided to resolve the problem by beating each other up
  3. I left work late which meant that I was late to fetch my kids from school
  4. BUT: my kids came out of school late which meant that I drove in exactly as they were walking out of class
  5. AND: the icing on the cake…. As I was driving to fetch them, I came across a terrible accident that had happened only a few minutes before I got there – the few minutes before that I was meant to be driving through that intersection if I hadn’t been running late.

I don’t try to analyse things too deeply – I may have a (very stressed out) guardian angel looking after me, knocking disasters out of my way.  G-d may be on my side (for once).
It may be fate, it may be coincidence, it also may mean nothing.

But this I do know:
We do not have control over anything outside of ourselves.
Things are going to happen and they may affect us negatively or positively but still we have no control over them.
Sometimes you just need to let things happen.
Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people, good things happen to good people too.
If we can be gracious enough to let it go, to not stress about what we can’t control, to not worry about other people and their actions, we would be much calmer and happier in our lives

Three cheers for the woman who dressed as a cow

29 Thursday Sep 2016

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Freedom, Positivity

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I was in such a good mood this morning because I saw a cow walking down the road.
Well it was a woman dressed up as cow, actually a woman wearing a cow onesie with a tail, ears and everything.
And I laughed and laughed aloud in my car.

What a blessing to be able to walk freely in the street dressed as a cow and not worry about what anyone thinks.
I often feel that we are so caught up in our problems that we don’t notice our blessings.  Not only that, we don’t notice the little moments that may just shift our moods, even for a short while.  Even if it is a cow walking in the road…
In all the chaos of my life, I have been catching up with a TV show that I used to love when I was a kid in the 80’s. It’s just a simple pleasure.
(Stop smirking or trying to work out my age…. )
The 80’s were great – we had big hair, big shoulders and leg warmers – enough to make anyone laugh when they look back at how cool we thought we were.

Can you create some time just to do something that will make you laugh?  Whether it is reminiscing with a friend, watching an old movie, doing something silly…
Can you care a little less what anyone thinks of you?

I would love to be able to thank the woman who chose today to walk in public dressed like a cow – she has no idea how much better she made me feel.
Maybe tomorrow, you might be the person who makes somebody else smile….
Give it a go!

Your boss is not going to like me but…

21 Wednesday Sep 2016

Posted by in Advice, Change, Freedom, Mental health, Quiet and slow, Stress

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Your boss is not going to like me but….
Take a break!

Every day of my life I work with people who are battling with burn out and severe stress because of work.  And it just shouldn’t be that way.
As much as we all need to earn a living and pay our bills (and debts), our jobs cannot be our lives.
Unfortunately it has become that way – we live our lives for our work.  The same work that stresses you to a point that it makes you sick!
A very sad quote from Ellen Goodman makes this so clear:
“Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for – in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it”

I just don’t think that it is worth it.
Surely your life is worth more than that?
It is time to take a break !  Get out of the office for lunch, sit under a tree and take in the world, have a cup of coffee (or even an ice cream) away from your desk.  Step away from the desk!

And when you are not at work – stop thinking about work.  I doubt that you love your boss that much that you need to fantasize about them at 4 in the morning – even if you are fantasizing about revenge.
Find something that is absolutely not work related and make time to do it.  Whether it is creative or energetic, you need to have something that gives you meaning other than work. Something that can give your mind and body a rest from the day to day endless stressful routine.

So, I’m sorry if I am going to upset your boss but it is time that employers started valuing their staff more and realising that by pushing their staff to breaking point, they are going to get less achieved in the long run.  And if nobody else is going to teach them that lesson, then it might as well be you.
Today is a good day to take your life back!

I am not fat

31 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Freedom, Life Lessons, Positivity

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In my younger and more athletic days, I had a washboard stomach (and let me tell you that I definitely I didn’t appreciate it at the time).
So this morning, while I was getting dressed, I was lamenting on what happened to that perfect stomach which has been replaced with something rather flabby – clearly caused by pregnancy, lack of doing sit ups (raise your hands those of you who actually do sit ups…) and possibly a tiny little bit of too many pastries.
I got on with my day and didn’t give my stomach a second thought – after all, it was my pregnancies, lack of sit ups and need for visiting the patisserie that caused it – until I got one of those lovely marketing emails offering me R100 off a weight loss program.
I just spent more than R100 on potatoes!

And therein lies the problem – I do not need any random marketing email to remind me that I am fat (which I am not!) – I don’t feel fat most of the time until something or someone has to remind me of how my body doesn’t fit into what is considered “normal” and if my self esteem wasn’t good enough, I would think that I was not normal and would spend my life trying to fit in.
We are constantly being told that we are too fat (or in my chocolate devouring husband’s case, too thin), or too old, too young, too uneducated, uninformed, too black, too white and too bipolar – What??
Two different people told me today that they had ruined their marriages because of negative self belief that started when they were children taught by none other than their own parents.

Understand this now – you are never going to fit in!
How can you when you are an amazing, beautiful and unique person?  What exactly are you trying to fit in with?
Somebody else’s idea of what is right and what is wrong.  Stop it right now and choose to embrace your individuality.

I was so blessed to meet Caroline Rothstein this past weekend whose video I want to share with you.
She is an amazing survivor, a brilliant speaker and somebody who is no longer letting negative pressures and experiences determine who she is.

Fat is not a feeling

Who is to blame for our falls?

08 Wednesday Jun 2016

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Freedom, self esteem

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On Monday, we had no electricity in our area for a few hours (a few too many).  The sun had set, it was getting dark and in my wisdom I decided that was the ideal time to hang washing (don’t ask – there is no logic to be found here).
Because I couldn’t really see what I was doing, I didn’t realise that I had been dropping water all over my tiled floor until I slipped in the water and had a very non-graceful fall.  I still have a big bruise on my leg to prove it, although my ego was more bruised than my knee.
I sat on the floor in the puddle, crying in pain and frustration and I needed to blame someone – so of course I blamed City Power for my fall.  After all, if I had been able to turn on the lights, I would have noticed the puddle and I wouldn’t have fallen.
That makes sense! Does it?
Not at all!
No matter how dark it was – I was the one carrying wet washing over a tiled floor.  Then that makes it 100% my responsibility.

Every day I spend time with people who give me long lists filled with who is to blame for their problems.  They spend so much energy being angry and blaming that they absolutely do not see the role that they play in their circumstances.
Today I had somebody tell me “if you don’t sort out my manager then I am going to get sick!”
Huh?
The truth is that if they don’t do something to change their situation, then they are going to get sick.  No matter how terrible the manager is, there is nothing that you can do to change this person.  You can only change yourself and how you deal with your issues.

As soon as you realise this and take the control back, you will feel much more empowered.
You are the manager of your own life.  You can have control of your destiny.
Yes, it is difficult when somebody is blocking your way but you have to be the one to take the different path.

Keep being wonderful!

Reasons for being unhappy

25 Wednesday May 2016

Posted by in Attitude, Freedom, Gratitude, Positivity

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Anna Vital writes about what she thinks are the reasons for people being unhappy.  It is worth having a look at these reasons and thinking about how it applies to your life and your choices for happiness.
(I have put my own explanations in brackets after each one.)

Reasons for being unhappy:

  • Setting expectations unrealistically high (setting yourself up for failure by only aiming high and not being realistic or taking things step by step)
  • Thinking that you are special but can’t explain why (remember that nobody owes you anything and you are no more special than anyone else – work hard for yourself and not for recognition)
  • Measuring happiness in the wrong units (no, money can NOT buy you happiness no matter how happy you feel at the time)
  • Getting used to what you have and then wanting more (learn to appreciate, be happy and love what you have)
  • Confusing not being bad with being good (just because you are not a criminal, and well done for that, doesn’t mean that you are being good to others or to yourself)
  • Trying to find meaning in being unhappy (please don’t over-analyse everything.  Learn to be in the moment)
  • Hoping that other people will make you happy (nobody can make you feel happy until you are happy with yourself)
  • Finding commiserators (stop inviting people to your pity party – rather surround yourself with positive people who truly care about you)
  • Believing that happiness is a selfish pursuit (you ARE worth it! And you do deserve happiness)
  • Thinking that misery follows happiness (just let yourself be happy, don’t worry about the fact that it may not last – maybe it will, maybe it won’t)

You may not feel over the moon, excited kind of happy but start thinking about how you are holding yourself back.
Be wonderful!

It’s not about the money (yes, it is)

21 Thursday Apr 2016

Posted by in Advice, Change, Coping skills, Creativity, Freedom, Success

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We are coming up to the Jewish festival of Pesach (Passover) where one of the primary themes is freedom.
So I decided to ask a few people in my group session what freedom meant to them.  Because a lot of them have stressors around money and work, the need for financial freedom was a common answer.
In fact, financial stressors are a huge contributor to people feeling overwhelmed and depressed.

Although my quest to become a fairy godmother (or at least a genie) has so far failed, and I am unable to ‘magic’ these problems away for people, I am going to offer some (not so magical) advice for everyone who is weighed down by money worries:

  • Lying awake at night, worrying about money does not make you any richer.  It makes you more tired and less productive and more likely to feel like giving up.  If you can’t sleep because you are worried, get up and make a list of proactive steps that you can take to take control back.
  • There is a debt counselor at every financial institution.  If you feel like you are drowning in debt, speak to somebody who can give you practical help (and it is not a sign of weakness or failure to ask for help!)
  • By the way, spending more money on things that you don’t need to make you feel better about your (money related) stress is really not going to help you out.  It is an obvious point but still a lot of people shop to feel better.  Yes, retail therapy is… well therapeutic…. but it does nothing to help your situation.  No, you don’t actually need another pair of shoes!
  • Don’t let your financial stress make you become close minded.  You start to think that you will never be OK or you will never cope.  So you put yourself in the “poor box”.  When you allow yourself to be open minded, you become more relaxed and more open to new ideas and new opportunities – you do not need to become stuck because of your current situation.  It is just the situation that you are in at this moment, and it is not what you are going to be forever unless you allow that  to become your reality.
  • Think about all the things that you CAN do.  Can you create opportunities out of your hobbies, interests or talents?  And then, get help using your talents and skills to make extra money (or a whole new career!)  betterwage.com is a brilliant place to figure out what your skills are as well as to access resources that will help you to get started.
  • Find yourself a mentor.  If somebody else is doing what you would like to do or has what you would like to have, step out on a limb and ask them if you could talk to them about how they did it or even better, if they could mentor you in your journey to get what you want.
  • Remember that although we need money to survive (unfortunately) – there is far more to life than being rich.  You could be rich in so many other ways – it is time to count your blessings too.