Category Archives: Gratitude

Is it your disaster?

08 Thursday Jun 2017

Posted by in Advice, Coping skills, Depression, Gratitude, trauma

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It’s easy to get caught up in all of the drama of the disasters and bad news in the world.  And the media delight in sharing the worst of the news with us.  Social media also drives us into a mass hysteria or mass sympathy.
So this week was again filled with bad news and disasters, one after the other, and it is really easy to get depressed by it all.
If it did not affect you directly, it is not your story.
You have your own story.
Do what you can to avoid getting pulled down by what you hear about or read about.  You have no power over those things.

If those incidences like the fires and the floods and the deaths that happened this week have affected you directly, I am really sorry that you have had to go through that.

If it didn’t affect you directly then what can you do?
Firstly – count your blessings.  Take a moment to give thanks for being safe, for having your family with you.  Be grateful for the roof over your head, a home to go to (no matter how small or inadequate it may be), a warm cup of tea and a cosy blanket.
Secondly – if you feel that you need to help those affected by disasters, don’t spend time on social media using hash tags.  Rather find out where help is needed and what you can do for them.  Donate a blanket or some food, volunteer at an organisation that is giving support.
Thirdly – celebrate life.  Celebrate the times when you are healthy.  Celebrate the little things – things as small as sleeping through the night, eating an enjoyable meal, doing something that gives you pleasure.  If there is one thing that we can learn from all of this bad news, it is that life is short.  Don’t wait for one day.  Don’t wait for the big events to celebrate.
Take pleasure in what you have.
What you have is wonderful.

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Am I free?

13 Thursday Apr 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Freedom, Gratitude, Positivity

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Happy Easter and a good Pesach to everyone!
As usual, when Pesach (Passover) comes along, so does the conversation about freedom.  During Pesach we discuss what it meant for the Jewish people to be free from slavery in Egypt and we compare it to our lives now.
The question is are we really free?
We may not be actual slaves although many people express that they feel like slaves to their kids, to their partners and to their jobs.  Are we free to spend quality time on our own without limitations?
Are we free because we have a lot of material things or are we slaves to our phones and our possessions (and what it takes to pay off the debts that those possessions create)?
Are we free to express ourselves without being labeled or put into a box by stigma?

We can focus on all the reasons that we are not free or we can learn to appreciate all the reasons that we are free.  So many of us are free from hunger and cold.  We are free to be the person that we want to be if we stop worrying about what everyone thinks of us and we stop worrying about pleasing other people.

We need to create a space to be free.
Whether it is just going outside and taking a deep breath or going for a walk and watching the world go by.
Pause to appreciate what you have.
Celebrate the little things that make your life a bit better (thanks Haagen Dazs salted caramel ice cream).
Remember how far you have come and how truly fabulous you really are – even if nobody can see it and no one acknowledges it.
You are amazingly perfectly imperfect just the way you are!

Big small blessings

09 Thursday Mar 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Gratitude, Illness

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In a rough moment this week I was feeling very sorry for myself because my son was so sick… again.
So I was in the pharmacy… again and looking pathetically at a mother with her daughter picking out shampoo.  And I had a moment of jealousy (and anger) that they could be doing such a ‘normal’ thing when I spend so much time in doctor’s rooms and queuing for medication at the pharmacy.
Then I turned around and the woman behind me was with her really ill daughter who was recovering from heart surgery!
I very quickly shut up my pity party anthem that was playing in my head and wanted to cry at how lucky I am that although my son is ill, he doesn’t have a life threatening illness.
I got home feeling more peaceful and just wanted to hug the boy – except that he told me to give him space and let him concentrate on his very important game of Plants vs Zombies (I have no idea….)

It would do us all well to remember that our lives may be far from perfect but they are far more perfect than somebody else’s.
Be grateful for the blessings you have – even though they may seem small, they are huge to another person.

Thoughts on blessings

02 Thursday Feb 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Gratitude, Illness, Mental health

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This week has been a really horrible one on a lot of levels but for me one of the most horrific parts of the week was the news that 94 mentally ill patients have died in our province.  They died because they did not receive proper care.
It really opens up the conversation yet again about why there is such stigma and lack of education when it comes to mental health and illness.
My heart breaks for the families affected by this.

The lesson taken from this is how truly blessed anyone is to have access to healthcare.  Yes, it should be a right and not a blessing but unfortunately that is the way it is.
If you are not well but you have access to doctors and medication and therapists, you are lucky.
Take some time to appreciate that.
In a world where we are constantly comparing ourselves to other people, stop and look at how much you actually have.
Feeling sorry for yourself because you don’t have as much as the next person (seems to have) or you are not as healthy as somebody else is not going to help you at all.
You are so blessed to have what you have.
Don’t ever forget that!

Understanding that change has to happen

24 Thursday Nov 2016

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Change, Depression, Fear, Gratitude, Positivity

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There are definitely days when I get overwhelmed by what I do – I feel responsible for so many people.
That can be really difficult, but it is also so rewarding.
I don’t think that there are many people who are truly blessed to be able to witness – every single day – people transforming right before their eyes.

The truth is that even though I feel so responsible for all these people, I am not responsible for one of them.
Each person needs to take responsibility for themselves.  I can put so much effort into working with somebody who is just not going to get better or is not going to want to change and there is not much that I can do about that.
I constantly tell people that although I am grateful for their appreciation and thanks, they should look inward and realise the amount of work that they put into their own recovery.

Everybody who believes that they are going to change and that their lives are going to improve will do exactly that.
You cannot change what happens to you and you can’t take away the experiences that you’ve had but you can definitely choose how you are going to deal with them.
For every lonely, hopeless moment that you have, you need to understand that you can pick yourself up when you are ready and start making changes.
Change is the one thing that most people fear and you are so blessed to have these problems (yes, seriously!) because they have forced you to change.  You have nothing to lose now.
And as difficult and uncomfortable as it feels at the time, I really hope that one day you will look back at this time and be grateful for the change that it forced you to make.

You are a better, stronger and more resilient person for having gone through this.

Count your blessings

10 Thursday Nov 2016

Posted by in Being brave, Gratitude, Life Lessons

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Yesterday we had the most horrific storm in Johannesburg (apparently it has not been this bad in 100 years).  And as I sit here writing this, another storm is rolling in.

It was terrifying sitting in my house just watching the devastation out of the window when there was nothing that I could really do.  We put towels down anticipating the water coming into the house but thankfully, only a trickle of water came in.
Our neighbours were not so lucky – water poured into houses, walls and trees have fallen, cars and property are damaged.  And yet, we were all luckier than others because people lost their lives last night – swept away in their cars in the storm water.

I often talk about appreciating what you have but never has it been so clear as it was last night.
As scary as it was sitting in the house, we were so blessed to be dry and protected.
It is a huge lesson in never taking things for granted.
Your house may not be great, but it is your house.  With the added bonus of a roof and walls.
Be grateful for every moment that you get to spend with your loved ones.
Focus on what you have rather than what you don’t have.
Count your blessings rather than moan about your “curses”.

To everyone – be safe, look after yourselves and your loved ones.  Material objects can be replaced, lives can’t.

Reasons for being unhappy

25 Wednesday May 2016

Posted by in Attitude, Freedom, Gratitude, Positivity

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Anna Vital writes about what she thinks are the reasons for people being unhappy.  It is worth having a look at these reasons and thinking about how it applies to your life and your choices for happiness.
(I have put my own explanations in brackets after each one.)

Reasons for being unhappy:

  • Setting expectations unrealistically high (setting yourself up for failure by only aiming high and not being realistic or taking things step by step)
  • Thinking that you are special but can’t explain why (remember that nobody owes you anything and you are no more special than anyone else – work hard for yourself and not for recognition)
  • Measuring happiness in the wrong units (no, money can NOT buy you happiness no matter how happy you feel at the time)
  • Getting used to what you have and then wanting more (learn to appreciate, be happy and love what you have)
  • Confusing not being bad with being good (just because you are not a criminal, and well done for that, doesn’t mean that you are being good to others or to yourself)
  • Trying to find meaning in being unhappy (please don’t over-analyse everything.  Learn to be in the moment)
  • Hoping that other people will make you happy (nobody can make you feel happy until you are happy with yourself)
  • Finding commiserators (stop inviting people to your pity party – rather surround yourself with positive people who truly care about you)
  • Believing that happiness is a selfish pursuit (you ARE worth it! And you do deserve happiness)
  • Thinking that misery follows happiness (just let yourself be happy, don’t worry about the fact that it may not last – maybe it will, maybe it won’t)

You may not feel over the moon, excited kind of happy but start thinking about how you are holding yourself back.
Be wonderful!

Seeing rainbows

11 Wednesday May 2016

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Gratitude, Life Lessons, Positivity

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On Monday evening one of my friends posted on Facebook something that said “I survived Monday!”
I’m sure that most of us feel that way on a Monday and immediately start counting the days and hours until Friday.
The only problem with “I survived Monday!” is that my neighbour didn’t.
He died on Monday morning.
When most people were moaning about traffic, complaining about the week and generally dragging themselves into the day, he didn’t even make it to 9am on a Monday morning. And his family’s lives were devastated in an instant.
Believe me, I was having my fair share of Monday complaining and generally feeling miserable and overwhelmed by all of my responsibilities but that quickly ended when I heard the news.  It was a quick and very rude awakening about how blessed I was to have not only “survived Monday” but also to still be here to be blessed enough to continue with my “stressful” and “chaotic” life.

Please don’t forget to pause even while feeling sorry for yourself and to realise how blessed you are.

Today I was exhausted and as I finally did my shopping and then drove out of the shops, the sight that I was greeted with was absolutely spectacular.  There was a huge rainbow arching over the sky.  So amazing!  I saw it as a gift to me and a clear reminder of the beauty of life.

beautiful rainbow

Take a breath, look at the bigger picture and realise how special every moment is and what a blessing it is to be able to be here to celebrate that moment.

“You’re never fully dressed without a smile”

27 Wednesday Jan 2016

Posted by in Acts of Kindness, Attitude, Gratitude, Positivity

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I was so touched today when I was part of a discussion where one man thanked another for a compliment he had received from him earlier in the day.
It touched me because so few people give compliments anymore and the person involved said that he could not even remember the last time somebody had said something nice to him (sad world that we live in).
We complain a lot, we focus on the negatives, we fight when we get poor service, and we expect a lot from people in general.
It is so easy to get caught up in that spiral of negativity.

So let us start a new mission:
Everyday, say something nice to somebody.  Not just to somebody that you know or to a family member. Give a compliment to a stranger.
I make it my personal mission to always comment on a cashier’s hairstyle or a security guard’s smile.  I like to tell somebody that they are looking good.  OK, it is probably explains a lot about why I get more marriage proposals than the average person but so be it.
Tell someone that you are proud of them and very importantly, tell your friends and family that you love them!

Everyday that you walk into work or school – smile!
Even if you don’t feel that happy – smile anyway.  Because if you smile, you will probably get a smile back in return.  You will probably feel better for smiling anyway – you know – “turn that frown upside down”?
Or to quote Annie (yes, I watched the original movie numerous times and the latest version twice….) “you’re never fully dressed without a smile”

And my favourite thing to do… always – random acts of kindness.
If you would love somebody to do something nice for you, chances are that somebody would love something nice from you.
Small little things – today it was a packet of peppermints that I gave to a colleague battling with morning sickness.
I promise that you will feel good doing it.
And yes, it is difficult to be the one always giving and not receiving but be the nicer person.

Eleanor Roosevelt wrote in her book You learn by living: Eleven Keys for a more fulfilling life:
“Happiness is not a goal, it is a by-product. Paradoxically, the one sure way not to be happy is deliberately to map out a way of life in which one would please oneself completely and exclusively. After a short time, a very short time, there would be little that one really enjoyed. For what keeps our interest in life and makes us look forward to tomorrow is giving pleasure to other people.”

And let me tell you this:
You are wonderful!

Trying a more positive style

20 Wednesday Jan 2016

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Being brave, Gratitude, Positivity

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I’m sure that you can all imagine that I spend a lot of my day listening to people moaning about their lives.
There are countless people who feel sorry for themselves and you don’t need to be a therapist to be exposed to this – just spend some time on Facebook or in the break room at work, or even sitting with your family members and you will be confronted by people who complain incessantly.
The sad thing is that most of the people doing the complaining have no idea how blessed they are or how much good they actually have in their lives.

I am treating a lady at the moment who developed a meningitis infection as a result of HIV which left her blind.  After surviving that ordeal, she decided to really start living her life – she has learned how to swim, gained new skills and is always on a mission to learn new things and embrace the wonder around her.  Part of that journey is attending therapy.
I am so inspired my her story and her attitude.
To top it off, I watched a documentary about Nick Vujicic today and I think that it should be compulsory for everyone to watch or read his story.
http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/about-life-without-limbs/
How does somebody with so many limitations live a life with so much positivity and enthusiasm?
And how do people who have so much spend so much energy on negativity and moaning?

I think that Depression, Anxiety and Bipolar Mood Disorder are some of the most difficult, misunderstood illnesses to have.  And while I never expect any of my clients to be jumping up and down with the joys of life and constantly counting their blessings, I do ask them to try to focus on what they have rather than what they don’t.
I ask them to think about what they think their mission is in life and what they can learn through their own challenges.
It is difficult and challenging to be positive when it is the last thing that you feel, but understand this:
You are so wonderful, so blessed and so unique.  You could really give so much to yourself and the world if you just allow yourself do it.