Category Archives: Illness

Be here for me on my cloudy days

29 Thursday Jun 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Depression, Illness, Mental health

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A lot of people are fascinated by the job that I do – for many people it makes for great dinner conversations: “tell us about your crazy patients!” or “tell us about how you got threatened your bipolar patient…”
It is like I have some kind of brilliant and exciting job like a performer who gets shot out of a cannon every night at a circus (now that is a job that I wouldn’t mind having).
It just shows how so many people are ignorant about what mental illness really is.
What makes it worse is that most of you are constantly dealing with family, friends and colleagues who think that you are:
– crazy
– difficult
– attention seeking
– overly dramatic
(pick one or all)

I swing between the idea of standing up for yourself and educating others or just being quiet and ignoring their ignorance.  You need to be honest with the people that you trust though and make it clear that you need their support more than you need their advice, their criticism or their need to be able to “fix” you.
I found this beautiful piece by one of my favourite poets, Tyler Knott Gregson:

I cannot promise
I will never become restless,
that I won’t ache
in ways you don’t know
how to help.
There are clouds in me
and they roll in
from time to time,
I hope you learn to love
the dark mornings,
instead of always
fumbling around
for your umbrella.

In an ideal world, you would be surrounded by people who will love or respect you even on your cloudy days.  Unfortunately it will not always be that way but if you can find one or two people who really respect you for being you, who will see beyond the depression and the stress, then those are the people who you should be with.
It may even be worth sharing this poem with the people in your life.

Be proudly you!  Demand respect by starting with being respectful to yourself.
You know that you are worth it!

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Chocolate cake cure

18 Thursday May 2017

Posted by in Advice, Anxiety, Chocolate yeah!, Depression, Food for the soul, Illness, Life Lessons, Recipes

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My 13 year old son has an autoimmune illness and he deals with frequent anxiety.
It is a constant battle for him to deal with his issues and he swears that chocolate cupcakes still warm out of the oven are a cure-all for a bad day.

This is what he writes:
How chocolate cake makes everything better

When you are feeling down or depressed and you need something to make you feel better – eat chocolate cake.  Cold, warm, hot, all of them are delicious.  Every bit of soft, spongy, rich chocolatey taste gives you the sensation where the taste is so good that you enter your own space.  It is like the world of stress doesn’t exist and all of your problems and worries are gone.  Afterwards you can focus on your work, your mission, your goal.
Life lesson: Eat Chocolate Cake!

I can’t argue with him even if I am not the world’s greatest chocolate cake lover.  But just spending a few minutes calmly enjoying something that you love is going to make a big difference.  Particularly if you are becoming overwhelmed by stress and anxiety.  You are seriously not going to get anything done while you are panicking.
Rather watch your manager’s expression while you sip your tea and eat your snack as they stare you down expecting your deadline to be met yesterday (don’t tell them I said this…)

So here is my son’s favourite chocolate cake recipe.  It sounds crazy but that is because it is called a crazy cake but trust me on this.  It is a fast and easy way to make cake.  You can make it into one large cake (enough to share with everyone in the office) or make 24 cupcakes – freeze them all and take one out each day to pop into your lunch box….

3 cups flour
2 cups white sugar (stop right here if you are diabetic or a health food fanatic)
1 teaspoon of salt
2 teaspoons baking powder
½  cup cocoa powder

Mix all of these ingredients into a large bowl and then make three wells and add:
¾ cup sunflower oil
2 tablespoons vinegar (really!)
2 teaspoons vanilla essence or extract (or be daring and use a different flavouring – I’m quite partial to caramel)
Put each one into a well (don’t worry if they overflow or the wells collapse.  It works anyway)
Top the whole mix with 2 cups of water and mix well until there are no lumps (I do this in a mixer but you can do it by hand)
Pour into a prepared cake tin (or in a foil roasting tin that you can just throw away when the cake has been eaten) or into 24 cupcake cases (put them in muffin tins because the mixture is really runny)

Bake at 180 C for about 40 minutes for a cake and 25 minutes for cupcakes

Big small blessings

09 Thursday Mar 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Gratitude, Illness

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In a rough moment this week I was feeling very sorry for myself because my son was so sick… again.
So I was in the pharmacy… again and looking pathetically at a mother with her daughter picking out shampoo.  And I had a moment of jealousy (and anger) that they could be doing such a ‘normal’ thing when I spend so much time in doctor’s rooms and queuing for medication at the pharmacy.
Then I turned around and the woman behind me was with her really ill daughter who was recovering from heart surgery!
I very quickly shut up my pity party anthem that was playing in my head and wanted to cry at how lucky I am that although my son is ill, he doesn’t have a life threatening illness.
I got home feeling more peaceful and just wanted to hug the boy – except that he told me to give him space and let him concentrate on his very important game of Plants vs Zombies (I have no idea….)

It would do us all well to remember that our lives may be far from perfect but they are far more perfect than somebody else’s.
Be grateful for the blessings you have – even though they may seem small, they are huge to another person.

Appreciating breathing

23 Thursday Feb 2017

Posted by in Advice, Illness, Life Lessons

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I have been absolutely knocked down this week with bronchitis which made my asthma flair up as an added (no frills) bonus.
So I have to nebulise twice a day which means sitting still for 15 minutes, twice a day with a mask on my face doing deep breathing (and no talking).  Those of you who know me know that I never sit still – or if I do sit still, I’m usually doing something while I am sitting still.
Every time somebody tells me to breathe deeply and just be still and meditate for a few minutes, I reply to them that it is impossible for me to do that – I can’t sit still (or keep quiet but that’s another discussion for another day).
And now I am forced to do that – and I can’t even fold laundry while I’m doing it (yes, I tried!).

So now thanks to an illness, I am a convert to quietly sitting and breathing and I really think that once I don’t have rely on that horrible machine, I am going to carry on doing it anyway and call it meditation. I think it can be done and I would encourage everyone to just take a few minutes for silent breathing.

Life works in strange ways – sometimes you go through something bad or uncomfortable in order to learn something good.
I often preach that message but it is not until I actually experience it that I can really appreciate it.  I hate getting bronchitis but I cannot even start to tell you how much I appreciate a simple thing like being able to breathe when I get better.
And I never knew that I could meditate until I had to nebulise.  As horrible as these experiences are, they definitely leave us with a lesson.
The most responsible people who manage their finances well are often those who have been in debt.  Great relationships can come out of hurtful experiences.  Brilliant leaders are mostly people who have had to overcome a lot of obstacles.

Find grace in your own experiences and the lessons that you can gain from them.
You never know that you can do something until you are forced to and hopefully you will never have to look back from here.

Thoughts on blessings

02 Thursday Feb 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Gratitude, Illness, Mental health

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This week has been a really horrible one on a lot of levels but for me one of the most horrific parts of the week was the news that 94 mentally ill patients have died in our province.  They died because they did not receive proper care.
It really opens up the conversation yet again about why there is such stigma and lack of education when it comes to mental health and illness.
My heart breaks for the families affected by this.

The lesson taken from this is how truly blessed anyone is to have access to healthcare.  Yes, it should be a right and not a blessing but unfortunately that is the way it is.
If you are not well but you have access to doctors and medication and therapists, you are lucky.
Take some time to appreciate that.
In a world where we are constantly comparing ourselves to other people, stop and look at how much you actually have.
Feeling sorry for yourself because you don’t have as much as the next person (seems to have) or you are not as healthy as somebody else is not going to help you at all.
You are so blessed to have what you have.
Don’t ever forget that!

Dealing with invisible illness

30 Wednesday Sep 2015

Posted by in Advice, Depression, Illness, Mental health, Stress

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This week is Invisible Illness Week – a week to highlight illness that nobody else sees.

http://invisibleillnessweek.com/
And because nobody can see it, there is a good chance that nobody (or most people at least) really don’t understand what you are going through.
How can they? There is nothing to see.
In order to be seen as sick, it is really helpful to have a cast on at least one limb, a drip stand would be useful, an awful sounding cough might help too.
Unfortunately, many people have an invisible illness and they suffer in silence.  In fact, most invisible illnesses become worse if you are stressed.
If you are suffering on your own, feeling tense and angry, it is only going to make your symptoms worse.

While I think it is so important to have awareness weeks for illness, it is more important for you to take responsibility for yourself:

1.  Speak up!  People can’t see what you are going through so you need to let them know.  You don’t have to spend ages moaning and complaining but you do need to let people around you know that you are battling.

2.  Ask for help!  There are no prizes for doing everything by yourself – believe me, if there were I would be overwhelmed by the amount of prizes that I would get.
Tell people what you need and what they can do for you – people often like feeling that they have an important role to play and by giving them a practical task to help you, they will feel good and it will benefit you – win-win!

3.  Educate!  You have a responsibility to educate people about your illness.  People are only going to understand if you become an advocate for your illness.

4.  Be gentle on yourself.  If you are going through a tough time, take some time out to recover and don’t (DON’T!) feel guilty about not being the perfect parent, spouse, partner, colleague etc.

5.  Putting other people’s needs before your own is not going to make you any better.  It is nice to be nice but know that you don’t need to be nice to other people to feel good about yourself – you are wonderful! That is enough.

6.  Take breaks!  If you don’t make the decision to take a break to look after your health, your body will force you to take a break when you burn out or your immune system crashes – it is your choice.

7.  You are NOT your illness!  You may feel that it totally dominates your life but it is a guest in your body, not the general manager.

Am I lazy?

02 Wednesday Sep 2015

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Illness, Mindfulness, Relaxation

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Stop feeling guilty for taking time out!
Don’t feel bad about procrastinating a bit.
Your to-do list may be growing, and you can allow it to.

There are going to be times when you just don’t have the energy (or the health) to get things done.
This is not being lazy or procrastinating – this is called looking after yourself.
It is OK to look after yourself.
It is more than OK to look after yourself.
Nobody is a superhuman, or a superhero or a super robot and there is going to be a time when your body cries out to you that you need to recharge.  Listen to your body’s cries.
I am blessed (yes, blessed!) to have a chronic illness that is there as a reminder to me that I have to take time out.  If I don’t, then I end up with a fever and in pain which forces me to stop my ‘race’ and just care for myself.
The main reason that we don’t take time out is that we put pressure on ourselves to achieve a high standard of living or we feel that we have to keep up the appearance of being busy and successful.
Highly intelligent, over analytical and stressed people (I’m talking to you here, so pay attention!) have real difficulty with slowing down.  You think that you are a failure if you don’t keep moving and performing and doing.

Either you listen to your body shouting at you to slow down or it will give you something to slow you down.
You know all about it because you know people who have it, or you’ve read about it, or you might even have it yourself – more and more people are hypertensive, diabetic and have high cholesterol.  More people are anxious and stressed.
You cannot sustain this pace.
So stop!

Be gentle and kind to yourself.
Lie on your bed, cuddle on the couch, watch TV or movies, sip tea while you stare out of the window, doodle or colour in a picture.
Cry, play that music out loud, dance, shout.
Eat that chocolate biscuit!
And don’t for one second feel guilty about it.  Because as soon as you feel better (and you will), you will be up and about and doing what you’re meant to be doing with more energy and motivation than you had before.

Let’s talk about Depression

27 Thursday Aug 2015

Posted by in Depression, Illness, Mental health

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Today is a special person’s birthday.
What makes her special?  Well, there are a lot of reasons but mainly that she doesn’t know how special she is.  She battles and battles with depression so this week’s post is inspired by her.
It is also inspired by all of you who continue to read my posts – if you are here and reading this, you are working on yourself and working to find ways to cope better and be well.  That means that you are more awesome and special than you know and I am constantly inspired by you!

Depression (and all mental illness) is one of the hardest illnesses for people to understand.
Let’s look at what it is NOT:
Depression is not just feeling sad.
You cannot just “snap” out of it, no matter how much you wish you could.
Depression is not about feeling sorry for yourself or attention seeking.
It is not just a psychological illness – it affects you physically as well, and sometimes the physical effects feel so much worse than the psychological ones.  The constant tiredness, low energy and ongoing pain can be the most debilitating part of depression.
Depression is not the same in every one – some people can have it quite mildly while others are in such a deep, dark space, they don’t even have the energy to contemplate killing themselves.
Depression is not that different from any other illness like diabetes, asthma or hypertension – it is just in a different part of your body – there should not ever be a competition about which one is more serious, which is more life threatening, which one should receive more attention and which one should get more funding.

Every illness is a battle but obviously depression is close to my heart because I work with it every day.
If you have depression, you have some responsibilities that come with it:
You are responsible for being an advocate for your rights.
You are responsible for being an ambassador for mental health and being a true role model for taking responsibility for your health and well being.
You are responsible for not using it as an excuse either – there are people with all kinds of mental and physical illnesses who keep on working at getting better and finding better ways to be the best person that they can be.  They don’t let it determine who they are or what they can or can’t do.

If you have depression, please share this with people to help them to understand you better and to start a conversation about mental health.
If you know somebody who has depression, be kind and understanding.  I could not say it as eloquently as Stephen Fry – the wonderful man who has really given a voice to depression:

stephen-fry depression

What can you learn from being sick?

06 Wednesday May 2015

Posted by in Advice, Illness, Life Lessons, Mental health

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This week I have been floored by high blood pressure which is now getting treated so I’m already feeling like a brand new person.
I spent some quality time feeling really sorry for myself for being sick and not able to keep up with my usual frenetic pace.
Though one day while moping on the couch, I suddenly had clarity that no matter what kind of illness you have – whether it is mental or physical, chronic or acute, life threatening or not, there are a few things that you really need to do (or not do) to help you through:

  • If you don’t get it done, there is a high probability that the world will not end.  Even though you may be a perfectionist, some things can be left for another time (or done by another person).  Thanks to Uber for the wonderful trips to work – I even treated myself to a luxury ride on Monday morning just because I thought that I deserved it and it definitely made Monday a lot better.
  • Your health always, always comes first.  Don’t put yourself at risk because you feel that you need to please other people or keep up with other people’s expectations.  You are allowed to say that you just don’t feel well enough to get something done.  If people don’t respect that, they are not worth the energy that you are prepared to give to them.
  • Don’t be fight the illness.  Even a cold makes you feel that you are never going to be well again and you can become miserable and feel sorry for yourself.  I believe that illness is often a way of your body forcing you to slow down because you need it.  Don’t fight that!
  • Eat when you are hungry, sleep when you need to, rest, rest, rest and then rest some more.
  • Be gentle on yourself – you are not a failure if you get sick.  Bodies get sick, minds get sick.  Unless you deliberately did something to make yourself sick (and I sincerely hope that you didn’t), you can’t do much to avoid it.  Stop being angry at yourself.
  • Sometimes you are not going to have control over life.  There is nothing like getting sick to teach you that things are not always going to go your way.  Let it go!