Category Archives: Life Lessons

Be brave enough to fail

30 Thursday Aug 2018

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Being brave, Change, Fear, Life journey, Life Lessons, Positivity

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All through our lives and definitely in childhood (well, that was my experience of education and growing up), we are told that failure is a bad thing to be avoided at all costs.
Does the phrase “you’re not trying hard enough!” sound familiar?
JK Rowling said:
“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case you fail by default”

Instead of seeing failure as a bad thing, why can’t we see it as an opportunity to grow? To try to figure out what works and what doesn’t. What our strengths are and what our weaknesses are.  And to keep on building on those strengths rather than fighting to overcome weaknesses.

I sometimes think that I am the queen of mess ups. And while I do beat myself up a bit when I’ve made another mistake (usually from jumping into things impulsively), I try to be gentle on myself.  And I seriously encourage you to do the same.
Be gentle on yourself.
Explore what works, go on a journey, make new discoveries, live for the moment.
Constantly worrying about the potential outcome and possible failure of every decision that you make and every action that you take will just paralyze you and stop you from reaching your potential and living a content (or dare I say it, happy) life.
Live a messy, confused and exciting life.
Be bold in your decisions.
And most of all trust in the process – it will unfold the way it is meant to.

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Surviving that which you never think you will

22 Thursday Mar 2018

Posted by in Advice, Anxiety, Attitude, Being brave, Life Lessons, Stress

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People tell you awful and ridiculous things when you are going through a difficult time.
Things like chin up, be strong and my personal favourite – everything is going to be okay.
And you feel like saying, “How the hell do you know that things are going to be okay?” because it feels like it is never going to be okay.
This is what I do know – you don’t have to be okay and you don’t have to be strong.  You are absolutely allowed to fall apart and cry and scream and panic.
You do need to be gentle on yourself and realise that as much as nobody can tell the future, what you are going through is not going to last forever – it just can’t.
This is what you are going through now.
You are going to overcome this but it is not going to happen overnight.  You have the right to be stressed and anxious.
But don’t let that become your story.
Your story is that you will become resilient and you will have a great tale to tell future generations one day – “long time ago, I went through a really difficult time but I survived and I’m here to share my story with you”
I wish that you didn’t have to have that story to tell but it’s yours – embrace it, learn from it, grow from it and become a better person for having gone through it.
You absolutely have this!

Chocolate cake cure

18 Thursday May 2017

Posted by in Advice, Anxiety, Chocolate yeah!, Depression, Food for the soul, Illness, Life Lessons, Recipes

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My 13 year old son has an autoimmune illness and he deals with frequent anxiety.
It is a constant battle for him to deal with his issues and he swears that chocolate cupcakes still warm out of the oven are a cure-all for a bad day.

This is what he writes:
How chocolate cake makes everything better

When you are feeling down or depressed and you need something to make you feel better – eat chocolate cake.  Cold, warm, hot, all of them are delicious.  Every bit of soft, spongy, rich chocolatey taste gives you the sensation where the taste is so good that you enter your own space.  It is like the world of stress doesn’t exist and all of your problems and worries are gone.  Afterwards you can focus on your work, your mission, your goal.
Life lesson: Eat Chocolate Cake!

I can’t argue with him even if I am not the world’s greatest chocolate cake lover.  But just spending a few minutes calmly enjoying something that you love is going to make a big difference.  Particularly if you are becoming overwhelmed by stress and anxiety.  You are seriously not going to get anything done while you are panicking.
Rather watch your manager’s expression while you sip your tea and eat your snack as they stare you down expecting your deadline to be met yesterday (don’t tell them I said this…)

So here is my son’s favourite chocolate cake recipe.  It sounds crazy but that is because it is called a crazy cake but trust me on this.  It is a fast and easy way to make cake.  You can make it into one large cake (enough to share with everyone in the office) or make 24 cupcakes – freeze them all and take one out each day to pop into your lunch box….

3 cups flour
2 cups white sugar (stop right here if you are diabetic or a health food fanatic)
1 teaspoon of salt
2 teaspoons baking powder
½  cup cocoa powder

Mix all of these ingredients into a large bowl and then make three wells and add:
¾ cup sunflower oil
2 tablespoons vinegar (really!)
2 teaspoons vanilla essence or extract (or be daring and use a different flavouring – I’m quite partial to caramel)
Put each one into a well (don’t worry if they overflow or the wells collapse.  It works anyway)
Top the whole mix with 2 cups of water and mix well until there are no lumps (I do this in a mixer but you can do it by hand)
Pour into a prepared cake tin (or in a foil roasting tin that you can just throw away when the cake has been eaten) or into 24 cupcake cases (put them in muffin tins because the mixture is really runny)

Bake at 180 C for about 40 minutes for a cake and 25 minutes for cupcakes

Fear of failure

16 Thursday Mar 2017

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Change, Life Lessons, Self growth

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I never loved school – when I look back at my schooling, the one thing that always comes to mind was my fear of failure.  That was probably because we were constantly being taught that failure is a bad thing and we not only had to avoid it at all costs but also to always work harder.
As children we are often told by our parents and grandparents what we are not allowed to do or say or touch.  To avoid risk and potential failure or hurt and pain.
So we stick with those beliefs.

The negative reputation that failure gets follows you into your adulthood where you still feel that fear is a bad thing.
More often than not, you are not taught that failure might actually open up new doors for you.  You are not taught that failure is an opportunity to learn and grow as an individual.  You are not given the chance to discover what your strengths and weaknesses are and to really build on your strengths because you spend so much energy and time trying to fix the weaknesses.

If you could let the fear of failure go and bravely enter new places, discover new opportunities and take chances, you may just find something that you never even knew existed.
As uncomfortable as it is to fail, the fear of failing or avoidance of failure just holds you back.  It makes you want to stay in your comfort zone.
And you are worthy of doing so much more than just holding yourself back.
Jump in, try it, take a risk – great, great things might happen!

Appreciating breathing

23 Thursday Feb 2017

Posted by in Advice, Illness, Life Lessons

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I have been absolutely knocked down this week with bronchitis which made my asthma flair up as an added (no frills) bonus.
So I have to nebulise twice a day which means sitting still for 15 minutes, twice a day with a mask on my face doing deep breathing (and no talking).  Those of you who know me know that I never sit still – or if I do sit still, I’m usually doing something while I am sitting still.
Every time somebody tells me to breathe deeply and just be still and meditate for a few minutes, I reply to them that it is impossible for me to do that – I can’t sit still (or keep quiet but that’s another discussion for another day).
And now I am forced to do that – and I can’t even fold laundry while I’m doing it (yes, I tried!).

So now thanks to an illness, I am a convert to quietly sitting and breathing and I really think that once I don’t have rely on that horrible machine, I am going to carry on doing it anyway and call it meditation. I think it can be done and I would encourage everyone to just take a few minutes for silent breathing.

Life works in strange ways – sometimes you go through something bad or uncomfortable in order to learn something good.
I often preach that message but it is not until I actually experience it that I can really appreciate it.  I hate getting bronchitis but I cannot even start to tell you how much I appreciate a simple thing like being able to breathe when I get better.
And I never knew that I could meditate until I had to nebulise.  As horrible as these experiences are, they definitely leave us with a lesson.
The most responsible people who manage their finances well are often those who have been in debt.  Great relationships can come out of hurtful experiences.  Brilliant leaders are mostly people who have had to overcome a lot of obstacles.

Find grace in your own experiences and the lessons that you can gain from them.
You never know that you can do something until you are forced to and hopefully you will never have to look back from here.

Count your blessings

10 Thursday Nov 2016

Posted by in Being brave, Gratitude, Life Lessons

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Yesterday we had the most horrific storm in Johannesburg (apparently it has not been this bad in 100 years).  And as I sit here writing this, another storm is rolling in.

It was terrifying sitting in my house just watching the devastation out of the window when there was nothing that I could really do.  We put towels down anticipating the water coming into the house but thankfully, only a trickle of water came in.
Our neighbours were not so lucky – water poured into houses, walls and trees have fallen, cars and property are damaged.  And yet, we were all luckier than others because people lost their lives last night – swept away in their cars in the storm water.

I often talk about appreciating what you have but never has it been so clear as it was last night.
As scary as it was sitting in the house, we were so blessed to be dry and protected.
It is a huge lesson in never taking things for granted.
Your house may not be great, but it is your house.  With the added bonus of a roof and walls.
Be grateful for every moment that you get to spend with your loved ones.
Focus on what you have rather than what you don’t have.
Count your blessings rather than moan about your “curses”.

To everyone – be safe, look after yourselves and your loved ones.  Material objects can be replaced, lives can’t.

I am not fat

31 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Freedom, Life Lessons, Positivity

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In my younger and more athletic days, I had a washboard stomach (and let me tell you that I definitely I didn’t appreciate it at the time).
So this morning, while I was getting dressed, I was lamenting on what happened to that perfect stomach which has been replaced with something rather flabby – clearly caused by pregnancy, lack of doing sit ups (raise your hands those of you who actually do sit ups…) and possibly a tiny little bit of too many pastries.
I got on with my day and didn’t give my stomach a second thought – after all, it was my pregnancies, lack of sit ups and need for visiting the patisserie that caused it – until I got one of those lovely marketing emails offering me R100 off a weight loss program.
I just spent more than R100 on potatoes!

And therein lies the problem – I do not need any random marketing email to remind me that I am fat (which I am not!) – I don’t feel fat most of the time until something or someone has to remind me of how my body doesn’t fit into what is considered “normal” and if my self esteem wasn’t good enough, I would think that I was not normal and would spend my life trying to fit in.
We are constantly being told that we are too fat (or in my chocolate devouring husband’s case, too thin), or too old, too young, too uneducated, uninformed, too black, too white and too bipolar – What??
Two different people told me today that they had ruined their marriages because of negative self belief that started when they were children taught by none other than their own parents.

Understand this now – you are never going to fit in!
How can you when you are an amazing, beautiful and unique person?  What exactly are you trying to fit in with?
Somebody else’s idea of what is right and what is wrong.  Stop it right now and choose to embrace your individuality.

I was so blessed to meet Caroline Rothstein this past weekend whose video I want to share with you.
She is an amazing survivor, a brilliant speaker and somebody who is no longer letting negative pressures and experiences determine who she is.

Fat is not a feeling

Don’t judge me by my death stare

11 Thursday Aug 2016

Posted by in Attitude, Life Lessons, Mindfulness

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I’m sure that we have all seen the photo of the Michael Phelps death stare by now.

death stare
Truthfully, I don’t understand what the big deal was – people do things to prepare for big events in ways that us mere mortals may never understand.
I have my own version of the death stare (though, let’s be honest – it looks more like I am squinting into the sunlight than any really scary look and I may not be a super villain yet).
What I really don’t understand was why the “death stare” had to make the front page of our newspaper.
Was there nothing more important to report on that day?
Perhaps not…
I am just grateful that my death stare didn’t make the front page.

Today, there is something else on the front page and the death stare is old news.
Never, ever forget that – what seems like something so important today, may be insignificant tomorrow.
Sometimes, we make mistakes or things happen to us that feel like they are the end of the world at the time.  Yet, we survive.
You may be the talking point in the office today because everyone has something to say about how you behaved or what you did.  But tomorrow, they will have moved on.  That’s just what happens.
Try not to let people’s opinions of you matter.  It is just that – an opinion.  What you do today does not define who you are going to be tomorrow.
It may seem like the end of the world today, tomorrow might be a little bit better.
You are a survivor after all!

RIP Gugu Zulu

20 Wednesday Jul 2016

Posted by in Advice, Life journey, Life Lessons, Mindfulness, Quiet and slow, Stress

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I am so devastated by the death of Gugu Zulu – a great racing car driver but more importantly, a great person.  A man who lived large.
He died while climbing Mount Kilimanjaro for a good cause on Mandela Day.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BH5nOWfg13O/?taken-by=guguzulu

If nothing else, what we should gain from his death is that we have absolutely no idea what tomorrow is going to bring.
One minute we are here, the next minute, we are not.
One day we are amazingly successful, the next, we may have lost everything.

So the question is:
If the only thing we know is right now, then why are we spending right now worrying about what might happen tomorrow?
Why do lead such stressful lives without ever slowing down to enjoy the small things (and the big things)?
There is a huge industry that is making money off our stress by supplying every supplement and energy booster you can think of when we should be boosting our own energy levels through slowing down, better eating, exercise and having a better attitude towards life.
We should be building resilience towards stress rather than just wishing it away (while downing another cup of coffee to keep us going).
Our lives should be worth so much more than the value that we give attribute to them.

So, next time you say “I don’t want to be stressed” you should do something about it!
Make today count!

Learning from the small

16 Thursday Jun 2016

Posted by in Advice, Life Lessons, Positivity, self esteem

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Today we celebrate Youth Day.
And while we actually do celebrate the freedom that it represents (and enjoy a day off work and school) may we never forget the stories behind June the 16th – the Soweto uprising.
It took bravery for people to stand up for what they believed in.  It took guts for the ‘small’ to fight the ‘big’.
Those people changed our history.
This week, we were once again faced with the result of hatred in the shootings in Orlando, USA.  As devastating as it was, the uprising of people afterwards – standing together as one with strong belief in good – was absolutely amazing.

Most of us are blessed with a freedom that perhaps the precious generation didn’t have.
Let us not take that for granted.
Never let anybody oppress you.  Whether it is leaders, people in your work place, bullies or even family members.  Don’t ever allow anybody to belittle you or tell you that you are less worthy or not good enough.
Don’t be small!
You may not have the ability, or the bravery to take on the ‘big guys’ but you can still be the best person that you can be despite your circumstances.  Rise above those circumstances!
Be wonderful even if nobody supports you in doing it.
Do great things even if nobody recognises what you do.
Do things because they make you happy and not for reward.
Find fulfillment in whatever you need to do and celebrate your freedom to be different.

Friedrich Nietzsche said “the surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.”