Category Archives: Lists

Coping with feeling overwhelmed

22 Thursday Jun 2017

Posted by in Advice, Coping skills, Lists, Projects, Stress

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Stress can make you feel so overwhelmed that you feel like you are going to blow up or that you want to hibernate or run away forever.
There isn’t an easy answer to dealing with such huge problems but there are some manageable steps that you can take:

1. Remove yourself from the situation.  If you can get away from the room or the building that you are sitting in or stay away from your computer or phone for a few minutes then do it.  Take a short walk (slam the door on the way out if you really have to), regroup, breathe deeply and return.

2.  Stay away from social media for a while.  It really doesn’t help for you to see people whose lives seem to be awesome when yours feels like it is falling apart.  You also don’t need to be part of anyone else’s drama.

3.  Declutter! Clear your desk, delete emails and messages (not the important ones), get rid of the things around you that are unnecessary.  When your mind feels cluttered with your problems, you don’t need physical objects cluttering your space too.

4. Talk to somebody.  It doesn’t mean that you have to offload all of your problems on them but just tell someone that you are not coping and that you are stressed. They might be feeling the same way too. If there is absolutely nobody to talk to then write it down or illustrate it so that you can still express yourself.

5.  Make time (no matter what) just to do something for yourself.  It might just be a few minutes but it is essential that you do something nice for yourself (I’m not talking about buying another pair of shoes! Though who am I to judge you?)

6.  Find a project that will keep you motivated.  Do you have a room that needs painting?  Sort out your photos.  Create something quirky.  Learn a new skill.  Play a game.  Take up a new sport…

I know that you feel so tired and stressed and overwhelmed right now but it will pass.  Just do the best that you can to cope in this moment.
I know that you can do it!

My list of wonderful things I’ve done

13 Thursday Oct 2016

Posted by in Acts of Kindness, Attitude, Creativity, Freedom, Lists, Mental health, Positivity, Projects

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Yesterday was the Jewish holy day of Yom Kippur.  It is a day when we have a final opportunity to ask for forgiveness for our sins and contemplate the year ahead and how we are going to live it better than the last.
We spend so much energy focusing on what we have done wrong and very little (or even no time at all) looking at what we did right.  A few days ago, I read an article where the author suggested that we replace our list of sins (which it seems I have done many) with a list of all the good deeds that we have done.

Rabbi Weiss wrote this down as:

We have loved, we have blessed, we have grown, we have spoken positively, we have raised up, we have shown compassion, we have acted enthusiastically, we have been empathetic.We have cultivated truth, we have given good advice.  We have respected, we have learned, we have comforted, we have forgiven.
We have been creative, we have been stirred… we have given full effort, we have supported, we have contributed, we have repaired.

How much better is this list than a list of all of our sins?
Of course we sin, but I am sure that every one of us do far more good than bad.
I think that it is worth reading this list of good deeds every day to remind yourself of how much you have achieved.
Please add your own achievements today – things like:
I have enjoyed tea, I drew a picture of a dragon, I knitted a square for a blanket, I smiled, I laughed, I licked the batter when I baked a cake, I danced, I sang out loud, I made someone feel better….

I am sure your list will be long and wonderful

10 Lessons from Star Wars

04 Wednesday May 2016

Posted by in Coping skills, Fear, Life Lessons, Lists, Success

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Today is the 4th of May – or more accurately, May the Fourth (international Star Wars Day)

starwars

Since we celebrate Star Wars Day, here are some important lessons that I have learned from Star Wars.

  1. You can learn something from somebody younger than you.  Just because you are older (and seemingly more experienced), doesn’t mean that a younger person can’t teach you something new.  They may have had an experience or have a skill that you don’t.  So be humble (see Anakin Skywalker’s pod racing abilities)
  2. Big ideas can come in small packages – Yoda is enough proof of that.  Don’t judge people by their size, race or gender.  Everybody has a story to tell, everybody has something that they can teach you.
  3. Use the force (okay, we don’t have Jedi force although that would be really great!) but your attitude could be your force.  The way that you treat people could be your power.  Think about how powerful you really are (and don’t ever let anybody tell you otherwise)
  4. Yoda says “Do or not do, there is no try” – we are so afraid of failure that we often don’t even start to try.  If there is something that you want to do, commit to it and do it!
  5. Your biggest fears are within yourself.  You really need to look deeply at yourself before you look on the outside.  How much of what you fear is about your own negative stories that you create around that fear?
  6. If you have a bad feeling about something, try to trust your instinct (or your Jedi abilities) – usually you have a bad feeling for a reason, so don’t put yourself at risk unless you really love danger.
  7. Sometimes the person who looks or acts the strangest can be your closest friend.  A wookiee and a person can be great partners.  We can be wonderful friends with people from different cultures, races and religions if we are prepared to see beyond the ‘box’
  8. Stand up for what is right – even if it is your father that is your enemy.
  9. Yoda said “when 900 year you will reach, look as good you will not” – learn to love (or at least like) yourself as you are – in a beauty and looks orientated material world, it is easy to forget that true beauty comes from within
  10. Sometimes you need to leave your comfort zone (or even your planet) in order to really start fulfilling your destiny

May the fourth (or even the force) be with you!

What I learned:

07 Friday Feb 2014

Posted by in Advice, Coping skills, Lists, Stress

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Before I even start, my humblest apologies for the severe lack of blog last week.
There was a good reason for it – it was my son’s barmitzvah and I was essentially running around like a headless chicken with my stress levels elevated.  I was basically running on adrenalin.
And this week I am exhausted because I’ve run out of fuel but I’ll like to share some important lessons with you that came up for me in the past week.

1.  Some stress is good stress – it is not about terrible things happening to you. The world is not falling apart and it is all about amazing life experiences, yet it is still stressful.  I think that we tend to forget that.  When things are going badly, you wish that time away by hoping for better things but the reality is that there is always going to be stress – good or bad.  And you have to learn ways to manage your stress no matter what life is throwing at you.

2. Never be afraid to ask for help.  Nobody is going to say “wow, this amazing and you did it all yourself!”  It is not worth stressing over things that could get done by someone else, or with someone else’s support.

3. During stressful times, you need to learn to let go of the small things.  Focus on what is important, make lists to help you prioritise and leave the little, unimportant details for another time.

4. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again.  Don’t have high expectations of who should be supporting you.  It hardly ever works out that way.  People are going to disappoint you and people are going to surprise you.  There are going to be people that make you angry and people who touch your heart with their kindness.  Accept it all gracefully.

5. You don’t need as much sleep as you think you do.  If you can’t sleep, stop worrying about it and rather get up and do something productive.  When your body really needs sleep, you’ll get it.

6. Time happens whether you like it or not.  It doesn’t matte how prepared or unprepared you are. When the time comes, things will happen.  And you will always look back in wonder at how you had managed.
You will manage, you will get through this!

Have a wonderful, restful weekend!

It’s time to change

29 Thursday Aug 2013

Posted by in Advice, Change, Lists, Projects

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Why does love (especially new love) feel so good?
Besides all the hormones that are floating around your brain making your world rose tinted and generally a lovely place to be in, my opinion on love is that the reason it makes you so happy is it gives you something to look forward to everyday.
It makes you spring out of bed with a smile on your face, eager to start the day.
It is the same feeling that you get when you are starting a new job or initiating a new venture or project.  Everything is new and exciting and you can’t wait to start.
So for all of you who are reading this who are totally and utterly head over heels in love with someone, you’re good.
For those of you who have a brilliant project or an exciting life change about to happen, you’re good too.
And I sincerely hope that at least one person reading this feels that way.

What about the rest of you?  Everyone who feels that life is just about routine.  Same old job, same people that you see every day of your life.  You have been in a relationship for a long time or you’ve been single for ages.
Believe me, if you feel that you are part of that group, you are definitely in the majority (so please don’t start worrying about that).
Does it mean that if there is nothing new and exciting then life is not going to be good?
NO!  Not at all.
The first thing that you have to understand is that while love and life changes are new and exciting, it cannot last (and please don’t kill me for saying that). Everything eventually settles down and you end up joining the second group into the mundane world.
Unless…
Unless you decide to make life more exciting and give up the mundane no matter what stage of life you are in.
Life doesn’t have to be boring and ordinary but you can’t spend your life always waiting for something new and exciting to happen.
It is up to you to shake it up a little (or a lot).
Now is the time to dress differently, to greet somebody that you’ve never spoken to, to change where you eat your lunch (and what you eat for lunch).
It is time to find a new hobby, to take a different route to work, to try out that new hair colour that you were too scared to do before.

A new hair colour?

I am not being paid to promote it but I find that Pinterest (www.pinterest.com) is a very good place to organise your ideas and find things that you love and keep them in one place.  If you don’t want to go onto Pinterest, you can do it the good, old fashioned way and stick ideas onto a board and put it up somewhere you’ll see it all the time to keep you inspired.  Or maybe you just want a simple list – write down some new ideas and tick them off as you invest in change.

Whatever you decide to do in order to change things, you will find your life becoming just that little bit more exciting and before you know it, your world will become a little more rose tinted too – and you will become that person who is smiling, happy and excited about life!
Go for it!

How to survive winter and other miserable days

05 Friday Jul 2013

Posted by in Advice, Food for the soul, Lists, Moods, Recipes

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While we are blessed to have short, mild winters in Johannesburg, I still often feel miserable in winter.  The air is dry, the grass is brown and the mornings are dark and chilly.  A lot of people have complained to me that they feel tired and generally unhappy and while it may well be related to winter, it could also be a mid year tiredness.  Wow, we’ve made it halfway through the year but we still have months ahead of us.
(By the way, if you’re reading this and it’s summer where you are and you feel really happy and energised, that’s great! Please store this for later in the year when it applies to you).
Our instinct in winter is to do things that are not necessarily good for us.  Hibernating and eating the wrong things.  Yes, there is definitely a time and place for cuddling under a duvet with a steaming mug of hot chocolate in your hand but is probably not going to energise you.  Save all the rich, sugary treats for the weekend when you can enjoy it more and use it as a reward for yourself for a week well done.

Here are some of my ideas for feeling better and more motivated and energetic in winter:
– increase your vitamin intake by getting plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables
– always drink a glass of water before you reach for that cup of coffee or tea or hot chocolate.
– use invigorating oils like grapefruit or lemon in the morning to get you going.
– try to exercise more (I know, I know you don’t really want to but those feel good endorphins will kick in and you will feel great!)
– start a gratitude journal so that you can focus on all that is good rather than on all that feels bad.
– when you feel like hibernating under a blanket, remember that many people are not in the position to do that. So volunteer at a soup kitchen, donate a blanket, start knitting some cosy woollen items.  You will feel good and so will they.

knitting
– cuddle with somebody that you love before you rush off to go your separate ways (you’ll both feel good about it and hugs keep you warm)
– smile!
– before you rush off into the dark morning, take a moment to take a deep breath, watch your breath steam out and wonder at the marvel of winter
– and my ultimate winter happiness is baking (yes, I know I just spoke about not overdoing the sugar).  Baking is a very tactile thing and I find that making scones is very soothing.  And eating warm scones with dollops of jam is even more soothing!  The softness of the flour when you rub the butter in, the release of tension when you’re kneading the dough…

Best scone recipe:
2½ cups self raising flour
1 tablespoon sugar
Good pinch of salt
30g butter
¾ cup milk
½ cup water

Heat oven to 220°C
Sift flour and add sugar and salt into a bowl
Rub the butter in with your fingers
Stir in the milk, and then add water until your mixture is a nice, soft dough
Knead the dough until it is smooth and then press it down to about a 2cm thickness
Using a circle cutter, or a glass, cut into rounds.
Keep kneading and pressing the dough until you have used it all up.
Place your scones on a prepared pan and bake for about 15 minutes.

Enjoy!

5 things to be grateful for (and don’t worry, chocolate is on the list!)

02 Thursday May 2013

Posted by in Attitude, Chocolate yeah!, Gratitude, Lists

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  1. Most of you reading this have at least 2 arms and 2 legs, some of you less and hopefully none of you more.  Everytime you take a step or reach out to hold somebody’s hand, be grateful that you can.  We never really appreciate anything that we have, that we take for granted everyday.  Nick Vujicic (who has no arms and no legs) is proof of how much you can achieve, and how you can truly be a survivor despite the odds against you.  Why do we have so much, yet we still feel sorry for ourselves?  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4uG2kSdd-4
  2. Be grateful to have money in your pocket, or in your wallet, or lying at the bottom of your drawer, or if you are really lucky, in the crevice of your couch.  3 billion people live on less than $2.50 per day and 22000 children die everyday because of poverty.  Even if times are really tough and you are battling financially – you probably still have something to eat and dare I say it, you could probably afford a small treat (like the chocolate mentioned below) for yourself every now and then.
  3. On the simplest level, be grateful that you can read this.  There are 1 billion people in the world today who are illiterate.  People who never got the opportunity to learn to read because of poverty, war, gender inequality and poor resources.  We are blessed to be amongst those who can enjoy being able to read – whether it is a Jane Austen classic, the latest trashy novel, a newspaper, gossip magazine or even this blog!
  4. Be thankful for the people in your life who truly care about you.  The people that you can be honest with, who are there for you no matter what.  And hold those people close to you.  Let them know how important they are to you – and not just using social media!
  5. One thing that I am truly grateful for is that the Aztecs (although they incorrectly predicted the end of the world) did discover cocoa and the joy of chocolate (that gorgeous serotonin inducing, making you feel happy snack).  And even better – thanks to Christopher Columbus who may have discovered America (or so they say) but more importantly, took cocoa beans back to Spain where the genius king of the time, Charles V decided to add sugar to it… and that was the beginning of chocolate as we know it. Mmmm….

Tips for surviving a crisis

11 Thursday Apr 2013

Posted by in Coping skills, Fear, Life Lessons, Lists

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This week I have been functioning in crisis mode.

My husband has been in hospital the whole week and of course my life has been frustrating, stressful and basically upside down.

And then I thought about some of the things that I have done to cope and decided to compile a list.

You can apply this to your own situation or for helping you to get through any crisis.

  1. Don’t over or under expect anything from anyone.  People who you expect will help you don’t and people who you don’t expect anything from, do a lot for you.  It is what it is.
  2. Ask for help!  People are willing to give if you are willing to ask.  And it makes them happy to be able to help too.
  3. Chocolate works wonders.
  4. Sometimes you are NOT going to have control over the situation.  And fighting for that control is only going to frustrate you more.
  5. There will always be at least one person who will make you smile (like my wonderful friend who suggests shoes best suited to go with a nervous breakdown – still looking for the best ones).  You need those kind of people in your life.  Keep them close.
  6. Exhaustion happens quickly, but if you give yourself a break – like having an early night or a luxurious bubble bath (without feeling guilty about it) you can bounce back quickly.
  7. There will be lots of time in life to get things like homework and household chores done.  And now may not be that time.  Leave it!
  8. Wake up, get out of bed (even if your body screams don’t) and put one foot in front of the other.  And then do it again.
  9. Even if you don’t feel like it, keep busy – it is good for you to be distracted.
  10. Remember that what you are going through is situational.  And it will pass.  Stop thinking about what could have been or what you should have done, or what if, or what might be.  It just is! And it is OK to say that you are not OK (one day you will be).

A new kind of list

24 Thursday Jan 2013

Posted by in Attitude, Chocolate yeah!, Lists, Positivity, Relaxation

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I am always going on about lists.
Some people even call me the queen of lists.
But most of my lists are to do lists and bucket lists. Lists of things that I still want to achieve or things that need to be done ASAP or I have to face the consequences, which are usually sleepless nights thinking about how much I have to do.
Well, this week I decided to do a different kind of list. Not only a list of things that I have done but of all the things that I have learned this week when I opened my eyes (and my mind) wide enough to notice them.

So here is my list so far, and it is definitely a work in progress:

  • If Japanese tourists want to take a picture of you doing mundane tasks, like driving, just smile and wave.
  • People prefer chocolate cake recipes to advice on how to cope with stress. And some people love eating chocolate cake more than talking about their problems.  So obviously chocolate could just be the answer to a lot of the world’s problems!
  • What seems terrible one day, might not feel that bad the next day.
  • Reflexology fixes a lot of problems.
  • Not everyone sees the world the same way that you do and it is not worth getting upset about it. People will do what they want to do. And there is not a lot that you can do about it.
  • Getting enough sleep is important but it is not worth obsessing about it.
  • Talk to strangers, you never know what no ideas you can learn from them (yes, I know that your parents probably told you not to talk to strangers but hopefully you’re old enough to know the difference.)
  • Lavender oil fixes a lot of problems.
  • Sometimes the people who you think are meant to give you the most support don’t and the people that you least expect it from do. There is no perfect ideal for who should care the most for you.
  • Smile! It makes all the difference.

Now make your own list for this week.
Even better, buy or make your own lessons learned journal. It might end up being an amazing keepsake or something that you can pass down to the next generation.
Whatever happens, if you get into the habit of doing this exercise, you will start to see the world in a different light.
And you can make it a good one!