Category Archives: Mindfulness

Take this moment

16 Thursday Nov 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Coping skills, Mental health, Mindfulness

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Having control over our lives is what we all want.
Having control is what most of us don’t have.
We fantasize about it, we dream about it, we work hard at getting it back yet it seems that there are always going to be times when control is just something that we don’t have.
It is so difficult to feel that your life is not really yours, that there is some unseen force that is making your life miserable.
And to make it worse, there is always someone around you who seems to have it all sorted out – they drive a better car, have a better job, have more success, their kids are high achievers.  This makes you feel even more miserable.

What if you can let all of that stuff go?
Can you make this moment, this moment right now, the best moment for now?
I’m not saying it is brilliant, but just for now, you have absolute control over the moment.  You can decide how deeply to breathe, you can decide whether you want to walk or run or dance.  You have a choice to smile or to frown, to sing or to stare out of the window.
They may not be big things, but they are yours.
Make the absolute best of this time.  It is the only thing that you can do.
What will happen next?
I don’t know!
Are you going to be okay?
I don’t know!
But I do know this – you have the ability to keep on surviving, to stand tall, to make a difference, to let go of some of your worries, to throw caution to the wind.
You can do all of this if you just take this moment for you.

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Too blessed?

03 Tuesday Oct 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Mindfulness, Stress

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There’s a saying that I hear people using all the time – “too blessed to be stressed”
It’s a lovely saying but I think that sometimes it’s a challenge to feel that way.  It is implying that if you have blessings (which, let’s face it, we all do) that you can’t get stressed.  Everybody feels stress and sometimes your stress can become overwhelming.
What helps is to accept that you are going through a stressful time but also to be mindful enough to recognise what you have right now (other than stress) – notice the good around you.  Even if all you can think about is that you are still breathing.

After a week of experiencing losses and deprivations – from the loss of my dear friend, to my son going overseas and going through the insomnia that comes with those worries and then going through the fast of Yom Kippur with no food or water for 25 hours, I was really aware of what I was missing.  But I was also very aware of what I have.  To be starving but knowing that a great meal is waiting for me at the end of the fast is far more than most people have.  Some people feel that way on a daily basis and they have no end in sight.

No matter how much you are going through, when your mind starts racing ahead to worry about what you haven’t got, learn to focus on what you have.
You may not be too blessed but you definitely are blessed.

You’ve got this! You can go through this stress and this worry and you will come through this on the other side.
Just keep reminding yourself that you can do it, keep focusing on right now.
“I have this, I am in control”

Rise up through music

27 Thursday Jul 2017

Posted by in Advice, Anxiety, Mental health, Mindfulness, Moods, Stress

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I know that life is sometimes so difficult and so overwhelming but let me tell you this:
You have got this! You can do this!
You may not be able to imagine overcoming these problems, you may not see the light at the end of the tunnel yet but you have got this!
This will pass and you will look back on this time eventually and be amazed that you survived this.
Just start with getting up and taking one step.  Then take another.
There are some days that I find it difficult to get going and I want to hide away and avoid everyone and everything. When that happens, there is consistently one song that plays in my head that inspires me to keep going and to rise up – Rise Up by Andra Day.

It is my anthem that keeps me motivated that I can do this.  Listen to it and use it as your anthem too if you would like to.
Or find a song or music that speaks to you.
Musicians have the ability to really touch our lives, music has the ability to heal and to help.
If you can’t play an instrument, you can play music on your phone, or drum a beat out on your lounge table.  Sing out loud in the shower, share your song with your friends or family, use music to help you to meditate into a space of calm.
Whatever you do, find a way that music can help you to break through the first barrier in order to take the steps that you need to for a happier, calmer and more fulfilled life.
“My promise to myself:  to be so busy improving my own life that I have no time to be angry, frustrated, worried, anxious and stressed”

Fighting the anxiety monster

11 Thursday May 2017

Posted by in Anxiety, Being brave, Coping skills, Mindfulness

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When you get stressed or anxious, one of the feelings that you may feel is being overwhelmed, feeling that your life is out of control or that you feel distant from the world around you (almost like you are living life in a bubble).
If you experience any of these feelings, the impact on you can make you feel even worse and it could escalate into panic.
Common symptoms include having chest pains, difficulty breathing, tightness in your throat, dizziness, sweating and numbness or tingling in your body.
I know that these are also symptoms of a heart attack but let me tell you this:
You are probably not having a heart attack!  And if you genuinely are concerned that you may be having one, stop reading this and call for an ambulance.  But you probably are not having a heart attack.  A large majority of people who go into doctors and emergency rooms with any of the symptoms mentioned here are most likely to be having a panic attack.
It’s really horrible when you think that your heart is about to give up and the doctor tells you that there is nothing wrong with you!  The less informed doctors then categorize you as a GOOMER (get out of my emergency room!) instead of offering or referring to psychological support (a little pet hate of mine….)

It is definitely not easy to control anxiety but know this:
You’ve felt this way before and you have survived and there is a really good chance that you are going to survive this too.
Try to sit quietly and acknowledge the anxiety for what it is “I am having an anxiety attack.  I AM NOT DYING!
And then really focus on the here and now.
Zone in on your 5 senses –
What am I looking at?  What sounds can I hear around me? Breathe! What can I smell? What am I touching? (including the feeling of your bum on the chair, your feet on the floor) Breathe!  Sip some water, notice how it cools your throat.  Sip some tea, notice how it warms you.  Breathe!  You are alive! You can do this.  Squeeze your stress ball or a tissue balled up in your hand.  Breathe!  Close your eyes for a few seconds, centre yourself in the now.  Breathe!

I know that you can do this.  Now you have to believe that you can do this too.
You can have control over this!

Calming memories

04 Thursday May 2017

Posted by in Advice, Coping skills, Mindfulness, Moods, Quiet and slow

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Yesterday was my grandmother’s 100th birthday and with the celebration came a rush of memories.
I have so many good memories of my grandparent’s house in Bulawayo, Zimbabwe.
The ones I remember most are the ones that are etched in my senses.  The taste of the tea with way too much sugar and far too much milk in it which was deemed sensible for children’s tastes, freshly squeezed orange juice from oranges just picked from the trees in the garden, the smell of woven baskets and polish, the sounds of certain birds.  My grandmother was the queen of making fudge and biscuits which she would hide in the grocery cupboard.  The smell of the soap stored in the same cupboard will always make my tongue tingle because I knew that the fudge had to be somewhere in there.  Sometimes we were lucky and we found it, other times not so much….

Now in my old age (well, old enough to have a grandmother who is 100), just the thought of these things makes me happy.  And even better still, sipping orange juice or sitting down with a cup of tea (now with no sugar and far less milk) can calm me down in an instant because it creates a flashback to happier times of childhood.

Hopefully everybody has some happy childhood memories.  You might not have had a perfect childhood but I’m sure you have one or two memories that make you smile.
Can you recreate those memories in adulthood?
Is there a snack that you can eat or something that you can smell in the middle of a stressful day at work that will have the ability to calm you down?
Can you create some time to do the things that really used to make you feel happy?
You may be surprised at how a simple thing can just settle your heart rate, slow down your breathing and make you feel that all is right with the world even if it is for just 5 minutes.  And if that means an extra spoon of sugar in your tea (or a dollop of condensed milk) than who are any of us to argue?

Sitting in traffic and staying calm

19 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Mindfulness, Moods, Quiet and slow

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I’m sure there’s a lesson to be learned by sitting in traffic. It seems that I spend a frustrating amount of time sitting in my car and more often than not, I’m sitting in my car going nowhere.
After waiting in a queue for passports yesterday and being stuck in stand still traffic today I had time to think about those potential lessons.
This is what I think:
In today’s fast paced world, we could all use the time to slow down, be calm and let go of needing to always be in control.
Maybe that’s what queues and traffic are there for.
If there’s nowhere to go and nothing to do then we might as well use the time to practice being calm.
Learn to be patient. Be gracious in letting others go ahead in front of you even if you are in a hurry too.
Take the time to practice deep breathing.
Understand that as much as you always want to be in control (because it is much more comfortable to be in control) you are not actually always in charge.

I hope that you are going to spend more time this year just breathing.  I know that I am.

Don’t judge me by my death stare

11 Thursday Aug 2016

Posted by in Attitude, Life Lessons, Mindfulness

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I’m sure that we have all seen the photo of the Michael Phelps death stare by now.

death stare
Truthfully, I don’t understand what the big deal was – people do things to prepare for big events in ways that us mere mortals may never understand.
I have my own version of the death stare (though, let’s be honest – it looks more like I am squinting into the sunlight than any really scary look and I may not be a super villain yet).
What I really don’t understand was why the “death stare” had to make the front page of our newspaper.
Was there nothing more important to report on that day?
Perhaps not…
I am just grateful that my death stare didn’t make the front page.

Today, there is something else on the front page and the death stare is old news.
Never, ever forget that – what seems like something so important today, may be insignificant tomorrow.
Sometimes, we make mistakes or things happen to us that feel like they are the end of the world at the time.  Yet, we survive.
You may be the talking point in the office today because everyone has something to say about how you behaved or what you did.  But tomorrow, they will have moved on.  That’s just what happens.
Try not to let people’s opinions of you matter.  It is just that – an opinion.  What you do today does not define who you are going to be tomorrow.
It may seem like the end of the world today, tomorrow might be a little bit better.
You are a survivor after all!

So blessed to be cold

03 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by in Advice, Life journey, Mindfulness, Positivity

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So, I made my mark!
Today I voted in the local elections.  I stood in the freezing cold, icy wind and waited patiently in the queue to put a mark on a piece of paper.
Everybody in the queue was just as patient and just as happy to stand there in the cold because I think that we all realised what an honour and privilege it is to have the right to vote.
I stood there in the cold making small talk with strangers and it really struck me that we are all so lucky to have the rights that we do have – not just to vote but to do it freely.

We should never take things for granted.
Including the small things like knowing that no matter how cold we were in that queue, most of us would be going back to warm houses and steaming cups of tea.
We take big things for granted too – every day that you wake up and you can still walk and talk, do you stop to think how amazing that is?
The fact that you are healthy (okay maybe only somewhat healthy…) or that you have running water, food on your table, a warm bed, a roof over your head and (very important to my kids) access to wifi!!

Whenever you feel yourself slipping into self pity and negative thinking, please just take a minute to list the things that you do have.
You always have a choice – do you focus on what you do have or do you cry about what you don’t have?
Yes, there are always going to be people who are happier, healthier, wealthier and more successful than you but there are also always going to be people who look at you as somebody happier, healthier, wealthier and more successful than them.
Think about it!

RIP Gugu Zulu

20 Wednesday Jul 2016

Posted by in Advice, Life journey, Life Lessons, Mindfulness, Quiet and slow, Stress

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I am so devastated by the death of Gugu Zulu – a great racing car driver but more importantly, a great person.  A man who lived large.
He died while climbing Mount Kilimanjaro for a good cause on Mandela Day.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BH5nOWfg13O/?taken-by=guguzulu

If nothing else, what we should gain from his death is that we have absolutely no idea what tomorrow is going to bring.
One minute we are here, the next minute, we are not.
One day we are amazingly successful, the next, we may have lost everything.

So the question is:
If the only thing we know is right now, then why are we spending right now worrying about what might happen tomorrow?
Why do lead such stressful lives without ever slowing down to enjoy the small things (and the big things)?
There is a huge industry that is making money off our stress by supplying every supplement and energy booster you can think of when we should be boosting our own energy levels through slowing down, better eating, exercise and having a better attitude towards life.
We should be building resilience towards stress rather than just wishing it away (while downing another cup of coffee to keep us going).
Our lives should be worth so much more than the value that we give attribute to them.

So, next time you say “I don’t want to be stressed” you should do something about it!
Make today count!

The benefit of creativity

13 Wednesday Apr 2016

Posted by in Creativity, Mindfulness, Positivity, Projects, Quiet and slow, self esteem

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It’s the April slump.  The holidays are a distant memory, the Easter long weekend is over and for us in the Southern hemisphere, winter is on its way.
So to try to make an effort to make life more interesting and give me something to look forward to, I signed up for an art course.
I was initially cautious about doing a course that would require at least an hour of work a day – an hour that I wasn’t sure that I had to spare.
But I signed up anyway and hoped for the best.

And it has been the best thing that I have done in a long time.
It is amazing how I have managed to find time that I didn’t know existed – it is never a full hour but a few minutes a few times a day adds up.  It seems that watching TV is not that important (and neither is doing the dishes).
I always go on about the therapeutic value of creativity but I often ignore the importance of taking the time to do it myself.  Just sitting quietly with my paintbrushes (and generally making a mess) has been so good for me.
One of the most important things about this course for me has been the fact that I have had the opportunity to meet like-minded people.  People who will tell me how wonderful my art work is, even though I am clearly not an artist.  There is not one bit of negativity around.  Even when someone is really not that good, they still are praised for trying and for their effort.
It has been so good for my self esteem – all that positive feedback can do no harm at all!

So, over to you.  I’d like you to try out some of the beneficial things that I have gained from doing this course.
Your project for this week is either to:

  1. Make some time to create something – it does not have to be a work of art but it does have to be something different to what you usually do.
  2. Find a few people to compliment.  You don’t have to lie, or bend the truth.  Just look for something good in a few good people and tell them what you see.  It gives you the opportunity to spread love and boost somebody else’s self esteem
  3. Find a course where you can learn a new skill or develop a skill that you have neglected because you are too busy being responsible
  4. Do all of the above!

I look forward to hearing what you are up to.