Category Archives: Mindfulness

Fighting the anxiety monster

11 Thursday May 2017

Posted by in Anxiety, Being brave, Coping skills, Mindfulness

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When you get stressed or anxious, one of the feelings that you may feel is being overwhelmed, feeling that your life is out of control or that you feel distant from the world around you (almost like you are living life in a bubble).
If you experience any of these feelings, the impact on you can make you feel even worse and it could escalate into panic.
Common symptoms include having chest pains, difficulty breathing, tightness in your throat, dizziness, sweating and numbness or tingling in your body.
I know that these are also symptoms of a heart attack but let me tell you this:
You are probably not having a heart attack!  And if you genuinely are concerned that you may be having one, stop reading this and call for an ambulance.  But you probably are not having a heart attack.  A large majority of people who go into doctors and emergency rooms with any of the symptoms mentioned here are most likely to be having a panic attack.
It’s really horrible when you think that your heart is about to give up and the doctor tells you that there is nothing wrong with you!  The less informed doctors then categorize you as a GOOMER (get out of my emergency room!) instead of offering or referring to psychological support (a little pet hate of mine….)

It is definitely not easy to control anxiety but know this:
You’ve felt this way before and you have survived and there is a really good chance that you are going to survive this too.
Try to sit quietly and acknowledge the anxiety for what it is “I am having an anxiety attack.  I AM NOT DYING!
And then really focus on the here and now.
Zone in on your 5 senses –
What am I looking at?  What sounds can I hear around me? Breathe! What can I smell? What am I touching? (including the feeling of your bum on the chair, your feet on the floor) Breathe!  Sip some water, notice how it cools your throat.  Sip some tea, notice how it warms you.  Breathe!  You are alive! You can do this.  Squeeze your stress ball or a tissue balled up in your hand.  Breathe!  Close your eyes for a few seconds, centre yourself in the now.  Breathe!

I know that you can do this.  Now you have to believe that you can do this too.
You can have control over this!

Calming memories

04 Thursday May 2017

Posted by in Advice, Coping skills, Mindfulness, Moods, Quiet and slow

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Yesterday was my grandmother’s 100th birthday and with the celebration came a rush of memories.
I have so many good memories of my grandparent’s house in Bulawayo, Zimbabwe.
The ones I remember most are the ones that are etched in my senses.  The taste of the tea with way too much sugar and far too much milk in it which was deemed sensible for children’s tastes, freshly squeezed orange juice from oranges just picked from the trees in the garden, the smell of woven baskets and polish, the sounds of certain birds.  My grandmother was the queen of making fudge and biscuits which she would hide in the grocery cupboard.  The smell of the soap stored in the same cupboard will always make my tongue tingle because I knew that the fudge had to be somewhere in there.  Sometimes we were lucky and we found it, other times not so much….

Now in my old age (well, old enough to have a grandmother who is 100), just the thought of these things makes me happy.  And even better still, sipping orange juice or sitting down with a cup of tea (now with no sugar and far less milk) can calm me down in an instant because it creates a flashback to happier times of childhood.

Hopefully everybody has some happy childhood memories.  You might not have had a perfect childhood but I’m sure you have one or two memories that make you smile.
Can you recreate those memories in adulthood?
Is there a snack that you can eat or something that you can smell in the middle of a stressful day at work that will have the ability to calm you down?
Can you create some time to do the things that really used to make you feel happy?
You may be surprised at how a simple thing can just settle your heart rate, slow down your breathing and make you feel that all is right with the world even if it is for just 5 minutes.  And if that means an extra spoon of sugar in your tea (or a dollop of condensed milk) than who are any of us to argue?

Sitting in traffic and staying calm

19 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Mindfulness, Moods, Quiet and slow

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I’m sure there’s a lesson to be learned by sitting in traffic. It seems that I spend a frustrating amount of time sitting in my car and more often than not, I’m sitting in my car going nowhere.
After waiting in a queue for passports yesterday and being stuck in stand still traffic today I had time to think about those potential lessons.
This is what I think:
In today’s fast paced world, we could all use the time to slow down, be calm and let go of needing to always be in control.
Maybe that’s what queues and traffic are there for.
If there’s nowhere to go and nothing to do then we might as well use the time to practice being calm.
Learn to be patient. Be gracious in letting others go ahead in front of you even if you are in a hurry too.
Take the time to practice deep breathing.
Understand that as much as you always want to be in control (because it is much more comfortable to be in control) you are not actually always in charge.

I hope that you are going to spend more time this year just breathing.  I know that I am.

Don’t judge me by my death stare

11 Thursday Aug 2016

Posted by in Attitude, Life Lessons, Mindfulness

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I’m sure that we have all seen the photo of the Michael Phelps death stare by now.

death stare
Truthfully, I don’t understand what the big deal was – people do things to prepare for big events in ways that us mere mortals may never understand.
I have my own version of the death stare (though, let’s be honest – it looks more like I am squinting into the sunlight than any really scary look and I may not be a super villain yet).
What I really don’t understand was why the “death stare” had to make the front page of our newspaper.
Was there nothing more important to report on that day?
Perhaps not…
I am just grateful that my death stare didn’t make the front page.

Today, there is something else on the front page and the death stare is old news.
Never, ever forget that – what seems like something so important today, may be insignificant tomorrow.
Sometimes, we make mistakes or things happen to us that feel like they are the end of the world at the time.  Yet, we survive.
You may be the talking point in the office today because everyone has something to say about how you behaved or what you did.  But tomorrow, they will have moved on.  That’s just what happens.
Try not to let people’s opinions of you matter.  It is just that – an opinion.  What you do today does not define who you are going to be tomorrow.
It may seem like the end of the world today, tomorrow might be a little bit better.
You are a survivor after all!

So blessed to be cold

03 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by in Advice, Life journey, Mindfulness, Positivity

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So, I made my mark!
Today I voted in the local elections.  I stood in the freezing cold, icy wind and waited patiently in the queue to put a mark on a piece of paper.
Everybody in the queue was just as patient and just as happy to stand there in the cold because I think that we all realised what an honour and privilege it is to have the right to vote.
I stood there in the cold making small talk with strangers and it really struck me that we are all so lucky to have the rights that we do have – not just to vote but to do it freely.

We should never take things for granted.
Including the small things like knowing that no matter how cold we were in that queue, most of us would be going back to warm houses and steaming cups of tea.
We take big things for granted too – every day that you wake up and you can still walk and talk, do you stop to think how amazing that is?
The fact that you are healthy (okay maybe only somewhat healthy…) or that you have running water, food on your table, a warm bed, a roof over your head and (very important to my kids) access to wifi!!

Whenever you feel yourself slipping into self pity and negative thinking, please just take a minute to list the things that you do have.
You always have a choice – do you focus on what you do have or do you cry about what you don’t have?
Yes, there are always going to be people who are happier, healthier, wealthier and more successful than you but there are also always going to be people who look at you as somebody happier, healthier, wealthier and more successful than them.
Think about it!

RIP Gugu Zulu

20 Wednesday Jul 2016

Posted by in Advice, Life journey, Life Lessons, Mindfulness, Quiet and slow, Stress

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I am so devastated by the death of Gugu Zulu – a great racing car driver but more importantly, a great person.  A man who lived large.
He died while climbing Mount Kilimanjaro for a good cause on Mandela Day.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BH5nOWfg13O/?taken-by=guguzulu

If nothing else, what we should gain from his death is that we have absolutely no idea what tomorrow is going to bring.
One minute we are here, the next minute, we are not.
One day we are amazingly successful, the next, we may have lost everything.

So the question is:
If the only thing we know is right now, then why are we spending right now worrying about what might happen tomorrow?
Why do lead such stressful lives without ever slowing down to enjoy the small things (and the big things)?
There is a huge industry that is making money off our stress by supplying every supplement and energy booster you can think of when we should be boosting our own energy levels through slowing down, better eating, exercise and having a better attitude towards life.
We should be building resilience towards stress rather than just wishing it away (while downing another cup of coffee to keep us going).
Our lives should be worth so much more than the value that we give attribute to them.

So, next time you say “I don’t want to be stressed” you should do something about it!
Make today count!

The benefit of creativity

13 Wednesday Apr 2016

Posted by in Creativity, Mindfulness, Positivity, Projects, Quiet and slow, self esteem

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It’s the April slump.  The holidays are a distant memory, the Easter long weekend is over and for us in the Southern hemisphere, winter is on its way.
So to try to make an effort to make life more interesting and give me something to look forward to, I signed up for an art course.
I was initially cautious about doing a course that would require at least an hour of work a day – an hour that I wasn’t sure that I had to spare.
But I signed up anyway and hoped for the best.

And it has been the best thing that I have done in a long time.
It is amazing how I have managed to find time that I didn’t know existed – it is never a full hour but a few minutes a few times a day adds up.  It seems that watching TV is not that important (and neither is doing the dishes).
I always go on about the therapeutic value of creativity but I often ignore the importance of taking the time to do it myself.  Just sitting quietly with my paintbrushes (and generally making a mess) has been so good for me.
One of the most important things about this course for me has been the fact that I have had the opportunity to meet like-minded people.  People who will tell me how wonderful my art work is, even though I am clearly not an artist.  There is not one bit of negativity around.  Even when someone is really not that good, they still are praised for trying and for their effort.
It has been so good for my self esteem – all that positive feedback can do no harm at all!

So, over to you.  I’d like you to try out some of the beneficial things that I have gained from doing this course.
Your project for this week is either to:

  1. Make some time to create something – it does not have to be a work of art but it does have to be something different to what you usually do.
  2. Find a few people to compliment.  You don’t have to lie, or bend the truth.  Just look for something good in a few good people and tell them what you see.  It gives you the opportunity to spread love and boost somebody else’s self esteem
  3. Find a course where you can learn a new skill or develop a skill that you have neglected because you are too busy being responsible
  4. Do all of the above!

I look forward to hearing what you are up to.

Chilling on the couch at 5pm

11 Thursday Feb 2016

Posted by in Advice, Mindfulness, Quiet and slow

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In a surprising turn of events, after nursing two sick kids, I ended up getting sick too.
Nothing hectic, it was just a cold but  nevertheless, I was sick and miserable (of course).
I say surprising rather sarcastically because it wasn’t surprising at all – in fact, I was waiting for it to happen.  I know my body well enough to know that if I don’t get enough sleep and I work too hard and care too much, my immune system is going to take a breather and I will get sick.

And you know what? I didn’t mind!
Firstly I wasn’t sick enough to be bed ridden by any means.  I kept on working as usual and driving my kids to and from school.
Secondly, and most importantly, it gave me a legitimate reason to just lie down on the couch in the middle of the afternoon.
Usually the afternoons are meant for me to do administration and reports and now I just didn’t have the energy to do that work (or much housework).  And it was pretty wonderful.
If I wasn’t sick, I would have really felt guilty about doing nothing at 5pm but now I had an excuse.
And I discovered that there are a lot of interesting things to watch on TV at 5pm.  But more than that, I gave my body time to relax.

What is it that makes us feel that we need to be busy all of the time?
I definitely don’t usually have the time to spend on the couch but I really cherished the time that I could.  I also thought about being kinder to myself and about the importance of taking some time out just to relax.
I tend to “relax” by doing things and I try to convince myself that if it is not actual “work”, then it is leisure.
But it is not.

True relaxation is about not needing to be doing anything productive.  It is about being able to not do anything without feeling guilty and it is about not feeling like you are useless or worthless if you can’t account for every minute that you spent in your day.
By being still and quiet, you allow yourself to really connect with yourself or with people who matter to you.
Put that phone down!
Put that broom away!
Step away from that computer!

You honestly deserve time out and down time.
Never, ever feel guilty about looking after your body, mind and soul.
Even if you can only manage a few minutes a day, just sit quietly and breathe.
Do gentle stretches. Watch the world go by and appreciate your surroundings.
Sip your tea (out of a real teacup rather than a travel mug) instead of gulping it on the run.
Your body will thank you for it!

Am I lazy?

02 Wednesday Sep 2015

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Illness, Mindfulness, Relaxation

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Stop feeling guilty for taking time out!
Don’t feel bad about procrastinating a bit.
Your to-do list may be growing, and you can allow it to.

There are going to be times when you just don’t have the energy (or the health) to get things done.
This is not being lazy or procrastinating – this is called looking after yourself.
It is OK to look after yourself.
It is more than OK to look after yourself.
Nobody is a superhuman, or a superhero or a super robot and there is going to be a time when your body cries out to you that you need to recharge.  Listen to your body’s cries.
I am blessed (yes, blessed!) to have a chronic illness that is there as a reminder to me that I have to take time out.  If I don’t, then I end up with a fever and in pain which forces me to stop my ‘race’ and just care for myself.
The main reason that we don’t take time out is that we put pressure on ourselves to achieve a high standard of living or we feel that we have to keep up the appearance of being busy and successful.
Highly intelligent, over analytical and stressed people (I’m talking to you here, so pay attention!) have real difficulty with slowing down.  You think that you are a failure if you don’t keep moving and performing and doing.

Either you listen to your body shouting at you to slow down or it will give you something to slow you down.
You know all about it because you know people who have it, or you’ve read about it, or you might even have it yourself – more and more people are hypertensive, diabetic and have high cholesterol.  More people are anxious and stressed.
You cannot sustain this pace.
So stop!

Be gentle and kind to yourself.
Lie on your bed, cuddle on the couch, watch TV or movies, sip tea while you stare out of the window, doodle or colour in a picture.
Cry, play that music out loud, dance, shout.
Eat that chocolate biscuit!
And don’t for one second feel guilty about it.  Because as soon as you feel better (and you will), you will be up and about and doing what you’re meant to be doing with more energy and motivation than you had before.

Life lessons from a batsman

10 Tuesday Mar 2015

Posted by in Advice, Fear, Mindfulness, Quiet and slow

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I have to admit that I am a bit of a statistics geek.
I love reading lists of statistics, so when the Cricket World Cup is on (go South Africa!), I am constantly entertained by the statistics of the games.  And of course, cricket is a game filled with statistics.
Last night, I was browsing through the batting stats and I had a look at the highest scoring batsmen of the tournament so far.  Not one person on that list of 20 was playing for any of the top teams.
Now I have my theories on why that is and some cricket experts (like my husband apparently) may disagree with me.
I think that the really good teams do not have one good, huge hitting batsman who keeps the team’s score up.  They are more likely to have consistent batsmen who persistently score well – sometimes slowly and surely.

Then this morning, my son was having a bit of a freak out because he was unhappy with his test results.  The discussion ended up with him saying that he thought that his marks were not great because he tended to rush his tests because he was anxious to complete them just to get it done and finished.
So of course, I had to give him a lesson on how effective batsmen don’t rush to score big because they are more likely to be caught out.

That got me thinking about how often we get so stressed about reaching deadlines or achieving goals that we rush into it at full speed without really thinking things through.  And then we end up with burn out and feel like we are back at square one, often feeling exhausted and resentful.
Sometimes we really want to get somewhere or achieve something but we are afraid to start in case we fail; or we don’t even know where to start; or perhaps we have such big lofty ideas that we intimidate ourselves so that we can’t even get going.

Take it slowly, one step at a time.
But start!  You don’t need to have a plan that takes you all the way to the end, you just need to know you have to do to start.
Just do one thing, no matter how small or insignificant it seems, to get started.
It may be as simple as buying a journal to keep your ideas in or a pen to do the writing.
When I mentor small businesses, I encourage them to print business cards or set up a website even if they feel that they are still a long way from being up and running.  It gives them something concrete to look at and say “Yes! This is my business!”

Keep going in small steps.
You will get there!