Category Archives: Moods

Calming memories

04 Thursday May 2017

Posted by in Advice, Coping skills, Mindfulness, Moods, Quiet and slow

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Yesterday was my grandmother’s 100th birthday and with the celebration came a rush of memories.
I have so many good memories of my grandparent’s house in Bulawayo, Zimbabwe.
The ones I remember most are the ones that are etched in my senses.  The taste of the tea with way too much sugar and far too much milk in it which was deemed sensible for children’s tastes, freshly squeezed orange juice from oranges just picked from the trees in the garden, the smell of woven baskets and polish, the sounds of certain birds.  My grandmother was the queen of making fudge and biscuits which she would hide in the grocery cupboard.  The smell of the soap stored in the same cupboard will always make my tongue tingle because I knew that the fudge had to be somewhere in there.  Sometimes we were lucky and we found it, other times not so much….

Now in my old age (well, old enough to have a grandmother who is 100), just the thought of these things makes me happy.  And even better still, sipping orange juice or sitting down with a cup of tea (now with no sugar and far less milk) can calm me down in an instant because it creates a flashback to happier times of childhood.

Hopefully everybody has some happy childhood memories.  You might not have had a perfect childhood but I’m sure you have one or two memories that make you smile.
Can you recreate those memories in adulthood?
Is there a snack that you can eat or something that you can smell in the middle of a stressful day at work that will have the ability to calm you down?
Can you create some time to do the things that really used to make you feel happy?
You may be surprised at how a simple thing can just settle your heart rate, slow down your breathing and make you feel that all is right with the world even if it is for just 5 minutes.  And if that means an extra spoon of sugar in your tea (or a dollop of condensed milk) than who are any of us to argue?

Be nice – always

20 Thursday Apr 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Moods, Positivity, Projects, self esteem

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This week’s mission:
Say something nice to a horrible person.
Yes, that is what I said.
It’s a difficult mission especially when you have spent so much time fantasizing about revenge but stick with me here.

First you need to understand that there are many reasons that a person would be horrible to you:
1. They are genuinely horrible and nasty and they get pleasure from upsetting you.
2. They are indifferent to other people’s needs so they seem horrible but they just don’t notice what others are going through nor do they understand others emotions.
3. They are really stressed and their irritability is making them moody and nasty.
4. They feel bad about themselves and can’t handle anyone else being happy so they pull you down to their level to feel better about themselves.

So how does it help to be nice to any of these people?
If they are genuinely horrible, you counteract that by being genuinely nice. You are not going to change them but you can change your own attitude towards them – killing somebody with kindness?
If they are indifferent, you might be the one person to show them that the world and people in general might be better than they thought and give them a more positive outlook in life.
Somebody who is stressed needs love, care and attention. Be the one to show that you care and that you understand that they are actually nice and this is not their true self. You disarm their anger with kindness and might make a difference in their life (or at least in their day).
And for the person with a low self esteem, by being nice you are showing them that you are ok enough to be yourself. You won’t allow their negativity to pull you down because you are a nice person and you are happy with yourself.  Maybe one day they will be too.

You might learn something about somebody who you previously had disliked. They might learn something about you that they come to like.
Always choose the nice option.
Always be nice.
No matter what. Trust me on this one.

Sitting in traffic and staying calm

19 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Mindfulness, Moods, Quiet and slow

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I’m sure there’s a lesson to be learned by sitting in traffic. It seems that I spend a frustrating amount of time sitting in my car and more often than not, I’m sitting in my car going nowhere.
After waiting in a queue for passports yesterday and being stuck in stand still traffic today I had time to think about those potential lessons.
This is what I think:
In today’s fast paced world, we could all use the time to slow down, be calm and let go of needing to always be in control.
Maybe that’s what queues and traffic are there for.
If there’s nowhere to go and nothing to do then we might as well use the time to practice being calm.
Learn to be patient. Be gracious in letting others go ahead in front of you even if you are in a hurry too.
Take the time to practice deep breathing.
Understand that as much as you always want to be in control (because it is much more comfortable to be in control) you are not actually always in charge.

I hope that you are going to spend more time this year just breathing.  I know that I am.

A lesson from Judith Light

20 Thursday Oct 2016

Posted by in Acts of Kindness, Advice, Attitude, Moods, Positivity

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My husband knows the deal – if any of the celebrities that I adore – Colin Firth, Jayne Torvill or Judith Light – show up at my doorstep, I may just have to leave with them.
I adore Morgan Freeman too but more as the narrator for my life story: “Andi ponders on whether she should have tea or coffee.  She chooses tea and then wonders whether tea is really just a gateway drug to chocolate biscuits….”

Judith Light is a well known and acclaimed actress but the one thing that I have noticed about every single interview that she does is not only her humility but also that she takes a marked interest in the person interviewing her.  It never seems that the interview is just about her, sometimes it is like she is interviewing the interviewer too!
This is an amazing quality that we can all aspire to and is certainly the reason that I really admire her so much.

Nobody is more important than somebody else!
You may have more money, a nicer car, a “better job” (which I put in quotation marks because who is to say whose job is better or more worthy than somebody else’s?), have more experience, be more knowledgeable or have more years than someone else but that does not mean that you are better than them. Ever!

Make it your mission today to take a moment to speak to somebody who you usually wouldn’t talk to.
Do you know the name of the cleaner who works in your office?
Have you asked the security guard how his day is going?
Compliment your boss on his choice of tie (yes, really!)
Smile at a stranger.
Say something nice to the person standing in front of you in the queue.

The idea is that if you are kind to somebody else, inevitably they will be kind to you.  And you will feel better about yourself and your day, and then you will feel a little less stressed.
It doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks about you. If only one person thinks that you are worthy (even if that person is you), then you are worthy enough!

Worry Warriors

22 Wednesday Jul 2015

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Why are some people worriers?
There are many reasons for being a more worried person than the person sitting opposite you on the bus (well, he doesn’t look too worried anyway)
Genetics plays a large role – yes, blame it on your mother!
Personality is a big thing too – if you are a more serious, perfectionist type of person, then you are going to worry more about things than somebody who has a more casual attitude towards their life.
Another factor is intelligence.
The more intelligent you are, the more likely you are to worry.  If you are intelligent, you are probably analytical and if you are analytical then you worry about a lot of things, and often you worry about things that you have absolutely no control over.  You tend to over-interpret things and generally make mountains out of molehills.
Sounding familiar yet?
The more you worry about things, the more likely you are to get stressed, to have constant neck tension, headaches, stomach aches, changes in appetite, changes in mood (especially irritability) and difficulty sleeping.
Sounding more familiar?
Worrying can make you sick.
That’s the bad news….

Now for the good news….
If you are going to be a worrier, then you might as well be a warrior!
If you are going to use your intelligence and your mighty and (stubborn) personality, you might as well use it for good instead of  focusing on stress.
You might as well use your brilliance to focus on your strengths and take on the world rather than focusing on your weakness and letting the world take you on!

Worry doesn’t just go away – it is real and it is big and it is definitely there.
Yet  I have absolute faith in your ability to be warrior.
You have the ability to be amazing and strong and courageous but you have to believe it too.

Try and complete this sentence:
I am a warrior because….
And start becoming a worrier warrior.

Be kind

04 Thursday Jun 2015

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Today I took my lunch break (yes, you read that correctly – LUNCH BREAK!) at a particularly busy restaurant.
The waitress who was serving me was stressed, irritable and obviously run off her feet at the busy lunch time service.
My initial reaction was to be irritable back.  She seemed rude although she was clearly not a rude person- just a stressed person.
My choice was to be rude too or to find something to lighten her mood.  Of course I chose the latter.  And so she smiled the most beautiful smile, and then laughed, and then gave me a free taste sample of one of their new dishes that I asked about.

That experience reminded me of a quote that I read earlier this week:
“A person who feels appreciated will always do more than what is expected”
If you treat people well and you compliment them, they will live up to your expectation.
People need to be treated well.  We are surrounded by negative people and negativity all the time but it is our job to be the one who turns that around.

Even if you want to scream at the person or if you are angry, you are not going to feel better about yourself and you are not exactly going to gain any respect from them (even if they don’t deserve it).

This week, I challenge you to be kind.
Do something nice for a random person, or even better, do something nice for somebody who doesn’t really deserve it.
Go ahead!

be kind

Being NOT OK

22 Thursday May 2014

Posted by in Advice, Depression, Moods, Stress

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It is a little known fact that on 21 May 1936, Sada Abe was arrested after wandering the streets of Tokyo for days with her dead lover’s severed genitals in her handbag.
Aren’t you glad that you know that now?
I’m guessing that chances are that 21 May 2014 is probably going to be a better day for you than it was for Sada Abe in 1936!
Was Sada Abe OK? Probably not.  Did she tell anyone that she wasn’t OK? Probably not!
She had a difficult life and suffered much abuse.

There are many, many people who have difficult lives, or more frequently, have difficult moments – periods of extreme stress and burn out.
And a lot of these people get diagnosed with Depression or Bipolar or anxiety disorder.
And most people don’t talk about it.
Every day I deal with people who feel that they are too embarrassed to tell others that they are not OK.  They worry about stigma and how others will judge them so the fact that they are not coping becomes a “dirty secret”.

I understand that it is difficult and I know that stigma exists.  You don’t have to hire a plane to fly a banner across the sky shouting “I am not OK!” but you certainly have the right to say it out loud.
“I am not OK!”
It is time to be honest about how you feel.
You don’t have to share all of your personal stories about why you are not OK but you do have the right to say that you are not coping.
“I am not OK, thanks for asking”
Part of the exhaustion that comes with stress is always keeping up the pretense that things are fine and that you are managing.  It is so, so difficult to smile when you feel like crying or screaming.
“I am not OK, I am having a rough time but I appreciate you caring”
Nobody is perfect and whether you are just going through situational problems, or you feel that your life is coming apart at the seams, or you have been battling depression your whole life, it doesn’t mean that you are worth less than anybody else.
Always remember that some people wear better masks than others – you could be keeping up a pretense of happiness to be like other happy people around you who are also not actually happy.
Maybe by talking about it, you will allow others to be honest about themselves too.
“I am not OK but I am working on getting better!”

And you will get better, and this will pass.
That is the one thing that is guaranteed – that life is going to change. And it is going to keep on changing!
One day you will look back at this difficult time and recognise the survivor that you really are:
“I am OK!”

Smile! It really can make a difference

14 Thursday Nov 2013

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I’ve spent a ridiculous amount of time this week speaking to call centre agents.
Actually let’s be honest, I’ve spent a ridiculous amount of time this week shouting at, pleading with and arguing with call centre agents.
Firstly, I have nothing against call centre agents, and if you are one, you have my utmost respect because I think that it is honestly one of the hardest jobs in the world – especially if you have to deal with impatient people like me.
The thing is that when I make that call, I am usually stressed because I need to sort out something that isn’t working – otherwise I wouldn’t be needing to call in, would I? And that makes me a little bit intolerant and irritable to start with, but if you are rude to me, then that is not going to help to resolve the issue much is it?

What is amazing is that there is such a difference between the way I have been treated by the people that I have spoken to this week.  Some people are so polite and helpful and others are just downright rude and show little interest in trying to help me.

It is said that how people treat you is a direct result of how they feel about themselves.
So that leads me to believe that a call centre agent who is rude to me, has got issues that have got absolutely nothing to do with me.  And the important thing is that when I put the phone down, I don’t take the negative service that I received personally. And I definitely shouldn’t say that the entire company is terrible or that they generally give poor service because of one person’s attitude.

How often do we take it so personally when people treat us badly or insult us?
Unless you know that you had done something to irritate that person – deliberately or non-deliberately – it is NOT about you!
Your happiness or friendliness might even irritate that person because they feel so low about themselves that your good mood threatens them, or makes them jealous.
Rather than worry about how others treat you – spend your energy looking inwards.
Look at how you treat others.  Focus on how you feel about yourself and how you would like others to feel when they are around you.

So, here’s my “revenge” plan and I’ve put it to good use today:
Treat everyone that you meet with respect;  treat strangers like long lost friends; smile at everyone;  ask somebody how they are and stop to really listen to the answer.
Yes, there may be negative, miserable people that we are going to encounter in our lives, but there are also people whose lives you may touch and even change – just by being you!

How to survive winter and other miserable days

05 Friday Jul 2013

Posted by in Advice, Food for the soul, Lists, Moods, Recipes

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While we are blessed to have short, mild winters in Johannesburg, I still often feel miserable in winter.  The air is dry, the grass is brown and the mornings are dark and chilly.  A lot of people have complained to me that they feel tired and generally unhappy and while it may well be related to winter, it could also be a mid year tiredness.  Wow, we’ve made it halfway through the year but we still have months ahead of us.
(By the way, if you’re reading this and it’s summer where you are and you feel really happy and energised, that’s great! Please store this for later in the year when it applies to you).
Our instinct in winter is to do things that are not necessarily good for us.  Hibernating and eating the wrong things.  Yes, there is definitely a time and place for cuddling under a duvet with a steaming mug of hot chocolate in your hand but is probably not going to energise you.  Save all the rich, sugary treats for the weekend when you can enjoy it more and use it as a reward for yourself for a week well done.

Here are some of my ideas for feeling better and more motivated and energetic in winter:
– increase your vitamin intake by getting plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables
– always drink a glass of water before you reach for that cup of coffee or tea or hot chocolate.
– use invigorating oils like grapefruit or lemon in the morning to get you going.
– try to exercise more (I know, I know you don’t really want to but those feel good endorphins will kick in and you will feel great!)
– start a gratitude journal so that you can focus on all that is good rather than on all that feels bad.
– when you feel like hibernating under a blanket, remember that many people are not in the position to do that. So volunteer at a soup kitchen, donate a blanket, start knitting some cosy woollen items.  You will feel good and so will they.

knitting
– cuddle with somebody that you love before you rush off to go your separate ways (you’ll both feel good about it and hugs keep you warm)
– smile!
– before you rush off into the dark morning, take a moment to take a deep breath, watch your breath steam out and wonder at the marvel of winter
– and my ultimate winter happiness is baking (yes, I know I just spoke about not overdoing the sugar).  Baking is a very tactile thing and I find that making scones is very soothing.  And eating warm scones with dollops of jam is even more soothing!  The softness of the flour when you rub the butter in, the release of tension when you’re kneading the dough…

Best scone recipe:
2½ cups self raising flour
1 tablespoon sugar
Good pinch of salt
30g butter
¾ cup milk
½ cup water

Heat oven to 220°C
Sift flour and add sugar and salt into a bowl
Rub the butter in with your fingers
Stir in the milk, and then add water until your mixture is a nice, soft dough
Knead the dough until it is smooth and then press it down to about a 2cm thickness
Using a circle cutter, or a glass, cut into rounds.
Keep kneading and pressing the dough until you have used it all up.
Place your scones on a prepared pan and bake for about 15 minutes.

Enjoy!

These boots were made for dancing

13 Thursday Jun 2013

Posted by in Attitude, Freedom, Life journey, Moods, self esteem

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Let me tell you about the one thing that I love about winter…
Boots! And coats! OK, that’s two things and that is two of my (many) weaknesses.
I am not a fan of the cold – which is an interesting thing for an ex-skater to say, I know – but I love the opportunity that it gives me to get out my boots and my coats.  Those are the things that sit at the back of my cupboard and I stare longingly at all through summer.
I have brown boots and I have black boots but the boots that I love most are bright, bubble gum pink.  They are most likely totally inappropriate for somebody my age but they make me feel young and happy.  They make me feel like dancing.
I read a great quote this week by Harry Winston who said, “People will stare.  Make it worth their while.”
So if people stare at my pink boots, I’ll flaunt them!  And maybe I’ll even add a little skip to my step.
We should all take the time to enjoy the little things in life.  I promise you that if I am in a bad mood, I almost instantly feel better when I am wearing those boots.  And I won’t even go into what happens when I wear my red coat.

Don’t worry about what people say about you;  or how they look at you;  or how they treat you.
You are ‘you-nique’ and you should not be afraid to be different.
There is room for every individual in this world.  And that includes you!
People will only stare or talk or wonder because they are intimidated by your intelligence, your experience, your knowledge, your beauty or just  your sheer brilliance.
And the only reason that they are intimidated is because they doubt themselves.  It is their own low self esteem that is the problem.  Not yours!
Go out, be you.
And enjoy it!