Category Archives: Positivity

Use Kintsugi in your life

09 Wednesday Aug 2017

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Change, Positivity

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In the 15th Century in Japan, a technique of repairing broken pottery was invented which came to be known as Kintsugi.
If a bowl was broken, instead of throwing it away or trying to repair it to its original state, pure gold was used to repair the broken pieces.  The bowl became a more beautiful, and highly sought after, piece of pottery.

When I learned about this exquisite technique, it made me think about how often we are broken into pieces through tragedy, trauma and loss.
Our instinct when we go through something really difficult is to try to repair ourselves so that we eventually go back to being the same person that we were before it happened.
We know well enough that this rarely happens because we are scarred.  But what if instead of trying to repair ourselves to our original state we create a new self?  We repair ourselves with gold.
Breaking down gives us the most incredible gift in allowing us to redesign our lives and ourselves.
Every time you long to go back to ‘the good old days’ remember kintsugi.

Tell yourself “I am not going back, I am creating a new me and I am going to be more beautiful, more brave and more interesting than I ever was before”

Finding the beauty in tragedy

25 Thursday May 2017

Posted by in Acts of Kindness, Advice, Attitude, Coping skills, Positivity, trauma

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This week started horribly with the death of my granny.  Although she was 100 years old, it is still sad to lose a loved one.
Something so beautiful came out of her death though.
Distant cousins who I had lost touch with years ago reached out to me in our shared grief.  People had such nice things to say and I realised who actually really cares about me.  I spent some quality time making an art work memorial for her and found some peace in doing so.

Then later in the week the world was once again thrown into a state of tragedy when we woke up to the horrible news about the bomb in Manchester.
And once again, there was beauty to be seen everywhere.  One awful person causes devastation, thousands of people retaliate with only goodness and kindness.  From the taxi drivers who offered free rides to people who opened their homes to strangers.

It’s easy to forget how amazing the world and people around us can be when we face loss, stress and trauma.  The kindness of people doesn’t really lessen the devastation and pain but it does give a level of hope.  It is a hope that things are not actually all terrible.  That there is more good than bad in the world.  That we can survive tough times.
Open yourself up to the potential of beauty in every moment.  It will make things just a little bit better.

Be nice – always

20 Thursday Apr 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Moods, Positivity, Projects, self esteem

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This week’s mission:
Say something nice to a horrible person.
Yes, that is what I said.
It’s a difficult mission especially when you have spent so much time fantasizing about revenge but stick with me here.

First you need to understand that there are many reasons that a person would be horrible to you:
1. They are genuinely horrible and nasty and they get pleasure from upsetting you.
2. They are indifferent to other people’s needs so they seem horrible but they just don’t notice what others are going through nor do they understand others emotions.
3. They are really stressed and their irritability is making them moody and nasty.
4. They feel bad about themselves and can’t handle anyone else being happy so they pull you down to their level to feel better about themselves.

So how does it help to be nice to any of these people?
If they are genuinely horrible, you counteract that by being genuinely nice. You are not going to change them but you can change your own attitude towards them – killing somebody with kindness?
If they are indifferent, you might be the one person to show them that the world and people in general might be better than they thought and give them a more positive outlook in life.
Somebody who is stressed needs love, care and attention. Be the one to show that you care and that you understand that they are actually nice and this is not their true self. You disarm their anger with kindness and might make a difference in their life (or at least in their day).
And for the person with a low self esteem, by being nice you are showing them that you are ok enough to be yourself. You won’t allow their negativity to pull you down because you are a nice person and you are happy with yourself.  Maybe one day they will be too.

You might learn something about somebody who you previously had disliked. They might learn something about you that they come to like.
Always choose the nice option.
Always be nice.
No matter what. Trust me on this one.

Am I free?

13 Thursday Apr 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Freedom, Gratitude, Positivity

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Happy Easter and a good Pesach to everyone!
As usual, when Pesach (Passover) comes along, so does the conversation about freedom.  During Pesach we discuss what it meant for the Jewish people to be free from slavery in Egypt and we compare it to our lives now.
The question is are we really free?
We may not be actual slaves although many people express that they feel like slaves to their kids, to their partners and to their jobs.  Are we free to spend quality time on our own without limitations?
Are we free because we have a lot of material things or are we slaves to our phones and our possessions (and what it takes to pay off the debts that those possessions create)?
Are we free to express ourselves without being labeled or put into a box by stigma?

We can focus on all the reasons that we are not free or we can learn to appreciate all the reasons that we are free.  So many of us are free from hunger and cold.  We are free to be the person that we want to be if we stop worrying about what everyone thinks of us and we stop worrying about pleasing other people.

We need to create a space to be free.
Whether it is just going outside and taking a deep breath or going for a walk and watching the world go by.
Pause to appreciate what you have.
Celebrate the little things that make your life a bit better (thanks Haagen Dazs salted caramel ice cream).
Remember how far you have come and how truly fabulous you really are – even if nobody can see it and no one acknowledges it.
You are amazingly perfectly imperfect just the way you are!

Find the good

30 Thursday Mar 2017

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This week has truly been a world class horrible one.
I mean horrible!
But despite all of the horrible things, there have been such amazing moments too.  There have been people who have been so kind.  There has been amazing support and care.
And there have been ‘coincidences’ that have been nothing short of miraculous – the kind of things that make me believe that there has to be some kind of higher power intervening at some point.
Nobody should have to go through horrible things and nobody deserves to go through difficult times.  I don’t, and you don’t.
But if you can look beyond the difficulties and the hardships and notice the amazing things, you feel a little bit better and a little bit brighter.  Good things do happen in bad times.  You just need to learn to look for them.
No, you are not here to be punished.
No, bad things don’t always happen to you.
Yes, you deserve a better life but if you open your eyes, you realise that there is a little spark of greatness in everything that happens.
Just believe it.

 

Fighting mediocrity

02 Thursday Mar 2017

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Freedom, Positivity, self esteem

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mediocre
ˌmiːdɪˈəʊkə/
adjective

  1. of only average quality; not very good.

Mediocre is my worst word – I hate the idea of mediocrity.  I think it is because being mediocre shows no commitment.  It is neither good nor bad, just in the middle.
I truly believe that people who are the most stressed are the least mediocre people.  You get stressed because you are passionate about something and often people stand in your way.
They stand in your way because they are comfortable with their mediocrity and your passion, excitement and commitment are a serious threat to their comfort zone.  If you are not strong enough in your self belief, you will find it easy just to fall back and join the mediocre people.
Please don’t.
You are so amazing, interesting and unique.  You have so much to offer.  Don’t let anybody else destroy that!
Stop trying to fit in to please other people.
Start asserting your right to be an individual.
You are wonderful just as you are!great-spirits

Meeting a righteous person

16 Thursday Feb 2017

Posted by in Acts of Kindness, Advice, Attitude, Positivity

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Jewish tradition states that at any one time in any generation there are 36 righteous people living on earth.
It’s a bit sad that it is only 36 but that is apparently how many there are.  The thing about these righteous people is that they are hidden – nobody knows who they are and even the righteous person doesn’t know that they are one of the 36.

Does it make a difference?
Maybe it does, because something that I learned while watching an episode of Transparent is that if we don’t know who these people are, we should treat everyone that we know and everyone that we meet as though they are one of these 36.
Okay so sometimes it is very clear who is not one of the 36 – or so we think – but it is not up to us to make that judgement.
It is up to us to be kind, gentle and caring to those around us.
Everyday you have the opportunity to make a difference in somebody else’s life or even in your own life if you can just shift your attitude to a more positive and hopeful one.

There is a great saying that it doesn’t matter if the glass is half full or half empty, the important thing is that it can be refilled.  Having a positive attitude towards people (even if you don’t really like them) can have a huge impact on them and on you.
You never know how that person is going to have an impact on you somewhere along the line.

So here is your mission:
– Be nice!
– Tell your nasty boss how much you like her shoes
– Tell your nagging mother that you appreciate that she cares
– Compliment your annoying colleague on their new hairstyle
– Ask the cashier how their day has been
– Smile at someone who frowns at you
– Challenge yourself to get somebody in the traffic to smile or wave back at you

You are going to be feel wonderful for doing these things and maybe, just maybe, you touched one of the 36…

Thank you for being an inspiration

12 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by in Attitude, Being brave, Depression, Fear, Positivity

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Here’s to the brave ones:
The people that are brave enough to say no.
Who don’t stand for being treated badly or unfairly.
The people who do something about their problems rather than hiding away from them.
Those who are able to say “I am fine with being myself – don’t try to change me”

I hate the fact that I even have to use the word brave.  You shouldn’t have to be brave to be different.  You shouldn’t have to be brave to stand up for what you believe or to say how you are feeling.
Unfortunately, it has become difficult for people to say out loud how they really feel.  Because it is difficult to feel like you are different from everyone else.
The truth is that you are not different from everyone else – there are a lot of people going through hardships who also don’t want anyone to know or who see it as a sign of weakness to talk about their pain.
So what happens is you get a lot of people (apparently close to 40% of the population – although I think it is a higher number) who are all not feeling good and most of them put on a “mask”.  Then everybody thinks that everybody else is okay.

I am constantly inspired by the people who are prepared to drop the mask.  They are the people who say that they feel depressed, some that will admit that they are disappointed, those who say they are not sure if they were born in the right body, that they don’t want to follow the career that they were ‘meant’ to follow,  that maybe they married the wrong person…. The list is endless and there are people who speak up. They are the brave and inspiring ones.
I really hope that you are one of them.  Or that you plan to become one of them.
We need more people in the world like you!
Thank you for being an inspiration!

Start making plans for 2017

08 Thursday Dec 2016

Posted by in Advice, Change, Creativity, Positivity

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Almost every person that I speak to (except for a few brilliant/lucky exceptions) has said that 2016 was a terrible year.
Some won’t even be so kind as to say terrible.
It’s difficult to understand what would make a year so awful.  Is it the year itself? 365 days of misery?
Is there just a general sense of negativity and unease in the world today?

Then what do we want from 2017? Of course… a better year!
So when midnight strikes on the 31st of December 2016, something will magically change and 2017 will start off in a better way?
Unlikely!
If we want 2017 to be better than this year, we have to make conscious and real decisions about what we are going to do to take control over our lives.
A year does not control us.
What happens in the world does not control us – unless we let it do so.

Now is a brilliant time to plan what you are going to start doing differently.  Yes, you have to do something differently because if your life was working out so well, you wouldn’t be reading this!
Do something different.
Make a change.  It doesn’t have to be your job or your relationship but it has to be something.
Some ideas for you:
– Change your hairstyle
– Volunteer at a charity
– Have longer baths
– Make something rather than buy it
– Sign up for an online course
– Make time for friends
– Use more glitter

I look forward to hearing some of your brilliant ideas

World Aids Day

01 Thursday Dec 2016

Posted by in Change, Coping skills, HIV, Positivity

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How did it get to be December?
And suddenly it is World Aids Day.
I have been involved in HIV education and counselling since 1993 and it is a totally different world today compared to how we dealt with HIV then.  I did a lot of work in helping people to accept death and making peace with their lives.
I was involved in trying to reduce stigma towards people living with HIV.
Today it is clearly not a death sentence to be diagnosed with HIV.  People live long and healthy lives with HIV.  And people are generally OK enough to make their status public.

aids

What would be ideal though would be if less people were becoming infected with HIV through abusive relationships.
I still see a lot of women who feel powerless against their abusive spouses who do not care to use condoms even though they know that they are putting themselves and their partners at risk.
These are the people who worry me the most.
So it is OK to say out loud that you are HIV positive but it is not OK to ask your partner to use a condom and be respected for your choice?

My real wish is that AIDS day is not just something that comes along once a year and everyone wears red ribbons, lights candles and says a prayer.  My wish is for people to have freedom within their relationships.  To have the right to stand up and say no.
No to having unprotected sex, no to being treated as less worthy, no to having to answer to somebody, no to being abused in any kind of way.

To everyone who is going through a hard time – here’s to you – you, the survivor, you – with a voice to be heard.
I am constantly inspired by people like you who keep on going no matter how tough it is.
Thank you for making the choice to do things differently!