Category Archives: Projects

Coping with feeling overwhelmed

22 Thursday Jun 2017

Posted by in Advice, Coping skills, Lists, Projects, Stress

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Stress can make you feel so overwhelmed that you feel like you are going to blow up or that you want to hibernate or run away forever.
There isn’t an easy answer to dealing with such huge problems but there are some manageable steps that you can take:

1. Remove yourself from the situation.  If you can get away from the room or the building that you are sitting in or stay away from your computer or phone for a few minutes then do it.  Take a short walk (slam the door on the way out if you really have to), regroup, breathe deeply and return.

2.  Stay away from social media for a while.  It really doesn’t help for you to see people whose lives seem to be awesome when yours feels like it is falling apart.  You also don’t need to be part of anyone else’s drama.

3.  Declutter! Clear your desk, delete emails and messages (not the important ones), get rid of the things around you that are unnecessary.  When your mind feels cluttered with your problems, you don’t need physical objects cluttering your space too.

4. Talk to somebody.  It doesn’t mean that you have to offload all of your problems on them but just tell someone that you are not coping and that you are stressed. They might be feeling the same way too. If there is absolutely nobody to talk to then write it down or illustrate it so that you can still express yourself.

5.  Make time (no matter what) just to do something for yourself.  It might just be a few minutes but it is essential that you do something nice for yourself (I’m not talking about buying another pair of shoes! Though who am I to judge you?)

6.  Find a project that will keep you motivated.  Do you have a room that needs painting?  Sort out your photos.  Create something quirky.  Learn a new skill.  Play a game.  Take up a new sport…

I know that you feel so tired and stressed and overwhelmed right now but it will pass.  Just do the best that you can to cope in this moment.
I know that you can do it!

Be nice – always

20 Thursday Apr 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Moods, Positivity, Projects, self esteem

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This week’s mission:
Say something nice to a horrible person.
Yes, that is what I said.
It’s a difficult mission especially when you have spent so much time fantasizing about revenge but stick with me here.

First you need to understand that there are many reasons that a person would be horrible to you:
1. They are genuinely horrible and nasty and they get pleasure from upsetting you.
2. They are indifferent to other people’s needs so they seem horrible but they just don’t notice what others are going through nor do they understand others emotions.
3. They are really stressed and their irritability is making them moody and nasty.
4. They feel bad about themselves and can’t handle anyone else being happy so they pull you down to their level to feel better about themselves.

So how does it help to be nice to any of these people?
If they are genuinely horrible, you counteract that by being genuinely nice. You are not going to change them but you can change your own attitude towards them – killing somebody with kindness?
If they are indifferent, you might be the one person to show them that the world and people in general might be better than they thought and give them a more positive outlook in life.
Somebody who is stressed needs love, care and attention. Be the one to show that you care and that you understand that they are actually nice and this is not their true self. You disarm their anger with kindness and might make a difference in their life (or at least in their day).
And for the person with a low self esteem, by being nice you are showing them that you are ok enough to be yourself. You won’t allow their negativity to pull you down because you are a nice person and you are happy with yourself.  Maybe one day they will be too.

You might learn something about somebody who you previously had disliked. They might learn something about you that they come to like.
Always choose the nice option.
Always be nice.
No matter what. Trust me on this one.

My list of wonderful things I’ve done

13 Thursday Oct 2016

Posted by in Acts of Kindness, Attitude, Creativity, Freedom, Lists, Mental health, Positivity, Projects

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Yesterday was the Jewish holy day of Yom Kippur.  It is a day when we have a final opportunity to ask for forgiveness for our sins and contemplate the year ahead and how we are going to live it better than the last.
We spend so much energy focusing on what we have done wrong and very little (or even no time at all) looking at what we did right.  A few days ago, I read an article where the author suggested that we replace our list of sins (which it seems I have done many) with a list of all the good deeds that we have done.

Rabbi Weiss wrote this down as:

We have loved, we have blessed, we have grown, we have spoken positively, we have raised up, we have shown compassion, we have acted enthusiastically, we have been empathetic.We have cultivated truth, we have given good advice.  We have respected, we have learned, we have comforted, we have forgiven.
We have been creative, we have been stirred… we have given full effort, we have supported, we have contributed, we have repaired.

How much better is this list than a list of all of our sins?
Of course we sin, but I am sure that every one of us do far more good than bad.
I think that it is worth reading this list of good deeds every day to remind yourself of how much you have achieved.
Please add your own achievements today – things like:
I have enjoyed tea, I drew a picture of a dragon, I knitted a square for a blanket, I smiled, I laughed, I licked the batter when I baked a cake, I danced, I sang out loud, I made someone feel better….

I am sure your list will be long and wonderful

The benefit of creativity

13 Wednesday Apr 2016

Posted by in Creativity, Mindfulness, Positivity, Projects, Quiet and slow, self esteem

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It’s the April slump.  The holidays are a distant memory, the Easter long weekend is over and for us in the Southern hemisphere, winter is on its way.
So to try to make an effort to make life more interesting and give me something to look forward to, I signed up for an art course.
I was initially cautious about doing a course that would require at least an hour of work a day – an hour that I wasn’t sure that I had to spare.
But I signed up anyway and hoped for the best.

And it has been the best thing that I have done in a long time.
It is amazing how I have managed to find time that I didn’t know existed – it is never a full hour but a few minutes a few times a day adds up.  It seems that watching TV is not that important (and neither is doing the dishes).
I always go on about the therapeutic value of creativity but I often ignore the importance of taking the time to do it myself.  Just sitting quietly with my paintbrushes (and generally making a mess) has been so good for me.
One of the most important things about this course for me has been the fact that I have had the opportunity to meet like-minded people.  People who will tell me how wonderful my art work is, even though I am clearly not an artist.  There is not one bit of negativity around.  Even when someone is really not that good, they still are praised for trying and for their effort.
It has been so good for my self esteem – all that positive feedback can do no harm at all!

So, over to you.  I’d like you to try out some of the beneficial things that I have gained from doing this course.
Your project for this week is either to:

  1. Make some time to create something – it does not have to be a work of art but it does have to be something different to what you usually do.
  2. Find a few people to compliment.  You don’t have to lie, or bend the truth.  Just look for something good in a few good people and tell them what you see.  It gives you the opportunity to spread love and boost somebody else’s self esteem
  3. Find a course where you can learn a new skill or develop a skill that you have neglected because you are too busy being responsible
  4. Do all of the above!

I look forward to hearing what you are up to.

Quick fix stress management

05 Wednesday Aug 2015

Posted by in Advice, Chocolate yeah!, Projects

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I can talk a lot about changing your attitude towards life and dealing better with stress.  Yet, sometimes we just need a quick fix to deal with stress and anxiety.
I’m going to share some of these with you but know that there may be something that is specifically calming to you that may be irritating and absolutely not calming to somebody else.  Don’t be afraid to do your own version of stress management.
I know somebody (OK, I am married to somebody) who calms himself down by playing drums – which I find particularly irritating and very noisy but he finds calming and relaxing.

A really good idea is to make a box to keep some things in that you know will instantly calm you down.  And of course you can decorate that box to make it more special, but you can also just throw a few things into your desk drawer or your handbag too…

Lavender oil – smell it, put a drop on your wrist, a drop on your pillow to help you to sleep, a few drops in your bath before bedtime (you can thank me later)

Chamomile tea is super relaxing (and tastes horrible enough to make you think that it is medicinal).  A spoon of honey will make it taste better.

Chocolate (need I say anymore?) – especially dark 70% or more cocoa solids melting on your tongue

The Acupressure point for worry and anxiety is on your wrist crease on the side of your little finger.  Spend a few minutes massaging it while taking deep breaths

Having said that – take deep breaths.  Force the air out of your lungs from the diaphragm and then take huge breaths in and out

I learned some of the lovely art of Jin Shin Jyutsu (a Japanese art of self healing) this weekend.  Holding your index finger can be calming

Squeeze a stress ball (learn how to make one here: http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Balloon-Stress-Ball )

Listen to calming music

Doodle – just grab some paper and start drawing.  And while you are at it, write a list of things that are good about your life

Get outside, walk, breathe in fresh air and please don’t look at your phone while you are doing this – interruptions are unnecessary!

Let me know what else you add to this list.

Kindness on Mandela Day

15 Wednesday Jul 2015

Posted by in Attitude, Positivity, Projects

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This week is the late Nelson Mandela’s birthday and his birthday has become Mandela Day – a day for giving back.
http://www.mandeladay.com/
In honour of such a great man, we commit time to serve our community in his memory.
I love random acts of kindness given to unsuspecting strangers and I will definitely be doing some of that on Mandela Day.
I will also be joining in a sandwich making mission – the aim is to make 67 000 sandwiches to feed and nourish the hungry.
Please use the opportunity (even if you are not South African) to donate some time, money or skill to somebody or an organisation that really needs it.

I love Mandela Day because of the wonderful spirit of kindness, care and positivity that surrounds us for a day.
But I definitely don’t think that we should wait for one day a year to be kind.
Even more importantly, I don’t think that we should be spreading kindness, or expecting kindness from others, until we learn to be kind to ourselves.

Thanks to Brave Girls Club for this:
I want to remember that I must be the example to others of how I want to be treated… meaning that if I want to be treated with kindness and respect, I must treat myself with kindness and respect.  If I want to be treated with love and patience, I must treat myself with love and patience.  I teach other people how to treat me.

Mandela really believed in forgiveness – so please forgive yourself.  Be kind and gentle to yourself.  Respect yourself.
Stop waiting for, and having huge expectations that somebody is going to change the way that they treat you so that you can be happier.
The only person responsible for your happiness is you.
Take that responsibility today!
You never know how great you can become!

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A new mission

24 Wednesday Jun 2015

Posted by in Being brave, Freedom, Gratitude, Mental health, Projects, Recipes, Self growth

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I would like to take the opportunity to thank every single one of you who follow, like and are inspired by I Don’t Want to be Stressed.
It started with very humble beginnings when somebody suggested it because they could not travel to see me for a session.
I don’t want to be stressed has grown in followers and in content but the time has come for it to be something more.

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I want to share more good news, more stories, more recipes and more crafts.  These are the things that keep me motivated and positive when I am stressed and I would love to be able to share them with you.

So here is the mission:

  • If anyone would like to share their story, I would be really honoured to be able to put your story right here so that other people can be inspired by you and your story of survival.  You can email your story to: andi.bengis@gmail.com
  • We are surrounded by such a lot of bad, terrible, horrific and sad news and not enough good, exciting and uplifting news – I will be on a mission to find some of this news!
  • I will share some projects for you to make (and bake) at home that may assist you in managing stress and will definitely  work on giving you a creative outlet for your stress – don’t worry if you think you are not artistic. Not everyone is an artist but everyone has the ability to create and express themselves
  • Watch this space for exciting workshops , retail opportunities (yes!) and perhaps even the long awaited I Don’t Want to be Stressed journal.

I look forward to sharing this new journey with you all!

Please be more creative

13 Wednesday May 2015

Posted by in Advice, Creativity, Projects

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I have to say that I really battled with writing this week.
I just could not make myself sit down in front of the computer to write.  So Monday happened, and then Tuesday happened too and finally on Wednesday, I decided not to write at all.  I thought that I would rather create something.
I started with a blank sheet (OK, it was a blue blank sheet) of paper at my desk away from the computer.  Of course I had to write a piece of advice and then I started drawing around it.  Now  I decided (as I tend to do) that I needed to add an owl to my picture .  I stepped away for a while and then I had to add washi tape.
(By the way, in case you didn’t know this important rule yet, I will gladly share it with you:  You can NEVER have too much washi tape!)
I had to use my chalk pens so chalk accents were added to my writing and then I decided that I needed to sew on the page (yes I sew on paper, no I am not crazy).
And suddenly, without even thinking or worrying about the words that I needed to write came pouring out…

You are a survivor

I think that we live in a crazy, hectic, super stressful world where we are expected to work hard and achieve goals that are set for us by other people.  We work, earn money, pay the bills (hopefully) and then start the cycle again.
I rarely meet somebody who tells me that they are living a life that they are passionate about.  Maybe passionate is too strong a word but I don’t even come across that many people who tell me that they enjoy their lives.
Except for artists and crafty people who make time to do things that make them happy.  I’m not saying that we all need to become artists or that we even can be artists, but I think that there is a need in every person to create or to be unique or to do things differently.  Ask any of my patients that I have treated what therapy they enjoyed the most or which therapy was most meaningful to them and the majority will say creative therapy over talk therapy.
Unfortunately most people do not even have the time, or allow themselves the time to do things that they enjoy.

Do things differently and creatively – even if it doesn’t seem that it is helping you to achieve your aim, by focusing away from what you “should” be doing, the answers often come out really clearly.
Please make time for the things that make you smile.

A big adventure

15 Wednesday Apr 2015

Posted by in Advice, Creativity, Fear, Projects

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I am on a mission…
I’m starting a new project and truthfully I’m not even sure what it entails yet.
It is probably the first time that I’ve allowed myself to do this – to just start something without a clear objective.
Usually I focus on the end goal and often, that goal is so big that I scare myself to a point where even starting it seems impossible.  And then as a consequence, my ideas just float around in my head for a while until, after some time, I rework them and start the whole process again.  Often scaring myself back to square one once again.
So, this time I’m doing it differently.
I’m going on a journey, I’m letting myself live an adventure.
Imagine if Indiana Jones knew what was just around the corner for him?  Would he have taken the risks that he did  to get that idol if he knew that a huge ball would almost take him out in an underground tunnel?

And this I can promise you: Nothing that you do will be as scary as almost dying underground while trying to steal an idol!

I may be talking to myself here, but hopefully you are all listening too.  Because so many people hold themselves back from great things due to fear.
How many books go unwritten, products are never invented, businesses are never started, opportunities are missed, designs that never come to light, art works that are never expressed because somebody was too afraid to start them?
Today is as good a day as any to start. (The first of January is way too far away – a random Wednesday in April is good enough)
Whether you want to start living your life differently or you want to do something new,  whether you have a business plan or you want to start a new hobby, this advice is for you:

1. Don’t be afraid!
2. Build up evidence of what you know and what you can do – you are going to need a journal (a real paper one is the only thing that works for me but go ahead and use your tablet/phone/computer).
3. Jot down or illustrate your ideas. Big or small, impossible sounding or not.
4. Take small steps BUT they have to be steps – don’t allow yourself to stagnate or say “I’ll do it tomorrow”
5. Ask for help, share your ideas with others, speak up!
6. Enjoy the process rather than panic about the end result
7. Don’t let others success overwhelm you. Everyone has their own journey and just because somebody does something amazing it doesn’t mean that you can’t do something amazing too.
8. Be brilliant!

Positive thinking in a box

18 Tuesday Nov 2014

Posted by in Positivity, Projects

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It doesn’t matter how much negative feedback you get from other sources.
The most destructive type of negative feedback is from your own negative self talk.
That little (although it is sometimes deafeningly loud) voice of doubt.
It is that voice within you that is constantly telling you what you can’t do rather than celebrating your achievements.
It warns you that you are going to fail, or worse, that you are already a failure. And you let that stop you from being awesome and reaching amazing potential.
I have never really found a technique that can absolutely shut off that negative talk and replace it with positive. Mainly because I think that for some bizarre reason, we are almost programmed to think the worst.
But there are definitely things that you can do to encourage positive self talk.

It is not about shouting from the rooftops to the world about how wonderful you are but rather, quietly reassuring yourself that you can do it and that you are worthy of doing it.
A few weeks ago, I tried a craft with my therapy group where we made positive self talk boxes.
It was so easy yet so effective. Both as an enjoyable and simple craft to make with beautiful results but also an effective end product.

photo 3Get an empty matchbox and decorate it on the inside and the outside with stickers, paper, ribbon, buttons, feathers, glitter and any other item that you love.
Write or print a positive message for yourself and stick it inside the box.
Once it is dry, put it in your bag or your pocket.  Keep it in your desk drawer or next to your computer.
Everytime you need a reminder of something positive, just open the box.
Take a deep breath and affirm the positive message inside.
Now, start to live it!

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