Category Archives: Quiet and slow

Calming memories

04 Thursday May 2017

Posted by in Advice, Coping skills, Mindfulness, Moods, Quiet and slow

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Yesterday was my grandmother’s 100th birthday and with the celebration came a rush of memories.
I have so many good memories of my grandparent’s house in Bulawayo, Zimbabwe.
The ones I remember most are the ones that are etched in my senses.  The taste of the tea with way too much sugar and far too much milk in it which was deemed sensible for children’s tastes, freshly squeezed orange juice from oranges just picked from the trees in the garden, the smell of woven baskets and polish, the sounds of certain birds.  My grandmother was the queen of making fudge and biscuits which she would hide in the grocery cupboard.  The smell of the soap stored in the same cupboard will always make my tongue tingle because I knew that the fudge had to be somewhere in there.  Sometimes we were lucky and we found it, other times not so much….

Now in my old age (well, old enough to have a grandmother who is 100), just the thought of these things makes me happy.  And even better still, sipping orange juice or sitting down with a cup of tea (now with no sugar and far less milk) can calm me down in an instant because it creates a flashback to happier times of childhood.

Hopefully everybody has some happy childhood memories.  You might not have had a perfect childhood but I’m sure you have one or two memories that make you smile.
Can you recreate those memories in adulthood?
Is there a snack that you can eat or something that you can smell in the middle of a stressful day at work that will have the ability to calm you down?
Can you create some time to do the things that really used to make you feel happy?
You may be surprised at how a simple thing can just settle your heart rate, slow down your breathing and make you feel that all is right with the world even if it is for just 5 minutes.  And if that means an extra spoon of sugar in your tea (or a dollop of condensed milk) than who are any of us to argue?

Sitting in traffic and staying calm

19 Thursday Jan 2017

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I’m sure there’s a lesson to be learned by sitting in traffic. It seems that I spend a frustrating amount of time sitting in my car and more often than not, I’m sitting in my car going nowhere.
After waiting in a queue for passports yesterday and being stuck in stand still traffic today I had time to think about those potential lessons.
This is what I think:
In today’s fast paced world, we could all use the time to slow down, be calm and let go of needing to always be in control.
Maybe that’s what queues and traffic are there for.
If there’s nowhere to go and nothing to do then we might as well use the time to practice being calm.
Learn to be patient. Be gracious in letting others go ahead in front of you even if you are in a hurry too.
Take the time to practice deep breathing.
Understand that as much as you always want to be in control (because it is much more comfortable to be in control) you are not actually always in charge.

I hope that you are going to spend more time this year just breathing.  I know that I am.

The story of my life (today)

05 Wednesday Oct 2016

Posted by in Attitude, Freedom, Positivity, Quiet and slow, Self growth

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Today was a totally bizarre day:

  1. I woke up too early
  2. I got to work late because an accident happened in front of me and the drivers decided to resolve the problem by beating each other up
  3. I left work late which meant that I was late to fetch my kids from school
  4. BUT: my kids came out of school late which meant that I drove in exactly as they were walking out of class
  5. AND: the icing on the cake…. As I was driving to fetch them, I came across a terrible accident that had happened only a few minutes before I got there – the few minutes before that I was meant to be driving through that intersection if I hadn’t been running late.

I don’t try to analyse things too deeply – I may have a (very stressed out) guardian angel looking after me, knocking disasters out of my way.  G-d may be on my side (for once).
It may be fate, it may be coincidence, it also may mean nothing.

But this I do know:
We do not have control over anything outside of ourselves.
Things are going to happen and they may affect us negatively or positively but still we have no control over them.
Sometimes you just need to let things happen.
Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people, good things happen to good people too.
If we can be gracious enough to let it go, to not stress about what we can’t control, to not worry about other people and their actions, we would be much calmer and happier in our lives

Your boss is not going to like me but…

21 Wednesday Sep 2016

Posted by in Advice, Change, Freedom, Mental health, Quiet and slow, Stress

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Your boss is not going to like me but….
Take a break!

Every day of my life I work with people who are battling with burn out and severe stress because of work.  And it just shouldn’t be that way.
As much as we all need to earn a living and pay our bills (and debts), our jobs cannot be our lives.
Unfortunately it has become that way – we live our lives for our work.  The same work that stresses you to a point that it makes you sick!
A very sad quote from Ellen Goodman makes this so clear:
“Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for – in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it”

I just don’t think that it is worth it.
Surely your life is worth more than that?
It is time to take a break !  Get out of the office for lunch, sit under a tree and take in the world, have a cup of coffee (or even an ice cream) away from your desk.  Step away from the desk!

And when you are not at work – stop thinking about work.  I doubt that you love your boss that much that you need to fantasize about them at 4 in the morning – even if you are fantasizing about revenge.
Find something that is absolutely not work related and make time to do it.  Whether it is creative or energetic, you need to have something that gives you meaning other than work. Something that can give your mind and body a rest from the day to day endless stressful routine.

So, I’m sorry if I am going to upset your boss but it is time that employers started valuing their staff more and realising that by pushing their staff to breaking point, they are going to get less achieved in the long run.  And if nobody else is going to teach them that lesson, then it might as well be you.
Today is a good day to take your life back!

Tips for sleeping

24 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by in Advice, insomnia, Mental health, Quiet and slow

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Because my son is ill and my husband has been ill, I have not slept properly for weeks.
I am not going to lie – it has been difficult and I obsess about sleeping more than I think about chocolate – which for me is a big thing.
During my many waking hours, I have had time to think of all the people who, like me, were lying awake at 4 in the morning.  4 in the morning is the worst time to be awake because it seems too late to go back to sleep so you while away your time waiting for the sun to rise.

And whether you fall asleep or not, the sun will rise and a new day starts.  And no matter how much you are convinced you are never going to make it through the day, it seems that you do.
Our bodies are amazingly resilient.  While there may be a lot of research about how lack of sleep affects our bodies (and I just read one article about how you don’t produce enough growth hormone if you don’t sleep, which may or may not explain why my son who is constantly awake is so small) it seems that you will probably not die from not sleeping.

This I do know:
– Obsessing about not sleeping is really not going to help you to sleep. Stop trying to sleep and just use your bed to relax.
– Practice deep breathing and try to calm your thoughts while just focusing on your breath. (No, it is not a good idea to kill your boss or your husband or your mother-in-law…)
– A cup of chamomile tea before bed can really help
– Hug a teddy bear (or your pillow if you don’t have a bear) and no, you are not too old for a bear!
– Do not, I repeat, do not look at your phone!  There are always exciting or scary things happening around the world that will only disturb your sleep further.
– Remember that no matter how stressful the night may be, you are so blessed to have a warm bed with a roof over your head to spend the night awake in.
– Nobody (as far as I know) has been awake forever.  When your body is ready and your mind is calmer and you are in a better space, you will sleep.

Quick stress management

17 Wednesday Aug 2016

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In the fast paced, super stressed world that we live in, we need some quick solutions in order to deal with stress.
Here are some of my favourite easy to do, quick stress management techniques:

Take a deep breath – stop holding your breath. Yes, we really spend ages not breathing properly.

Put down that phone, step away from the screen.  The world has not been known to end if you don’t answer that message right now

A drop of lavender oil on your wrist is really soothing

Find someone to hug – maybe not a random stranger (though who am I to say don’t do it?) and if there is nobody to hug, then hug yourself

Walk outside in the sunshine – get away from artificial light

Stay away (as much as possible), ignore or generally avoid people who drain your energy with their negativity

Write a one line affirmation – “I am amazing”, “I am a survivor”, “I am strong”, “I am brave”

Decorate your affirmation with glitter and washi tape (OK, maybe that’s just me who does that)

Just focus on this moment, right now and tell yourself “I am OK”

RIP Gugu Zulu

20 Wednesday Jul 2016

Posted by in Advice, Life journey, Life Lessons, Mindfulness, Quiet and slow, Stress

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I am so devastated by the death of Gugu Zulu – a great racing car driver but more importantly, a great person.  A man who lived large.
He died while climbing Mount Kilimanjaro for a good cause on Mandela Day.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BH5nOWfg13O/?taken-by=guguzulu

If nothing else, what we should gain from his death is that we have absolutely no idea what tomorrow is going to bring.
One minute we are here, the next minute, we are not.
One day we are amazingly successful, the next, we may have lost everything.

So the question is:
If the only thing we know is right now, then why are we spending right now worrying about what might happen tomorrow?
Why do lead such stressful lives without ever slowing down to enjoy the small things (and the big things)?
There is a huge industry that is making money off our stress by supplying every supplement and energy booster you can think of when we should be boosting our own energy levels through slowing down, better eating, exercise and having a better attitude towards life.
We should be building resilience towards stress rather than just wishing it away (while downing another cup of coffee to keep us going).
Our lives should be worth so much more than the value that we give attribute to them.

So, next time you say “I don’t want to be stressed” you should do something about it!
Make today count!

The benefit of creativity

13 Wednesday Apr 2016

Posted by in Creativity, Mindfulness, Positivity, Projects, Quiet and slow, self esteem

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It’s the April slump.  The holidays are a distant memory, the Easter long weekend is over and for us in the Southern hemisphere, winter is on its way.
So to try to make an effort to make life more interesting and give me something to look forward to, I signed up for an art course.
I was initially cautious about doing a course that would require at least an hour of work a day – an hour that I wasn’t sure that I had to spare.
But I signed up anyway and hoped for the best.

And it has been the best thing that I have done in a long time.
It is amazing how I have managed to find time that I didn’t know existed – it is never a full hour but a few minutes a few times a day adds up.  It seems that watching TV is not that important (and neither is doing the dishes).
I always go on about the therapeutic value of creativity but I often ignore the importance of taking the time to do it myself.  Just sitting quietly with my paintbrushes (and generally making a mess) has been so good for me.
One of the most important things about this course for me has been the fact that I have had the opportunity to meet like-minded people.  People who will tell me how wonderful my art work is, even though I am clearly not an artist.  There is not one bit of negativity around.  Even when someone is really not that good, they still are praised for trying and for their effort.
It has been so good for my self esteem – all that positive feedback can do no harm at all!

So, over to you.  I’d like you to try out some of the beneficial things that I have gained from doing this course.
Your project for this week is either to:

  1. Make some time to create something – it does not have to be a work of art but it does have to be something different to what you usually do.
  2. Find a few people to compliment.  You don’t have to lie, or bend the truth.  Just look for something good in a few good people and tell them what you see.  It gives you the opportunity to spread love and boost somebody else’s self esteem
  3. Find a course where you can learn a new skill or develop a skill that you have neglected because you are too busy being responsible
  4. Do all of the above!

I look forward to hearing what you are up to.

Chilling on the couch at 5pm

11 Thursday Feb 2016

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In a surprising turn of events, after nursing two sick kids, I ended up getting sick too.
Nothing hectic, it was just a cold but  nevertheless, I was sick and miserable (of course).
I say surprising rather sarcastically because it wasn’t surprising at all – in fact, I was waiting for it to happen.  I know my body well enough to know that if I don’t get enough sleep and I work too hard and care too much, my immune system is going to take a breather and I will get sick.

And you know what? I didn’t mind!
Firstly I wasn’t sick enough to be bed ridden by any means.  I kept on working as usual and driving my kids to and from school.
Secondly, and most importantly, it gave me a legitimate reason to just lie down on the couch in the middle of the afternoon.
Usually the afternoons are meant for me to do administration and reports and now I just didn’t have the energy to do that work (or much housework).  And it was pretty wonderful.
If I wasn’t sick, I would have really felt guilty about doing nothing at 5pm but now I had an excuse.
And I discovered that there are a lot of interesting things to watch on TV at 5pm.  But more than that, I gave my body time to relax.

What is it that makes us feel that we need to be busy all of the time?
I definitely don’t usually have the time to spend on the couch but I really cherished the time that I could.  I also thought about being kinder to myself and about the importance of taking some time out just to relax.
I tend to “relax” by doing things and I try to convince myself that if it is not actual “work”, then it is leisure.
But it is not.

True relaxation is about not needing to be doing anything productive.  It is about being able to not do anything without feeling guilty and it is about not feeling like you are useless or worthless if you can’t account for every minute that you spent in your day.
By being still and quiet, you allow yourself to really connect with yourself or with people who matter to you.
Put that phone down!
Put that broom away!
Step away from that computer!

You honestly deserve time out and down time.
Never, ever feel guilty about looking after your body, mind and soul.
Even if you can only manage a few minutes a day, just sit quietly and breathe.
Do gentle stretches. Watch the world go by and appreciate your surroundings.
Sip your tea (out of a real teacup rather than a travel mug) instead of gulping it on the run.
Your body will thank you for it!

The battered guardian angel

22 Thursday Oct 2015

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Last week I was taking some very much needed time out for what I call therapy – painting and drawing.
I had decided to paint a picture of an angel (my guardian angel as I see her) and write a story about how grateful I am to have a guardian angel to look after me.
Note that I say that my guardian angel is a female – I like to picture her as young, pretty and graceful when in reality, my guardian angel is more likely to be a beer swilling overweight man (no offense intended).
I finally got the picture the way I wanted it to be when I spilled some grey paint on the angel’s cheek.  So, I furiously started rubbing at the paper when my son walked in and asked what I was doing.
I answered that I was trying to erase the mess that I made, when he came out with a profound statement.
He said: “Leave it! What if your guardian angel really looks like that? Maybe she has a bruise.”

angel

I sat for a while and contemplated what he said.  The perfectionist in me was still trying to figure out how to fix the problem when I decided to take his advice and leave it.
Then it dawned on me that there is a good chance that my guardian angel has more than one bruise.  And that is because I drag her through all kinds of things.
I realised that I spend a lot of energy in my life fighting what should naturally happen.
I often try to take control over things that I can’t control.  I fight a chronic illness, when I should rather be listening to my body and be more gentle on myself.
I know that I do things that I shouldn’t be doing and I put more pressure on myself than absolutely necessary.
And right then, when I stared at my imperfect angel, I vowed to stop.

It is not easy to let go of control.
It is difficult to let things be, to let relationships run their natural course, to rest when we need to rest, to be gentle on ourselves and to be open to the path that life is taking on us.
It may not be the route that you intended but it is the life that you are meant to be living.
Live more gracefully and more graciously.
Let all of the other nonsense go!