Category Archives: Stress

Surviving that which you never think you will

22 Thursday Mar 2018

Posted by in Advice, Anxiety, Attitude, Being brave, Life Lessons, Stress

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People tell you awful and ridiculous things when you are going through a difficult time.
Things like chin up, be strong and my personal favourite – everything is going to be okay.
And you feel like saying, “How the hell do you know that things are going to be okay?” because it feels like it is never going to be okay.
This is what I do know – you don’t have to be okay and you don’t have to be strong.  You are absolutely allowed to fall apart and cry and scream and panic.
You do need to be gentle on yourself and realise that as much as nobody can tell the future, what you are going through is not going to last forever – it just can’t.
This is what you are going through now.
You are going to overcome this but it is not going to happen overnight.  You have the right to be stressed and anxious.
But don’t let that become your story.
Your story is that you will become resilient and you will have a great tale to tell future generations one day – “long time ago, I went through a really difficult time but I survived and I’m here to share my story with you”
I wish that you didn’t have to have that story to tell but it’s yours – embrace it, learn from it, grow from it and become a better person for having gone through it.
You absolutely have this!

A letter of inspiration

30 Thursday Nov 2017

Posted by in Advice, Anxiety, Creativity, Projects, Stress

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I want you to do this:
When you are not feeling too stressed or sad and not anxious at all, and hopefully feeling pretty good about yourself, I want you to write a letter of encouragement to yourself that goes something like this:

Dear (me, your name, wonderful person….)
You are an amazing, strong survivor.
You might feel bad right now but that is just how you feel right now.  Your emotion does not define the person that you are – the person who is resilient and has been through this pain before.  The person who is going to make it.
This is why you are brilliant………….
This is what you are going to do to be amazing……….
This is why you are special……………
This is what you are thankful for…………

(Add anything else that you would like to say to yourself that is positive and motivational)

You can do this and you will do this!

I know that we live in the digital age but write the letter on a piece of lovely paper (or on a boring piece of paper that has been lovingly decorated or illustrated).
Add a picture of yourself that makes you feel good about yourself.  If that is really pushing it then add a picture of something (or someone) that makes you smile.
Now put it in an envelope (you remember those things that look like the mail icon on your phone) and write a message on the envelope like “open when you are feeling sad” or “a message for an anxious kind of day” and put it in a safe place or stick it into your journal for exactly that kind of day.


Read whenever necessary.
Repeat as often as needed.

Stress busting smoothies

01 Wednesday Nov 2017

Posted by in Chocolate yeah!, Creativity, Food for the soul, Projects, Recipes, Stress

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I have been asked numerous times for recipes for the smoothies that I drink – often to the horror of the people who are sitting in my therapy group thinking that I am drinking mud, scooping off the top of a murky swamp or even worse, sipping on blood.

For all smoothies, just throw all the ingredients together into your blender and blend until smooth (hence the word smoothie….)

Mud smoothie
This looks like mud because of the mix of purple and green.  What you should know is that any food that is purple or green is a super nutritious food filled with vitamins and anti-oxidants so this is really good for you.  Plus all the vitamin B is brilliant for your nervous system and will help you to deal better with stress.
1 apple cut into eighths (or big chunks)
1 handful of blueberries (I use frozen blueberries)
1 teaspoon of grated ginger root or a good shake of dried ginger
1 teaspoon of spirulina powder
1 teaspoon of chia seeds
1 cup of water

Murky swamp smoothie
Very green – very healthy
1 apple cut into chunks
a few pieces of pineapple
a few pieces of cucumber
a sprig or two of mint if you want
1 teaspoon of spirulina powder, wheat grass powder of a small handful of fresh wheat grass (grow it on your kitchen window sill – it is very satisfying to watch)
1 cup of water or cold green tea

Vampire’s smoothie
Thick and red and blood-like (I’m one day too late for Halloween)
Unbelievable anti-oxidants and superfoods
2 small or 1 big beetroot – peeled and cut
1 carrot – peeled and cut
1 teaspoon of grated ginger (okay I like ginger)
1 cup of water or cold strong rooibos tea
Sprinkle with cinnamon

My son’s version of a healthy smoothie
This is very thick and icy and he says that the effort required to drink it through a straw and the (irritating) noise that he makes when drinking helps him to deal with stress…
1 large heaped teaspoon of the finest cocoa powder
2 flat teaspoons of sugar
A lot of ice (yum, yum)
Cover the ice with milk

My husband’s version of a healthy smoothie
He may have a point here since chocolate is rich is feel good chemicals as we all know
1 cup of milk
a large scoop of chocolate ice cream
drinking chocolate powder
top with grated chocolate once blended

Enjoy!

Too blessed?

03 Tuesday Oct 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Mindfulness, Stress

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There’s a saying that I hear people using all the time – “too blessed to be stressed”
It’s a lovely saying but I think that sometimes it’s a challenge to feel that way.  It is implying that if you have blessings (which, let’s face it, we all do) that you can’t get stressed.  Everybody feels stress and sometimes your stress can become overwhelming.
What helps is to accept that you are going through a stressful time but also to be mindful enough to recognise what you have right now (other than stress) – notice the good around you.  Even if all you can think about is that you are still breathing.

After a week of experiencing losses and deprivations – from the loss of my dear friend, to my son going overseas and going through the insomnia that comes with those worries and then going through the fast of Yom Kippur with no food or water for 25 hours, I was really aware of what I was missing.  But I was also very aware of what I have.  To be starving but knowing that a great meal is waiting for me at the end of the fast is far more than most people have.  Some people feel that way on a daily basis and they have no end in sight.

No matter how much you are going through, when your mind starts racing ahead to worry about what you haven’t got, learn to focus on what you have.
You may not be too blessed but you definitely are blessed.

You’ve got this! You can go through this stress and this worry and you will come through this on the other side.
Just keep reminding yourself that you can do it, keep focusing on right now.
“I have this, I am in control”

Take a compliment

11 Monday Sep 2017

Posted by in Advice, Change, Coping skills, Mental health, Stress

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I work with people daily who have extreme work stress and almost across the board they have the same complaint. They never get recognised for the good that they are doing but if they do something wrong, then they get a lot of attention.
It really upsets me that this happens. Why don’t people get credit and recognition that they deserve?
One of the reasons is that it is expected that you will always perform brilliantly- you should never make mistakes, you shouldn’t put a foot out of line and you certainly shouldn’t challenge management.
The problem is that when you work harder you are expected to keep up that standard. So you push yourself harder and work more and become more stressed and burn out and make a mistake. And then you are punished – for being stressed. For being human!

So how do we change this? Well the difficult part is that we are not going to change other people’s perceptions but you can change your own:
1. Accept that you can’t always work at 100% and be gentle on yourself
2. Don’t expect compliments (sad, I know) – work hard because you enjoy doing it not because it is expected of you
3. Compliment yourself when you know that you’ve done well (and that might even include a little gift for yourself)
4. Take the fact that people notice everything that you do (good or bad) as a compliment
5. Insist on occasionally taking a ‘mental health’ day – time out for doing something that nourishes your mind, body and soul

Rise up through music

27 Thursday Jul 2017

Posted by in Advice, Anxiety, Mental health, Mindfulness, Moods, Stress

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I know that life is sometimes so difficult and so overwhelming but let me tell you this:
You have got this! You can do this!
You may not be able to imagine overcoming these problems, you may not see the light at the end of the tunnel yet but you have got this!
This will pass and you will look back on this time eventually and be amazed that you survived this.
Just start with getting up and taking one step.  Then take another.
There are some days that I find it difficult to get going and I want to hide away and avoid everyone and everything. When that happens, there is consistently one song that plays in my head that inspires me to keep going and to rise up – Rise Up by Andra Day.

It is my anthem that keeps me motivated that I can do this.  Listen to it and use it as your anthem too if you would like to.
Or find a song or music that speaks to you.
Musicians have the ability to really touch our lives, music has the ability to heal and to help.
If you can’t play an instrument, you can play music on your phone, or drum a beat out on your lounge table.  Sing out loud in the shower, share your song with your friends or family, use music to help you to meditate into a space of calm.
Whatever you do, find a way that music can help you to break through the first barrier in order to take the steps that you need to for a happier, calmer and more fulfilled life.
“My promise to myself:  to be so busy improving my own life that I have no time to be angry, frustrated, worried, anxious and stressed”

Undoing of stress

13 Thursday Jul 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Stress

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For months I’ve been battling an ongoing stressful situation. I’ve been shouting and complaining, emailing and phoning and still the problem wasn’t resolved.
Everyone said that it would be fixed and things would get better.
But I just couldn’t imagine the light at the end of the tunnel.
And every time some somebody told me that it would be okay I would get angry and frustrated at them because it’s easy for someone who is not going through the the same thing to tell you something like it’s going to be okay without actually having a clue about what they are talking about.
And then yesterday, just like that, the problem was solved.
It was solved despite my stress and despite my complaining and even without me being arrested (kidding)!

It has been a huge lesson in the concept that I am always preaching: being graceful in dealing with life’s ups and downs.
Sometimes you need to be graceful in accepting things for what they are, for knowing that some things are going to be out of your control and for letting time take care of things.
We don’t know why things happen but we can deal with them in a way that is as stress free as possible.

Stress is horrible, unsettling and pushes you way out of your comfort zone but in the end you are going to deal with this and things will change (for better or worse).
I know that you can deal with this!

Coping with feeling overwhelmed

22 Thursday Jun 2017

Posted by in Advice, Coping skills, Lists, Projects, Stress

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Stress can make you feel so overwhelmed that you feel like you are going to blow up or that you want to hibernate or run away forever.
There isn’t an easy answer to dealing with such huge problems but there are some manageable steps that you can take:

1. Remove yourself from the situation.  If you can get away from the room or the building that you are sitting in or stay away from your computer or phone for a few minutes then do it.  Take a short walk (slam the door on the way out if you really have to), regroup, breathe deeply and return.

2.  Stay away from social media for a while.  It really doesn’t help for you to see people whose lives seem to be awesome when yours feels like it is falling apart.  You also don’t need to be part of anyone else’s drama.

3.  Declutter! Clear your desk, delete emails and messages (not the important ones), get rid of the things around you that are unnecessary.  When your mind feels cluttered with your problems, you don’t need physical objects cluttering your space too.

4. Talk to somebody.  It doesn’t mean that you have to offload all of your problems on them but just tell someone that you are not coping and that you are stressed. They might be feeling the same way too. If there is absolutely nobody to talk to then write it down or illustrate it so that you can still express yourself.

5.  Make time (no matter what) just to do something for yourself.  It might just be a few minutes but it is essential that you do something nice for yourself (I’m not talking about buying another pair of shoes! Though who am I to judge you?)

6.  Find a project that will keep you motivated.  Do you have a room that needs painting?  Sort out your photos.  Create something quirky.  Learn a new skill.  Play a game.  Take up a new sport…

I know that you feel so tired and stressed and overwhelmed right now but it will pass.  Just do the best that you can to cope in this moment.
I know that you can do it!

Your boss is not going to like me but…

21 Wednesday Sep 2016

Posted by in Advice, Change, Freedom, Mental health, Quiet and slow, Stress

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Your boss is not going to like me but….
Take a break!

Every day of my life I work with people who are battling with burn out and severe stress because of work.  And it just shouldn’t be that way.
As much as we all need to earn a living and pay our bills (and debts), our jobs cannot be our lives.
Unfortunately it has become that way – we live our lives for our work.  The same work that stresses you to a point that it makes you sick!
A very sad quote from Ellen Goodman makes this so clear:
“Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for – in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it”

I just don’t think that it is worth it.
Surely your life is worth more than that?
It is time to take a break !  Get out of the office for lunch, sit under a tree and take in the world, have a cup of coffee (or even an ice cream) away from your desk.  Step away from the desk!

And when you are not at work – stop thinking about work.  I doubt that you love your boss that much that you need to fantasize about them at 4 in the morning – even if you are fantasizing about revenge.
Find something that is absolutely not work related and make time to do it.  Whether it is creative or energetic, you need to have something that gives you meaning other than work. Something that can give your mind and body a rest from the day to day endless stressful routine.

So, I’m sorry if I am going to upset your boss but it is time that employers started valuing their staff more and realising that by pushing their staff to breaking point, they are going to get less achieved in the long run.  And if nobody else is going to teach them that lesson, then it might as well be you.
Today is a good day to take your life back!

Quick stress management

17 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by in Advice, Quiet and slow, Stress

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In the fast paced, super stressed world that we live in, we need some quick solutions in order to deal with stress.
Here are some of my favourite easy to do, quick stress management techniques:

Take a deep breath – stop holding your breath. Yes, we really spend ages not breathing properly.

Put down that phone, step away from the screen.  The world has not been known to end if you don’t answer that message right now

A drop of lavender oil on your wrist is really soothing

Find someone to hug – maybe not a random stranger (though who am I to say don’t do it?) and if there is nobody to hug, then hug yourself

Walk outside in the sunshine – get away from artificial light

Stay away (as much as possible), ignore or generally avoid people who drain your energy with their negativity

Write a one line affirmation – “I am amazing”, “I am a survivor”, “I am strong”, “I am brave”

Decorate your affirmation with glitter and washi tape (OK, maybe that’s just me who does that)

Just focus on this moment, right now and tell yourself “I am OK”