Tag Archives: attitude

A new year kind of attitude

19 Friday Jan 2018

Posted by in Attitude, Change, Life journey, Moods, Positivity, Success

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I’ve spoken to so many people who have started the year with a negative attitude
With the feeling that the new year will be exactly the same as the old one because – really? What would change from the 31st of December 2017 to the 1st of January 2018?
Well truthfully nothing!
Which, depressing as it sounds, is why I don’t wait up for new year to celebrate with fireworks and loud music. I wake up on January the first and carry on with my life just the same as I had done the day before.
Because life is what you make of it.
No change in year is going to miraculously change your fortune.
You want 2018 to be great?
Make it great!
The week is dragging… Do something to make it more exciting!
Your job is terrible? Look for a new one or enjoy moments in your job – like packing up at the end of the day and going home or having coffee with your colleagues.

We cannot control what happens to us but we can absolutely control how we react to it and what we do about it. That is why you will find people in really trying circumstances who are really positive and people who seem to have it all that never stop complaining (shame).
Attitude is everything.
So I won’t wish you a happy new year or a successful new year, I wish you continued wisdom, bravery, courage, commitment and self belief.
I wish you confidence, a sense of humour in the hard times and new journeys starting today!
I look forward to continuing to share my journey with you.

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A last message for us

26 Tuesday Sep 2017

Posted by in Advice, HIV

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Last week my dear friend and mentor, David Patient passed away. I’ve mentioned him a few times before because he did so much inspiring work in HIV as well as in teaching everyone to be survivors.
In true David style, he left a message to be posted on Facebook after he died and I really hope that he doesn’t mind if I share part of it with you.
 
“My final wishes?
Be kind. Kindness costs nothing. It need not be a grand gesture. A simple smile while looking someone in the eyes as you pass in the hall. Saying please and thank you. Acknowledging that the person in front of you exists. If they have a name tag, call them by their name. Be present with that person. The Zulu greeting is Sawubona and directly translated that means ‘I SEE YOU!’
Don’t squander time… you’re only a breath away from being a corpse yourself. It’s only when time is running out that you really get its value. Don’t wait to tell those you love that you love them. Stop assuming ‘oh well, they know’…tell them and do so often.
Cry until it’s funny and laugh yourself to tears… take off the mask and be vulnerable. Vulnerability is a strength not a weakness.
And don’t wait too long to find the funny side of any situation, no matter how dark.”
 
May David rest in peace and may we all benefit from the life he lead and the legacy that he leaves for all of us.

Advice for Monday morning

04 Monday Sep 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Lists, Mental health, Positivity

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How to do Monday:

1. Get out of bed!
2. Eat something nourishing for breakfast
3. If you can, wear something that makes you feel wonderful (if you have to wear a uniform, wear your best undies)
4. Wear red lipstick (guys.. maybe not but I’m not here to judge you)
5. Pack a treat for lunch
6. Don’t overdo the coffee – you may be feeling tired but it makes anxiety feel worse
7. Put a smile on your face and a spring in your step even if you don’t feel like it
8. Remember that Monday is one step in the count down to next weekend
9. Compliment someone
10. Think of how blessed you are today

Worry Warriors

22 Wednesday Jul 2015

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Moods, Positivity

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Why are some people worriers?
There are many reasons for being a more worried person than the person sitting opposite you on the bus (well, he doesn’t look too worried anyway)
Genetics plays a large role – yes, blame it on your mother!
Personality is a big thing too – if you are a more serious, perfectionist type of person, then you are going to worry more about things than somebody who has a more casual attitude towards their life.
Another factor is intelligence.
The more intelligent you are, the more likely you are to worry.  If you are intelligent, you are probably analytical and if you are analytical then you worry about a lot of things, and often you worry about things that you have absolutely no control over.  You tend to over-interpret things and generally make mountains out of molehills.
Sounding familiar yet?
The more you worry about things, the more likely you are to get stressed, to have constant neck tension, headaches, stomach aches, changes in appetite, changes in mood (especially irritability) and difficulty sleeping.
Sounding more familiar?
Worrying can make you sick.
That’s the bad news….

Now for the good news….
If you are going to be a worrier, then you might as well be a warrior!
If you are going to use your intelligence and your mighty and (stubborn) personality, you might as well use it for good instead of  focusing on stress.
You might as well use your brilliance to focus on your strengths and take on the world rather than focusing on your weakness and letting the world take you on!

Worry doesn’t just go away – it is real and it is big and it is definitely there.
Yet  I have absolute faith in your ability to be warrior.
You have the ability to be amazing and strong and courageous but you have to believe it too.

Try and complete this sentence:
I am a warrior because….
And start becoming a worrier warrior.

10 Tuesday Feb 2015

Posted by in Attitude, Positivity

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Wow, the last two days have been so filled with negativity at work (and that is not the clients I’m talking about – I expect depressed people to be negative).
And then today, both of my kids came home moaning about negative teachers and unfair friends.
Add to that the general feeling of negativity in the country and the community at the moment with all the load shedding that we are dealing with.
[For those of you who are reading this and are privileged enough not to know what load shedding is: our electricity supplier cuts our electricity off for 4 hours or more every few days.]
The positive side to load shedding is that South Africa has been named one of the most romantic countries in the world because everyone has candle lit dinners (drum roll please)
So it seems that we are all drowning in negativity.

And then I came across this awesome quote:
photo

It doesn’t matter how much negativity is around you, it is your choice to let that negativity in.
And you choose to allow it to get you down.
Or, you choose to rise above the negativity.
In which case, you have two choices here – either you can care less (but don’t allow yourself to get stressed by doing so) or you can continue to be positive and hard working and true to yourself and not allow the negative influences around you to affect your amazing self.
I know that you are worth a lot more than the negative feedback or the negative attitude that you are getting.  Just believe in you!

100 Happy Days Feedback

29 Thursday May 2014

Posted by in Attitude, Gratitude, Positivity

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On the 20th of January this year, I embarked on a journey to document 100 happy days.
It has taken me longer than 100 days to get this far but here I am, almost done with photographing 100 happy moments in my life.
I am so blessed and privileged to have had some moments in these 100 days that were much more than happy.  They were hugely exciting and life changing.
But I also had days that were quite mundane but still happy because of simple things like being greeted at the door every day after work by my excitable dogs, or eating food that makes me happy and just appreciating simple things.
I noticed that there were so many things going on around me that I would often overlook.  Or I would be so caught up in my stress and worrying about getting things done that I never noticed some truly amazing things happening.  Sometimes they were random, coincidental things and sometimes I had to put a lot of effort into creating something happy (like forcing myself to eat a chocolate!)

So the big question is:
Was this project life changing for me?
I wouldn’t say that it was hugely life changing but it definitely put a positive spin on my routine.  I started to get more excited about small things and not so bogged down by the small stressors that turned out to be quite insignificant and situational.
My attitude definitely improved and I feel calmer and happier for it.
Not jumping up and down, over-excited kind of happy, but just more content in what blessings surround me.

If you haven’t tried any positive thinking projects, I would highly recommend that you choose one to commit to.  Whether it is documenting 100 happy days; working on being more positive for a month (or even a week) or keeping a gratitude journal, you are likely to be in a more positive space for doing it.

I feel quite sad that my project is almost over – it has become an important part of my life, so being true to me, I need to find a new project.  I’m always up to something creative but I decided to challenge myself a bit by taking on some sewing projects (if my High School Home Economics teacher is reading this, she would surely fall right off her chair!).
That is just a small detour from the next big project which is a Random Acts of Kindness project – so watch this space!

Please let me know how your life has changed by being more positive. I would love to hear your story.

Unbelievably strong

09 Friday May 2014

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Positivity

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I am attending a 6 week course – for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to attend a course on a Monday night.  I’m not sure if that was one of my brightest plans ever but since the course is focused a lot on positivity and changing the way we view our lives, it is probably not such a bad way to start the week after all.

Then on Thursday, I opened my diary and read the following quote at the bottom of the page:
“A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner” – English Proverb
Interesting coincidence since part of the course on Monday was focused on the eternal question of “why do bad things happen to good people?”
The answer given was that bad things need to happen to good people so that they have the opportunity to grow as individuals, to become stronger and wiser humans.

I think that we so often wish that our lives were smoother and easier and that things would always go our way.
And then life comes and just laughs at you and throws something truly awful into your path.
You will struggle – not only with the problem that you are dealing wih but also with the unfairness of life and persistently questioning “why me?” .
But eventually, the struggle and the awfulness slowly eases, and you wake up and realise that you are truly strong.  You understand that you have survived and you will keep plodding along until eventually you wake up again and realise that you are awesome and life is not so awful at all.

How are we going to become skilled mariners?
By riding out those rough seas.
By realising what it takes to survive those rough times, and more importantly what we have within us that is going to help us to survive.

You are truly strong and you are truly awesome but you will never know that if you don’t first overcome!

The need for happiness

21 Friday Mar 2014

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Mindfulness, Positivity

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Today is a holiday and I had told myself that no matter what, I was not going to work today.
That plan didn’t last very long because there was suddenly an emergency HIV intervention that I had to do, and then I thought that if I had to go to work, I might as well actually work.
I started my drive to work on unusually quiet streets having a good old moan that the streets being so quiet meant that I had to have been one of the only people in the entire city who was working.
Then I started to appreciate the quieter drive and I turned up the music (George Winston) and smiled.
Of course!
Aren’t I almost exactly in the middle of my 100 happy days project?
So, of course it wasn’t great to have to work on a holiday and I would have really enjoyed a lie-in this morning. But the roads were peaceful; the patients who thought that they were not going to see me for 3 days were grateful that I was there and the real bonus was that I didn’t have to do all the house work!

When I signed up for the 100 happy days project, they said that if you committed to the project, you would start to see things more positively and would therefore be more positive about life in general.
Is it working?
I definitely think it is. Even if I have to sometimes force myself to look beyond the stress just because I am thinking about what I am going to enter into my happy days journal.
Looking for what makes you happy just lifts the stress a bit. It makes you focus on the moment – it is not about ‘when will I be happy?’, or ‘what do I need to have in order to be happy?’ but rather ‘what do I have right now that is making me happy?’
It makes you truly grateful for what you have rather than just yearning for what you want.
And today, if nothing else, I was truly grateful to have a job to go to, even on a holiday, that keeps me happy and fulfilled.

Start opening your eyes to the immense about of happy things happening all around you – it is really worth it!

Lightbulb moments on fighting fear

27 Thursday Jun 2013

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Fear, Life journey, Life Lessons

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While I think that a bit of fear can be a good thing – because it motivates us to get going and get things done, a lot of fear or constant fear has the ability to absolutely paralyse us.
Fear can really stop you from reaching your full potential to be the person that you are meant to be.
Fighting fear is one way of dealing with it but can be pointless and unproductive.  It is the same as if you are afraid of the dark and you try to deal with your fear by sitting in a dark room all on your own when you could just switch on a light…. Aha! A real lightbulb moment!

So here are my ”lightbulb” suggestions for dealing with fear:
1.  Do not become your fear.  It is not your personality, you are so much more than your fear.
2.  Believe in the real you, not the person that you think that you are – that is often a negative perception of yourself, that nasty little inner voice that keeps on whispering doubts in your mind.
3.  Think big!  Don’t be afraid of success, don’t be afraid of the giant in you that is waiting to burst out.
4.  Try new things.  You never know what you can or can’t do until you try.   Follow every opportunity, open new doors. You may even surprise yourself by doing things that you could not have even imagined a few years ago.
5.  Make mistakes matter.  Rather than beating yourself up about all the things that you shouldn’t have done, learn from your mistakes!  The only way you know what you can’t do is to discover that by actually doing those things.
6.  Step out of the “box”.  Whether it is your parents or your peers, your culture or your environment, or even yourself that puts you in a box, get out! Nobody belongs in a box.
7. Don’t wait for one day to get things done.  Today is just as good a time to be brave, maybe even better than ‘one day’ that  might not come.
8. Change your self talk from “no, I can’t” or “Maybe I might be able to” to “YES I CAN!”
9. Everybody started at the beginning.  If you are at the beginning and you’ve taken one step, then you are well on your way to being successful. Lots of people are afraid to even take that first step.
10.  Just remember, and always remember this: You are amazing!

True freedom

28 Thursday Mar 2013

Posted by in Attitude, Freedom, Life journey, Positivity

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I am still on the subject of Pesach (Passover) because I am living and breathing it at the moment, not to mention the time I have spent so far crunching through matzah.
Passover is a celebration of freedom so I have really been thinking over the past few days about my own freedom.
On the surface, it seems very simple.  I am free. I am not a slave in Egypt.  I live in a country where human rights and freedom of speech are important aspects of living.  I am a woman living in the 21st century where woman and men are equal.  I don’t owe the bank much money.  So I am free. Right? Wrong!
The more I thought about it, the more I realised that I don’t feel free at all. And when I spoke to other people about it, they said that they felt the same way that I did.

Nelson Mandela said when he was leaving prison, “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”

We are slaves to our kids and to our family’s expectations of us, we are imprisoned by our own negative attitudes and poor self image.  We are chained to time and deadlines and expectations. We are most definitely slaves to our phones and computers, to social networks and the fear of missing out on important information like what our friends ate for dinner (or where they went on holiday that will always be more exciting and more adventurous than our own lives).
In a world where we are always on the go, and continually surrounded by information and marketing, we are not free.
We imprison ourselves and we do it by choice.  Well I think it is our choice. And truthfully, I’m not sure what the solution is. But there has to be one and I think that it is different for each person as we are all individuals.  We have to choose to do things differently.

Do something different and discover your own freedom before you burn out. Before it is too late.
Because you are worth so much more than just being a prisoner for the rest of your life.