Tag Archives: change

Am I free?

13 Thursday Apr 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Freedom, Gratitude, Positivity

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Happy Easter and a good Pesach to everyone!
As usual, when Pesach (Passover) comes along, so does the conversation about freedom.  During Pesach we discuss what it meant for the Jewish people to be free from slavery in Egypt and we compare it to our lives now.
The question is are we really free?
We may not be actual slaves although many people express that they feel like slaves to their kids, to their partners and to their jobs.  Are we free to spend quality time on our own without limitations?
Are we free because we have a lot of material things or are we slaves to our phones and our possessions (and what it takes to pay off the debts that those possessions create)?
Are we free to express ourselves without being labeled or put into a box by stigma?

We can focus on all the reasons that we are not free or we can learn to appreciate all the reasons that we are free.  So many of us are free from hunger and cold.  We are free to be the person that we want to be if we stop worrying about what everyone thinks of us and we stop worrying about pleasing other people.

We need to create a space to be free.
Whether it is just going outside and taking a deep breath or going for a walk and watching the world go by.
Pause to appreciate what you have.
Celebrate the little things that make your life a bit better (thanks Haagen Dazs salted caramel ice cream).
Remember how far you have come and how truly fabulous you really are – even if nobody can see it and no one acknowledges it.
You are amazingly perfectly imperfect just the way you are!

Meeting a righteous person

16 Thursday Feb 2017

Posted by in Acts of Kindness, Advice, Attitude, Positivity

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Jewish tradition states that at any one time in any generation there are 36 righteous people living on earth.
It’s a bit sad that it is only 36 but that is apparently how many there are.  The thing about these righteous people is that they are hidden – nobody knows who they are and even the righteous person doesn’t know that they are one of the 36.

Does it make a difference?
Maybe it does, because something that I learned while watching an episode of Transparent is that if we don’t know who these people are, we should treat everyone that we know and everyone that we meet as though they are one of these 36.
Okay so sometimes it is very clear who is not one of the 36 – or so we think – but it is not up to us to make that judgement.
It is up to us to be kind, gentle and caring to those around us.
Everyday you have the opportunity to make a difference in somebody else’s life or even in your own life if you can just shift your attitude to a more positive and hopeful one.

There is a great saying that it doesn’t matter if the glass is half full or half empty, the important thing is that it can be refilled.  Having a positive attitude towards people (even if you don’t really like them) can have a huge impact on them and on you.
You never know how that person is going to have an impact on you somewhere along the line.

So here is your mission:
– Be nice!
– Tell your nasty boss how much you like her shoes
– Tell your nagging mother that you appreciate that she cares
– Compliment your annoying colleague on their new hairstyle
– Ask the cashier how their day has been
– Smile at someone who frowns at you
– Challenge yourself to get somebody in the traffic to smile or wave back at you

You are going to be feel wonderful for doing these things and maybe, just maybe, you touched one of the 36…

Understanding that change has to happen

24 Thursday Nov 2016

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Change, Depression, Fear, Gratitude, Positivity

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There are definitely days when I get overwhelmed by what I do – I feel responsible for so many people.
That can be really difficult, but it is also so rewarding.
I don’t think that there are many people who are truly blessed to be able to witness – every single day – people transforming right before their eyes.

The truth is that even though I feel so responsible for all these people, I am not responsible for one of them.
Each person needs to take responsibility for themselves.  I can put so much effort into working with somebody who is just not going to get better or is not going to want to change and there is not much that I can do about that.
I constantly tell people that although I am grateful for their appreciation and thanks, they should look inward and realise the amount of work that they put into their own recovery.

Everybody who believes that they are going to change and that their lives are going to improve will do exactly that.
You cannot change what happens to you and you can’t take away the experiences that you’ve had but you can definitely choose how you are going to deal with them.
For every lonely, hopeless moment that you have, you need to understand that you can pick yourself up when you are ready and start making changes.
Change is the one thing that most people fear and you are so blessed to have these problems (yes, seriously!) because they have forced you to change.  You have nothing to lose now.
And as difficult and uncomfortable as it feels at the time, I really hope that one day you will look back at this time and be grateful for the change that it forced you to make.

You are a better, stronger and more resilient person for having gone through this.

Change – the scary stuff

03 Thursday Nov 2016

Posted by in Advice, Change, Fear

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Change is scary!
Maybe not as scary as snakes, zombie apocalypses and ghosts (Okay, I know Halloween is over now… get on with it)
Just as I was about to start writing about dealing with change, my 13 year old came into my office and asked if he could write my blog for me.

So this is what he wrote (unedited):
“Change can be scary because its like you are going into new territory the unknown, you could be scared because of a new medication you need to take or starting a new job even learning the simplest of things can be scary and hold you back, what you need is to break through your fears and try if you cant do it try try and try again never give up hope never stop believing in yourself”

My son has a chronic illness so we never know how each day is going to go – some days he wakes up feeling well and our day is routine based and for a short while we feel normal, and other days are so horrible that all of our plans go out the window.  He is used to nothing going as planned even though he craves living a “normal life”.  I really hope that this will put him in good stead for his adult years.

Most adults fear change so much that they stay in their comfort zones and stay unhappy.
I’m guessing that if you were truly happy, you wouldn’t need to be reading this blog.  So if you are not happy, or if you think that you could improve some aspects of your somewhat happy life, you are going to need to change in order to do that.
Often change is an absolute blessing but we don’t realise it when it happens because it makes us feel that uncomfortable.
Change leads to growth and onto new things that you may never have even thought possible.
If you find it difficult, start doing small things that will still make a difference but won’t necessarily change your life path.
I do things like colour my hair (it’s currently purple) or change my route to work.  It adds a tiny twist of adventure that makes me believe that the bigger changes are manageable too.
Give yourself a chance for adventure too!

Happy 2016!

06 Wednesday Jan 2016

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Being brave, Change, Creativity, Life journey, Self growth

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Happy new year everyone!
I hope that this is going to be a year of self discovery, learning and finding peace.

Those of you who have been around me or have been reading my blog for years (thank you very much!) know that I hate the concept of new year’s resolutions.
Yet, I make them anyway because when do you get a greater time to make change than from the very beginning of a brand new year?
That doesn’t mean that you can’t make resolutions whenever you want – make them as often as you want. Don’t worry either if you fail on one of your resolutions, keep trying or take the failure as a clear indicator that you need to do things differently for a change.

Here are some of the things that I have decided to do for 2016 (and I would love it if you joined me in one or two or all of them):

1.  Care less.  It sounds horrible but I know that I care too much about too many people.  My very kind friends have told me that caring is part of my personality and that I shouldn’t change but I am trying to care a little bit less so that I make a little more time for myself and my happiness.

2.  Always (ok, close to often) have well manicured nails – the first thing that people see when they reach out their hand to greet you is your hands.  A well groomed hand says a lot.  Buy that funky coloured nail varnish…

3. Smile more – before people shake your hands, they notice your face (I hope).  Smile! Even if you don’t necessarily feel like smiling, if you make yourself look happier, you generally feel more positive and so does the person who is looking at you.  Unless you are grimacing – don’t grimace!

4. You may meet shy people who don’t look you in the eye and don’t extend their hand to you.  They tend to look down when they talk to you – which leads me to my next point: wear awesome shoes!
If you don’t feel awesome, then wear nervous breakdown shoes, which is a whole other story.

5. Learn a new skill this year – creativity is the one thing that absolutely keeps me calm so I am going to learn a new craft.  You can learn a new skill, gain a new hobby, sign up for a new course (remember that there are thousands of free online courses) or just teach yourself something that you’ve always wanted to do.

6. Do something that scares you – choose to do the thing that you have been putting off, confront someone who needs confronting,  go ahead and book that bungee jump (I won’t be joining you but feel free to do it anyway)

7. Be less worried about order and control and therefore, I am going to calmly only have 7 points on my list even though my logical brain is telling me to keep it even – a nice number like 10.  Sometimes, we have to live a little chaotically and see what will happen and where life will take us with less planning and less need to have control.

I would love to hear what your plans for the year are.
Let’s make it wonderful!

A new mission

24 Wednesday Jun 2015

Posted by in Being brave, Freedom, Gratitude, Mental health, Projects, Recipes, Self growth

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I would like to take the opportunity to thank every single one of you who follow, like and are inspired by I Don’t Want to be Stressed.
It started with very humble beginnings when somebody suggested it because they could not travel to see me for a session.
I don’t want to be stressed has grown in followers and in content but the time has come for it to be something more.

time 2
I want to share more good news, more stories, more recipes and more crafts.  These are the things that keep me motivated and positive when I am stressed and I would love to be able to share them with you.

So here is the mission:

  • If anyone would like to share their story, I would be really honoured to be able to put your story right here so that other people can be inspired by you and your story of survival.  You can email your story to: andi.bengis@gmail.com
  • We are surrounded by such a lot of bad, terrible, horrific and sad news and not enough good, exciting and uplifting news – I will be on a mission to find some of this news!
  • I will share some projects for you to make (and bake) at home that may assist you in managing stress and will definitely  work on giving you a creative outlet for your stress – don’t worry if you think you are not artistic. Not everyone is an artist but everyone has the ability to create and express themselves
  • Watch this space for exciting workshops , retail opportunities (yes!) and perhaps even the long awaited I Don’t Want to be Stressed journal.

I look forward to sharing this new journey with you all!

A big adventure

15 Wednesday Apr 2015

Posted by in Advice, Creativity, Fear, Projects

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I am on a mission…
I’m starting a new project and truthfully I’m not even sure what it entails yet.
It is probably the first time that I’ve allowed myself to do this – to just start something without a clear objective.
Usually I focus on the end goal and often, that goal is so big that I scare myself to a point where even starting it seems impossible.  And then as a consequence, my ideas just float around in my head for a while until, after some time, I rework them and start the whole process again.  Often scaring myself back to square one once again.
So, this time I’m doing it differently.
I’m going on a journey, I’m letting myself live an adventure.
Imagine if Indiana Jones knew what was just around the corner for him?  Would he have taken the risks that he did  to get that idol if he knew that a huge ball would almost take him out in an underground tunnel?

And this I can promise you: Nothing that you do will be as scary as almost dying underground while trying to steal an idol!

I may be talking to myself here, but hopefully you are all listening too.  Because so many people hold themselves back from great things due to fear.
How many books go unwritten, products are never invented, businesses are never started, opportunities are missed, designs that never come to light, art works that are never expressed because somebody was too afraid to start them?
Today is as good a day as any to start. (The first of January is way too far away – a random Wednesday in April is good enough)
Whether you want to start living your life differently or you want to do something new,  whether you have a business plan or you want to start a new hobby, this advice is for you:

1. Don’t be afraid!
2. Build up evidence of what you know and what you can do – you are going to need a journal (a real paper one is the only thing that works for me but go ahead and use your tablet/phone/computer).
3. Jot down or illustrate your ideas. Big or small, impossible sounding or not.
4. Take small steps BUT they have to be steps – don’t allow yourself to stagnate or say “I’ll do it tomorrow”
5. Ask for help, share your ideas with others, speak up!
6. Enjoy the process rather than panic about the end result
7. Don’t let others success overwhelm you. Everyone has their own journey and just because somebody does something amazing it doesn’t mean that you can’t do something amazing too.
8. Be brilliant!

Stop the world, I want to get off!

04 Friday Jul 2014

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Change, Life journey

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When I was younger, much younger, we used to love writing slogans on our books… Kind of like the non-rebellious person’s graffiti.
One of my favourites was “stop the world, I want to get off”
I thought that it was so clever and funny at the time, because the stress that I felt at high school was probably the worst stress that anyone could feel.
Well, wouldn’t it have been great if I could have seen into the future and realised that the stress that you experience as a teenager is nothing like what you deal with as an adult (in most cases anyway).
Now as adults, we really want to get off this chaotic ride that we call life!
We feel like we don’t want to be grown up and don’t want to have to take responsibility for anything or anyone.  We don’t want to have to think and make decisions that could have potentially detrimental effects on ourselves or others.
We constantly long for holidays or breaks but then often spend those times dreading going back to the “real world”.
And most people just live from weekend to weekend.

We can’t get off this world, or just check out of life.
But we can do things differently though.  Because if life is not working out for you and you constantly want to run away, it is time for a new perspective.
Yes, change is scary! But is it worse than being stuck in the same situation where you feel overwhelmed and undermined?
Do things differently even if can’t change your current situation.
Change your attitude, believe in yourself and your resilience.
Give yourself a chance! You may look back at your stressed out self one day and smile that you ever thought that it was a problem!

Are you ready to change?

03 Thursday Oct 2013

Posted by in Advice, Change

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So, today there was a big discussion during my group session (actually, let’s be honest, it was an argument) about what you should do if things aren’t working out according to plan.
The argument escalated hugely when it turned to the topic of marriage and one particular gentleman (and I’m being very nice here) said that all marriage problems could be attributed to the wife.  He was not very popular after that!
The group was quite split on what was the ‘correct’ thing to do about ongoing issues though.
Some people said that it is better to give up and walk away and then start again.  Our friendly gentleman said, dump the wife and find another one.  Yes, okay then, moving on…. The others said that you need to keep trying and persist until you reach a solution.
My feeling is that it can go either way.
Your challenge is going to be to figure out which is the best solution for you.
Staying and trying, or moving on and starting again.

I do think that you should try.  And I think that you should try again.
But there has to come a time when you say that you have tried enough.  That there’s a time when you have done all that you could have done and now it is time to walk away.
It probably takes more strength to walk away because it is going to take a lot of effort to start again.
It is going to mean that you need to step out of your comfort zone and change!

Stop fighting change.  Stop driving yourself crazy by being stuck in a situation that is not working for you.
If you have tried everything, now is the time to change and you are the only person who can make that positive change that is going to work for you.
The thing is that you are going to have to be brave.
You can do this!
You can be strong enough to make changes in your life.
And even though that journey is going to be difficult, it is going to be so worth it when your life becomes so much better!

It’s time to change

29 Thursday Aug 2013

Posted by in Advice, Change, Lists, Projects

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Why does love (especially new love) feel so good?
Besides all the hormones that are floating around your brain making your world rose tinted and generally a lovely place to be in, my opinion on love is that the reason it makes you so happy is it gives you something to look forward to everyday.
It makes you spring out of bed with a smile on your face, eager to start the day.
It is the same feeling that you get when you are starting a new job or initiating a new venture or project.  Everything is new and exciting and you can’t wait to start.
So for all of you who are reading this who are totally and utterly head over heels in love with someone, you’re good.
For those of you who have a brilliant project or an exciting life change about to happen, you’re good too.
And I sincerely hope that at least one person reading this feels that way.

What about the rest of you?  Everyone who feels that life is just about routine.  Same old job, same people that you see every day of your life.  You have been in a relationship for a long time or you’ve been single for ages.
Believe me, if you feel that you are part of that group, you are definitely in the majority (so please don’t start worrying about that).
Does it mean that if there is nothing new and exciting then life is not going to be good?
NO!  Not at all.
The first thing that you have to understand is that while love and life changes are new and exciting, it cannot last (and please don’t kill me for saying that). Everything eventually settles down and you end up joining the second group into the mundane world.
Unless…
Unless you decide to make life more exciting and give up the mundane no matter what stage of life you are in.
Life doesn’t have to be boring and ordinary but you can’t spend your life always waiting for something new and exciting to happen.
It is up to you to shake it up a little (or a lot).
Now is the time to dress differently, to greet somebody that you’ve never spoken to, to change where you eat your lunch (and what you eat for lunch).
It is time to find a new hobby, to take a different route to work, to try out that new hair colour that you were too scared to do before.

A new hair colour?

I am not being paid to promote it but I find that Pinterest (www.pinterest.com) is a very good place to organise your ideas and find things that you love and keep them in one place.  If you don’t want to go onto Pinterest, you can do it the good, old fashioned way and stick ideas onto a board and put it up somewhere you’ll see it all the time to keep you inspired.  Or maybe you just want a simple list – write down some new ideas and tick them off as you invest in change.

Whatever you decide to do in order to change things, you will find your life becoming just that little bit more exciting and before you know it, your world will become a little more rose tinted too – and you will become that person who is smiling, happy and excited about life!
Go for it!