Tag Archives: compliments

Take a compliment

11 Monday Sep 2017

Posted by in Advice, Change, Coping skills, Mental health, Stress

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I work with people daily who have extreme work stress and almost across the board they have the same complaint. They never get recognised for the good that they are doing but if they do something wrong, then they get a lot of attention.
It really upsets me that this happens. Why don’t people get credit and recognition that they deserve?
One of the reasons is that it is expected that you will always perform brilliantly- you should never make mistakes, you shouldn’t put a foot out of line and you certainly shouldn’t challenge management.
The problem is that when you work harder you are expected to keep up that standard. So you push yourself harder and work more and become more stressed and burn out and make a mistake. And then you are punished – for being stressed. For being human!

So how do we change this? Well the difficult part is that we are not going to change other people’s perceptions but you can change your own:
1. Accept that you can’t always work at 100% and be gentle on yourself
2. Don’t expect compliments (sad, I know) – work hard because you enjoy doing it not because it is expected of you
3. Compliment yourself when you know that you’ve done well (and that might even include a little gift for yourself)
4. Take the fact that people notice everything that you do (good or bad) as a compliment
5. Insist on occasionally taking a ‘mental health’ day – time out for doing something that nourishes your mind, body and soul

Meeting a righteous person

16 Thursday Feb 2017

Posted by in Acts of Kindness, Advice, Attitude, Positivity

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Jewish tradition states that at any one time in any generation there are 36 righteous people living on earth.
It’s a bit sad that it is only 36 but that is apparently how many there are.  The thing about these righteous people is that they are hidden – nobody knows who they are and even the righteous person doesn’t know that they are one of the 36.

Does it make a difference?
Maybe it does, because something that I learned while watching an episode of Transparent is that if we don’t know who these people are, we should treat everyone that we know and everyone that we meet as though they are one of these 36.
Okay so sometimes it is very clear who is not one of the 36 – or so we think – but it is not up to us to make that judgement.
It is up to us to be kind, gentle and caring to those around us.
Everyday you have the opportunity to make a difference in somebody else’s life or even in your own life if you can just shift your attitude to a more positive and hopeful one.

There is a great saying that it doesn’t matter if the glass is half full or half empty, the important thing is that it can be refilled.  Having a positive attitude towards people (even if you don’t really like them) can have a huge impact on them and on you.
You never know how that person is going to have an impact on you somewhere along the line.

So here is your mission:
– Be nice!
– Tell your nasty boss how much you like her shoes
– Tell your nagging mother that you appreciate that she cares
– Compliment your annoying colleague on their new hairstyle
– Ask the cashier how their day has been
– Smile at someone who frowns at you
– Challenge yourself to get somebody in the traffic to smile or wave back at you

You are going to be feel wonderful for doing these things and maybe, just maybe, you touched one of the 36…

The late, late new year blog

29 Monday Sep 2014

Posted by in Advice, Quiet and slow, Self growth

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My humblest apologies for the very late blog.
I was offline last week for the Jewish New Year – Rosh Hashana.
While writing this blog on a Monday, I was thinking that maybe it is better for people  to read about being more positive and dealing with stress on a Monday, when most people really need it, rather than on a Friday when most people are probably winding down for the week and feeling less stressed than they were on Monday.
So, I’m going to try to send this out on a Monday in future and see how that works out.

My new year was great!
Our new year is not the same as the secular one which is about one big party and celebration.  It is much more solemn and somber than that.  It is a time of reflection, contemplation and prayer.
In other words, you get to spend a lot of time with yourself, thinking about life and your actions.  If ever there is a time to truly make resolutions, it is probably now.
One of the things that really only struck me after it was over and I had spent 3 full days with no access to my phone or computer, was that I really didn’t miss it.
In fact, I found it really intrusive to turn my phone on and be bombarded with messages and notifications.  Not one of which were that important that waiting 3 days to see to them caused the world to shift off its axis.
And I really didn’t miss hearing about people’s pets or their pet peeves either.
I resolved not to get so caught up in social media and the constant need to be connected.  There are really more important things to deal with and to make time for.
I challenge anyone reading this to check their phone a few times less than what you think is necessary and see if it makes a difference to you.

The other thing that I reflected on was how much I give and how little I often receive in return.
My choice is to either feel sorry for myself because “nobody gives as much as me” and stop giving all together or to continue to give but to give freely knowing that I am doing it because I choose to do it and not worrying about what anyone else does or says.
When I mentioned thisin my group session this morning, there was a consensus that most people who end up being overwhelmed by stress just give too much.
And then they get more stressed by choosing to focus on why nobody else gives as much as they do.
Make your choice.
If you are a “giver” – choose to give with no expectations of others.  Choose to give because you are a nice, kind person.  Acknowledge what you get from giving and if it still makes you happy, then keep doing it.
If it makes you bitter and resentful then stop doing it right now.

My mission in giving is to give more compliments.
And I’ll start with you:
Thank you for being so awesome.
Thanks for reading my blog and for using it to make yourself a better person.
Thank you for being a unique and special person – for being you!