Tag Archives: failure

Fear of failure

16 Thursday Mar 2017

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I never loved school – when I look back at my schooling, the one thing that always comes to mind was my fear of failure.  That was probably because we were constantly being taught that failure is a bad thing and we not only had to avoid it at all costs but also to always work harder.
As children we are often told by our parents and grandparents what we are not allowed to do or say or touch.  To avoid risk and potential failure or hurt and pain.
So we stick with those beliefs.

The negative reputation that failure gets follows you into your adulthood where you still feel that fear is a bad thing.
More often than not, you are not taught that failure might actually open up new doors for you.  You are not taught that failure is an opportunity to learn and grow as an individual.  You are not given the chance to discover what your strengths and weaknesses are and to really build on your strengths because you spend so much energy and time trying to fix the weaknesses.

If you could let the fear of failure go and bravely enter new places, discover new opportunities and take chances, you may just find something that you never even knew existed.
As uncomfortable as it is to fail, the fear of failing or avoidance of failure just holds you back.  It makes you want to stay in your comfort zone.
And you are worthy of doing so much more than just holding yourself back.
Jump in, try it, take a risk – great, great things might happen!

Asking for help – no, you are not a failure

05 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Change, Depression, Fear

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Happy new year!
May 2017 bring everything that you wish for yourself.

During my leisurely break, I was browsing online and I found this advice written by somebody called sassygaynicoo on what would be nice for a person to do for somebody who has depression:

Chances are their room is a disaster and they have -846 motivation to do anything about it.  Helping them tidy up will make them feel a little less overwhelmed.

Do their laundry.  Even small chores seem to pile up when a person is depressed and not having clean clothes won’t make them feel any better. Washing their bedding is also great.

Try to convince them to go for a short walk with you.  There is a good chance they will feel a lot better after.

If you can’t get them outside, at least open a window for fresh air and let some sunshine in.

Prepare them a healthy meal with some fresh fruit.  Many depressed people fall into bad eating patterns.

If they aren’t eating enough, make sure they are taking a multi-vitamin since not getting enough of a vitamin can cause depression.

Make them a warm, nice smelling bath.  Aromatherapy is a great way to treat depression and anxiety.

Write them a letter or card to read for when they’re feeling really bad.

Make them a recovery playlist with some of their favourite songs and anything uplifting.

Make them laugh.

Make them a cup of tea and sit with them.

Listen to them.

I’m sure that you wish that somebody would do any of these things for you.
Well, next time somebody asks what they can do for you (and I really hope they do), instead of saying “Don’t worry, I’m fine” ask them to do something for you from this list or anything that you think will help you.  “Bring me some cake” seems to work fine for me.

Make it your mission this year to be wonderfully you with no fear of being judged by anyone or being seen as needy and dependent.  You deserve care.  You really do.

Things that I learned from my dog

10 Thursday Mar 2016

Posted by in Attitude, Life Lessons

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My dog really, really believes that she can catch a Hadeda (a bird that is bigger than she is) – she can determinedly stalk them, always hoping that today will be the day that she actually catches one.
She does not get the idea that they can fly and she can’t, hence the chances of catching one is very small.  Yet that doesn’t stop her.
Hadedas love the rain and yesterday, in the rainy, misty weather, the garden was filled with them – what an opportunity! The problem is that my dog hates the rain and definitely hates getting wet.  That didn’t stop her though – in the rain she went, shaking with fear while trying to keep still enough for them not to detect her.
Obviously she didn’t get one, but guess what she was doing this morning again?
Yes, stalking Hadedas in the rain!
She just doesn’t give up and in her doggy world, she always believes that she will eventually catch a Hadeda one day if she keeps on trying.

Imagine if we could have as much determination as my dog?
To be able to live life absolutely believing that we could be bigger than we are, and that we should keep on trying no matter how many times we fail and still keep on going despite our fears….
Although I am sure that a dog’s life is much easier than ours, we should try to emulate their attitude just a little bit.
It reminds me of a piece of advice from a dog lover  that I read:

All I Need To Know About Life I Learned From My Dog

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you’re not.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
Thrive on affection and let people touch you – enjoy back rubs and pats on your neck.
When you leave your yard, make it an adventure.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t pout – run right back and make friends.
Bond with your pack.
On cold nights, curl up in front of a crackling fire.
When you’re excited, speak up.
When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you’ll get what you want.
Don’t go out without ID.
Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
Always give people a friendly greeting.
If it’s not wet and sloppy, it’s not a real kiss.

Making failure work

14 Wednesday Oct 2015

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This week has been awful so far.  It seems that there is bad news followed by more bad news and then horrific news.
I was actually going to write about some of this news but I’ve decided that we all need a break from bad news.
There is, however, one huge thing that we can learn from all of this bad news, and that is that we should really count our blessings.  I’ve seen tweets today from people narrowly missing (by seconds) the collapse of a bridge and a woman who was late for work and because of it, she missed being hit by a car that ran into the bus stop that she should have been standing at.
Today is a good day to take a deep breath and really focus on how lucky we are to have what we have, to be alive and even to be able to take that deep breath.

So, onto lighter things (and South Africans, please remember to keep everything in perspective this weekend – this is a lighter thing) – the Rugby World Cup.
This is the tournament where South Africa lost their first match against Japan.
People were disappointed in the team and a lot of people lost faith in the team’s ability to even win another game.  Predictions were that we would be knocked out of the World Cup in the first round.
But where did we end up after the first round of matches?
At the top of our group!
I have a very strong feeling that if we had not lost that match against Japan, we may not have continued to play in the tournament so well.

Sometimes you need to fail or to lose in order to build yourself up.
You really do not have any idea how amazing you are and what a survivor you are until you are tested.
We don’t want to be tested and we don’t want to fail because failure is generally seen as a bad thing.  Stop seeing it like that!
Failure is an opportunity to learn, to grow and to succeed.
Count your blessings that you have the opportunity to fail, because one day you will look back on this and say:
“I don’t regret a thing!”

Have faith rather than fear!

17 Wednesday Jun 2015

Posted by in Attitude, Being brave, Fear, Life journey

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I hear so many stories, on an almost daily basis, of people telling me what they are going to do…. if only they were not afraid, or if they had more courage, or if they had more resources, or more support.

Faith and fear cannot exist together.
Choose faith instead of fear!

  • Have faith in the fact that life is an ongoing experiment rather than something that you need to get right. Try something new and if it doesn’t work, at least you tried and you have learned what you can’t do or how not to do it.
  • Have faith in your ability to reach beyond what others expect of you and your own limitations and be bigger and bolder than what you believe you can be.
  • Have faith that today is a good enough day to start your new journey. Not tomorrow, not next year, not Monday – just one step forward today!
  • Have faith that you have a purpose (even though you may not know what it is) and that everything in your life is a step towards that purpose – and NO, your purpose is NOT to be a failure!
  • Believe that there are people who care (I do!)
  • Trust yourself – you are awesome.
  • If it is not working – do it differently.  Don’t fear that you have failed. It is really not worth thinking that you can’t do it because one way isn’t working. There may be plenty more ways that DO work.

 

Graceful failures

13 Tuesday Jan 2015

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It is week 2 of the new year and for me it already feels like it has been 2015 forever.
It is so easy to slip back into routine even though you can’t imagine it when you first start.
During my sessions and in correspondence, I have had a few people that have said that they are afraid to make resolutions in case they fail.
What does FAIL mean? It stands for:
First Attempt in Learning.
Isn’t that a much nicer way of seeing it?
It moves away from the concept of failing being a terrible thing and rather focuses on the idea that failure is just a step towards learning something new.
If we could all change our attitudes towards failure, then we will boldly go in directions that we never thought that we could.
Once you go in that direction, with an open minded attitude,  you will know that either your new direction is going to be really successful or that your new direction is going to end up being the wrong one and you will have the opportunity to change and do something new.
You will do something new with the idea that you would never have known about it if you hadn’t tried it in the first place.

When I was younger (and more naive) we always used to say “if at first you don’t succeed – try, try and try again”
I don’t think that it is always worth it to rehash something that doesn’t work for you after you’ve tried it.
It is not about trying again but rather saying that you tried it, it didn’t work, so now you are going to do something completely different. It my very well have the end result that you wanted in the first place but it also may send you in a direction that you never even imagined in the first place.  One that you will happily settle in for a while (before you make your next error!)

May 2015 be filled with graceful failures for us all.  May we bravely attempt new things and go in new and exciting directions.
I look forward to hearing about your good news!

Lessons from the World Cup… so far

20 Friday Jun 2014

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In our house, we are in full swing of World Cup fever.
We always have bets on pretty much everything that there is to bet on (usually with a dinner reward for the winner) and of course, the betting for a World Cup winner was hotly debated.  The big issue was if more than one person could vote for the same team to win and the team that everyone was fighting for was Spain!
Isn’t hindsight a wonderful thing? Nobody should have wasted their energy trying to pick Spain but then again, nobody could have predicted that the reigning champions would be knocked out in the first round with millions of people witnessing their downfall. (Sorry to the Spanish supporters out there).

Imagine if we knew exactly how our decisions in the present would affect our future?
We would probably do so many things differently!
But we blindly move forward, always trying our best to do what we think is best and we have no idea whether those decisions are going to work for us.
Our choices could absolutely break us down or they could be the most positive thing that we have ever decided to do.
Unfortunately, no matter what, we don’t actually know how our choices today are going to affect our tomorrow.  They could be carefully measured, thought out and calculated or they could be spur of the moment impulsive decisions but neither is guaranteed to work.

So, how do we deal with this?
Well we don’t, really.  We have to do what is best for ourselves at the time and trust that it is going to work in our best interests.  But we also have to know that it may not work out.  Either way, it is part of the journey of our lives.  To really enjoy and celebrate success – especially if it related to something that we have done for ourselves, but then to also have the ability and insight to understand that if it goes wrong, we can learn from it, we can grow from it.
It could be the building block for a very successful future if we don’t punish ourselves for our mistakes and feel sorry for ourselves.

My idols – skaters Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean are most famous for having won the Olympics in 1984 with perfect marks.  In 1994, they decided to have another go at the Olympics and everyone presumed that they would definitely win gold again.  They didn’t. They ended up with a bronze medal and a lot of people having a lot to say about that.  Most people saying that they should not have gone back to the Olympics.  The thing is though, that although it seemed that they failed (though winning a bronze medal in the Olympics is hardly a failure in my eyes), they got more support and actually seemed to become more popular.  That is using “failure” as a building block.

Keep moving forward, keep trying new things, make choices despite what other people think about your choices because whatever happens, you still win!
And… take comfort from the fact that if you don’t win, there are not millions of people watching you fai!

Braving a new door

13 Thursday Feb 2014

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I’ve spent a lot of time this week watching the Winter Olympics.
I am in awe of those athletes who get to that level of excellence.  They drive themselves to get to that level of their sport and aim for the very top.
What amazes me more though is the athletes who get to the Olympics knowing that they are not going to win medals.  They go just for the experience to be an Olympic athlete, to have the opportunity to beat their own personal records. Believe me I certainly tried, and failed, to get to that level.

How do we make it through life when we have all these wonderful goals and dreams that we can’t achieve for whatever reason?
Is that a failure?
Is it a sign that you were on the wrong path?
Or maybe you need to ‘fail’ in order to give you the much needed opportunity to grow and get out of your comfort zone.  You need to live your life and experience it to the fullest in order to reach your goals.
The thing is that your goals may be your focus but maybe it is not where you are meant to be.
I will tell you this: when my Olympic dreams started fading I thought that I would never be ok.  But once I had been miserable for a while and then picked myself up, that failed dream opened up a whole new world for me. And here I am!

Always be open to new opportunities, knock on any doors that you find and don’t ever be afraid to go through them because you may be surprised at what is on the other side!

Does failure equal success?

22 Thursday Aug 2013

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Og Mandino, the author of numerous books including The Greatest Salesman on Earth said, “Remind thyself, in the darkest moments, that every failure is only a step toward success, every detection of what is false directs you toward what is true, every trial exhausts some tempting form of error, and every adversity will only hide, for a time, your path to peace and fulfillment.”

We live in a world where there are so many expectations placed on us to succeed and a large amount of those expectations are from ourselves.  This crazy, unrealistic drive for perfection.
We want our relationships to always work.  We want to succeed in our careers.  We want to be brilliant parents, outstanding scholars and upstanding members of the community.  And most of all, we want to be recognised and acknowledged for all of the wonderful things that we do.  And that doesn’t leave any room for failure, or for things going wrong or not according to your great and wonderful plan.

If you believe in perfection, then there is a good chance that you believe that failure is a bad thing, something to avoid at all costs.  So, it is interesting that when Mandino was asked what the secret of success was, he answered, “You should triple your rate of failure”

When you make mistakes, you learn from them.  You learn not to be afraid of failure.  You become a stronger person when you realise that you have overcome all of the obstacles that you were so afraid of.
And of course, how do we recognise perfection if we haven’t actually seen the other side?  How do you know that something is really working if you haven’t felt what it feels like for things to be falling apart?
It is said that “a head full of fears has no space for dreams.”
So fear of failure doesn’t allow you to live those dreams, achieve those goals and stand tall through adversity.
Fear of failure keeps us in our safe comfort zones where we are stuck and frustrated and unmotivated.

Get out there! Fail! Live your life without fear because every time that you do, a seed is planted that is going to help you grow into something magnificent.