Tag Archives: fear

Fear of failure

16 Thursday Mar 2017

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Change, Life Lessons, Self growth

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I never loved school – when I look back at my schooling, the one thing that always comes to mind was my fear of failure.  That was probably because we were constantly being taught that failure is a bad thing and we not only had to avoid it at all costs but also to always work harder.
As children we are often told by our parents and grandparents what we are not allowed to do or say or touch.  To avoid risk and potential failure or hurt and pain.
So we stick with those beliefs.

The negative reputation that failure gets follows you into your adulthood where you still feel that fear is a bad thing.
More often than not, you are not taught that failure might actually open up new doors for you.  You are not taught that failure is an opportunity to learn and grow as an individual.  You are not given the chance to discover what your strengths and weaknesses are and to really build on your strengths because you spend so much energy and time trying to fix the weaknesses.

If you could let the fear of failure go and bravely enter new places, discover new opportunities and take chances, you may just find something that you never even knew existed.
As uncomfortable as it is to fail, the fear of failing or avoidance of failure just holds you back.  It makes you want to stay in your comfort zone.
And you are worthy of doing so much more than just holding yourself back.
Jump in, try it, take a risk – great, great things might happen!

Understanding that change has to happen

24 Thursday Nov 2016

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Change, Depression, Fear, Gratitude, Positivity

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There are definitely days when I get overwhelmed by what I do – I feel responsible for so many people.
That can be really difficult, but it is also so rewarding.
I don’t think that there are many people who are truly blessed to be able to witness – every single day – people transforming right before their eyes.

The truth is that even though I feel so responsible for all these people, I am not responsible for one of them.
Each person needs to take responsibility for themselves.  I can put so much effort into working with somebody who is just not going to get better or is not going to want to change and there is not much that I can do about that.
I constantly tell people that although I am grateful for their appreciation and thanks, they should look inward and realise the amount of work that they put into their own recovery.

Everybody who believes that they are going to change and that their lives are going to improve will do exactly that.
You cannot change what happens to you and you can’t take away the experiences that you’ve had but you can definitely choose how you are going to deal with them.
For every lonely, hopeless moment that you have, you need to understand that you can pick yourself up when you are ready and start making changes.
Change is the one thing that most people fear and you are so blessed to have these problems (yes, seriously!) because they have forced you to change.  You have nothing to lose now.
And as difficult and uncomfortable as it feels at the time, I really hope that one day you will look back at this time and be grateful for the change that it forced you to make.

You are a better, stronger and more resilient person for having gone through this.

Things that I learned from my dog

10 Thursday Mar 2016

Posted by in Attitude, Life Lessons

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My dog really, really believes that she can catch a Hadeda (a bird that is bigger than she is) – she can determinedly stalk them, always hoping that today will be the day that she actually catches one.
She does not get the idea that they can fly and she can’t, hence the chances of catching one is very small.  Yet that doesn’t stop her.
Hadedas love the rain and yesterday, in the rainy, misty weather, the garden was filled with them – what an opportunity! The problem is that my dog hates the rain and definitely hates getting wet.  That didn’t stop her though – in the rain she went, shaking with fear while trying to keep still enough for them not to detect her.
Obviously she didn’t get one, but guess what she was doing this morning again?
Yes, stalking Hadedas in the rain!
She just doesn’t give up and in her doggy world, she always believes that she will eventually catch a Hadeda one day if she keeps on trying.

Imagine if we could have as much determination as my dog?
To be able to live life absolutely believing that we could be bigger than we are, and that we should keep on trying no matter how many times we fail and still keep on going despite our fears….
Although I am sure that a dog’s life is much easier than ours, we should try to emulate their attitude just a little bit.
It reminds me of a piece of advice from a dog lover  that I read:

All I Need To Know About Life I Learned From My Dog

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you’re not.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
Thrive on affection and let people touch you – enjoy back rubs and pats on your neck.
When you leave your yard, make it an adventure.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t pout – run right back and make friends.
Bond with your pack.
On cold nights, curl up in front of a crackling fire.
When you’re excited, speak up.
When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you’ll get what you want.
Don’t go out without ID.
Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
Always give people a friendly greeting.
If it’s not wet and sloppy, it’s not a real kiss.

I don’t want to be mediocre

02 Wednesday Mar 2016

Posted by in Being brave, Fear, Life Lessons, Success

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How comfortable is your comfort zone?
It may feel comfortable only because it is familiar – you all know the saying “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t” – and what a shocking thing to say!
How about no devil at all?

A comfort zone is about just getting by – doing what you have to do without any real level of enjoyment or passion.  It is like operating on automatic mode.
You will know that you are in that position when a day, or even a week, goes by and when you think about it, it feels like you haven’t really achieved anything or you haven’t got a lot to show for your efforts.
A comfort zone is associated with one my worst words in the world (right up there with slug) – mediocrity.

“adjective

  1. of only average quality; not very good.”

That word makes me cringe because really, who wants to be mediocre?
Even if you are not doing well or you feel like you are failing, at least you are creating opportunities to learn and to find what works for you (or what doesn’t work out).
Mediocrity is just being in the middle – nothing good, nothing bad, no risks taken, no stepping out of ‘box’ and certainly no adventures.

Start an adventure!
Get out of that comfort zone of yours because you really aren’t gaining anything by being in there and you aren’t doing yourself any favours.
That means that you are going to have to face your fears and take risks.
You are going to explore new things and try new ideas.
You will make conscious efforts to get your dreams out of your imagination and into reality.
It is going to take courage and you may not succeed on the first attempt – you may not even succeed on the tenth attempt.
But you know what?
You are going to be amazing!

Happy 2016!

06 Wednesday Jan 2016

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Being brave, Change, Creativity, Life journey, Self growth

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Happy new year everyone!
I hope that this is going to be a year of self discovery, learning and finding peace.

Those of you who have been around me or have been reading my blog for years (thank you very much!) know that I hate the concept of new year’s resolutions.
Yet, I make them anyway because when do you get a greater time to make change than from the very beginning of a brand new year?
That doesn’t mean that you can’t make resolutions whenever you want – make them as often as you want. Don’t worry either if you fail on one of your resolutions, keep trying or take the failure as a clear indicator that you need to do things differently for a change.

Here are some of the things that I have decided to do for 2016 (and I would love it if you joined me in one or two or all of them):

1.  Care less.  It sounds horrible but I know that I care too much about too many people.  My very kind friends have told me that caring is part of my personality and that I shouldn’t change but I am trying to care a little bit less so that I make a little more time for myself and my happiness.

2.  Always (ok, close to often) have well manicured nails – the first thing that people see when they reach out their hand to greet you is your hands.  A well groomed hand says a lot.  Buy that funky coloured nail varnish…

3. Smile more – before people shake your hands, they notice your face (I hope).  Smile! Even if you don’t necessarily feel like smiling, if you make yourself look happier, you generally feel more positive and so does the person who is looking at you.  Unless you are grimacing – don’t grimace!

4. You may meet shy people who don’t look you in the eye and don’t extend their hand to you.  They tend to look down when they talk to you – which leads me to my next point: wear awesome shoes!
If you don’t feel awesome, then wear nervous breakdown shoes, which is a whole other story.

5. Learn a new skill this year – creativity is the one thing that absolutely keeps me calm so I am going to learn a new craft.  You can learn a new skill, gain a new hobby, sign up for a new course (remember that there are thousands of free online courses) or just teach yourself something that you’ve always wanted to do.

6. Do something that scares you – choose to do the thing that you have been putting off, confront someone who needs confronting,  go ahead and book that bungee jump (I won’t be joining you but feel free to do it anyway)

7. Be less worried about order and control and therefore, I am going to calmly only have 7 points on my list even though my logical brain is telling me to keep it even – a nice number like 10.  Sometimes, we have to live a little chaotically and see what will happen and where life will take us with less planning and less need to have control.

I would love to hear what your plans for the year are.
Let’s make it wonderful!

Have faith rather than fear!

17 Wednesday Jun 2015

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I hear so many stories, on an almost daily basis, of people telling me what they are going to do…. if only they were not afraid, or if they had more courage, or if they had more resources, or more support.

Faith and fear cannot exist together.
Choose faith instead of fear!

  • Have faith in the fact that life is an ongoing experiment rather than something that you need to get right. Try something new and if it doesn’t work, at least you tried and you have learned what you can’t do or how not to do it.
  • Have faith in your ability to reach beyond what others expect of you and your own limitations and be bigger and bolder than what you believe you can be.
  • Have faith that today is a good enough day to start your new journey. Not tomorrow, not next year, not Monday – just one step forward today!
  • Have faith that you have a purpose (even though you may not know what it is) and that everything in your life is a step towards that purpose – and NO, your purpose is NOT to be a failure!
  • Believe that there are people who care (I do!)
  • Trust yourself – you are awesome.
  • If it is not working – do it differently.  Don’t fear that you have failed. It is really not worth thinking that you can’t do it because one way isn’t working. There may be plenty more ways that DO work.

 

What can you learn from being sick?

06 Wednesday May 2015

Posted by in Advice, Illness, Life Lessons, Mental health

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This week I have been floored by high blood pressure which is now getting treated so I’m already feeling like a brand new person.
I spent some quality time feeling really sorry for myself for being sick and not able to keep up with my usual frenetic pace.
Though one day while moping on the couch, I suddenly had clarity that no matter what kind of illness you have – whether it is mental or physical, chronic or acute, life threatening or not, there are a few things that you really need to do (or not do) to help you through:

  • If you don’t get it done, there is a high probability that the world will not end.  Even though you may be a perfectionist, some things can be left for another time (or done by another person).  Thanks to Uber for the wonderful trips to work – I even treated myself to a luxury ride on Monday morning just because I thought that I deserved it and it definitely made Monday a lot better.
  • Your health always, always comes first.  Don’t put yourself at risk because you feel that you need to please other people or keep up with other people’s expectations.  You are allowed to say that you just don’t feel well enough to get something done.  If people don’t respect that, they are not worth the energy that you are prepared to give to them.
  • Don’t be fight the illness.  Even a cold makes you feel that you are never going to be well again and you can become miserable and feel sorry for yourself.  I believe that illness is often a way of your body forcing you to slow down because you need it.  Don’t fight that!
  • Eat when you are hungry, sleep when you need to, rest, rest, rest and then rest some more.
  • Be gentle on yourself – you are not a failure if you get sick.  Bodies get sick, minds get sick.  Unless you deliberately did something to make yourself sick (and I sincerely hope that you didn’t), you can’t do much to avoid it.  Stop being angry at yourself.
  • Sometimes you are not going to have control over life.  There is nothing like getting sick to teach you that things are not always going to go your way.  Let it go!

A big adventure

15 Wednesday Apr 2015

Posted by in Advice, Creativity, Fear, Projects

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I am on a mission…
I’m starting a new project and truthfully I’m not even sure what it entails yet.
It is probably the first time that I’ve allowed myself to do this – to just start something without a clear objective.
Usually I focus on the end goal and often, that goal is so big that I scare myself to a point where even starting it seems impossible.  And then as a consequence, my ideas just float around in my head for a while until, after some time, I rework them and start the whole process again.  Often scaring myself back to square one once again.
So, this time I’m doing it differently.
I’m going on a journey, I’m letting myself live an adventure.
Imagine if Indiana Jones knew what was just around the corner for him?  Would he have taken the risks that he did  to get that idol if he knew that a huge ball would almost take him out in an underground tunnel?

And this I can promise you: Nothing that you do will be as scary as almost dying underground while trying to steal an idol!

I may be talking to myself here, but hopefully you are all listening too.  Because so many people hold themselves back from great things due to fear.
How many books go unwritten, products are never invented, businesses are never started, opportunities are missed, designs that never come to light, art works that are never expressed because somebody was too afraid to start them?
Today is as good a day as any to start. (The first of January is way too far away – a random Wednesday in April is good enough)
Whether you want to start living your life differently or you want to do something new,  whether you have a business plan or you want to start a new hobby, this advice is for you:

1. Don’t be afraid!
2. Build up evidence of what you know and what you can do – you are going to need a journal (a real paper one is the only thing that works for me but go ahead and use your tablet/phone/computer).
3. Jot down or illustrate your ideas. Big or small, impossible sounding or not.
4. Take small steps BUT they have to be steps – don’t allow yourself to stagnate or say “I’ll do it tomorrow”
5. Ask for help, share your ideas with others, speak up!
6. Enjoy the process rather than panic about the end result
7. Don’t let others success overwhelm you. Everyone has their own journey and just because somebody does something amazing it doesn’t mean that you can’t do something amazing too.
8. Be brilliant!

Solutions to every problem

25 Friday Jul 2014

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There is a solution to every problem!
Really?
Sometimes it really may not feel that way at all.  It may feel that everything is impossible and that you are just stuck. No matter how hard you try, things never seem to work out for you.
Stop right there!
There is a solution to every problem, but that solution is difficult to find for a number of reasons:
Firstly, we are brilliant at sticking with what is familiar.  If you keep on doing what is familiar and don’t try anything new, how are you going to discover new pathways and potential solutions to your problems?
Secondly, we say “I can’t” to the things that really scare us. It is so much easier to say “I can’t!” than to really confront the real issue.  And that is the issue of why you are stuck.  It is often the ugly, horrible stuff that is easier to sweep under the carpet than to stare it in the face and say “I’m ready to deal with this, no matter how much it scares me.”
Sometimes the solution is right in front of us but we don’t recognise it at all. Life can be so stressful and overwhelming that we only focus on the negative and only recognise the “bad” when something good might be right there. But we don’t think that we deserve it, or we doubt our ability to be content so we just ignore it and plod on with our usual existence.
And sometimes the solution is so, so far beyond that which we thought was our life plan that we are terrified of going on that new path.  It may be fear, it may be doubt or it may even be pure stubbornness that stops us from reaching for greatness.

Try to give new ideas a chance, try something totally different, take risks without letting the fear of negative consequences stop you from reaching your amazing potential.
So many great things might be just around the corner.
You just have to be brave enough to take that turn.
Throw away the blinkers, jump in and see what adventures await you.

Think yourself positive

24 Thursday Oct 2013

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My son has not been well and today he had to go to the doctor – a new doctor.
He was terrified in case she had a chainsaw (yes, that was what he said!) and even worse than a chainsaw was the idea of having to have his blood taken.
He sat shaking in the waiting room until he saw that the doctor was quite a sweet, gentle lady.
That was until she said that she wanted to give him an injection. He very impolitely declined her kind offer!
But by the time the appointment was over, he walked out with a smile on his face and said that she wasn’t so bad after all.

Things are almost always worse in your imagination.
You create stories in your mind about what you think will happen and usually, those thoughts are based on negativity and fears.
They are based on irrational thoughts.

I challenge you to try to change your negative “what if” thoughts into positive “what if” thoughts.
What if things worked out?
What if things ended up being better than you imagined?
What if the end result is brilliant?
What if you succeed?

Don’t allow yourself to always expect the worst because you are trying to protect yourself – so that if you fail, you can tell yourself that you knew that you would fail.
Tell yourself that you are going to succeed.  Tell yourself that it is going to be OK.
And even if it is not OK, you have no idea where this journey is taking you.
And while it may not feel OK right now,  something is going to come out of all of this – and you are going to end up being stronger and happier for having overcome this.

In the meantime, have faith in yourself, believe in the best – because you can do this!