Tag Archives: growth

Fear of failure

16 Thursday Mar 2017

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Change, Life Lessons, Self growth

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I never loved school – when I look back at my schooling, the one thing that always comes to mind was my fear of failure.  That was probably because we were constantly being taught that failure is a bad thing and we not only had to avoid it at all costs but also to always work harder.
As children we are often told by our parents and grandparents what we are not allowed to do or say or touch.  To avoid risk and potential failure or hurt and pain.
So we stick with those beliefs.

The negative reputation that failure gets follows you into your adulthood where you still feel that fear is a bad thing.
More often than not, you are not taught that failure might actually open up new doors for you.  You are not taught that failure is an opportunity to learn and grow as an individual.  You are not given the chance to discover what your strengths and weaknesses are and to really build on your strengths because you spend so much energy and time trying to fix the weaknesses.

If you could let the fear of failure go and bravely enter new places, discover new opportunities and take chances, you may just find something that you never even knew existed.
As uncomfortable as it is to fail, the fear of failing or avoidance of failure just holds you back.  It makes you want to stay in your comfort zone.
And you are worthy of doing so much more than just holding yourself back.
Jump in, try it, take a risk – great, great things might happen!

Change – the scary stuff

03 Thursday Nov 2016

Posted by in Advice, Change, Fear

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Change is scary!
Maybe not as scary as snakes, zombie apocalypses and ghosts (Okay, I know Halloween is over now… get on with it)
Just as I was about to start writing about dealing with change, my 13 year old came into my office and asked if he could write my blog for me.

So this is what he wrote (unedited):
“Change can be scary because its like you are going into new territory the unknown, you could be scared because of a new medication you need to take or starting a new job even learning the simplest of things can be scary and hold you back, what you need is to break through your fears and try if you cant do it try try and try again never give up hope never stop believing in yourself”

My son has a chronic illness so we never know how each day is going to go – some days he wakes up feeling well and our day is routine based and for a short while we feel normal, and other days are so horrible that all of our plans go out the window.  He is used to nothing going as planned even though he craves living a “normal life”.  I really hope that this will put him in good stead for his adult years.

Most adults fear change so much that they stay in their comfort zones and stay unhappy.
I’m guessing that if you were truly happy, you wouldn’t need to be reading this blog.  So if you are not happy, or if you think that you could improve some aspects of your somewhat happy life, you are going to need to change in order to do that.
Often change is an absolute blessing but we don’t realise it when it happens because it makes us feel that uncomfortable.
Change leads to growth and onto new things that you may never have even thought possible.
If you find it difficult, start doing small things that will still make a difference but won’t necessarily change your life path.
I do things like colour my hair (it’s currently purple) or change my route to work.  It adds a tiny twist of adventure that makes me believe that the bigger changes are manageable too.
Give yourself a chance for adventure too!

Does failure equal success?

22 Thursday Aug 2013

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Fear, Self growth, Success

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Og Mandino, the author of numerous books including The Greatest Salesman on Earth said, “Remind thyself, in the darkest moments, that every failure is only a step toward success, every detection of what is false directs you toward what is true, every trial exhausts some tempting form of error, and every adversity will only hide, for a time, your path to peace and fulfillment.”

We live in a world where there are so many expectations placed on us to succeed and a large amount of those expectations are from ourselves.  This crazy, unrealistic drive for perfection.
We want our relationships to always work.  We want to succeed in our careers.  We want to be brilliant parents, outstanding scholars and upstanding members of the community.  And most of all, we want to be recognised and acknowledged for all of the wonderful things that we do.  And that doesn’t leave any room for failure, or for things going wrong or not according to your great and wonderful plan.

If you believe in perfection, then there is a good chance that you believe that failure is a bad thing, something to avoid at all costs.  So, it is interesting that when Mandino was asked what the secret of success was, he answered, “You should triple your rate of failure”

When you make mistakes, you learn from them.  You learn not to be afraid of failure.  You become a stronger person when you realise that you have overcome all of the obstacles that you were so afraid of.
And of course, how do we recognise perfection if we haven’t actually seen the other side?  How do you know that something is really working if you haven’t felt what it feels like for things to be falling apart?
It is said that “a head full of fears has no space for dreams.”
So fear of failure doesn’t allow you to live those dreams, achieve those goals and stand tall through adversity.
Fear of failure keeps us in our safe comfort zones where we are stuck and frustrated and unmotivated.

Get out there! Fail! Live your life without fear because every time that you do, a seed is planted that is going to help you grow into something magnificent.

On building walls…

08 Thursday Nov 2012

Posted by in Self growth, Shades of Grey

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Let me tell you a story that is a little embarrassing (because of course all of our kids are little angels and you shouldn’t admit that yours isn’t) but I’ll tell it to you anyway.
My younger son is adventurous (read: naughty) and fancies himself as a bit of a Parkour master.  So we had these neighbours who had an old broken wall that was not very high and made an ideal challenge for a young boy. He would jump over their wall all of the time. And as an ultimate sign of strength, the boys in the neighbourhood would prove their manliness by giving the wall a kick and watching in joy as they managed to cause some bricks to fall.  Hulk has nothing on him.
And what did the wall’s owner do? Every now and then he would just straighten the wall by giving it a bit of a knock and put one or two bricks back up.
And a few days later, the whole process would start all over again.  The boys would knock some bricks down, and the wall would be put back together again.
After a while, the house was sold and we watched in fascination (as nosy neighbours tend to do) to see what the new owners would do with that wall.
What they did do? They knocked that useless wall down and dug new foundations and built a huge new, solid wall that my son could not climb in his wildest dreams (well maybe in his dreams where he can climb walls like Sebastien Foucan).

The point of me telling you this story is that we all face walls every day of our lives.  Everytime a problem comes up, you try to fix only that problem and the circumstances around the problem rather than getting to the root cause, the foundation of the problem.
So if you have a communication problem in your relationship, you would rather spend ages arguing about whose chance it is to take out the garbage rather than looking at  the core issue which is that you have
communication issues!
The main reason we don’t want to deal with the foundation is that it is too scary. We fear change more than we fear being in an unhappy situation.
One of the blessings that stress and depression gives you (yes, seriously) is that it knocks you down to that foundation level.
And you have to start again from that very beginning that everyone else fears. Once you start from the beginning, you can rebuild up your life just like that big strong wall.
Don’t be afraid to do it, you are far, far stronger than you can even imagine!