Tag Archives: learning

Surviving that which you never think you will

22 Thursday Mar 2018

Posted by in Advice, Anxiety, Attitude, Being brave, Life Lessons, Stress

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People tell you awful and ridiculous things when you are going through a difficult time.
Things like chin up, be strong and my personal favourite – everything is going to be okay.
And you feel like saying, “How the hell do you know that things are going to be okay?” because it feels like it is never going to be okay.
This is what I do know – you don’t have to be okay and you don’t have to be strong.  You are absolutely allowed to fall apart and cry and scream and panic.
You do need to be gentle on yourself and realise that as much as nobody can tell the future, what you are going through is not going to last forever – it just can’t.
This is what you are going through now.
You are going to overcome this but it is not going to happen overnight.  You have the right to be stressed and anxious.
But don’t let that become your story.
Your story is that you will become resilient and you will have a great tale to tell future generations one day – “long time ago, I went through a really difficult time but I survived and I’m here to share my story with you”
I wish that you didn’t have to have that story to tell but it’s yours – embrace it, learn from it, grow from it and become a better person for having gone through it.
You absolutely have this!

My end of year message to you:

23 Wednesday Dec 2015

Posted by in Advice, Anxiety, Attitude, Being brave, Depression, Gratitude, Stress, trauma

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This is my final post for the year so I would like to take the opportunity to say thank you to every single one of you wonderful people who are reading this.
Some of you have contributed, some have given me ideas, some people have written comments and given feedback and some people just quietly read what I have to say every week.
It doesn’t matter how much you give, the important thing is that every one of you matters to me – you are the reason that this blog keeps going and you are definitely the motivation that I need when when my screen stares back blankly at me.
I am constantly inspired by the survivors in this world – the people who stand up no matter how many times life beats them down and if you are reading this, the only reason you hang out here is that you are a survivor too.  You are part of a great community of survivors who battle depression, stress, low self esteem, anxiety and all the stigma that comes with it.  And you battle it with dignity and grace.

My wish to you all is that no matter what your religion is, that you have a good festive season.  Use the time to really notice what is important to you, to celebrate the little things and to take your own health and happiness more seriously.

When I saw this quote about Morgan Freeman narrating your story, I smiled – mainly because I always fancy Morgan Freeman narrating my day to day routine.
(“Andi gets into her car and grimaces at the thought of another morning of fighting rude taxi drivers on the road, yet she turns the ignition and goes on anyway”)
I also fancy that even if I’m not doing anything awesome, it is still worth having a narrator.  Not all stories are going to be happy ever after love stories are they? (Although we may wish them to be so)
Your current story may be an action adventure (read: traumatic and stressful time) or a horror (read: traumatic and stressful time) but whatever it is, it is going to leave you with a legacy that I hope you will end up not regretting.

morgan freeman

Keep moving forward, keep learning and keep growing – I know that you are awesome!

Making others happy?

22 Friday Aug 2014

Posted by in Attitude, Life Lessons, self esteem

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Somebody shared this picture with me this morning on twitter:

Never making others happy
It is remarkable how true this is.
Sometimes it seems that we can do nothing right.
No matter what you do, there are people that you are just not going to please, and there are people who are going to criticise you for whatever you do.
And even if you do succeed in what you are doing, you may still be the ‘wrong’ race, the ‘wrong’ religion, the ‘wrong’ gender in somebody else’s opinion.
You might be too slow, you could be too fast, too fat, too thin….

First of all you need to understand where that criticism is coming from.  Is it really about you?
People who are unhappy with themselves will always criticise others to make themselves feel better. Know that the majority of the time, it is about them and not you.
Then, you need to take a good look at yourself and if you feel that you are doing the right thing, you need to keep doing it, no matter what anybody else says.
And if you are doing the wrong thing, maybe you need to do the wrong thing your way because that is that only way that you are going to learn – from forging your own direction rather than just taking everybody else’s advice.

We live in a world that is so strongly influenced by media and social media in particular.
But most of what you see is just an edited version of somebody’s life and opinions.  People are only going to show their best pictures and tell their best stories because they can.
That means that instead of getting upset because your life is not “up to standard” compared to others or you are not doing the same as others, think about yourself and what you are trying to achieve and what you are all about.
You are far more intelligent, way more beautiful, and abundantly more blessed than you realise!

You have choices

21 Friday Feb 2014

Posted by in Attitude, Life Lessons, Positivity

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This story was doing the rounds and I have no idea if it is true or not but here it is:

My friend Jerry was one of the most positive people I had ever known. He was always in a good mood and always had something encouraging to say.

He was a manager at a restaurant. If his employee had a bad day, Jerry always helped him to look on the positive side of the situation.

Jerry‘s attitude truly amazed me. So one day I asked him: “How can you be so positive all the time?” He replied:”You see, every morning I tell myself, that I have two choices for that day – to be in a good mood or in a bad. I choose the good one. And when something wrong happens, I can be sad and angry or I can learn from it instead. I choose to learn. Thus I choose the positive side of life”. I said: “It is not that easy”. He replied: “Yes it is. Life is all about choices. You can choose how people or situations will affect your mood, your life”.

One morning Jerry left the restaurant‘s back door open and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers. He tried to open the safe, but his hands shook due to nervousness and he slipped off the combination. So the robbers shot him. Fortunately, Jerry was quickly found and brought to the nearest hospital. After many hours of surgery and long intensive care, Jerry was released home.

When I met him, I asked, what were his thoughts during the robbery. “I thought that I should have locked the back door”, he replied. “Then, when I laid on the floor, I remembered about my choices in this case: a choice to live and a choice to die. I chose to live.”

I asked, if he were scared. Jerry continued: “When they wheeled me into emergency room and I looked at the faces of doctors, I got truly scared. I knew, that I need to do something. So when the nurse asked me, if I was allergic to anything, I replied “Yes” Doctors and nurses stopped working as waited for my answer. I took a deep breath and yelled “Bullets”. They started laughing and I asked: “My choice is to live, operate me as I am alive, not dead”.

Now Jerry is alive owing to skills of his doctors, however his amazing attitude played an important role too. I learned from him, that every day we should choose to live fully no matter what.

I know that some of you reading this have had to make such a choice – one of life and death.  And you are still here, reading this – a true survivor.  For the rest of you – may you never have to be faced with such choices.
No matter what we go through in our lives, we always have a choice.
We may not have a choice about what happens to us but we always have a choice on how to deal with it.
You have the ability to deal with everything in a more positive, optimistic way.
And when you choose to be positive – you will really start to shine because you can do this, you can get through this.
Just choose to do it!

You will get through this!

24 Friday Jan 2014

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Life Lessons

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Something that you have to know, and that I have to remind myself about continually, is that this is going to pass!
I know that right now, when you are in the thick of it, when you feel so stressed and so overwhelmed, you can’t ever imagine this ever passing.
But it will.
This situation that you are going through cannot last forever.
I’m not saying that it is just going to resolve itself, that would be wonderful wouldn’t it?  But you are going to get stronger, you are going to get more resourceful, you are going to learn something important from this experience.

Your challenge right now is to do something that is going to help you to get through this.  Part of that is trying not to worry too much about what is going to happen.  You don’t know what is going to happen.
You need to figure out a way to be kind to yourself.  Stop punishing yourself for mistakes you’ve made.  You made them – you’re human.
Try to get some sleep, but don’t worry all night that you can’t sleep.  That is not going to help.
Eat as best as you can and while chocolate isn’t included in any of the major food groups, there is nothing wrong with a bit of happiness every now and then.
Pray, meditate, write, reflect, talk, ask for help, get more hugs.
Do whatever you need to do to get through this.

I had a great discussion with one of my clients who was signing a form for me yesterday.  He said, “keep this form safe Andi, because it has my signature on it, and one day that is going to be worth a lot of money!”
I loved the spark of optimism from someone who was coming to see me in a moment of difficulty.

One day you will look back at this time and marvel at how strong you really were.
I look forward to hearing all of your good news!

Beating down your own path

12 Thursday Dec 2013

Posted by in Attitude, Being brave, Creativity, Freedom

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I stumbled on this quote the other day when I was looking for something suitable to put in my son’s barmitzvah invitation:

“The future belongs to the curious.  The ones who are not afraid to try it, explore it, poke at it, question it and turn it inside out”

I love this quote because it is so appropriate for my son who always questions things and wants to understand things before just doing anything.  He is not afraid to stand up and voice his opinion or to go “against the crowd”.  But the quote also resonates so strongly with me.
In fact, I think that most people reading this will identify strongly with it.  Otherwise, you wouldn’t be reading this, you would probably prefer reading some random financial blog. (If you do, please let me know.)
That is because most of you are thinkers and believers, you are willing to push boundaries and think out of the box.

The problem is that we are frequently told how to behave, and what to think.  Who we should be and where we should be going.  But none of us are going there on a lovely straight and uncomplicated path.  We are going on a crazy, convoluted, sometimes uncomfortable journey of discovery.
As long as you are open to the idea of learning and discovering in order to keep growing, every single step that you take, whether it be on the right path or the wrong; forward or backwards, will be the perfect path for you.