Tag Archives: lessons

Is it your disaster?

08 Thursday Jun 2017

Posted by in Advice, Coping skills, Depression, Gratitude, trauma

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It’s easy to get caught up in all of the drama of the disasters and bad news in the world.  And the media delight in sharing the worst of the news with us.  Social media also drives us into a mass hysteria or mass sympathy.
So this week was again filled with bad news and disasters, one after the other, and it is really easy to get depressed by it all.
If it did not affect you directly, it is not your story.
You have your own story.
Do what you can to avoid getting pulled down by what you hear about or read about.  You have no power over those things.

If those incidences like the fires and the floods and the deaths that happened this week have affected you directly, I am really sorry that you have had to go through that.

If it didn’t affect you directly then what can you do?
Firstly – count your blessings.  Take a moment to give thanks for being safe, for having your family with you.  Be grateful for the roof over your head, a home to go to (no matter how small or inadequate it may be), a warm cup of tea and a cosy blanket.
Secondly – if you feel that you need to help those affected by disasters, don’t spend time on social media using hash tags.  Rather find out where help is needed and what you can do for them.  Donate a blanket or some food, volunteer at an organisation that is giving support.
Thirdly – celebrate life.  Celebrate the times when you are healthy.  Celebrate the little things – things as small as sleeping through the night, eating an enjoyable meal, doing something that gives you pleasure.  If there is one thing that we can learn from all of this bad news, it is that life is short.  Don’t wait for one day.  Don’t wait for the big events to celebrate.
Take pleasure in what you have.
What you have is wonderful.

RIP Gugu Zulu

20 Wednesday Jul 2016

Posted by in Advice, Life journey, Life Lessons, Mindfulness, Quiet and slow, Stress

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I am so devastated by the death of Gugu Zulu – a great racing car driver but more importantly, a great person.  A man who lived large.
He died while climbing Mount Kilimanjaro for a good cause on Mandela Day.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BH5nOWfg13O/?taken-by=guguzulu

If nothing else, what we should gain from his death is that we have absolutely no idea what tomorrow is going to bring.
One minute we are here, the next minute, we are not.
One day we are amazingly successful, the next, we may have lost everything.

So the question is:
If the only thing we know is right now, then why are we spending right now worrying about what might happen tomorrow?
Why do lead such stressful lives without ever slowing down to enjoy the small things (and the big things)?
There is a huge industry that is making money off our stress by supplying every supplement and energy booster you can think of when we should be boosting our own energy levels through slowing down, better eating, exercise and having a better attitude towards life.
We should be building resilience towards stress rather than just wishing it away (while downing another cup of coffee to keep us going).
Our lives should be worth so much more than the value that we give attribute to them.

So, next time you say “I don’t want to be stressed” you should do something about it!
Make today count!

Things that I learned from my dog

10 Thursday Mar 2016

Posted by in Attitude, Life Lessons

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My dog really, really believes that she can catch a Hadeda (a bird that is bigger than she is) – she can determinedly stalk them, always hoping that today will be the day that she actually catches one.
She does not get the idea that they can fly and she can’t, hence the chances of catching one is very small.  Yet that doesn’t stop her.
Hadedas love the rain and yesterday, in the rainy, misty weather, the garden was filled with them – what an opportunity! The problem is that my dog hates the rain and definitely hates getting wet.  That didn’t stop her though – in the rain she went, shaking with fear while trying to keep still enough for them not to detect her.
Obviously she didn’t get one, but guess what she was doing this morning again?
Yes, stalking Hadedas in the rain!
She just doesn’t give up and in her doggy world, she always believes that she will eventually catch a Hadeda one day if she keeps on trying.

Imagine if we could have as much determination as my dog?
To be able to live life absolutely believing that we could be bigger than we are, and that we should keep on trying no matter how many times we fail and still keep on going despite our fears….
Although I am sure that a dog’s life is much easier than ours, we should try to emulate their attitude just a little bit.
It reminds me of a piece of advice from a dog lover  that I read:

All I Need To Know About Life I Learned From My Dog

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you’re not.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
Thrive on affection and let people touch you – enjoy back rubs and pats on your neck.
When you leave your yard, make it an adventure.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t pout – run right back and make friends.
Bond with your pack.
On cold nights, curl up in front of a crackling fire.
When you’re excited, speak up.
When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you’ll get what you want.
Don’t go out without ID.
Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
Always give people a friendly greeting.
If it’s not wet and sloppy, it’s not a real kiss.

Graceful failures

13 Tuesday Jan 2015

Posted by in Attitude, Being brave, Life journey, Life Lessons, Success

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It is week 2 of the new year and for me it already feels like it has been 2015 forever.
It is so easy to slip back into routine even though you can’t imagine it when you first start.
During my sessions and in correspondence, I have had a few people that have said that they are afraid to make resolutions in case they fail.
What does FAIL mean? It stands for:
First Attempt in Learning.
Isn’t that a much nicer way of seeing it?
It moves away from the concept of failing being a terrible thing and rather focuses on the idea that failure is just a step towards learning something new.
If we could all change our attitudes towards failure, then we will boldly go in directions that we never thought that we could.
Once you go in that direction, with an open minded attitude,  you will know that either your new direction is going to be really successful or that your new direction is going to end up being the wrong one and you will have the opportunity to change and do something new.
You will do something new with the idea that you would never have known about it if you hadn’t tried it in the first place.

When I was younger (and more naive) we always used to say “if at first you don’t succeed – try, try and try again”
I don’t think that it is always worth it to rehash something that doesn’t work for you after you’ve tried it.
It is not about trying again but rather saying that you tried it, it didn’t work, so now you are going to do something completely different. It my very well have the end result that you wanted in the first place but it also may send you in a direction that you never even imagined in the first place.  One that you will happily settle in for a while (before you make your next error!)

May 2015 be filled with graceful failures for us all.  May we bravely attempt new things and go in new and exciting directions.
I look forward to hearing about your good news!

05 Monday Jan 2015

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Life journey, Quiet and slow

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Happy new year!
I hope that you all had a really good festive season and that you are ready to start the new year with a brand new attitude.
(Don’t worry – I am here to hold your hand through it)
New year, new resolutions!
Right?
Wrong!
This year, forget about the resolutions.  Don’t make promises that you are not going to keep.  Don’t put pressure on yourself unnecessarily.

What I would like you to do is to make more of an effort to be kind and gentle to yourself.  You are not always going to be happy.  You are not always going to be stress free and things are definitely not always going to go your way.
You are going to be sad this year, you are going to be angry.  You are also going to be excited and you are going to feel carefree (you will!).
Through the bad times, and the good times – just be gentle on yourself and allow yourself to just be.
Learn to notice the small things that are good while you are feeling bad.  Notice the tiny little miracles around you that are happening while you are focused on yourself and your problems.

While I was away on holiday, I was staying in the mountains where I had no internet connection and very little cellphone coverage (horror!).  Initially I was not happy but I can tell you that a few days without outside interference was not a bad thing.
Then added to that, it was constantly raining and quite cold for this time of year.  During a gap in the rain, I went for a walk and instead of focusing on the endless grey skies, I chose to look for small beautiful things. I noticed the little toadstool filled with rain and I marvelled at the way the light caught the water droplets on the pine needles.

toadstool

It was then, that I decided that this year I am not going to get bogged down by the big stuff – but rather be gentle and focus on the little things that are so often overlooked and are far nicer than the big things.
I look forward to sharing this journey with you and also to hearing about your stories too!
Let 2015 be wonderful, beautiful and may it give us abundant opportunities to learn.

water droplets

A lesson in memory of Freddie Mercury

24 Monday Nov 2014

Posted by in HIV, Life Lessons, self esteem

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23 years ago, my favourite singer died.
Freddie Mercury was well known for his amazing voice but also for his over the top, larger than life personality on stage.
You wouldn’t call him a good looking guy at all but he was magnificent.  And compared to today’s high standards for the perfect look, he was much more than his looks.
They just added to his quirkiness.
Sadly, he died of AIDS in a time when there was still such a huge stigma around the illness and he kept his illness a secret until 2 days before his death.  I really feel blessed that people are talking about HIV so much more and are  open and comfortable with sharing their HIV status.

More than anything else, I really admired how Freddie was just himself.
He didn’t fit into any mould.
He was unique.
And that is a lesson that can be learned by all of us.
The lyrics for Innuendo say it so well:

You can be anything you want to be
Just turn yourself into anything you think that you could ever be
Be free with your tempo, be free be free
Surrender your ego – be free, be free to yourself

If there’s a God or any kind of justice under the sky
If there’s a point, if there’s a reason to live or die
If there’s an answer to the questions we feel bound to ask
Show yourself – destroy our fears – release your mask
Oh yes we’ll keep on trying

In honour of Freddie’s memory and more importantly, in honour of yourself, throw away your mask.
Stop living a life where your main objective is to please others and to make other people happy.
Stop worrying about what other people think of you or if you “fit” in or not.
You don’t fit in – nobody does!
Be proud to be you because being YOU is good enough.
Better than good enough, it is wonderful!

Seeing angels

06 Monday Oct 2014

Posted by in Gratitude, Life Lessons

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Today I saw an angel!
He was a rather dirty and ragged looking homeless type of angel but he was an angel none the less.  He happened to be ambling leisurely across the road when it was really my right of way so I had to wait patiently for him to move before I could drive.
And what a good thing he was there because if he wasn’t and I would have driven when the light turned green for me, I would have been hit by a driver who obviously thought that red lights were just optional.
I breathed a sigh of relief and then wondered about the fact that a homeless man delayed me and therefore seemed to have saved me from disaster.

I wonder how often we meet angels – people who come into our life for some kind of purpose.
Sometimes, it may be a one minute, random passing and other times it could be somebody who comes into your life for a few years.
The real challenge for us – and let me tell you that I battle with this myself – is knowing when to let those people go.
People come into our lives for a reason and then they go – and that going can be so hurtful and painful.
But we have to be strong enough to understand and to let them go.  Rather than clinging to something that is just not working for you anymore (even if you think it is!)

Another challenge is when you see that “angel” as the “devil” because it seems that they only cause chaos and hurt in your life.
So, why do I call them angels? Because they are still there to teach you something about yourself.  They still have some kind of purpose in your life…
And how would you recognise an angel if you hadn’t met a devil?
How do you understand happiness if you have never experienced sadness?
How do you know light if you haven’t seen dark?

Be open to letting people into your life;  to understanding that some people come into your life for a reason.
Open your eyes to recognise the angels in your life – they may not have halos or wings, but they are certainly there!

Ahoy there all ye non stressed pirates

19 Friday Sep 2014

Posted by in Advice, Being brave, Life Lessons

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First of all, sorry for sending this out late – it is all my husband’s fault!  And he even gave me permission to blame him.
I usually write my blog on a Friday morning and this morning instead of writing, I had a leisurely breakfast with my husband.  So, although it affected my Friday routine, the breakfast was good for my soul.

But Arrr! Me hearties, today happens to be International Talk like a Pirate Day.
Not to be confused with the awesome South African Football team Orlando Pirates who make you want to shout out Up the Bucssss! Rather than Shiver me Timbers!
Besides walking around talking like a pirate today, we should try to be a little more “pirate-like” and if it works for you, then keep it up…

Pirates never give up on looking for their treasure:
If they could keep motivated across stormy seas and at risk of life and limb, we should be mindful to keep focused on our goals and no matter what gets thrown in our path, we shouldn’t allow it to prevent us from getting to where we want to be.

Pirates need to work together to achieve their goal:
Even the greatest pirates needed a good crew behind them.
Find your own crew to stand behind you – people who are going to support you and cheerlead you and generally be there for you. (If you don’t have a good crew, make them walk the plank and find a crew who will be there for you!)

Pirates are not afraid to do things differently:
A lot of pirates were trained as professional merchant sailors but working conditions were terrible and they broke away to do things their own way.  They earned more money and had more job protection as pirates.
If you feel that you don’t fit into the place that you are in or it is really not working for you, you need to break away and do things the way you feel is right for you – even if it seems to go against the grain and against other people’s expectations of you.
Take what you can get from where you are, learn from it and use it to make the next step even better for you.

When a pirate finds the treasure that they are looking for, they celebrate it
Don’t forget to celebrate your achievements – reward yourself for achieving goals, no matter how small they are.  For some people, just making it through the day is an achievement worthy of a celebration.  It can be something really small like going to bed early with a good book, or just sitting on your own for a few minutes with a cup of tea.  You’ll feel great for doing it.

Have an excellent day ‘n a restful shore leave
And ye may lay to that!

(Or for the English speakers:
Have an excellent day and a restful weekend
Yes we will!)

More things that I have learned from watching the World Cup

26 Thursday Jun 2014

Posted by in Advice, Life Lessons, Self growth

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Since our lives and routines are still so full of the World Cup, I thought I would share a few insights that I have learned while watching soccer (or football if you wish) with some help from my son.
What can we actually learn from soccer that applies to life? Quite a lot when you think about it.

If you’re having a bad day, don’t bite anyone!
Just because you are frustrated, you shouldn’t take it out on anyone else. Find a way to deal with your frustration that allows you to let it go without hurting anyone else (physically, emotionally or spiritually) in the process.

If you’re slightly hurt, there is no need to act out
Nobody likes a drama queen.  Everyone has bad days, everybody gets stressed.  There is no need to tell the whole world out loud about how terrible your life is.  You don’t need to post it on Facebook or be passive aggressive about it.  Look inwards and find better ways of coping without the need for having everyone around you feeling sorry for you.

If you are actually badly hurt then by all means scream and shout and perform
If you feel that your stress, depression or anxiety is getting to a point where you can’t manage it on your own, shout out loudly for help. And make sure that you get that help.

Don’t waste time blaming somebody else for your fall
It may be their fault, it may not be.  But all the energy and time you spend blaming them is wasting time and energy that you could rather spend building yourself up.

Sometimes even the greatest players or teams fail
We all make mistakes, we all fail.  But make that failure matter by learning from it and moving in a new direction rather than digging yourself into a hole of self pity.

Be a good sport
Be proud of other people’s achievements.  It doesn’t mean that you are a failure just because somebody else has succeeded. You could learn from them and their success may push you in the right direction too.

Keep your eye on the ball
Never lose focus of your goals and dreams.  It is easy to let the routine of life distract you from where you want to be.
Go out and be brilliant!

Lessons from the World Cup… so far

20 Friday Jun 2014

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In our house, we are in full swing of World Cup fever.
We always have bets on pretty much everything that there is to bet on (usually with a dinner reward for the winner) and of course, the betting for a World Cup winner was hotly debated.  The big issue was if more than one person could vote for the same team to win and the team that everyone was fighting for was Spain!
Isn’t hindsight a wonderful thing? Nobody should have wasted their energy trying to pick Spain but then again, nobody could have predicted that the reigning champions would be knocked out in the first round with millions of people witnessing their downfall. (Sorry to the Spanish supporters out there).

Imagine if we knew exactly how our decisions in the present would affect our future?
We would probably do so many things differently!
But we blindly move forward, always trying our best to do what we think is best and we have no idea whether those decisions are going to work for us.
Our choices could absolutely break us down or they could be the most positive thing that we have ever decided to do.
Unfortunately, no matter what, we don’t actually know how our choices today are going to affect our tomorrow.  They could be carefully measured, thought out and calculated or they could be spur of the moment impulsive decisions but neither is guaranteed to work.

So, how do we deal with this?
Well we don’t, really.  We have to do what is best for ourselves at the time and trust that it is going to work in our best interests.  But we also have to know that it may not work out.  Either way, it is part of the journey of our lives.  To really enjoy and celebrate success – especially if it related to something that we have done for ourselves, but then to also have the ability and insight to understand that if it goes wrong, we can learn from it, we can grow from it.
It could be the building block for a very successful future if we don’t punish ourselves for our mistakes and feel sorry for ourselves.

My idols – skaters Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean are most famous for having won the Olympics in 1984 with perfect marks.  In 1994, they decided to have another go at the Olympics and everyone presumed that they would definitely win gold again.  They didn’t. They ended up with a bronze medal and a lot of people having a lot to say about that.  Most people saying that they should not have gone back to the Olympics.  The thing is though, that although it seemed that they failed (though winning a bronze medal in the Olympics is hardly a failure in my eyes), they got more support and actually seemed to become more popular.  That is using “failure” as a building block.

Keep moving forward, keep trying new things, make choices despite what other people think about your choices because whatever happens, you still win!
And… take comfort from the fact that if you don’t win, there are not millions of people watching you fai!