Tag Archives: stigma

Be here for me on my cloudy days

29 Thursday Jun 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Depression, Illness, Mental health

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A lot of people are fascinated by the job that I do – for many people it makes for great dinner conversations: “tell us about your crazy patients!” or “tell us about how you got threatened your bipolar patient…”
It is like I have some kind of brilliant and exciting job like a performer who gets shot out of a cannon every night at a circus (now that is a job that I wouldn’t mind having).
It just shows how so many people are ignorant about what mental illness really is.
What makes it worse is that most of you are constantly dealing with family, friends and colleagues who think that you are:
– crazy
– difficult
– attention seeking
– overly dramatic
(pick one or all)

I swing between the idea of standing up for yourself and educating others or just being quiet and ignoring their ignorance.  You need to be honest with the people that you trust though and make it clear that you need their support more than you need their advice, their criticism or their need to be able to “fix” you.
I found this beautiful piece by one of my favourite poets, Tyler Knott Gregson:

I cannot promise
I will never become restless,
that I won’t ache
in ways you don’t know
how to help.
There are clouds in me
and they roll in
from time to time,
I hope you learn to love
the dark mornings,
instead of always
fumbling around
for your umbrella.

In an ideal world, you would be surrounded by people who will love or respect you even on your cloudy days.  Unfortunately it will not always be that way but if you can find one or two people who really respect you for being you, who will see beyond the depression and the stress, then those are the people who you should be with.
It may even be worth sharing this poem with the people in your life.

Be proudly you!  Demand respect by starting with being respectful to yourself.
You know that you are worth it!

Thank you for being an inspiration

12 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by in Attitude, Being brave, Depression, Fear, Positivity

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Here’s to the brave ones:
The people that are brave enough to say no.
Who don’t stand for being treated badly or unfairly.
The people who do something about their problems rather than hiding away from them.
Those who are able to say “I am fine with being myself – don’t try to change me”

I hate the fact that I even have to use the word brave.  You shouldn’t have to be brave to be different.  You shouldn’t have to be brave to stand up for what you believe or to say how you are feeling.
Unfortunately, it has become difficult for people to say out loud how they really feel.  Because it is difficult to feel like you are different from everyone else.
The truth is that you are not different from everyone else – there are a lot of people going through hardships who also don’t want anyone to know or who see it as a sign of weakness to talk about their pain.
So what happens is you get a lot of people (apparently close to 40% of the population – although I think it is a higher number) who are all not feeling good and most of them put on a “mask”.  Then everybody thinks that everybody else is okay.

I am constantly inspired by the people who are prepared to drop the mask.  They are the people who say that they feel depressed, some that will admit that they are disappointed, those who say they are not sure if they were born in the right body, that they don’t want to follow the career that they were ‘meant’ to follow,  that maybe they married the wrong person…. The list is endless and there are people who speak up. They are the brave and inspiring ones.
I really hope that you are one of them.  Or that you plan to become one of them.
We need more people in the world like you!
Thank you for being an inspiration!

Talk about anxiety

10 Thursday Dec 2015

Posted by in Anxiety, Being brave, Mental health

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It is amazing how things work out.
A friend sent me a link for a vlog about the Cinderella Pantomime (showing in Manchester if you are interested with Torvill and Dean! And Ponies!), and I was suitably impressed enough by the guy’s video to go and look for some of his other videos.  The first video that I noticed was (obviously) about having a panic attack.
Please do yourself a favour and go and watch his video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEWM1kIfeis

Now, I have read a lot of people’s writings about panic and anxiety (and by the way, a panic attack and anxiety attack are the same thing) and I’ve seen a lot of videos about the subject, but what really struck me about this one was his honesty – just telling it as it is, and without the drama!

One of the biggest issues that come with anxiety is that it nobody talks about it (and there is already a problem with people not talking enough about any mental health issues).
A lot of people who have anxiety are embarrassed to talk about it and even more people who have anxiety may not even be aware that they have anxiety.  This is because anxiety has far more physical symptoms than emotional ones.
It is a little known fact that I battle anxiety too – and I am probably guilty of not talking enough about it either.  But the reason that most people don’t know that I have anxiety is that I manage it so well that I could be having a panic attack while I am standing right next to you and you wouldn’t have a clue.
Go back to read some of my favoured anxiety management techniques:
https://idontwanttobestressed.com/2015/10/29/scary-anxiety/

I hate having anxiety but it certainly has given me the equipment to become a better therapist and to be able to help people practically – when I say that something works, I know that it works because I do it myself.

Thank you for making this video, Scott – when you could have easily just kept the experience to yourself or been too ashamed to share it.  I hope that your bravery in sharing your experience will go a long way to helping others share theirs too and to reducing the stigma that comes with it.

Facing up to mental illness

16 Wednesday Sep 2015

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Being brave, Mental health

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There is something that has been making its rounds on social media and I’ve read it a few times, and thought that is a bit harsh, but I’m going to share it anyway:

Telling someone with
Anxiety to “just stop worrying”
Depression to “just be happy”
Insomnia to “just go to sleep”
Anorexia to “just eat”
Bulimia to “just keep it in”
Self Harm issues to “just stop cutting”
Problems to “just get over it”
is like stabbing yourself in the stomach with a massive knife and saying “just stop bleeding” and then immediately feeling better.

I have a problem with the “stabbing yourself in the stomach” analogy because it is a bit ( more like very) violent but it is really true for people who battle with any mental illness (yes, that is what it is).
Whether it is family, friends or work colleagues, there are going to be people who really don’t understand what you are going through.
So we come to a dilemma:
How hard do we try to teach these people to understand what you really feel like?
There are people who are going to have no empathy at all – and those are often the people who would actually understand what you are going through if they were brave enough to face themselves and realise that they have problems too.  It is easier for those people to point fingers and to judge you than to look at themselves in the mirror.

I would rather you concentrate your energy on working on yourself and getting better than trying to prove something to someone who doesn’t actually want anything proved to them except that they are right.

Yes, you deserve better.
Yes, you deserve to have people who understand you.
But you need to be your own superhero.
Stand up for your right not to be OK, educate people around you, share your feelings and experiences with them but also humbly admit that some people are just not going to understand.  And that is OK too.

Let’s talk about Depression

27 Thursday Aug 2015

Posted by in Depression, Illness, Mental health

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Today is a special person’s birthday.
What makes her special?  Well, there are a lot of reasons but mainly that she doesn’t know how special she is.  She battles and battles with depression so this week’s post is inspired by her.
It is also inspired by all of you who continue to read my posts – if you are here and reading this, you are working on yourself and working to find ways to cope better and be well.  That means that you are more awesome and special than you know and I am constantly inspired by you!

Depression (and all mental illness) is one of the hardest illnesses for people to understand.
Let’s look at what it is NOT:
Depression is not just feeling sad.
You cannot just “snap” out of it, no matter how much you wish you could.
Depression is not about feeling sorry for yourself or attention seeking.
It is not just a psychological illness – it affects you physically as well, and sometimes the physical effects feel so much worse than the psychological ones.  The constant tiredness, low energy and ongoing pain can be the most debilitating part of depression.
Depression is not the same in every one – some people can have it quite mildly while others are in such a deep, dark space, they don’t even have the energy to contemplate killing themselves.
Depression is not that different from any other illness like diabetes, asthma or hypertension – it is just in a different part of your body – there should not ever be a competition about which one is more serious, which is more life threatening, which one should receive more attention and which one should get more funding.

Every illness is a battle but obviously depression is close to my heart because I work with it every day.
If you have depression, you have some responsibilities that come with it:
You are responsible for being an advocate for your rights.
You are responsible for being an ambassador for mental health and being a true role model for taking responsibility for your health and well being.
You are responsible for not using it as an excuse either – there are people with all kinds of mental and physical illnesses who keep on working at getting better and finding better ways to be the best person that they can be.  They don’t let it determine who they are or what they can or can’t do.

If you have depression, please share this with people to help them to understand you better and to start a conversation about mental health.
If you know somebody who has depression, be kind and understanding.  I could not say it as eloquently as Stephen Fry – the wonderful man who has really given a voice to depression:

stephen-fry depression

Depression – Part Two

28 Tuesday Apr 2015

Posted by in Attitude, Being brave, Depression, Mental health

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Last week’s blog about depression reached over 36 000 views which is a record for I don’t want to be stressed.
Obviously, I was elated that so many people had read my blog but it also saddened me to think that of all the blogs that I write, the one about depression would touch the most people.
Clearly this is a topic that needs to be spoken about and put in bright lights more often.
So, I will start here:
Depression is a real illness – it is not a mood or a random feeling, it is not attention seeking behaviour or feeling sorry for yourself and it is definitely not anything to be ashamed about!

The same goes for every mental illness in the book.  If an estimated 33% of all people have some kind of mental illness then there is a good chance that the people around you who are intolerant of your problems, probably have a mental illness too.  They are just not as brave as you.  They are your neighbours, your friends, your employers and your colleagues .  And while it might be obvious that your crazy aunt on your father’s side of the family is mentally unstable, it may not be so noticeable in the person who manages the entire company that you work for.

I believe that in a world where people are so intolerant of each other – whether it is because of race, religion, gender, social class or illness – we (yes, that means you!) need to be the shining examples.
We have to be the people who ask for help, who reach out to others, who express much more love than hatred.
We need to be the smilers, the huggers, the grateful, the hopeful and the true survivors.

Please spread the word. Nobody needs to be alone because of an illness.

Mental Health Awareness

01 Friday Aug 2014

Posted by in Depression, Mental health, Success

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July is over and it has been a really busy month for me.
It was Mental Health Awareness month and it has been filled with talks, meetings and events.
What I really hope comes out of all of this is that people become more tolerant.
Sometimes this world seems like it has gone crazy because there is so much intolerance. And it is bad enough that intolerance is based on religion, race or gender. But then added to all of that nonsense, there is intolerance based on a person’s illness and disability. That intolerance is what really frustrates me.
Just last week, another one of my patients lost their job because their employer was not prepared to help them by finding employment that is better suited to them (and by the way, in South Africa, it is law that employers need to find suitable employment within their company if a person is no longer functionally able to do their previous job).
And when I say patient, I’m not even meant to use that word.  We went from working with patients, to clients to mental health users!
But it doesn’t matter what word we use if those people leave our support and go into an environment where they get little or no support from others.

I can certainly try to change things, and I always make it my mission to fight for the rights of my patients and to educate others in understanding mental health.
But the best people to do this are the ones who have been diagnosed with a mental illness.
And there’s a good chance that it is you, or somebody else that you know and love.
There is nothing better than being the person who is diagnosed with bipolar mood disorder, depression or anxiety saying out confidently that they are ok with their diagnosis and are not only capable of coping in the world but are able to do even more than that.
Because you are strong, resilient survivors!

This morning I met a woman who had been diagnosed with a mental illness and who really battled to get the support that she needed.  So as soon as she was stable enough, she set up a facility that would provide others with the care that she so badly felt she needed.
That is a brilliant success story.
And it doesn’t have to be limited to just her. Or to just the brave ones out there.
Everyone of you has such potential no matter what is “wrong” with you.
When you break through all of the barriers and negative expectations that others have of you, you are truly going to be brilliant.

I look forward to hearing your success stories!

Being NOT OK

22 Thursday May 2014

Posted by in Advice, Depression, Moods, Stress

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It is a little known fact that on 21 May 1936, Sada Abe was arrested after wandering the streets of Tokyo for days with her dead lover’s severed genitals in her handbag.
Aren’t you glad that you know that now?
I’m guessing that chances are that 21 May 2014 is probably going to be a better day for you than it was for Sada Abe in 1936!
Was Sada Abe OK? Probably not.  Did she tell anyone that she wasn’t OK? Probably not!
She had a difficult life and suffered much abuse.

There are many, many people who have difficult lives, or more frequently, have difficult moments – periods of extreme stress and burn out.
And a lot of these people get diagnosed with Depression or Bipolar or anxiety disorder.
And most people don’t talk about it.
Every day I deal with people who feel that they are too embarrassed to tell others that they are not OK.  They worry about stigma and how others will judge them so the fact that they are not coping becomes a “dirty secret”.

I understand that it is difficult and I know that stigma exists.  You don’t have to hire a plane to fly a banner across the sky shouting “I am not OK!” but you certainly have the right to say it out loud.
“I am not OK!”
It is time to be honest about how you feel.
You don’t have to share all of your personal stories about why you are not OK but you do have the right to say that you are not coping.
“I am not OK, thanks for asking”
Part of the exhaustion that comes with stress is always keeping up the pretense that things are fine and that you are managing.  It is so, so difficult to smile when you feel like crying or screaming.
“I am not OK, I am having a rough time but I appreciate you caring”
Nobody is perfect and whether you are just going through situational problems, or you feel that your life is coming apart at the seams, or you have been battling depression your whole life, it doesn’t mean that you are worth less than anybody else.
Always remember that some people wear better masks than others – you could be keeping up a pretense of happiness to be like other happy people around you who are also not actually happy.
Maybe by talking about it, you will allow others to be honest about themselves too.
“I am not OK but I am working on getting better!”

And you will get better, and this will pass.
That is the one thing that is guaranteed – that life is going to change. And it is going to keep on changing!
One day you will look back at this difficult time and recognise the survivor that you really are:
“I am OK!”