Tag Archives: stress

Surviving that which you never think you will

22 Thursday Mar 2018

Posted by in Advice, Anxiety, Attitude, Being brave, Life Lessons, Stress

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People tell you awful and ridiculous things when you are going through a difficult time.
Things like chin up, be strong and my personal favourite – everything is going to be okay.
And you feel like saying, “How the hell do you know that things are going to be okay?” because it feels like it is never going to be okay.
This is what I do know – you don’t have to be okay and you don’t have to be strong.  You are absolutely allowed to fall apart and cry and scream and panic.
You do need to be gentle on yourself and realise that as much as nobody can tell the future, what you are going through is not going to last forever – it just can’t.
This is what you are going through now.
You are going to overcome this but it is not going to happen overnight.  You have the right to be stressed and anxious.
But don’t let that become your story.
Your story is that you will become resilient and you will have a great tale to tell future generations one day – “long time ago, I went through a really difficult time but I survived and I’m here to share my story with you”
I wish that you didn’t have to have that story to tell but it’s yours – embrace it, learn from it, grow from it and become a better person for having gone through it.
You absolutely have this!

Too blessed?

03 Tuesday Oct 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Mindfulness, Stress

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There’s a saying that I hear people using all the time – “too blessed to be stressed”
It’s a lovely saying but I think that sometimes it’s a challenge to feel that way.  It is implying that if you have blessings (which, let’s face it, we all do) that you can’t get stressed.  Everybody feels stress and sometimes your stress can become overwhelming.
What helps is to accept that you are going through a stressful time but also to be mindful enough to recognise what you have right now (other than stress) – notice the good around you.  Even if all you can think about is that you are still breathing.

After a week of experiencing losses and deprivations – from the loss of my dear friend, to my son going overseas and going through the insomnia that comes with those worries and then going through the fast of Yom Kippur with no food or water for 25 hours, I was really aware of what I was missing.  But I was also very aware of what I have.  To be starving but knowing that a great meal is waiting for me at the end of the fast is far more than most people have.  Some people feel that way on a daily basis and they have no end in sight.

No matter how much you are going through, when your mind starts racing ahead to worry about what you haven’t got, learn to focus on what you have.
You may not be too blessed but you definitely are blessed.

You’ve got this! You can go through this stress and this worry and you will come through this on the other side.
Just keep reminding yourself that you can do it, keep focusing on right now.
“I have this, I am in control”

Undoing of stress

13 Thursday Jul 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Stress

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For months I’ve been battling an ongoing stressful situation. I’ve been shouting and complaining, emailing and phoning and still the problem wasn’t resolved.
Everyone said that it would be fixed and things would get better.
But I just couldn’t imagine the light at the end of the tunnel.
And every time some somebody told me that it would be okay I would get angry and frustrated at them because it’s easy for someone who is not going through the the same thing to tell you something like it’s going to be okay without actually having a clue about what they are talking about.
And then yesterday, just like that, the problem was solved.
It was solved despite my stress and despite my complaining and even without me being arrested (kidding)!

It has been a huge lesson in the concept that I am always preaching: being graceful in dealing with life’s ups and downs.
Sometimes you need to be graceful in accepting things for what they are, for knowing that some things are going to be out of your control and for letting time take care of things.
We don’t know why things happen but we can deal with them in a way that is as stress free as possible.

Stress is horrible, unsettling and pushes you way out of your comfort zone but in the end you are going to deal with this and things will change (for better or worse).
I know that you can deal with this!

Sitting in traffic and staying calm

19 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Mindfulness, Moods, Quiet and slow

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I’m sure there’s a lesson to be learned by sitting in traffic. It seems that I spend a frustrating amount of time sitting in my car and more often than not, I’m sitting in my car going nowhere.
After waiting in a queue for passports yesterday and being stuck in stand still traffic today I had time to think about those potential lessons.
This is what I think:
In today’s fast paced world, we could all use the time to slow down, be calm and let go of needing to always be in control.
Maybe that’s what queues and traffic are there for.
If there’s nowhere to go and nothing to do then we might as well use the time to practice being calm.
Learn to be patient. Be gracious in letting others go ahead in front of you even if you are in a hurry too.
Take the time to practice deep breathing.
Understand that as much as you always want to be in control (because it is much more comfortable to be in control) you are not actually always in charge.

I hope that you are going to spend more time this year just breathing.  I know that I am.

Understanding that change has to happen

24 Thursday Nov 2016

Posted by in Advice, Attitude, Change, Depression, Fear, Gratitude, Positivity

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There are definitely days when I get overwhelmed by what I do – I feel responsible for so many people.
That can be really difficult, but it is also so rewarding.
I don’t think that there are many people who are truly blessed to be able to witness – every single day – people transforming right before their eyes.

The truth is that even though I feel so responsible for all these people, I am not responsible for one of them.
Each person needs to take responsibility for themselves.  I can put so much effort into working with somebody who is just not going to get better or is not going to want to change and there is not much that I can do about that.
I constantly tell people that although I am grateful for their appreciation and thanks, they should look inward and realise the amount of work that they put into their own recovery.

Everybody who believes that they are going to change and that their lives are going to improve will do exactly that.
You cannot change what happens to you and you can’t take away the experiences that you’ve had but you can definitely choose how you are going to deal with them.
For every lonely, hopeless moment that you have, you need to understand that you can pick yourself up when you are ready and start making changes.
Change is the one thing that most people fear and you are so blessed to have these problems (yes, seriously!) because they have forced you to change.  You have nothing to lose now.
And as difficult and uncomfortable as it feels at the time, I really hope that one day you will look back at this time and be grateful for the change that it forced you to make.

You are a better, stronger and more resilient person for having gone through this.

A lesson from Judith Light

20 Thursday Oct 2016

Posted by in Acts of Kindness, Advice, Attitude, Moods, Positivity

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My husband knows the deal – if any of the celebrities that I adore – Colin Firth, Jayne Torvill or Judith Light – show up at my doorstep, I may just have to leave with them.
I adore Morgan Freeman too but more as the narrator for my life story: “Andi ponders on whether she should have tea or coffee.  She chooses tea and then wonders whether tea is really just a gateway drug to chocolate biscuits….”

Judith Light is a well known and acclaimed actress but the one thing that I have noticed about every single interview that she does is not only her humility but also that she takes a marked interest in the person interviewing her.  It never seems that the interview is just about her, sometimes it is like she is interviewing the interviewer too!
This is an amazing quality that we can all aspire to and is certainly the reason that I really admire her so much.

Nobody is more important than somebody else!
You may have more money, a nicer car, a “better job” (which I put in quotation marks because who is to say whose job is better or more worthy than somebody else’s?), have more experience, be more knowledgeable or have more years than someone else but that does not mean that you are better than them. Ever!

Make it your mission today to take a moment to speak to somebody who you usually wouldn’t talk to.
Do you know the name of the cleaner who works in your office?
Have you asked the security guard how his day is going?
Compliment your boss on his choice of tie (yes, really!)
Smile at a stranger.
Say something nice to the person standing in front of you in the queue.

The idea is that if you are kind to somebody else, inevitably they will be kind to you.  And you will feel better about yourself and your day, and then you will feel a little less stressed.
It doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks about you. If only one person thinks that you are worthy (even if that person is you), then you are worthy enough!

The story of my life (today)

05 Wednesday Oct 2016

Posted by in Attitude, Freedom, Positivity, Quiet and slow, Self growth

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Today was a totally bizarre day:

  1. I woke up too early
  2. I got to work late because an accident happened in front of me and the drivers decided to resolve the problem by beating each other up
  3. I left work late which meant that I was late to fetch my kids from school
  4. BUT: my kids came out of school late which meant that I drove in exactly as they were walking out of class
  5. AND: the icing on the cake…. As I was driving to fetch them, I came across a terrible accident that had happened only a few minutes before I got there – the few minutes before that I was meant to be driving through that intersection if I hadn’t been running late.

I don’t try to analyse things too deeply – I may have a (very stressed out) guardian angel looking after me, knocking disasters out of my way.  G-d may be on my side (for once).
It may be fate, it may be coincidence, it also may mean nothing.

But this I do know:
We do not have control over anything outside of ourselves.
Things are going to happen and they may affect us negatively or positively but still we have no control over them.
Sometimes you just need to let things happen.
Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people, good things happen to good people too.
If we can be gracious enough to let it go, to not stress about what we can’t control, to not worry about other people and their actions, we would be much calmer and happier in our lives

Coping when life sucks

15 Thursday Sep 2016

Posted by in Advice, Coping skills

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Let’s face it, sometimes life really sucks and it feels like you are never going to be okay or you will never cope and things will always be this bad.

I will tell you what I know about getting through the rough times:
– Nothing lasts forever – no matter how much you can’t ever imagine getting out of this situation, time will pass and you will.
– You are much stronger and more resilient than you even know.  Just when you think that you are going to fall apart, you keep on going.
– You are a survivor – you are reading this so you must be!
– There is always somebody out there who loves you.  You may feel alone but that is not true – reach out to those people
– There is always somebody out there who hates you.  That is there problem, not yours. Forget about them!
– What doesn’t kill you may not make you stronger, but it didn’t kill you and that’s a good thing… isn’t it?
– Your dog (or cat or bird, maybe not your goldfish) will always think that you are the most amazing person ever!
– There is always, always something to smile about, or even better to laugh about
– There is a very strong possibility that chocolate (or pizza or tea or cheesecake or ice cream) might be just what you need right now.  It definitely won’t fix the problem but just enjoying something is enough to prove that there is something worthwhile in your life
– The sun will always rise tomorrow, you will get through the night and you will get through tomorrow too.
– You are an amazing, special, unique person – don’t ever forget that!

RIP Gugu Zulu

20 Wednesday Jul 2016

Posted by in Advice, Life journey, Life Lessons, Mindfulness, Quiet and slow, Stress

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I am so devastated by the death of Gugu Zulu – a great racing car driver but more importantly, a great person.  A man who lived large.
He died while climbing Mount Kilimanjaro for a good cause on Mandela Day.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BH5nOWfg13O/?taken-by=guguzulu

If nothing else, what we should gain from his death is that we have absolutely no idea what tomorrow is going to bring.
One minute we are here, the next minute, we are not.
One day we are amazingly successful, the next, we may have lost everything.

So the question is:
If the only thing we know is right now, then why are we spending right now worrying about what might happen tomorrow?
Why do lead such stressful lives without ever slowing down to enjoy the small things (and the big things)?
There is a huge industry that is making money off our stress by supplying every supplement and energy booster you can think of when we should be boosting our own energy levels through slowing down, better eating, exercise and having a better attitude towards life.
We should be building resilience towards stress rather than just wishing it away (while downing another cup of coffee to keep us going).
Our lives should be worth so much more than the value that we give attribute to them.

So, next time you say “I don’t want to be stressed” you should do something about it!
Make today count!

Life skills for the stressful life

17 Tuesday Mar 2015

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In the old, old days of our ancestors who lived in caves, having life skills was about knowing how to survive.
Life skills were knowing how to start a fire; where to find water; how to hunt food without your food hunting you; knowing which fruit was good for you and which berries could kill a person (though that would be useful too) and being resourceful when it came to food (today we will be eating grass and berries kids).
And then we became modern and our more recent ancestors had all important life skills like how to milk a cow, darn a sock, mend broken shoes, be able to fix a squeaky door hinge and repair a leaky roof.

Now, aren’t we great? Our life skills include being able to write a blog; open a Facebook account; and knowing how to Google information (although this morning I had to tell my son that there actually was a place where you can get information besides Google called the….library!).  We should be able to Whatsapp, Skype call, use a GPS (Satnav to people from foreign shores) and know how to tweet without offending (too many) people.

That is obviously important and besides a long list of other life skills that I think are essential like being able to cook without electricity (back to our ancestors I guess), open a bottle of champagne, use wood filler and a staple gun and rewire a plug, I would like to add a few of my own ideas about what life skills we really need in order to survive the crazy, frantic stressful lives that we live:

1.  Know how to manage an anxiety attack without resorting to medication
2.  Know how to be still and quiet while focusing on breathing for a few minutes a day
3.  Have a skill or an interest that is not related to the job that you do
4.  Learn how to control your temper without blowing up in a public space or hurting others (even though they may be the cause of your anger)
5.  Know how to sleep without sleeping tablets (yes, this is possible!)
6.  Have comfort object that you can use in times of distress (it may be a stress ball, a teddy bear, a drop of aromatherapy oil)
7.  Know how to say NO without feeling guilty
8.  Be able to ask for help if you need it (and everyone needs help sometimes)
9.  Be honest
10.  Never, ever give up – you may need to change focus or go in a different direction.  That is not giving up, that is being brilliant!